Spending holiday time alone is fucking great.  Even if the footy action is a wet fart in a paper bag that has seen better days.

Our erstwhile Fuck Lions started things off, and oh my, they did not have the Turkey Day performance boost they usually have.  Only a series of fortunate events kept them within striking distance late, and they did absolutely nothing with the chances given them.  30-23, bupkus.  The Case Keenum express rolls on.

Surely the Cowboys would rekindle memories of holiday magic?  Uh, fuck and no.  Only the lack of a placekicker kept this from being a complete laugher, as King Laserface slung passes around JerralWorld like they was sperm or sommet.  Eventually, DAK! kinda just melted down and short-circuited.  It was…not easy to watch, that Q4.  6-28.

Somehow, the closest fixture was the least watchable, as Captain Dingleberry and Elisha battled from their respective pillow forts.  C.D. accounted for all three touched down passes (2 for his’n, 1 for they’s’n) and a garbage time FG helped the ‘Dacteds undeservedly beat the spread, even.  Christ, what a game.  I swear, I don’t remember Los Gigantes having the ball at all until the final 3 and a half minutes.

Let’s hope Friday’s JV slate will be an improvement.  Spoiler alert – shit in one hand, hope in the other, see which gets full first.

Miami at Pitt (Noon, ABC)

See, if Pitt were only 5-6 and had apricot bowl qualification to play for, one could have a gambling angle here.  Alas, it’s all about whether Da U will shit all over its dick.  Which it very well might.

Baylor at TCU (Noon, FS1)

All Bloodeyes has to do to make the inaugural Big 12-ish title game is beat sad little rapey BayBay at home.  But what if they don’t wanna play Boomer Sooner again?  What if they try to throw a game to a team that isn’t capable of winning it?

Missouri at Arkansas (2:30, CBS)

Again, this would be cooler if both sides were 5-6 and fighting for bowl eligibility…but Mizzou won last week and Pig Sooey didn’t, so…who the fuck knows.  It’s just a thing on teevee.

South Florida at Central Florida (3:30, ABC)

If the Bulls win, at least we won’t have to hear some dumbass (likely on FS1) go hurr durr, they beat everybody on they schedule!!111.  Who gives a shit, really.  That will be apparent in the attendance, despite a 9-1 side facing a 10-0 one.

Iowa at Nebraska (4:00, FS1)

Hey, come watch some fucker (Mike Riley) get fired!!

Virginia Tech at Virginia (8:00, ESPN)

This will either be a great game, or VPI will win by 30.

Texas Tech at Texas (8:00, Fox)

Isn’t it annoying when all the reasonably watchable games get bunched up together like this?  Anyway, I got the Red Raiders at +10.5 and feel good about it.

Cal at UCLA (10:30, FS1)

This game had better show a lot of leg if it wants me to stay up until 2 am and see who makes it to 6-6.