Your “We Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Games” NFL Football Open Thread

Hopefully that Londonderry game was entertaining. There be eight features on tap now and more than a couple seem to have some potential. Let’s have a look. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Cle: Two O-and-3’s have at it. All the Bengals need to do to put this one away is to get inside the red zone. The Browns D gives up TD’s at an 80% rate when their opponent wanders inside the twenty.

Buf/Atl: The Bills D has acquitted themselves quite well so far this year but the Falcons are something else entirely. Plus they’re at home. Tyrod and the passing game aren’t doing themselves any favours either.

Jax/NYJ: The Jetskis had no trouble last week and now face a young Jags team that is hoping to build on their blowout affair last week. Rb Fournette is running at a mere 3.5 ypc clip after three games but you’d think that by the end of the year he’ll have added at least another three feet to that stat.

Det/Min: The Lions are in possession of an injured list fourteen players long, including de Ansah and lb Davis. Look for Minny to do what they did last week-get rook rb Cook going early so that qb Keenum can work his magic with the likes of Diggs and Thielen.

Car/NE: Cam needs a shoulder to lean/throw on. Did I go against my better judgement and leave Pats wr Hogan and his 2 TD’s on the bench last week? As a matter of fact, I did. So here I go chasing last week’s points…

LAR/Dal: Despite one of the squads hailing from Dallas, I like the look of this game. Both teams are sitting pretty division-wise and this should be a solid test for the young Goffster who has started to justify his draft position.

Pit/Bal: An under-performing and talented O (Steelers) meets up with a (perhaps) over-performing D. Winner gets first place.

Ten/Hou: With so many other interesting tilts being played, why would you bother?

Get going, big fellas.

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Dick E. Phuck

Jags are getting trampled like a five year old at a Walmart on black Friday.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“ALL FRIDAYS MATTER.”

– Detective Joe Friday’s widow

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey wow, the Red Sox won the AFC East according to Joe Buck.
I don’t care who you are, that’s impressive.

LemonJello

“WE AHW THE FACKIN CHAHMPS, NO ONE DENIES THIS!”

Spur

What’s up with the Jets?

King Hippo

Jets going for .500!

Dick E. Phuck

Atlanta is losing in the house that Graft built.

Redshirt

Dear Cleveland Stadium,

Maybe you shouldn’t play “Black in Black” if your being blown out by a struggling team dressed in black.

Romonobyl

I was thinking Scorpions myself.

LemonJello

Do the Pauls take the field to “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”?

Sharkbait

Fumble WOOO!

Smithchez

WHOOOA Fat Randy, bam-a-lam

Sharkbait

Nope. that happened.

LemonJello

Fox halftime showed that. It was petulant and glorious!

Romonobyl

Boss Todd is gonna get his car keyed, right through the screaming chicken.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Baltimore fans…50% more stabby again.
smgdh

Sharkbait

New England? De…fense?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Whew. Fortuitous fumble.

King Hippo

#ThePauls got SCREWED

Redshirt

I don’t think so. I think it went forward, barely.

blaxabbath

Hey, they’re the ones who wanted to be in CLE.

LemonJello

Why do they let Bradshaw do the highlights? Pity? Does he have dirt on the poducers?

Redshirt

Uh oh. Now we’re going to confuse what a forward pass is…

Sharkbait

Can’t debate what a catch is, if you cant determine a pass.

Gratliff

SEE: Music City Miracle

Romonobyl

That play pretty much set the WTF bar.

Redshirt

If they had a camera down the line, that play would’ve been overturned. They didn’t have the right shot to be sure.

Dick E. Phuck

These Cleveland Browns, I call them The Antichrist, because they are an unholy abomination that brings destruction and suffering upon the Earth.

King Hippo

Man, Baby Buster aka Jared Goff is now a legit NFL QB. Impressive.

King Hippo

These refs are REALLY screwing RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! over. Must be Spanoi agents in the Battle FOAR L.A.

King Hippo

into the locker room

King Hippo

THAT was Peak Jets

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, you’re thinking of Germanwings Flight 9525.

LemonJello

Like, Miracle of the Andes level jestsiness or more along the lines of Desert Storm Iraqi Air Force?

Spur

Classic confused Wade Phillips face

LemonJello

He keeps catching whiffs from the concession stands, and it’s driving him crazy.

Romonobyl

Nachos will do that.

LemonJello

/Sanchez smirks sitting outside a suburban Chicago high school and winks/nods

blaxabbath

If the DFO account tweeted that hit by Trevathan but replaced:

Adams with Hillary
Trevathan with Trump
First defender with Bernie

We could probably end up with our watermark in the historical archives of the Presidency.

King Hippo

JujuDOWN!!!

Redshirt

Andy Dalton is 17 for 18, with 215 yards and 3 TD. I know its the Browns, but is this a sign of the End Times?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“17? 18? Sounds more like a sign of GOOD times!”

– Mark Chmura

blaxabbath

No – it’s the browns.

Redshirt

…but…but… its Dalton?!

King Hippo

Did coked-out RedZone guy just say “The Ben?”

Smithchez

“Tomorrow, the a United States Federal Appeals Court will rule on the 6 game suspension of an NFL running back.”

King Hippo

‘MURRIKA!!!!

LemonJello

Across the league, dozens of sphincters tighten in worried apprehension.

Romonobyl

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? IT’S WONDERFUL!

Romonobyl

I’m sure it will get recycled.

LemonJello

And photoshopped.

Romonobyl

Can’t be Cleveland, they don’t have one.

LemonJello

Sphincter or running back?

blaxabbath

As a follow up to my questions about which D to start (PIT at Ravens or CIN at LesPauls):

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Dick E. Phuck

I think Bill O’Brien’s chin pushes out shit? Your thoughts?

King Hippo

Coach Buttchinski FO SHO

blaxabbath

CLE needs an offensive spark!

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LemonJello

Do you have anything more offensive? I mean, like really profane?

-Tronald Dump, 1600 Penn Ave

LemonJello

I see Flaccid and the Ratbirds are picking up right where they left off last week.

King Hippo

GREAT decision by me to keep Watson on the bench

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Sherlock Holmes, after a complicated trail of clues leads him to a brothel.

Smithchez

Bunchess of Funchess!

Spur

“Somehow came through that hole”

King Hippo

White Christian ref sez NO MuhammadDOWN

Spur

Romo-like spin away

Romonobyl

But didn’t explode into pieces.

King Hippo

oh to be athletic/black and/or made of processed ham

Redshirt

Browns down 21-0. 3rd & 1 on own 19. 0:07 left. Timeout Browns.

Romonobyl

Dilly Dilly!

Dick E. Phuck

I think this Dalvin Cook guy might be as good at football as he is at getting away with assault.

Romonobyl

Harrison Ford is in the new Blade Runner? Hope they used a stunt pilot in his scenes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “Stunt Pilot” is what they called the first episode of “The Fall Guy”.

Romonobyl

I thought I was old.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, you are.

Romonobyl

That’s it…GET OUTTA MY YARD!!

Dick E. Phuck

Innovative defensive strategy by the Browns: Put your entire secondary on one side of the field.

blaxabbath

Hey, if you can get one or ten guys to shut down half the field, that makes things hard for opposing quarterbacks….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“One or ten guys? Seems like a simple decision to me. Come on, give me a harder one. Pun intended.”

– Aaron Rodgers

Spur

Poor Browns.

blaxabbath

perma-banner

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[holds envelope up to forehead]

“Why doesn’t Trump care about what is happening in Puerto Rico?”

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Who cares about a bunch of Island Mexicans? Now, watch this drive.”

Redshirt

Gio-down!

blaxabbath

Is Witten done? 3 shitty fantasy halves — send him to the glue factory!

Dick E. Phuck

All Jared Goff needed to be good was a good ol’ white slot receiver.

Romonobyl

Moot point, but still. Challenge might have been a bad idea that close to the end zone.

LemonJello

That what you get for your helmets not matching your jerseys!

Romonobyl

Wow, game is officially tainted now.

Spur

2 rushing TDs for the Hawaiian.
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King Hippo

WOW.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Home cooking.

Sharkbait

Bad call is bad.