Your “Azathoth Have Mercy!—Light Is Dark and Dark Is Light” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The darkness that enveloped the continent around 10:21 AM Pacific came as news emerged that Roger Goodell had signed a five-year extension to remain League commissioner.
    • As the League is no longer a non-profit entity, details werent disclosed, but two things are certain:
      1. His is the only guaranteed contract in the League.
      2. Given that he’s reportedly earned over $210 million in the last 10 years, his average salary should be in the $25 million range.
    • It leaves him in charge until 2024.
  • Welp, it’s official – Trevor Siemian is your starting QB in Denver.
    • Because the options were many, and Peyton wouldn’t return any phone calls.
  • Anquan Boldin made the Bills regret trading Sammy Watkins by retiring today rather than spend the season catching bounced passes from Tyrod Taylor. As Deadspin eloquently puts it, two weeks in Bills camp will do that to a man.
    • He says he’s retiring to spend more time devoted to his charity & outreach work.
      • He won’t reverse course and return to play because “my passion for the advocacy work that I do outweighs my passion for football.”

Your NFL eclipse moments of the day:

Pretty cool #solareclipse #kc #kansascity #

A post shared by Laurent Tardif (@laurentduvernaytardif) on


Game preview: Giants at Browns

Probably the only time in recent memory the Browns will show up on a Monday Night, it’s likely because of their opponent, the Giants. Big Blue View doesn’t think much of the game or the Browns, already projecting beyond starting lineups to where the key backup battles will be and whom the Giants could trade for key backup positions. Why, they’re even excited about Eli hitting the field:

There might be an occasional deep ball that floats a bit, but all-in-all Eli Manning has looked terrific this summer as he enters his 14th NFL season.

Yessir, that’s solid fan support right there that won’t turn on a dime after getting pummelled by the Cowboys. No way, Jose!

It’s always a party with the Giants!

Meanwhile, over at Dawgs By Nature,


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Giants at Browns – 8:00Pm | ESPN / TSN
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Red Sox at Cleveland – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Little League World Series:
      • U.S. Elimination Game – 8:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the post-SummerSlam show, which featured a pretty good “Hoss fight” which will lead to a Brock vs Braun fight in the near future.

  

THAT WAS FUN!

 

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

is it just me or does the link to the Jag preview not work? I expected this kinda joke for the “Houston Texans” preview.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Should be fixed. But in all honestly, I wish we’d thought of that.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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A Giant what?
Someone forgot to finish this sentence I think.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Fuck you, too

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

LOL

Senor Weaselo
Member

Evening lizard people. I miss anything of note? Non-musical, I mean, I ate some notes in this because we were in the closing half-hour or so of a 5-hour wedding gig, dammit we were tired, and the break we had we cut off playing Kashmir. No, I’m not joking about that part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3nBuwOPu8A

Hey wait a minute, we play it faster than them! That’ll explain some things.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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A friend tried to convince me tonight that Eli is “actually very smart”.

When should I stop laughing?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

When it’s true.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

A few years ago, a young lady I was involved with (she was an idiot dipshit like all of us here as far as fucked up sense of humor) shared this with me. I still find it very funny….

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Evening. Today was so busy I haven’t even read the colts preview yet. I am not sober.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I envy you

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Was it that bad?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I just want a drink

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Fair. I was making a bad joke about the colts preview

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Well, the Colts are very bad.

blaxabbath
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Starring BFC as Jim Irsay.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

Man this is a great movie. It really is Taxi Driver Part II
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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

What movie?

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

The King of Comedy (1982) d. Martin Scorsese

Robert De Niro and Jerry Lewis

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Didn’t you watch that last night?

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

oh yeah

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I read the Titans WYTS and now I really want them to move to San Diego and then push the Chargers’ shit in forever.

blaxabbath
Member

This joint I’ve smoked the last couple nights has been really disappointing. Like, I’m really taking this personally.

Probably in part because my head doesn’t sleep if my brain works so I’ve had a restless couple nights.

blaxabbath
Member

How long until CLE demands a new stadium? And even though they have had no success, I assume the city won’t lose that NFL team twice.

Also, will jokes be made that they prolonged the life of the facilities by never having playoff games there?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Funny thing. The next solar eclipse path of totality includes Dallas, Cleveland, and Buffalo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

He’s a priest, we know his impulse control is non-existent. So just push the button already!

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Holy shit. Father Neidermeyer.
smgdh

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These new shirt ironing services are a fucking rip-off.

Spanky Datass
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Spanky Datass

Welp, at least he got lathed…

Romonobyl
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BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Unsurprised
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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Yes, when you google “pussy” it doesn’t always go as planned.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
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Spanky Datass

Choc-clit shake?

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Nice

ballsofsteelandfury
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I have half a mind to make that the banner…

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Do it! DO IT NOW! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
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Every Millennial’s dream job.

WCS
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
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Watching the LL World Series with my son. Every home run

Son: I would have hammered that ball 100′ farther.

Me: I hope so. You’re 19.

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

Well…that was…um…something.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
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Sharkbait
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Sharkbait

The album, much like the Browns Super Bowl chances, does not exist.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Reload it. It’s stupid like that. It should come up then.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

This is one of my favorite Quotables of all time.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

/Opens Xmas Ape twitter. No updates. Eh.

/Opens Drew twitter. Sees mention about OBJ. “Fuck football.”

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

I honestly think I could talk Eli out of his wallet in like 2 minutes.

I hear he has to travel like a race horse with a small kitten to keep him calm and distracted.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

Either Gruden forget the Steelers are in the AFC North or he just straight up forgot they existed.

wpDiscuz