JV NFL Parties Alone – 7 October Open Thread

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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For the record, I am typing this here preview up before my maybe-not-quite-shitty wolves host Louisville Thursday night, and crash like Icarus and send me deeper into depression.  Bell Biv, DeVoe (DaVoe??), now ya know.

Paedo State at Northwestern (Noon, ABC)

It would be nice if the Mildcats did a thing.  I wouldn’t bet on it.

Georgia at Vanderbilt (Noon, ESPN)

I would suspect that Vandy at least forces the Dawgs to throw the ball, which might at least cause a sweat to get broken.  If not, consider me convinced UGA is for realsies.

West By God Virginia at TCU (3:30, FS1)

This will be good, old fashioned Big 12-ish wacky fun time goodness.  Buhlee dat!!  Bloodeyes will have their defense tested.

Miami at Florida State (3:30, ESPN)

Noles have won 7 straight (most not in close fashion) in this series, but look like a semen-encrusted sweatsock so far this season.  But not really sure Da U that much of an upgrade.  Maybe a washcloth?

LSU at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Ed Orgeron’s bunch is a failure pile in a sadness bowl (h/t Patton Oswalt).  And I have no fucking clue how Florida keeps winning every week, let alone blitzing a rival 42-zip like they done UT last week.  But they keep proving me wrong, so hey, purty cheerleaders!

Kansas State at Texas (7:00, FS1)

Highlighted because Undead Bill Snyder still roams the earth, and will likely fuck up the ‘Horns Big 12-ish run before it even gets off the ground.

Alabama at Texas A&M (7:15, ESPN)

Somehow, the Aggies have managed to win out after that soul-crushing choke to open the season at UCLA.  Whilst the Bruins have gone straight down the toilet.  Sometimes momentum is really nothing in sports and in life.  Anyway, Roll Damn Tide is in town, so A-game better be on display.  We shall see.

Washington State at Oregon (8:00, Fox)

Here’s your game of the week, folks.  Plus it will mix Gus Johnson and Mike Leach.  Need I say MOAR?

Stanford at Utah (10:15, FS1)

Another reasonably interesting FS1 matchup, for the tweaker set.  Or for one’s DVR, since they’s fuckall to watch Sunday morning thanks to International Break bullshit.  Team Secular Big Love is undefeated, with a great defense but always with that suspected glass jaw until they take that first real punch.  Well, here it comes.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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WCS
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D-lineman for Boomer Sooner was on the ground, writhing in pain; walks off holding his crotch. We’ve all been there.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Hey speak for yourself pal. I’ve never held his crotch…as far as you know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
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Spanky Datass

If the booth keeps slobbing the knob of this Iowa State QB/LB they’re gonna make me hate him … … … yep, there it is, I hate him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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The thing that sucks about college football is that when I’m watching it casually my wife never seems to care or bug me about stuff. But when I’m watching NFL football I actually care about there’s always some issue she wants me to deal with. It’s like, just let that home invader take what he wants and he’ll leave on his own, honey, I don’t see why you need ME to get involved.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I’ve seen that Brazzers video.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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James Coburn | Ferrari 250 California

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Hey Hippo, might wanna check on dat turkeeeee…just saying.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
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Half-dozen of wifey’s left over happy happy joy joy pills: check
Fridge full of various Victory IPAs: check
New bottle of Wild Turkey Rye: check

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WCS
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Rut roh. Iowa State goes up, 31-24 at Boomer Sooner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Christopher Walken ~ At Close Range (1986)

WCS
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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OK Bob, it’s just the reserves, it’s just for the weekend. Just throw it smoothly and follow thru, then go home tomorrow and go back to work.

Ahhhh shit.
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WCS
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Iowa State just tied it up with Boomer Sooner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
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Looks like, in this case, it can be both!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Well, nice effort Wake Forest kicker.
OK, no it wasn’t, but at least you shanked it so badly you didn’t have to wonder.

Horatio Cornblower
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My son is at that game, visiting his actually real girlfriend, who you wouldn’t know because she goes to school on South Carolina.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Apparently only Indian Superman can copy paste properly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Caller: Yes, I’d like the kitten that isn’t broken, please.

nomonkeyfun
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I haven’t seen a pussy get destroyed like that since Visante Shiancoe’s Prom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun
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UGA has a hipster kicker. Black plastic frame glasses, shitty caterpillar/molester moustache, and the ironic number of 98.

nomonkeyfun
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I’m surprised he doesn’t kick barefooted, because it would be more authentic, or maybe that would qualify as deconstructed kicking.

Trevor Semen
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Trevor Semen

Hey guys, what did I miss? Couldn’t have been anything important in the world or football, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Trevor! Welcome back!

Trevor Semen
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Trevor Semen

I lost almost all interest in football and really any sport that isn’t basketball or wrestling after the Superbowli. It honestly made life feel almost meaningless and filled me with a cloud of nihilism. I wish I was here when it was cool to make jokes about the racist fucknuggets who think we need to lie down on the ground and kiss the boots and assholes of authority.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Coming to America is on Amazon Prime and has to be better than whatever game is on.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting here trying not to puke. Someone is making something that smells like rotting cat food (the canned shit).

yeah right
Member

Today I get to do a pretty cool thing. I’m a periodic member of a car research and design team. That’s where we get called to a secret location and give our opinions on vehicle concepts and get paid to give our unbiased and brutally honest opinions.
Fun fact! I helped design the dashboard and general cabin layout of the 2009 Chevy Malibu!

I’ve also helped design braking and steering systems.

The secrecy is legit. No phones, cameras etc. You go through metal detectors and shit.

I was there when they designed the first boxy Scion and when asked my opinion I said “It looks like my cat ate an entire bag of funyans and missed the cat box.”

They pay me to be brutally honest.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Jerry Was A Shogun Named Marcus
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

“OOK! OOoookkkk!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right
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Why do all of the apes have baguettes?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, maybe you are right; I was thinking dildos.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

Miniature baseball bats?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

god fucking damn it.

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ballsofsteelandfury
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Stanford is AT Utah. That makes a huge difference. This won’t be that big punch you’re talking about. Wait until they go on the road to a big opponent.

theeWeeBabySeamus
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Alright, let’s do this….I guess.
(excitement totally real and not faked at all)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Duck donuts? Duck donuts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut
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World Cup Qualifying, bitches-I’m gonna take in Faroe Islands/Latvia.

Horatio Cornblower
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Literally doubling the previous viewership.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WHO’S A GOOD BOY?!?! YOU ARE A GOOD BOY!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Why is it so sunny out?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
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Wish me luck. My son’s room has been invaded by yellow-jackets and I’m goin’ in.

scotchnaut
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[rolls eyes] I know for a fact that you live in Connecticut, not Georgia. Nice try.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Did you tell him this is a learning opportunity for him and hand him a catcher’s mask, some rubber gloves, and a fly swatter?

Horatio Cornblower
Member

He’s at college. I was tempted to just leave them all in there and surprise him at Thanksgiving with his new roommates but his mother wouldn’t let me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs a condom too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath
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I remember when WSU was terrible. Just really terrible. Like, didn’t go to a bowl game for a decade beginning in ’03. They looked like perennial bottom-feeders at a time when even Washington, Oregon State, and the two new additions to the PAC-10 (Utah & Colorado) were building programs that would rarely compete for the cellar of the conference. Even Arizona, while not a world-beater, looked like they might figure our how to be a consistent bowl team with the occasional PAC-12 South upset (on fluke years with a favorable unbalanced schedule).

Instead, WSU is a real life program and UA looks one blowout away from firing Rich Rodriguez (who took in WAY too much cash while coach here) or, at best — lemme check the schedule — yeah, the 2-2 Wildcats could easily end the year as a 3-win team.

So here’s my problem — if we know how to pay basketball players a shitpot of cash to come make the hoops team good, why the fuck can’t we manage those same logistics on the ol’ gridiron?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Ah, the UCLA conundrum!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Just turned on the Euro footy and NBCSN is showing minor league auto racing instead. But they’re showing a race from a track in Stafford Springs, which is about 20 minutes from my house. The funny thing is they keep describing where Stafford Springs is, because it really is in the middle of nowhere. Good place to get meth, or so I’m told.

If you’re ever in Stafford Springs there is a restaurant called J&D, on Main Street, that looks like a dump from the outside and not a whole hell of a lot better from the inside. But the food is fantastic, especially the Mexican dishes.

This has been “Fun Facts About Stafford Springs With Horatio!”, brought to you by the Stafford Springs Chamber of Commerce, a thing that may or may not exist.

MitchKissingTitsbisky
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MitchKissingTitsbisky

Being at work on a Saturday fucking sucks.

scotchnaut
Member

Do you have to put in a solid eight hours?

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