Hope Clicks Eternal – the New York Giants



A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

So, it’s the start of Week-3 in the N. F. L. The articles are already starting to come out of the journalismism factories

and fans who aren’t from Cleveland are already starting to realize they may have backed the wrong pony this year.

There is a list of impressive candidates for analysis up there. But I already did the Browns

and at this point examining one of the other sad sacks would be a repetitive, pointless exercise.

The Thursday Night game

seemed all set up for a Bengals thrashing on social media, and believe me – there was plenty to complain about.

Also, I was at that abortion of a home opener between the 49ers and the Seahawks

But imagine my surprise when I tuned in to the Lions – Giants game and saw the total, abject derpitude on display by Eli & co.

It was then I knew who I had to do.

First off, why does it seem that every time a team, especially YOUR favourite team, holds a special ceremony for, or dedicates a game to, someone or something from their history, you are almost guaranteed that same team will shit the bed in an astounding number of familiar yet how-will-they-do-it-this-time ways? The Giants were honouring the Super Bowl XLII champs – How’d they get Strahan in front of a camera?! – so you’d figure that’d motivate the team, especially with the QB from that game PLAYING IN THE FUCKING GAME!11!!1

The end result?

Well, we know the Lions handled everything like pros

AHEM! Gentlemen – may I remind you what happens when you laugh at others’ misfortune & piss away a 9-4 record with three games to go?

Anyway, we’re here to bury examine the Giants.

The day after the loss, the Giants show a surprising acceptance of what has happened. Their website

has a number of stories examining what might be wrong, and given most teams’ propensity for lying is a refreshing change of pace.

Mind you, it is only two games into the season.

Even though the website is trying to be “honest” in its assessment of what’s going on/wrong,

because it’s the Giants and PEOPLE GOTS OPINIONS, you end up with some elemental vitriol

These responses are the internet in a nutshell. If I were to ever answer my mom’s persistent question: “Beerguyrobert, what kind of person comments on things they can do nothing about?”, I would point her to this page and say, “The Aristocrats Internet!”

But hoo-boy, that’s nothing compared to social media.

Giants Facebook was quickly onto the next game.

But that didn’t mean they weren’t going to have stories about how things went.

And fans had answers to that singular question:

I love the guy who says to “call football operations and give them your opinions”. Because that’s totally rational, and probably coming from a guy who tails the Starbucks manager home after Pumpkin Spice season.

Does it get better, and more childish, from here? You know it; JERSEY REPRESENT!

‘You know what would help? TRADE FOR BRADY! And offer BELICHEAT a bag of balls & Tiki’s old jockstrap in exchange!’ Fan GMs always know how to work the best trades.

And that’s Facebook, where there’s a faint tincture of restraint because it’s not totally anonymous. Twitter takes simple stories

and spins them into fantastical yarns about “protected players”.

At this point

I almost feel bad for Eli,

until I realize he’s getting paid…

TWELVE PERCENT OF THEIR WHOLE CAP! Maybe there is some room for complaint.

Oh man, it’s only going to get better. They’re playing the Eagles this Sunday, and likely to go 0-3. It’s the rare season when the Giants and Jets have both sucked this hard.

Commentists & commentettes, your 2017 New York Giants social media.

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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King Hippo

I do like the taek re giving the ball more to Darkwing Duck. They could. Get. Dangerous!


This is why I eschew being a fan of anything. I’ve gotten hurt enough for one lifetime.


Good hustle on this. Problem is the apathy with the Pauls, the Bengals (redshirt excluded), jags etc. It is great when fanbases expect to win and then don’t, then the vitriol flows. I also enjoy reddit after crushing losses.


I really appreciate Teresa Dunway’s comment.

I can only imagine her thought process.
“You know I really can’t stand these motherfucking, piece of shit, cunts, but it is the internet, so I shouldn’t curse. I need to remain civil.”


This is quickly becoming one of my favorite features.


The vitriol is just starting to percolate…I’m really looking forward to the tsunami of white hot taeks later in the season. It’ll really warm the cold, dark abyss where my soul once resided.


I don’t know why you want to drive yourself insane (pours one out for Spilly), but, THIS IS GOOD HUSTLE.