Your “Azathoth Have Mercy!—Light Is Dark and Dark Is Light” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The darkness that enveloped the continent around 10:21 AM Pacific came as news emerged that Roger Goodell had signed a five-year extension to remain League commissioner.
    • As the League is no longer a non-profit entity, details werent disclosed, but two things are certain:
      1. His is the only guaranteed contract in the League.
      2. Given that he’s reportedly earned over $210 million in the last 10 years, his average salary should be in the $25 million range.
    • It leaves him in charge until 2024.
  • Welp, it’s official – Trevor Siemian is your starting QB in Denver.
    • Because the options were many, and Peyton wouldn’t return any phone calls.
  • Anquan Boldin made the Bills regret trading Sammy Watkins by retiring today rather than spend the season catching bounced passes from Tyrod Taylor. As Deadspin eloquently puts it, two weeks in Bills camp will do that to a man.
    • He says he’s retiring to spend more time devoted to his charity & outreach work.
      • He won’t reverse course and return to play because “my passion for the advocacy work that I do outweighs my passion for football.”

Your NFL eclipse moments of the day:

Pretty cool #solareclipse #kc #kansascity #

A post shared by Laurent Tardif (@laurentduvernaytardif) on


Game preview: Giants at Browns

Probably the only time in recent memory the Browns will show up on a Monday Night, it’s likely because of their opponent, the Giants. Big Blue View doesn’t think much of the game or the Browns, already projecting beyond starting lineups to where the key backup battles will be and whom the Giants could trade for key backup positions. Why, they’re even excited about Eli hitting the field:

There might be an occasional deep ball that floats a bit, but all-in-all Eli Manning has looked terrific this summer as he enters his 14th NFL season.

Yessir, that’s solid fan support right there that won’t turn on a dime after getting pummelled by the Cowboys. No way, Jose!

It’s always a party with the Giants!

Meanwhile, over at Dawgs By Nature,


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Giants at Browns – 8:00Pm | ESPN / TSN
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Red Sox at Cleveland – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Little League World Series:
      • U.S. Elimination Game – 8:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the post-SummerSlam show, which featured a pretty good “Hoss fight” which will lead to a Brock vs Braun fight in the near future.

  

THAT WAS FUN!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Is that The Edge down front? What about the other The Edge?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Come on, Cleveland, just like the Pittsburgh game…

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

So…this is going to be a 3-0 snore fest isn’t it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

If you want to get all riled up before bedtime you can always watch the President’s address.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I’m assuming we are going to atomic bomb the moon for stealing the sun today?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“M–O–O–N, that spells Armageddon!
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

And by “riled up” I mean of course “Riley Cooper’d up” by which I mean have hateful racist rhetoric spewed at you.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

No thanks, I went to boot camp already.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“Oh, you too?”

Sean Smith

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

3-2 nail biter*

*you’re probably right

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

The Brownsiest of penalties right there.

Jeebus, that was the longest meat-wagon golf cart I’ve ever seen!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Did the Browns just pull a guard on a PASS play? Oh Hue Jackson, your offensive play designs are so CRAZY!

(and stupid)

Romonobyl
Member

So Brock Lobster had a choice between football and basketball in college. It would appear he chose unwisely.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Tom Coughlin agrees:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

What are you talking about? I’m pretty sure nobody would have paid him $50 million to suck at basketball.

Romonobyl
Member

He could have always sucked for Phoenix, not sure about the 50 mil though.

scotchnaut
Member

As a Gints guy, I’m gonna go with OBJ being the drama fella that he has always been.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I was a big fan of Deshone Kizer until he stole the number twenty.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

DeShone Dickity

Romonobyl
Member

I was a big fan of the color orange until November of last year.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

It’s still ok in my book
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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Young kid coming out of college with two years of eligibility. Concerns about his maturity and experience?

Can’t think of a better place to develop him than the mistake by the lake.

Gratliff
Member

RIP Gints

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

And OBJ is lost in the tunnels.

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Dear god everything in Cleveland is just…fucking….pathetic.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

No juice box for Eli after that almost-INT.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Yeah I think OBJ straining his MCL and ACL…we don’t need to see more from him for the night.

Epic commentary there John.

scotchnaut
Member

OK. Fine. I’m not good with the Giants taking massive amounts of Ambien before the game but I trust the coaching staff implicitly.

blaxabbath
Member

So I assume Richard Sherman has a no-trade clause including NYG?

Duchess
Member

I don’t understand this eclipse thing am I the only one who notices the sun goes away for like 8 hours every day?

blaxabbath
Member

Nerd!!!!

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Say what you will, the Browns are committing penalties like its the regular season.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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scotchnaut
Member

Curling ads on my Canada channel. Oof!

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

You best not be besmirchin’ curling! That’s a paddlin’ round here.

scotchnaut
Member

It seems a bit early to me. But those curling fuckers are so eager to get things going.

Romonobyl
Member

I can see why.

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

And a warm and friendly greeting to you all, my Imaginary Internet Friends!

I have successfully traversed the mediocre state of North Carolina, delivering my spawn to their new abodes without being caught in any fast-moving currents or contracting dysentery, so I’ll call this weekend a success.

How are you all this post-ecliptic evening?

blaxabbath
Member

bout same.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Browns upcoming season in gif form…

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Are we the guy on the liquor-cycle?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Fuck…a massive skunk just walked across my patio. I am not too big of a pussy to go outside and smoke.

I seriously don’t want to get sprayed, especially since I am giving training to customers all this week.

Gratliff
Member

Think of how little they’ll bother you after class if you smell like you got sprayed

Gratliff
Member

MY SOON TO BE FREE AGENT CLIENT, B-ROCK OSWEILER

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Oh, we’re too good to go by our street name, Brock Lobster, now, are we?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

We are really…really going to be made to suffer for that 2nd round draft pick…

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Really polishing that Osweiler turd

scotchnaut
Member

“It only takes three fingers to polish that turd.”

-JPP

scotchnaut
Member

Substitute ‘York’ for ‘Jersey’

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Wow, I honestly thought this was a parody video. I looked it up and Holy Shit this was a hit single! I know the name JayZ (from crosswords) and I vaguely recognize the hook part, but wow if you told me this was by Weird Al Yankovic I would have believed it.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I have returned from a weekend of gluttony and light hedonism in Milwaukee. It’s a minor miracle i do not require a stent, statins or stations of the cross.
/looks at calendar…shit I gots a preview to write!
//looks at schedule…shit shit!
///flashes back to high school and college deadlines…sheeeeeit. I gots plenty o time. Ahh…how’s all with youse?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Enjoying the new QotSA stuff. New album is out on Friday!

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

I concur!

scotchnaut
Member

WOOO!!! WHERE ALL MY FELLOW GIANTS FANS AT?

………………………..

“Okay, what’s with all the crickets all of a sudden?”

Romonobyl
Member

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

We’re all [*Redacteds] fans here.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
Member

I mean, who votes for the [*Redacteds] anymore, anyway?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

We all float down here, too!
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

12:17 am text from a friend with the #Chargers: “Spanos fam freaked about attendance. Didn’t expect this.”

— Ryan Phillips (@RumorsandRants) August 21, 2017

http://www.ocregister.com/2017/08/20/miller-chargers-so-far-an-early-round-ko-victim-in-their-l-a-fight/

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