Your “Purple & Black Are In Your Genes, Now Find Out What Else Is” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The Jaguars have signed Ryan Nassib as their 3rd string QB, because Blake Bortles & Chad Henne haven’t exactly looked like Montana & Young.
    • It makes organizational sense, since both Coughlin & Marrone worked with Nassib when he was a Giants backup to Eli.
      • Of course, that doesn’t diminish the Kaepernick talk, but it’s at least defensible.
  • Another of the seals has been opened: The Browns are a road favourite this weekend versus the HODOR-less Colts.
    • The last time the Browns opened as a favorite in any game came in Week 14 of 2015, when they were a 1.5-point favorite in a home game over the 49ers where the Browns covered in a 24-10 win.
      • Of course, it’s not an apocalypse unless they actually win, but they start the week 2.5-point favourites.
    • Shockingly, this would not be the earliest the Browns have won a game this decade.
      • They won Game #2 in both 2014 & 15; Game #3 in 2013; and were actually 2-1 after Week-3 in 2011.
  • Proof the 49ers-Seahawks game was as bad as you recall: Deadspin‘s new feature, “Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week”, breaks down the performance of Brian Hoyer in the Niners loss.
    • The stat lines tell you all you really need to know; the rest is gifs & general analysis.

  • Whining & complaining department:
    • AJ McCarron has asked fans to support Andy Dalton during these rough, early weeks of the season.
      • “I wish people in this city would back him and go with it. He’s our quarterback, stop making it into something else. Ride with him, trust the team, trust the process and trust what we’re trying to do and be a fan of who’s playing.”
    • The sniping has begun in Giants country: the head coach is laying blame for the loss at Eli’s feet.
      • On the 4th & goal from the 2 that ultimately ended up as a field goal from the 7, Ben McAdoo said,
        • “Sloppy quarterback play,” McAdoo said. “Quarterback and the center need to be on the same page there. We need to get the ball snapped.”
    • RGIII decided to wake up this morning & dump on the Shanahans, specifically Mike.
      • He said he was “put in an impossible situation w/ a coach who never wanted me”.
        • Then, “next year coach wants out, says he wants out, says he never wanted me as his QB & I GET BLAMED? C’mon man.”
      • This all came out because Santana Moss went on sports radio & dredged it up.
        • Moss alleged RGIII celebrated the Shanahans firing, but then moped when in got worse under Jay Gruden, who pointed out specific bad play by his QB:
          • “You were just so happy that Mike and Kyle and them is gone, but now you’re getting your behind ripped every day, because you’re not playing the kind of football that we need to play for us to be successful.”

Finally, in a “cancelled before any results got to divorce court & we’re subpoenaed to testify” decision, the Ravens cancelled their “DNA Day” that had been scheduled for September 17th due to “privacy concerns”. To quote ESPN,

The Ravens had planned to give out free DNA test kits to fans as they entered the stadium…[snip] Fans would’ve been able to swab the inside of their cheek, drop the sample into a stadium bin and register with the company, Orig3n, online.

I get that this is a “marketing opportunity” for the company, and an “easy sponsorship cheque” for the Ravens, but it appears no one really thought this idea through, until it was cancelled 2.5 hours before gates opened on Sunday. Gizmodo notes that the company’s privacy policy was ambiguous about whether they would make the result available for third-parties to purchase. Bradley Shear, a Maryland-based sports privacy lawyer, who reviewed the document, said, “Now imagine there’s a crime in the vicinity of the stadium and they give law enforcement the information from Ravens fans whose information was volunteered.”

According to the Baltimore Sun, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services raised questions with the state about approvals. The agency, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, said in a statement that it is “working to determine whether any of the testing being offered by Orig3n is subject to the requirements of the Clinical Laboratory Improvement Amendments of 1988,” which include standards for laboratory testing of humans.

Direct-to-consumer lab testing is generally prohibited in Maryland. Genetic testing is permitted when ordered by a physician or other authorized person and conducted by approved labs. (Sun)

The Open Thread title is the actual quote from the promotional campaign.


Tonight’s sports:

  • WWE:
    • SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Twins at Yankees – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Royals at Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
      • Indians at Angels – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • MiLB:
      • AAA National Championship
        • Memphis Redbirds (PCL) vs. Durham Bulls (IL) – 7:00PM | NBCSN
  • WNBA Playoff:
    • Game 4: Minnesota Lynx at Washington Mystics – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Game 4: Los Angeles Sparks at Phoenix Mercury – 9:00PM | ESPN2

The only surprising thing about the Ravens story? NO “THE WIRE” GIFS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Wakezilla

Dolphins acquired a Linebacker from New Orleans. They have two former Bears players on the o-line and now acquired a Saints defender? Jesus.

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Senor Weaselo

Friends. Romans. Lizard people.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dammit Kalitta! Lift already!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Such a Magary shirt.
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Wakezilla

At the gym, barely moving because lil Wakezillaette destroyed me today. I think I need to crowd source for one of those sexy swedish nanny services.

I’d say I’d survive, but I’d be OK with being Old Yeller’d at the moment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Rachel Dratch is one fine assed bitch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That looks EXACTLY like an old girlfriend (it isn’t though) and I mean down to every detail. Her father was a rich doctor, she grew up in Brentwood, and she was stone cold crazy. You know what they say about sticking your dick in the crazy: It’s a hell of a ride

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Which one of you was talking ’bout mah nips?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Meh, I’m used to eight.”

-Fluffy

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

The team that built a statue to Ray Lewis is collecting DNA samples?

Truly the Seventh Seal has been broken.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Duchess

So i have binged the Murder of Laci Peterson on A&E… Shit is intense like Making a Murderer

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You know, the god damn day after the warranty expires!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

/Forgets to take home the 9-11 souvenir cup.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I think I’m calling it a night.

Later, Taters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

“Best guess for this image: autoerotique asphyxiation music video cast”

Michael Hutchence is clawing is way out of his grave.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s gonna be a long year, isn’t it?

Redshirt

On the bright side, Green had perfect opportunity to throw Dalton off stage but he didn’t.

So either he still trusts his QB or he respects the honor of leading the World Largest Chicken Dance at Oktoberfest Zinzinnati

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

WHAT? I meant to do that!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Haven’t seen this one in awhile.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

7/9. Would bang.

Redshirt

I owe you a Thumb Up, Mr. Ayo. I don’t want to change it from 7.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Dammit.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I thought John Kerry was the one who got……. Swift boated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

Worst case of crabs in history.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

herodotus450
herodotus450

whuh oh. Thought I separated that link so it wouldn’t embed. For… reasons. Can’t edit anymore.

ballsofsteelandfury

I did it. If people click, that’s on them. As long as it’s not visible in the front image, we’re good.

blaxabbath

Think the Mercury were already eliminated.

THAT’S RIGHT, NFL! I TOLD YOU I’D TAKE MY VIEWERSHIP DOLLARS ELSEWHERE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Meow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Jay?

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not even the hottest of the daughters on that show.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Slow night indeed. I am watching a Bundesliga replay. Stoned, and there are no commercials hence it keeping my attention.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m watching the first Kingsman movie.

litre_cola

Turned on Dirt Vikings game love the underdog story, that and I am from Minnesota’s toupee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

Class of Nuke ‘Em High!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Slow sprots night tonight.
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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Yep.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Apple phone pic?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Expensive but user friendly?

LemonJello
LemonJello

I think she could dial a rotary phone without using her hands.

ballsofsteelandfury

Whenever I see your username, I think of this:

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LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m glad I can m-m-m-make you h-h-happy.

Gratliff

Fucking lolz. Reporters asking McCain why he’s suddenly open to the new repeal attempt and his literal response is “Doing a defense bill now”. Nothing distracts grandpa like new toys to blow up brown people with.

LemonJello
LemonJello

To be fair, he probably wouldn’t limit the blowing up to just brown people.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Good evening, Imaginary Internet Friends
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litre_cola

Howdy to all the Jellos

scotchnaut

“Noice!”

-Jennifer Aniston

King Hippo

#BestAAAFansInBaseball

litre_cola

Who are Milwaukee Brewers fans Alex?

scotchnaut

Looks like I’ve got no choice but to attend a conference in Thunder Bay. Thunder Bay!

/Goddammitall

litre_cola

Ooh, will you drive through Wawa?

scotchnaut

I’ll kiss the big goose for you.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

what about the big nickel?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning and it turns out that beer is apparently bad for you. Whoda thunk?

Unrelated, but does anyone have recommendations for a licensed MD in the San Diego area? Asking for a friend.

LemonJello
LemonJello

beer is apparently bad for you

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Avoid this guy:
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SonOfSpam

I definitely wouldn’t trust any “doctor” who told you that bullshit about beer.

SonOfSpam

This guy’s pretty decent:

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SonOfSpam

Related:

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Redshirt

I’m sure Trump’s UN speech would sound a lot better in the original German.

litre_cola

nee Austrian