[DFO] Archives: Request Line – The Long Kiss Goodnight

INT.  RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

A young woman in a smart suit and horn-rimmed glasses is bustling around a control board on the exterior of the booth, getting everything set up for the upcoming segment.  Inside the booth, a large dark-haired young man is slumped over the desk.  A PRODUCER holding a coffee mug approaches the exterior control booth and watches the young woman work for a few seconds.  He then glances inside the recording booth and calmly takes a sip of his Sanka™.

PRODUCER: What’s he doing, taking a nap?

CORYNNE, THE UNDERPAID ASSISTANT: [busily flipping switches] He’s drunk.

PRODUCER: He can’t be drunk, it’s eleven o’clock in the morning.

CORYNNE: Well, he is.  He tried to kiss me.

PRODUCER: [raises eyebrows]…and…?

CORYNNE: And what?

PRODUCER: …did you…?

CORYNNE: [scoffs] Ugh. No.

PRODUCER: Are you kidding? Half the women in New York would push you in front of the A train to get a chance to sit on his lap for two minutes.

CORYNNE: He smells like a Crown Royal distillery.

PRODUCER: Well, you’d better wake him up.  We’ll be on the air in two minutes.

CORYNNE: Do you have a broom I can poke him with or something?

— [consciousness flies open] —

JOE NAMATH: Whazzissaathhmmmm?

PRODUCER: [via the talkback microphone] Joe?  JOE.

JOE NAMATH: [groggily] Who said that?

PRODUCER: Over here, Joe.

JOE NAMATH: [blinks his bleary eyes, spots the PRODUCER] Oh, hey, Doc.

PRODUCER: Actually, Joe, I’m a radio producer.  You with us?

JOE NAMATH: Sure, sure.  I got my bell rung pretty good at practice yesterday, that’s all.  Forgot that Doc Parnell already checked me out and said I’m fine.

PRODUCER: That was yesterday?

JOE NAMATH: [takes a flask out of his breast pocket] I think so.  Head still hurt this morning, so I figured I should medicate a li’l bit, you know? [knocks back a belt]

PRODUCER: Okay…

JOE NAMATH: So whazza game plan, coach?

PRODUCER: So this show is something new the station is trying out.  It’s called “Request Line”.  We’re going to take phone calls out here, and feed them in to you in the booth, and then you’ll take requests from the callers and we’ll play the records for them.  So all you’ve got to do is chat with the listeners a little bit and we’ll…

As the PRODUCER has been speaking, JOE NAMATH’s eyes have gotten more heavy-lidded and he starts to fade.

PRODUCER: …take care of the rest.  Joe? JOE.

JOE NAMATH: [eyes blink open for a fraction of a second] Just gotta get…some…

PRODUCER: We just need a theme for the week’s songs.  Joe?  You got a theme for us?

JOE NAMATH: …sleep…

Okay, you heard Broadway Joe, folks! This week’s theme is songs about SLEEP! I’ll get us started with a DOUBLE SHOT from the Beatles.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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SonOfSpam

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I like math rock probably a little too much.

“ME TOO! Oh, wait, I thought you said something else…” – Ryan Leaf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuJr1-4u3XQ

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Matt Cameron’s drumming is just so on point in this song.

Still miss you, Chris.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj8ocvPEz2o

And when you come to from a bad dream, you’ll need a DOUBLE SHOT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vR1-PyXHfI

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You brought this on yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0BWlvnBmIE

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Yeah, I’ll give a half apology for the song, BUT NOT THE VIDEO.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wk3XSV6H6w0

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Presumably Jake was sleeping:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fI0JrZZzf0

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And a DOUBLE SHOT looking for a bed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjCw3-YTffo

JerBear50

It’s always disappointed me that this isn’t Arrieta’s walk-out song.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In case this song list wasn’t white enough yet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQbokAE7DSA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DOUBLE SHOT (since he mentions a dream)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0klQIU2jtfo

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow, that might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard, and I click on the songs Seamus posts.

Game Time Decision

does that make me better or worse than Seamus? lol

not sure if my posting privileges haven been revoked, or if I’m now on probation

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thanks for sending me down a productivity-killing Smashing Pumpkins rabbithole

scotchnaut

How can anyone get any sleep in these conditions?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejorQVy3m8E

Brocky

Quit making shit up

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SonOfSpam

It’s not a good song per se, but it’s a definite member berry for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmmPFrkuPq0

ArmedandHammered
SonOfSpam

Apu singing this while washing his car is a favorite random Simpsons moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPemyipJzAM

SonOfSpam

“Eh….spray the boy.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqOrM_VkhtY

SonOfSpam

Don’t want Susanna Hoffs to get jealous, but I love Chrissie Hynde.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HSmvcKSQ00

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

There is a LOT to work with here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2-Y9HJPSM0

Sometimes a DOUBLE SHOT just won’t do…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wauzrPn0cfg

SonOfSpam

Had no idea Dan Hartman was deceased, let alone 23 years ago, let alone from an AIDS-related brain tumor. Damn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=621Nk3Ubz4A

SonOfSpam

If I remember my sex ed class, I don’t think the pitcher can get AIDS, so I should be good.

Cuntler

Not a song per se, but anyone with kids will appreciate this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Udj-o2m39NA

BrettFavresColonoscopy
SonOfSpam

QUAD SHOT!

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nomonkeyfun
nomonkeyfun

A double, this time some clear rum-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSDyiUBrUSk

nomonkeyfun

Let’s make it a triple, but moonshine now-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvNavReXi7U

nomonkeyfun

Now I need something to smoke-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN03URiSIrg

nomonkeyfun

And if you guys don’t like what I’ve given you before, I’ll give you a smack-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZm96PKwtHc

SonOfSpam

These three ladies could sing the phone book and it would be wonderful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94h2L9oBOHM

JerBear50

I got to see Gillian Welch open for Norah Jones in ’03. I was hard for a week after.

laserguru

Some of the greatest bass work ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuTaM5eTVeo

Cuntler

I Guess I Should Go To Sleep – Jack White

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr-NXf5id0I

SonOfSpam

Synth ZZ Top is proof that everyone in the 80s did a shitload of coke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKJymx2KDWo

Cuntler

There are so many.

Radiohead – Go To Sleep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe6X9fLLp0Y

SonOfSpam

That could be Namath part deux

Cuntler

When is that interview running?

laserguru

Sunday morning in my usual Sunday Gravy spot. Plus this gives me a week off from cooking. I’m grilling shit this weekend!

Cuntler

SUPER DEPRESSING DOUBLE SHOT: Exit Music (For a Film) – Radiohead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8051Hipbmmw

Cuntler

To Lay Me Down – Grateful Dead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcvng9u7REE

Cuntler

DOUBLE SHOT: Grateful Dead – Cumberland Blues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO-JEcuHrU4

JerBear50
Cuntler

You missed one: Beatles – I’m so tired

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFwEcRqHJnA

Spanky Datass
Cuntler
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sleep with the Phishes……

SonOfSpam

My Chemical Romance is good. Shut up. YOU’RE an emo.

/wipes tear, stains cheek with eyeliner

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSAoJJzVXYY

SonOfSpam

Meanwhile, little Suzy Kolber has no idea what’s gonna happen in about 30 years or so…

laserguru
laserguru
laserguru
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, I’ll take my last obvious one and show myself out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LBmUwi6mEo

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which sets up for the DOUBLE SHOT of Metallica

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD-E-LDc384

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This might put you to sleep, but it’s more because sometimes I take things too literally:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW8Dyp-E7HQ