I’d be critical of the NFL for a slate of really bad games this week…but I don’t want to be accused of not supporting The TroopsTM. In all honesty, it was tough mining for decent gifs this week but you’ve all done a lot more with a lot less in the past so, as they say, next man up. But first, Power Rankings were updated for Week 6:
Last week (Week 5):
Top 5: KC, ATL, DET, GB, PHI
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, LAC, MIA, NYG
This week (Week 6):
Top 5: KC, ATL, GB, PHI, CAR
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, NYG, CHI, ARI
Carolina is 4-1 in a not-2015 NFC South, though a match against PHI this week will tell us if they’re for real. Meanwhile, LAC sneaks out of the cellar for a week thanks to a visit to the WR-less Giants. Also, the never-say-die Jets are back in contention — how foolish was I to think that this is a franchise who clearly wasn’t building a winning team when, in reality, they were building an AFC East leader? But hey, I’m a guy so I can talk about things like ‘records’ and ‘routes’ and ‘birth control coverage’.
Anyways, I’m still working on properly sizing files to host etc so, hopefully, we’re faster loading with this week’s Quotables submissions, below.
Foot bones connected to the… heel bone.
Heel bones connected to the…
I stand corrected.
I understand the importance of parental bonding, but at a certain age the papoose just becomes a bit much.
Well I’ll be damned. Agholor short-arms it when he throws too.
The American Mona Lisa
By Unknown, 2017
“Baseball at a football game? Stop, stop, i can only get so erect”
-Peter King
this is what happens when football players take the red pill
OUT! Runner out of the Baseline. Jeez, only the Eagles could screw up a homerun!
As you can see here, if Andy Reid put as much effort into coaching as he does All You Eat Buffets, he’d have flipperfuls of Super Bowl trophies.
Eh, this ain’t the first time Ben got in trouble for forcing his balls were they didn’t belong.
sob sob
How could he do this to me? He didn’t call, he didn’t write!
sob sob
There there, Odell, maybe Eli just forgot. You’ll see. It will all be better.
sob sob
No it won’t!
sob sob
That kicker’s practice net is going to be sooooooo jealous.
Good thing Pence didn’t stick around to see this.
These tears brought to you by GATORADE. It’s got what your tear ducts crave!
I feel like these diagrams are some kind of religious art prepared by the Kansas City ant population.
For a second there I thought I was looking at the photographic negative of the Music City Miracle.
The last time I saw someone use a football as a bat was last year when Peyton glued wings to one and used it to scare the bejesus out of Eli for Halloween.
Terrifying hellscape Denny’s child’s menu drawing
Haven’t seen a Colts play this bad since Pauly Shore starred in Equus.
KHunt: “It’s like he’s staring into my soul.”
ASmith: “If by ‘soul’ you mean your BBQ platter, then yes.”
Most awkward Irish guy attempt at a pass since Pat O’Brien tried to get some rando into a 3 way with Betsy.
Hush little Odell
Don’t say a word
Ankle gonna crumble
Like a week-old turd
BEST SPAM EVAR
So ice cold cold.
The plays drawn up in BBQ sauce are red zone audibles.
Odell Beckham Jr’s injury brought to you by Gatorade.
Gatorade – Is It In You?
THIS PLAY I CALL IT THE JONBENET RAMSEY OPTION BECAUSE IT NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO DEVELOP AND OFFICIALS FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING!
Oh, my. Gottdamm.
I think we can write this banner in ink.
Cleveland Raiders?
“Russell knew what that large contract was going to do to our offensive line when he signed it…” -John Schneider
Defeating the Minnesota defense looks really easy.
I thought “the Minnesota defense” was a prom night thing.
…”So, whatcha doin with that finger there now?”
As Russel goes down all he can hear is the faint sound of Don Ho singing “Tiny Bubbles”.
#thatssoravens
Alternate:
/Internal monologue of Flacco:
“C’mon, Joe, focus! You aren’t going to earn that post-game bowl of low-fat ice milk playing like this.”
Yakety Sax be-**record scratch**
Sad Trombone plays over stadium PA
Only Vogon poetry could adequately describe this play.
@realDonaldTrump: #17 is a disgrace to #Troops crouching during National Pastime. Dems told him to do this.
“7. I think I like the Eagles Phillies-inspired touchdown celebration. It’s been too long since a great baseball town like Philadelphia won a Workd Series and…[6,500 words about the Philly Fanatic]”
“Hey, Dangeruss, we hear you’re not a big fan of RAMMIT!”
Alternate: If a QB is sacked in an LA NFL game, and no one is there to see it, did it really happen?
Just returning some of these D-cells to the folks in the upper deck.
It may not be in a bathroom, but Ben still likes forcing completions into opposing kitties.
Wow, he really does like to force it in there, doesn’t he?
There, there, don’t cry. Your hair is still dandruff-free and full of sheen.
This play put Pat O’Donnell in the Top 5 Best Passers in Bears Franchise History
If you zoom out even further, eventually you see this:
Of course if the NFL took over baseball there would be 3 umpires at homeplate, and none of them would know what is a strike or a ball.
“Boss Todd told THE BEN to throw to dancing man more, but Boss Todd not THE BEN’S Supervisor! HARF HARF HARF”
Seems the Truth Biscuit found himself a wingman for KISSIN’ TITTAYSSSS.
Alternate:
“I probably could have done that.”
-M. Sanchez, splitting his attention from the game and the Glenbard East cheerleading squad in the stands
“OBJ, I just can’t quit you!” *soft sobbing*
These are just a few of the ingenious ways Andy Reid has circumvented the “Two Trips to the Buffet” rule at Smoky Butts BBQ Emporium