For the record, I am typing this here preview up before my maybe-not-quite-shitty wolves host Louisville Thursday night, and crash like Icarus and send me deeper into depression. Bell Biv, DeVoe (DaVoe??), now ya know.
Paedo State at Northwestern (Noon, ABC)
It would be nice if the Mildcats did a thing. I wouldn’t bet on it.
Georgia at Vanderbilt (Noon, ESPN)
I would suspect that Vandy at least forces the Dawgs to throw the ball, which might at least cause a sweat to get broken. If not, consider me convinced UGA is for realsies.
West By God Virginia at TCU (3:30, FS1)
This will be good, old fashioned Big 12-ish wacky fun time goodness. Buhlee dat!! Bloodeyes will have their defense tested.
Miami at Florida State (3:30, ESPN)
Noles have won 7 straight (most not in close fashion) in this series, but look like a semen-encrusted sweatsock so far this season. But not really sure Da U that much of an upgrade. Maybe a washcloth?
LSU at Florida (3:30, CBS)
Ed Orgeron’s bunch is a failure pile in a sadness bowl (h/t Patton Oswalt). And I have no fucking clue how Florida keeps winning every week, let alone blitzing a rival 42-zip like they done UT last week. But they keep proving me wrong, so hey, purty cheerleaders!
Kansas State at Texas (7:00, FS1)
Highlighted because Undead Bill Snyder still roams the earth, and will likely fuck up the ‘Horns Big 12-ish run before it even gets off the ground.
Alabama at Texas A&M (7:15, ESPN)
Somehow, the Aggies have managed to win out after that soul-crushing choke to open the season at UCLA. Whilst the Bruins have gone straight down the toilet. Sometimes momentum is really nothing in sports and in life. Anyway, Roll Damn Tide is in town, so A-game better be on display. We shall see.
Washington State at Oregon (8:00, Fox)
Here’s your game of the week, folks. Plus it will mix Gus Johnson and Mike Leach. Need I say MOAR?
Stanford at Utah (10:15, FS1)
Another reasonably interesting FS1 matchup, for the tweaker set. Or for one’s DVR, since they’s fuckall to watch Sunday morning thanks to International Break bullshit. Team Secular Big Love is undefeated, with a great defense but always with that suspected glass jaw until they take that first real punch. Well, here it comes.
what a fucking catch
Aw, thanks.
It’s nice to hear it from someone other than mom, huh?
Mcing a lesbian wedding tonight, stay tuned.
Make sure to ask how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop
They got back together at my wedding last year, as they were engaged prior but one came back to our sideline for a spell.
Something something once you get a taste of Rod something something
you can see why they ultimately lose so few players, though
[starts “film” script in head]
/hopes for very little dialogue
[mmmmph….mmmm….”OOOOOH!” mmmmmhhhh….mmmm]
So far.
D-lineman for Boomer Sooner was on the ground, writhing in pain; walks off holding his crotch. We’ve all been there.
Hey speak for yourself pal. I’ve never held his crotch…as far as you know.
If the booth keeps slobbing the knob of this Iowa State QB/LB they’re gonna make me hate him … … … yep, there it is, I hate him.
Tied in Ames.
Tied in Aim: Derek Anderson and John Skelton.
It’s in Norman.
SHIT. That’s impressive. Also I may be super losing my faculties.
The thing that sucks about college football is that when I’m watching it casually my wife never seems to care or bug me about stuff. But when I’m watching NFL football I actually care about there’s always some issue she wants me to deal with. It’s like, just let that home invader take what he wants and he’ll leave on his own, honey, I don’t see why you need ME to get involved.
My ex-wife would bug the shit out of me regardless. I would do chores all week around the house to preserve my precious footbaw time, and still do laundry around it. NEVAR enough (even if she did fuckall except on weekends, if she was working and I wasn’t, HIPPO BAD).
/also, I have, like, zero abilities. LEAVE ME ALONE
I have abilities but was too stupid to keep quiet about it.
I’ve seen that Brazzers video.
James Coburn | Ferrari 250 California
Hey Hippo, might wanna check on dat turkeeeee…just saying.
Half-dozen of wifey’s left over happy happy joy joy pills: check
Fridge full of various Victory IPAs: check
New bottle of Wild Turkey Rye: check
what say ye about the Bloodeyes matchup?
It’s either going to be something like 38-34 WVU, or 41-20 Froggies.
Rut roh. Iowa State goes up, 31-24 at Boomer Sooner.
Christopher Walken ~ At Close Range (1986)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ1mdBYrFBU&ab_channel=JesusChrist
Boomer Sooner misses 45-yard FG. Hilton magic!!
I’m not surprised UVA has a “Quin Blanding” on their squadron, but I am surprised that he is black.
OK Bob, it’s just the reserves, it’s just for the weekend. Just throw it smoothly and follow thru, then go home tomorrow and go back to work.
Ahhhh shit.
Davante Adams, recently ded, is apparently gonna play tomorrow
Impressive, to be honest.
of course, now I have to decide if I can really start him. Great matchup, but Jesus. The guy was FUCKING DED.
Iowa State just tied it up with Boomer Sooner.
Glancing across the ESPN ticker, it listed a “Jeff George, Jr.” for Illinois. Yes, BTN is now up on the teevee box.
he has a paedo-stache that would make Marc Trestman jelly
I’d be totes disappoint if he didn’t.
Daddy still won’t say “I love you, son” though
(also he just threw a red zone pick 6)
Marc Trestman jelly sounds like something Jeffery Dahmer would make.
Looks like, in this case, it can be both!
I am savouring that last 1:15 of turkey smell, and looking forward to eating the shit out of it during the (hopefully vastly improved) 3:30 window.
Kind of an odd way to talk about your date….. but at least you really appreciate it.
I am nothing if not consistently, repulsively odd.
Well, I’m sure glad I’m not…… [avoids eye contact]
Well, nice effort Wake Forest kicker.
OK, no it wasn’t, but at least you shanked it so badly you didn’t have to wonder.
My son is at that game, visiting his actually real girlfriend, who you wouldn’t know because she goes to school on South Carolina.
How do a CT boy find hisself a Clemson gal? And mein gott, Clemson itself is a depressing cow pasture to visit.
High school sweethearts. She went south, he went north and surprisingly still together. Which is cool because she’s very nice.
I think Skype has a lot to do with it. In my day, (cracks arthritic knee), high school couples going to different colleges had about a two-week life expectancy.
yeah, if that
/can confirm this
Her being willing to go south is why he was interested in dating her in the first place.
Apparently only Indian Superman can copy paste properly.
Caller: Yes, I’d like the kitten that isn’t broken, please.
I haven’t seen a pussy get destroyed like that since Visante Shiancoe’s Prom.
Nice!
Banner?
UGA has a hipster kicker. Black plastic frame glasses, shitty caterpillar/molester moustache, and the ironic number of 98.
I’m surprised he doesn’t kick barefooted, because it would be more authentic, or maybe that would qualify as deconstructed kicking.
there’s this great new Athens garage/funk/bluegrass fusion band…you probably haven’t heard of them
REM? Heard of ’em.
Hey guys, what did I miss? Couldn’t have been anything important in the world or football, right?
Trevor! Welcome back!
I lost almost all interest in football and really any sport that isn’t basketball or wrestling after the Superbowli. It honestly made life feel almost meaningless and filled me with a cloud of nihilism. I wish I was here when it was cool to make jokes about the racist fucknuggets who think we need to lie down on the ground and kiss the boots and assholes of authority.
HERESY!!!
/just repent, binge, and all will be fine DONKS WOO!!!!
Booky Book report – I am now into part 3 of Jeff Vandermeer’s “Southern Reach/Area X Trilogy” – really weird, but also good. Not “Station Eleven” good, but good.
The Winnipeg Tribune, Manitoba, June 7, 1920
Litre_cola’s grandfather?
Time traveling DFOer?
Inquiring minds want to know.
I still haven’t gotten back to continue/finish Station Eleven yet. Started it at the beach, then came back home and life kept up its bullshit. Maybe I should do that today, in fact. Fuck Football.
Coming to America is on Amazon Prime and has to be better than whatever game is on.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting here trying not to puke. Someone is making something that smells like rotting cat food (the canned shit).
Just don’t go pulling Rocky Marciano out your ass.
now all the way down to Pitt/Cuse. I swear to fuck, I am about ready to turn off the TV and read again.
Yep. I’ve stuck with UGa/Vandy as basecamp long enough.
Today I get to do a pretty cool thing. I’m a periodic member of a car research and design team. That’s where we get called to a secret location and give our opinions on vehicle concepts and get paid to give our unbiased and brutally honest opinions.
Fun fact! I helped design the dashboard and general cabin layout of the 2009 Chevy Malibu!
I’ve also helped design braking and steering systems.
The secrecy is legit. No phones, cameras etc. You go through metal detectors and shit.
I was there when they designed the first boxy Scion and when asked my opinion I said “It looks like my cat ate an entire bag of funyans and missed the cat box.”
They pay me to be brutally honest.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=xTfS0nAgfuE
They listen to you even without the teevee-friendly perky tits?
It’s pretty fucking far from a TV ad. I usually wear a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and generally give off the same vibe as The Dude.
Like, that’s just my opinion man.
Wear a purple jumper this time and go as the Jesus.
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Your car…this car right here? It sucks, mang….
I will stick that ignition switch up your ass and turn the key until it goes “Click.”
Why do all of the apes have baguettes?
Oh, maybe you are right; I was thinking dildos.
Miniature baseball bats?
“OOK! OOoookkkk!”
Northwestern is riper shite than I imagined. I have slummed all the way to UVA/Duke.
I’m not drunk enough for that one yet.
Just ’cause it is the weekend doesn’t mean you should be goofin’ off.
#Commit2Pillz
god fucking damn it.
I don’t trust the Gorton’s fisherman THAT way ,, smgdh
Crunchy.
Turkey breast in the oven, cooked since oldest spawn home from EZU for Fall Break. Flipping between Vandy and the Cyclone snuff film.
Think Boomer Sooner/Roll Damn Tide would make a fine, Clemson/tOSU-free final.
Speaking of, perhaps NC State shall host Gameday when Tiggers come a callin?
our cheerleaders are usually surfboard-y but as u noe I am MOAR of a leg and shoulder man
And now a lot of things start to make sense…
(○)(○)
Small, medium, large and everything in between.
Those are pasties, btw.
Our historical road record would like to have a word with you.
Pitt and ND are sides I feel good about facing. The coaching seems on point for a change.
Problem is I don’t see any way to actually BEAT Clemson.
Oh god no, Clemson gonna roll us like a blunt.
And you do have a point about the other. Now if we were going to Winston-Salem…?
(how sad is that?)
Maybe a different analogy? ‘Cause your school will also get a brutal butt-fucking too.
I assume the football budget includes K/Y by the barrel
Duty now for the future.
Stanford is AT Utah. That makes a huge difference. This won’t be that big punch you’re talking about. Wait until they go on the road to a big opponent.
@ Troi Boiz next Saturday night on ABC?
Yup
Alright, let’s do this….I guess.
(excitement totally real and not faked at all)
Duck donuts? Duck donuts.
Wait, you’se on the North Cakalaky coast??
Them is good donuts, especially the cinnamon varietal.
Virginny
World Cup Qualifying, bitches-I’m gonna take in Faroe Islands/Latvia.
Literally doubling the previous viewership.
WHO’S A GOOD BOY?!?! YOU ARE A GOOD BOY!!
Why is it so sunny out?
Wish me luck. My son’s room has been invaded by yellow-jackets and I’m goin’ in.
Did you tell him this is a learning opportunity for him and hand him a catcher’s mask, some rubber gloves, and a fly swatter?
Needs a condom too.
He’s at college. I was tempted to just leave them all in there and surprise him at Thanksgiving with his new roommates but his mother wouldn’t let me.
[rolls eyes] I know for a fact that you live in Connecticut, not Georgia. Nice try.
you know, they DO advertise fer professionals on the interwebs for that kinda thing
/also thx for tonight’s nightmare fuel in advance
I remember when WSU was terrible. Just really terrible. Like, didn’t go to a bowl game for a decade beginning in ’03. They looked like perennial bottom-feeders at a time when even Washington, Oregon State, and the two new additions to the PAC-10 (Utah & Colorado) were building programs that would rarely compete for the cellar of the conference. Even Arizona, while not a world-beater, looked like they might figure our how to be a consistent bowl team with the occasional PAC-12 South upset (on fluke years with a favorable unbalanced schedule).
Instead, WSU is a real life program and UA looks one blowout away from firing Rich Rodriguez (who took in WAY too much cash while coach here) or, at best — lemme check the schedule — yeah, the 2-2 Wildcats could easily end the year as a 3-win team.
So here’s my problem — if we know how to pay basketball players a shitpot of cash to come make the hoops team good, why the fuck can’t we manage those same logistics on the ol’ gridiron?
Ah, the UCLA conundrum!
PRO TIP! No Mora spawn
UCLA is on the exact same spot that the Arizona Wildcats are. Rich Rodriguez is not a horrible coach yet they are where they are. Same with Mora. I really don’t think he’s the main problem.
UCLA ought recruit for itself, though. Much higher floor than AZ. Pretty sure I could get Mora results there.
That’s the sad part. From the beginning of time, UCLA should be USC 2.0 yet it hasn’t been. That’s not on the coach, whoever it is. That’s an administration that is happy being a “basketball” school. Same as with the Wildcats.
Just turned on the Euro footy and NBCSN is showing minor league auto racing instead. But they’re showing a race from a track in Stafford Springs, which is about 20 minutes from my house. The funny thing is they keep describing where Stafford Springs is, because it really is in the middle of nowhere. Good place to get meth, or so I’m told.
If you’re ever in Stafford Springs there is a restaurant called J&D, on Main Street, that looks like a dump from the outside and not a whole hell of a lot better from the inside. But the food is fantastic, especially the Mexican dishes.
This has been “Fun Facts About Stafford Springs With Horatio!”, brought to you by the Stafford Springs Chamber of Commerce, a thing that may or may not exist.
Being at work on a Saturday fucking sucks.
Do you have to put in a solid eight hours?
that sounds like mah Saturday am toilet time
I’ve been at LaGuardia since 8. I know how Hippo’s toilet feels.
That would be 7 (DFO) time.