2017 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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I’d be critical of the NFL for a slate of really bad games this week…but I don’t want to be accused of not supporting The TroopsTM. In all honesty, it was tough mining for decent gifs this week but you’ve all done a lot more with a lot less in the past so, as they say, next man up. But first, Power Rankings were updated for Week 6:

Last week (Week 5):
Top 5: KC, ATL, DET, GB, PHI
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, LAC, MIA, NYG

This week (Week 6):
Top 5: KC, ATL, GB, PHI, CAR
Bottom 5: SF, CLE, NYG, CHI, ARI

Carolina is 4-1 in a not-2015 NFC South, though a match against PHI this week will tell us if they’re for real. Meanwhile, LAC sneaks out of the cellar for a week thanks to a visit to the WR-less Giants. Also, the never-say-die Jets are back in contention — how foolish was I to think that this is a franchise who clearly wasn’t building a winning team when, in reality, they were building an AFC East leader? But hey, I’m a guy so I can talk about things like ‘records’ and ‘routes’ and ‘birth control coverage’.

Anyways, I’m still working on properly sizing files to host etc so, hopefully, we’re faster loading with this week’s Quotables submissions, below.


I don’t know. NBC made this.

The Philadelphia Eagles celebrate a touchdown against the Arizona Cardinals.

The Indianapolis Colts receive a punt from the San Francisco 49ers.

New York Giants wide receiver makes, what is likely, his last 2017 Quotables appearance.

Ben Rothlisberger throws an interception in a game against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco passes for a first down against the Oakland Raiders #VEGASSTRONG

Chicago Bears punter Pat O’Donnell throws a touchdown pass against the Minnesota Vikings.

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson is sacked in a game against the Los Angeles Rams.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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JerBear50
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JerBear50

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Foot bones connected to the… heel bone.
Heel bones connected to the…

I stand corrected.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

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I understand the importance of parental bonding, but at a certain age the papoose just becomes a bit much.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

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Well I’ll be damned. Agholor short-arms it when he throws too.

Dick E. Phuck
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Dick E. Phuck

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The American Mona Lisa
By Unknown, 2017

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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“Baseball at a football game? Stop, stop, i can only get so erect”
-Peter King

Game Time Decision
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Game Time Decision

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this is what happens when football players take the red pill

Redshirt
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OUT! Runner out of the Baseline. Jeez, only the Eagles could screw up a homerun!

Redshirt
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As you can see here, if Andy Reid put as much effort into coaching as he does All You Eat Buffets, he’d have flipperfuls of Super Bowl trophies.

Redshirt
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Eh, this ain’t the first time Ben got in trouble for forcing his balls were they didn’t belong.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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sob sob
How could he do this to me? He didn’t call, he didn’t write!
sob sob

There there, Odell, maybe Eli just forgot. You’ll see. It will all be better.

sob sob
No it won’t!
sob sob

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

That kicker’s practice net is going to be sooooooo jealous.

monty this seems strange to me
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Good thing Pence didn’t stick around to see this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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These tears brought to you by GATORADE. It’s got what your tear ducts crave!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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I feel like these diagrams are some kind of religious art prepared by the Kansas City ant population.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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For a second there I thought I was looking at the photographic negative of the Music City Miracle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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The last time I saw someone use a football as a bat was last year when Peyton glued wings to one and used it to scare the bejesus out of Eli for Halloween.

King Hippo
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Terrifying hellscape Denny’s child’s menu drawing

SonOfSpam
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Haven’t seen a Colts play this bad since Pauly Shore starred in Equus.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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KHunt: “It’s like he’s staring into my soul.”
ASmith: “If by ‘soul’ you mean your BBQ platter, then yes.”

SonOfSpam
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Most awkward Irish guy attempt at a pass since Pat O’Brien tried to get some rando into a 3 way with Betsy.

SonOfSpam
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Hush little Odell
Don’t say a word
Ankle gonna crumble
Like a week-old turd

King Hippo
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BEST SPAM EVAR

monty this seems strange to me
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Odell Beckham Jr’s injury brought to you by Gatorade.
Gatorade – Is It In You?

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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As Russel goes down all he can hear is the faint sound of Don Ho singing “Tiny Bubbles”.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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#thatssoravens

LemonJello
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LemonJello

Alternate:
/Internal monologue of Flacco:
“C’mon, Joe, focus! You aren’t going to earn that post-game bowl of low-fat ice milk playing like this.”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Yakety Sax be-**record scratch**
Sad Trombone plays over stadium PA

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

Only Vogon poetry could adequately describe this play.

monty this seems strange to me
Member

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@realDonaldTrump: #17 is a disgrace to #Troops crouching during National Pastime. Dems told him to do this.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“Hey, Dangeruss, we hear you’re not a big fan of RAMMIT!”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

Alternate: If a QB is sacked in an LA NFL game, and no one is there to see it, did it really happen?

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Just returning some of these D-cells to the folks in the upper deck.

ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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It may not be in a bathroom, but Ben still likes forcing completions into opposing kitties.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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Wow, he really does like to force it in there, doesn’t he?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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There, there, don’t cry. Your hair is still dandruff-free and full of sheen.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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This play put Pat O’Donnell in the Top 5 Best Passers in Bears Franchise History

BrettFavresColonoscopy
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If you zoom out even further, eventually you see this:

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ArmedandHammered
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ArmedandHammered

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Of course if the NFL took over baseball there would be 3 umpires at homeplate, and none of them would know what is a strike or a ball.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“Boss Todd told THE BEN to throw to dancing man more, but Boss Todd not THE BEN’S Supervisor! HARF HARF HARF”

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Seems the Truth Biscuit found himself a wingman for KISSIN’ TITTAYSSSS.

LemonJello
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LemonJello

Alternate:
“I probably could have done that.”
-M. Sanchez, splitting his attention from the game and the Glenbard East cheerleading squad in the stands

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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“OBJ, I just can’t quit you!” *soft sobbing*

LemonJello
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LemonJello

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These are just a few of the ingenious ways Andy Reid has circumvented the “Two Trips to the Buffet” rule at Smoky Butts BBQ Emporium

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