Your “We Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Games” NFL Football Open Thread

Hopefully that Londonderry game was entertaining. There be eight features on tap now and more than a couple seem to have some potential. Let’s have a look. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Cle: Two O-and-3’s have at it. All the Bengals need to do to put this one away is to get inside the red zone. The Browns D gives up TD’s at an 80% rate when their opponent wanders inside the twenty.

Buf/Atl: The Bills D has acquitted themselves quite well so far this year but the Falcons are something else entirely. Plus they’re at home. Tyrod and the passing game aren’t doing themselves any favours either.

Jax/NYJ: The Jetskis had no trouble last week and now face a young Jags team that is hoping to build on their blowout affair last week. Rb Fournette is running at a mere 3.5 ypc clip after three games but you’d think that by the end of the year he’ll have added at least another three feet to that stat.

Det/Min: The Lions are in possession of an injured list fourteen players long, including de Ansah and lb Davis. Look for Minny to do what they did last week-get rook rb Cook going early so that qb Keenum can work his magic with the likes of Diggs and Thielen.

Car/NE: Cam needs a shoulder to lean/throw on. Did I go against my better judgement and leave Pats wr Hogan and his 2 TD’s on the bench last week? As a matter of fact, I did. So here I go chasing last week’s points…

LAR/Dal: Despite one of the squads hailing from Dallas, I like the look of this game. Both teams are sitting pretty division-wise and this should be a solid test for the young Goffster who has started to justify his draft position.

Pit/Bal: An under-performing and talented O (Steelers) meets up with a (perhaps) over-performing D. Winner gets first place.

Ten/Hou: With so many other interesting tilts being played, why would you bother?

Get going, big fellas.

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Horatio Cornblower

Jacksonville’s O-line has more holes than the plot of a Michael Bay movie.

Sharkbait

ARMPUNT!

blaxabbath

Ray Rice would have punched that for a 1st down.

Spur

Good decision to go for it.

Redshirt

QUIT DIVING FORWARD, YOU SOULLESS SACK OF SUCK!!!!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Opinion poll: Would you rather watch a game between two teams that you hate equally or two teams that you like equally?

Senor Weaselo

I’ll say the teams I like equally, because then you root for a good, clean game. Teams you hate equally you hope rocks fall and everyone dies.

blaxabbath

I agree with this.

Redshirt

Jeremy Hill “I’m back on the field. Now its my time to earn my spot back and SHIT!”
(ball promptly fumbles back five yards)

blaxabbath

Ugh — I got myself in a twitter spat with a bunch of racists. I mean, it was fine when I was watching the boring London game but now it’s like, come on, BAL/PIT is on!

Romonobyl

That’s like the CIN/CLE game. Nobody really wins.

herodotus450

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Brick Meathook

SOLUTION: Don’t use Twitter

Romonobyl

THIS GUY GETS IT!!!!

Sharkbait

People like watching car accidents. Same principle.

herodotus450

Here’s a handy simulacrum for the next time you can’t watch cle or cin:
Clog your toilet. Take a huge dump. Attempt to flush.
Repeat for three hours.

herodotus450

That method conveniently absolves you of the ability to watch future cle/cin games though. Not a long term planning type punishment.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Snyder’s of Hanover Butter Snap pretzels make an excellent taste pairing with frozen margaritas.

King Hippo

oh, an’ PacMan gon’ shine

Spur

The Pit of Misery is fully stocked with Bud Light, ironically.

Sharkbait

I guessed Bud Light Lime. Warm.

Romonobyl

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Dick E. Phuck

That’s what the last girl I dated called my bedroom.

Horatio Cornblower

Dilly-dilly.

Dick E. Phuck

The only thing that could make the Jets look palatable is Jaguars ineptitude.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like the idea of the Jets limping to like 6-10 when everybody had them pegged as the worst team in NFL history.

Senor Weaselo

Powelldown? Wait, 75 yards is the longest TD run in Jets history? That does help explain things.

bk109

3:3 at the Gillette and Grumblelord’s displeased.. but worse, wifey and the kiddos are 15mins out!
/me really needs to find his pants

Horatio Cornblower

I really hope this isn’t a typo and that the new guy here is desperately trying to make the lasagna he promised the family in return for being able to spend the rest of the day watching football and making dick jokes.

bk109

That was a typo an’ there’s no lasagna in sight… In-between jokes and stuff I made meat-feast pizzas for all (here)! Thin-crust, bacon, pepperoni and mincemeat, 2 types of cheese and chilli peppers for mine 🙂

herodotus450

Mincemeat!? Do we got a fancy (no) pants english foppish dandy over here? We kicked your ass in WW2 and we’ll do it again if we have to.

bk109

Actually naturalized Irish(ex-Eastern European)… Also I’m happy to report that I haz pants nao ! 😀
Edit: Watching the NFL with german commentators is surprisingly fun… Who’d have thought XD

herodotus450

Oh I guess Irish is ok, though trump thinks they could’ve held out a little longer in denouncing the nazis.

Spur

I miss Jeff Fisher.

Romonobyl

Speaking of Pit of Misery, you doing okay Redshirt?

Smithchez

Hehe. If the Rams got another Goff, Jared could make the back of his uniform read Ja.Goff.

I’ve been drinking.

herodotus450

If they got two more after that, they could have a Sc. Goff. Just like the fans in LA do at the rams

Dick E. Phuck

The physical manifestation of the CIN-CLE game.

https://youtu.be/wwm5UcGJ5wY?t=26s

King Hippo

Jets looks Jets-y again

Romonobyl

I haven’t seen jets perform this poorly since my last Malaysian Airlines flight.

Smithchez

YEAH JE(E)TS!!!

herodotus450

The browns spent a first round pick on Jabrill Peppers? His upside is “The Next Devin Hester.”

Senor Weaselo

Senor, checking Facebook Friday: “Oh hey, they’re starting this edition of The Amazing Race at Washington Square Park Sunday. Oh, but I’m teaching.”
Senor, Saturday: “Hey, my student got moved to 6, I can go tomorrow!”
Senor, 7:30 AM so he can wake up and shower to go to WSP: “Eh, I’m going back to sleep.”

Romonobyl

Cooper lived through that hit?

Redshirt

(sigh)

Gratliff

It’s nothing drain cleaner can’t fix

Redshirt

Yes, but how do I get Andy Dalton to drink it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dick E. Phuck

That Cowboys offensive line creates holes like a Pornstar’s asshole after an anal session.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Prolapse Partnership!

Sharkbait

We have a Peppers down. I repeat. We have a Peppers down

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Smithchez

ENTER THE OCTOBOX!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, several people did,

Brick Meathook

Wow I just learned that Dak Prescott’s name is Dakota. Well I’ll be.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

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King Hippo

DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!!

/did not take long

Romonobyl

Laura Okmin looks like Erin Andrews gone to seed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You sure it’s not Erin Andrews?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d seed either.

or both, both would be good.

Redshirt

Time to find out what happens when a Stoppable Force meets a Moveable Object.

Dick E. Phuck

A Derpicane.

The Maestro

Folks.

Romonobyl

Hola!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Electric guitar for the National Anthem?! Why, Cleveland?! Why?!

Romonobyl

That only worked once, Aug. 1969 if I’m not mistaken.

King Hippo

yeah, don’t try to top/match Hendrix

Gratliff

Today, we are all Rammit

Romonobyl

Ahem…

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, slow your roll there chief.

JustStopDude

Fuck it…I’m going to a Waffle House and then the hardware store for a ladder.

I can’t get motivated to watch this shit and get nothing done…

Gratliff

I find it extremely easy to get motivated to get nothing done

King Hippo

basically my life story in a nutshell

Brick Meathook

Hmm. CBS announcer Ian Eagle pronounces his name EYE-an Eagle. I’ll bet he corrects people a lot. I’ll bet nobody cares.

Viva La Tabula Raza

His name is Brian, but they forgot to put the “BR” at the front when they filled out his birth certificate.

Redshirt

(rocking in fetal position holding back tears)
We can’t be worse than the #ThePauls.
We can’t be worse than the #ThePauls.
We can’t be worse than the #ThePauls.
We can’t be worse than the #ThePauls.

King Hippo

That’s #ThePauls now, BuddyGuy

Gratliff

Looking forward to teh first scoreless tie in 70 years

theeWeeBabySeamus

Look out Soccer, here we come.

Romonobyl

Sean Lee is out. Guess I’m paying taxes this year as well.

King Hippo

I am starting Baby Buster this week, he needs all the help he can get

JustStopDude

OKay…I did a lot of stuff yesterday that well…I kind of of fell off the wagon.

So I may still be really…REALLY fucked up…but please someone check for me because I am afraid I am losing my sanity here. I’m in a really bad place…

Is Jim Rome actually on the fucking CBS pregame show and does he have a fucking perm?

LemonJello

I’d like to help you, my good man, but I’ve sworn off all the pre-game bloviating-kakke as a defense mechanism.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ten/Hou: With so many other interesting tilts being played, why would you bother?

Too cheap to buy NFL Ticket, too much of a techno-tard to figure out how to stream Pats-Panthers for free, stuck in S. Central Texas where I have no choice other than to watch the Texas teams whether I like it or not.

King Hippo

if you just get the good sports cable package, RedZone channel should be free, that works for my cheap honky ass

Gratliff

Cheap is an odd word choice for the package that pushes my bill up over $150 a month

King Hippo

it was only like $9/month extra for a me, that’s good entertainment value for a shut-in

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Google “reddit nfl streams” and you should find what you need.

Gratliff

Google reddit anything will get you just about any info you could ever/never want.

JustStopDude

I googled “Reddit not racist, totally normal thread about a normal topic” and I got nothing…

Gratliff

Found some fascinating thoughts about the negative societal impact of mulatto babies, though

Viva La Tabula Raza

4k Sports wants me to create an account to access their stream and provide a credit card number. Is this a reasonable request? That shit makes me nervous..

King Hippo

and the wind…whispers….

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

Redshirt

I would say “stop it, its not funny anymore”, but the Rams have been bad for some time. You’ve earned this.

Ram on, Your Highness. Ram on.

Smithchez

If the Jets fuck up and win again, I will break something. Most likely all the bones in my hand.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nuts. I had my money on “wind”. Figured it was a lock.

Smithchez

Can what has already been broken be broken again?

King Hippo

c’mon, the franchise needs another 1st round rotational DL and/or safety

Smithchez

But only ones who excel at blocking the run and can’t get into the backfield in a league that has clearly become primarily passing oriented.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s what happens when you live down the street from “Scotchnaut Liquor”.

bk109

Woohoo, I can haz the Patriots game (thanks to GermanTV via Satellite) … I really need a palate cleanser after this dreck we all witnessed (and a keg for King Hippo… or two, if he actually watched Koeman’s post-game interviews)

King Hippo

I did not, but mad/depressed enough already.

/ready for RedZone heroin

bk109

Your absence for a bit implied otherwise… namely,that you’re rage-propelled towards Merseyside to shit on Koeman’s doorstop!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

“Extremely turgid erections”? That shit stopped in my 40’s.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No shit. Late 50’s here; I have to take a Viagra if I want to beat off.

Romonobyl

I have to wear a condom, not sure where my hand has been the past 5 years or so.

Sharkbait

Down to 1 pick in a survivor pool. Taking Atlanta is a good idea…right?

Redshirt

I’m with you. If we’re going down, we’re going down together.

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

Better than CIN or SEA, both of whom I predict will lose. ATL is a toss-up. I like KC over WAS better

Romonobyl

Hey, the game doesn’t start for 30 minutes. Somebody will show up!

King Hippo

Everyone about ready to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! through the early slate?

Romonobyl

Looks like a good game on paper, let’s see how that pans out.

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