As many of you know, I like to complain. The weather, sports, politics, nothing ever seems to be good enough for Brocky. Naturally this extends to fantasy football, the thing that is supposed to distract me from those things. Such misfortune can’t possibly be the result of my own ineptitude, therefore it can only happen due to divine intervention. That’s right, I’m blaming my fantasy woes on God, and I’m posting every Tuesday how the big man upstairs did me wrong, this will feature as little embellishment as possible.

The Scene: Heaven

Sitting in the heavenly paradise, the almighty God ponders the universe. Billions of souls on earth, existing in their own way. He ponders the goodness in the world, he ponders the evil. He ponders the best course of action totally wreck one person’s day.

God: “Alright, lets cut to the chase, I got a shuffleboard game in 20 minutes, lets get this shit done”

Jesus: “are you pawning all your earthly troubles onto me again?”

God: “Yep, okay, lets see here, first things first: waiver claims. Jesus, what’s Brocky’s waiver number?

Jesus: “Ah, that would be 2.

God: “So there’s one person ahead of him?

Jesus: “That’s correct”

God: “And does brocky or this other fellow have any waiver claims?”

Jesus: “Yes of course, Brocky has just a claim for bears rookie running back Cohen, while this other fellow has 3 claims, cohen as well.”

God: “Okay, this is easy, Other player gets cohen, Brocky gets nothing, blah blah blah, Julio Jones will still under perform, yadda yadda, bench will produce single digits…..  okay good to go.”

Jesus: “Okay, wow, so not only are you not addressing the continued hurricanes but..”

God: ” I thought I was being clear last week: FUCK FLORIDA

Jesus: “anyways, there’s also that london bomber…. you’re not going to do anything about that, are you”

God: “the past is past my son, it is not my place to intervene on such matter, now if you excuse me,” picks up shuffleboard cue “I’ve got a 11 o’clock with Pete Rose”

Jesus: “For the last time dad, Pete rose isn’t dead, that’s just some guy who looks like him, and why do you hate Brocky so much?”

*cue flashback, Brocky is in the line at a speedway, there’s an overweight woman in a colts jersey ahead of him and slightly to the right, engrossed in her phone*

Speedway clerk: “Next?”

Brocky: “Ma’am, it’s your turn”

No response

Speedway: “whoever’s next come up here”

Brocky: “Miss? they’re talking to you”

Speedway: “C’mon, I don’t have all day”

Brocky: “Fine”

Brocky moves to the head of the line and makes his purchase, its not until he turns to leave that the over weight colts fan notices that she’s been passed over. She is infuriated! She spends the next 10 minutes berating the clerk, and once she reaches her car, passing her 3 bumper stickers saying: “Abortion Kills”, “Make America Great Again” and “The sky is blue and clouds are white, God is a colts fan*”, she prays with all her might for God to punish the unclean heathen who so inconvenienced her”

End flashback

*Note: this is not embellishment, I once saw this bumper sticker in person*

God: “He must be punished”

God storms off, Jesus can be heard muttering under his breath:

Luckily, Brocky faced one of the league’s worst members this week, and managed to squeak out a win. Though he know’s in his heart, it won’t matter in the long run