Your “Time To Put Butts In Seats” NHL Opening Day Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Ben Roethlisberger says it’s his role as a leader to speak to teammates when they need to be spoken to.
    • He obviously thinks this is his doing:

  • High emotions between the [Redacteds] and Chiefs on Monday night:
    • Marcus Peters swore at some home fans after giving up a TD, earning a rib-spittled rebuke from Andy Reid after the game.
    • Terrelle Pryor middle-fingered some fans as he was leaving the field Monday night.
  • Based on the length of time Mariota’s expected to miss, the Titans went with a short-term solution of Brandon Weeden backing up Matt Cassel.
    • If the timeline is only 2-6 weeks, then sure. If it turns into a whole season, then you’ll hear the wolves.

Finally, a headline guaranteed to warm the charcoal-blackness of Low Commander’s heart

Melvin Gordon told the L.A. Times. “It’s sad when you’re home and it feels like you’re away, but when you’re 0-4, what can you expect?”

Despite that, the NFL says it will not be considering returning the team to San Diego, which was apparently a thing at some point in time. That was according to Joe Lockhart of the NFL on a conference call Monday, saying that the Chargers are staying put and riding this thing out in Los Angeles.

At least, that’s this week’s answer.


NHL season starts tonight. Of course, your pals at DFO have you covered with a preview of each team & a focus on attendance woes.

For shits & giggles, see how closely the thing I typed yesterday correlates with what Deadspin did today. There’s no implication of plagiarism; but, it is interesting to see how relatively few opinions there are when it comes to discussing how shitty shitty teams will be.

I guarantee you that most of us don’t need the NHL right now. Oh sure, we’ll tune into the home openers and some marquee games at the start of the season, but we’ve still got FOOTBAW to guide us through the week.

However, once the NFL playoffs start in January, and there’s less daily coverage & such, then we’ll welcome hockey back like an old friend. But with Gary Bettman in charge, that friend is also a bum looking for money, so you’ll eventually have to tell him to fuck off.

Practice on this.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • NL Wild Card Game:
      • Rockies at Diamondbacks – 8:00PM | TBS / Sportsnet1
  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Jets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Blues at Penguins – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Flames at Oilers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Flyers at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN
  • NCAA:
    • Football:
      • Arkansas State at Georgia Southern – 8:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN
    • Women’s Volleyball:
      • Texas A&M at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Kansas State at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • WNBA:
    • Game 5: Los Angeles Sparks at Minnesota Lynx – 8:00PM | ESPN

So, the sports week now looks like:

  • Thursday Night Football
  • Saturday night NCAA & Hockey Night in Canada
  • Sunday football
  • Monday Night Football
  • Wednesday Night Rivalries (NHL)

YEP – WORKS FOR ME!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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JustStopDude
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JustStopDude

Okay…I have read this tweet like 10 times…

It is a "miracle" how fast the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police were able to find the demented shooter and stop him from even more killing!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 4, 2017

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I swear to god this reads like they typical Alex Jones tweet where he is implying something is a false flag…like a mass shooting or whenever he cuts a fart on the air.

Did our president imply the worst mass shooting in US history was a false flag?

Redshirt
Member

Maybe he is such a heartless bastard that he doesn’t believe in miracles?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Actually I could honestly see him taking a dig at first responders for the heat he is taking…

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Trying to understand anything trump writes, says, or types is where you went wrong there.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Seriously. He’s a moron. There’s nothing deeper to analyze with anything he says or does.

Redshirt
Member

We have to learn how this happened so we can avoid it. We’re lucky we elected an idiot. If he was smart, we’d be even more screwed that we already are.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

This is an opening to go off politically again but I’m too tired to use it.

Redshirt
Member

Me too. Lets agree that we’re smart and other is misinformed and/or a dumbass.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Don’t worry. His successor will be.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Got my natural gas turned on.

My HVAC is in my attic.

We can put a fucking man on the moon but we can’t make insulation not itchy.

What the fuck?

Redshirt
Member

If it makes you feel any better, we were close to killing them several times. We were literally a pen away from having two skeletons on the moon landing site.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Supposedly, while Neil was the first to walk on the moon, Buzz was the first to shit himself.

The president had four speeches prepared. All 3 die. The two on the lander die. Neil dies when he walked on the moon, and of course, the successful mission.

Over and over again, on earth, they practice the sequence where Neil would go down the ladder and touch the moon. There was concerns that moon surface would just envelope Neil and they had trained Buzz that he was to take off, even if Neil was still alive. Buzz was to watch through a tiny viewing port that could just make out Neil’s helmet.

So Neil goes down the ladder, only its not quite like how the rest of the world saw it and not how the practice. Neil missed the last rung and slipped down…but for a moment, Buzz lost site of him and Neil didn’t immediate respond.

Keep in mind, the astronauts were on a hyper low fiber diet because they had sandwich bags for poop. They were trying to go the entire mission without shitting…because well…they had no toilet.

So supposedly, Buzz instantly panic squirted his pants because he thought Neil got sucked into the surface of the moon.

Amazing how far they went to fake that shit.

Redshirt
Member

Suddenly Buzz punching that guy for saying they faked the Moon landing makes complete sense.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

I love the theory that moon was covered in the equivalent of quicksand. I have no idea where it came from though.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

I always thought it was interesting that the fully isolated the astronauts for the potential of them bringing back an infectious disease.

Like what exactly could survive in the vacuum of space with all that ionizing radiation?

Redshirt
Member

They didn’t know it was lifeless. We’ve been evolved over millions of years from ooze to human to deal with stuff from Earth. All it takes is one microbe not from this Earth and we’d be extinct in about a month.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

And microbes, I believe, have been shown to survive in vacuums.

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Redshirt
Member

You son of a bitch! I have to work earlier than normal tomorrow, now I’m going to be up all night watching Spaceballs.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I really need to rewatch that.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

It honestly good they were willing to consider wild possibilities and plan for them.

Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
Member

Thanks Oba…nah. No thanks Corning. Sitting on your laurels, not innovating. THIS IS WHY CHINA IS WINNING SHEEPLE!
/sorry, you were saying? It’s pill time!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I think that’s in the specs

Redshirt
Member

I just spent an hour Youtubing to songs I like. I needed that.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Winnipeg is definitly the Cleveland Browns of the NHL. They even have the same “we love our team then they moved to a different city but then we got a new franchise later” story. And the same mind-boggling incompetence year after year despite some occasional talent. AND NO PARKS!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

So Toronto are the Dallas Cowboys?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Sounds about right.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Gonna call the Penguins = Patriots because I hate them so much and most of their success stems from one lucky draft pick. And Red Wings = Steelers maybe, because they’re long lauded for doing things “The Right Way”

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I like the Red Wings- Steelers comparison as they have not won lately and the window seems to have closed.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Heh, Been trying to think of who to stick with the Canadiens, and I think it’s the Bears. Completely dysfunctional and living on long lost and long overrated glory days.

Senor Weaselo
Member

And more being eaten by wolves, according to xkcd.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Anyone want to pick me up at DCA in about 3.5 hours?

Redshirt
Member

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I could make it in about 4.5.
(but I’m not gonna)

Doktor Zymm
Member

Is Metro on fire again?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello
herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

This just in: there is STILL an NHL player with the last name Bozak. Bozak.
Also, booooooooooo toronto.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Bozak Hockeyman?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Unfortunetly not. Not even Redd Bozak.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Last few hours in Bali before heading to Kathmandu, do you think there will be more or fewer Chinese tourists there?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Are they still tourists if they consider Nepal to be owned by China?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Oh that headline very much warms my heart.

This, however, has kept me laughing for the past 5 minutes.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm
Member

Zing!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm
Member

I haven’t really followed regular season hockey in a while. Too many games with too little impact on which 3/4 of the teams or whatever end up in the playoffs. I’ll pay attention in May or whenever when the playoffs start. Though it IS nice of them to try an limit the amount of time where it’s just baseball.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Having grown up in Hartford, I feel much the same way about hockey that people from San Diego and St. Louis feel about football, or people in Seattle feel about basketball.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

And similar to how the people in Kansas City feel, what with having only one playoff win in seventeen seasons of play.

Redshirt
Member

To whoever is in charge of creating the Photo Caption Contest, I humbly submit this for your consideration in next week’s post.
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Horatio Cornblower
Member

Too easy.

“OW! My balls!”

And we’re done.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“When I think about you, I touch myself. OHHhhhhh!”

Senor Weaselo
Member

Actually, Gary Sanchez might’ve won that round of Quotables in between writhings of pain because goddamn that looked like it hurt. Or my friend who came up with “Right in the Baby Bombers.”

https://twitter.com/ElGarySanchez/status/915586226689855488

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Booooooo Tronto!

scotchnaut
Member

Dis is a sediment I can gert behind.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Just to be clear, I was only talking about the Marlies

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Saw way too many people in baseball gear today to think about hockey

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