Spending holiday time alone is fucking great. Even if the footy action is a wet fart in a paper bag that has seen better days.
Our erstwhile Fuck Lions started things off, and oh my, they did not have the Turkey Day performance boost they usually have. Only a series of fortunate events kept them within striking distance late, and they did absolutely nothing with the chances given them. 30-23, bupkus. The Case Keenum express rolls on.
Surely the Cowboys would rekindle memories of holiday magic? Uh, fuck and no. Only the lack of a placekicker kept this from being a complete laugher, as King Laserface slung passes around JerralWorld like they was sperm or sommet. Eventually, DAK! kinda just melted down and short-circuited. It was…not easy to watch, that Q4. 6-28.
Somehow, the closest fixture was the least watchable, as Captain Dingleberry and Elisha battled from their respective pillow forts. C.D. accounted for all three touched down passes (2 for his’n, 1 for they’s’n) and a garbage time FG helped the ‘Dacteds undeservedly beat the spread, even. Christ, what a game. I swear, I don’t remember Los Gigantes having the ball at all until the final 3 and a half minutes.
Let’s hope Friday’s JV slate will be an improvement. Spoiler alert – shit in one hand, hope in the other, see which gets full first.
Miami at Pitt (Noon, ABC)
See, if Pitt were only 5-6 and had apricot bowl qualification to play for, one could have a gambling angle here. Alas, it’s all about whether Da U will shit all over its dick. Which it very well might.
Baylor at TCU (Noon, FS1)
All Bloodeyes has to do to make the inaugural Big 12-ish title game is beat sad little rapey BayBay at home. But what if they don’t wanna play Boomer Sooner again? What if they try to throw a game to a team that isn’t capable of winning it?
Missouri at Arkansas (2:30, CBS)
Again, this would be cooler if both sides were 5-6 and fighting for bowl eligibility…but Mizzou won last week and Pig Sooey didn’t, so…who the fuck knows. It’s just a thing on teevee.
South Florida at Central Florida (3:30, ABC)
If the Bulls win, at least we won’t have to hear some dumbass (likely on FS1) go hurr durr, they beat everybody on they schedule!!111. Who gives a shit, really. That will be apparent in the attendance, despite a 9-1 side facing a 10-0 one.
Iowa at Nebraska (4:00, FS1)
Hey, come watch some fucker (Mike Riley) get fired!!
Virginia Tech at Virginia (8:00, ESPN)
This will either be a great game, or VPI will win by 30.
Texas Tech at Texas (8:00, Fox)
Isn’t it annoying when all the reasonably watchable games get bunched up together like this? Anyway, I got the Red Raiders at +10.5 and feel good about it.
Cal at UCLA (10:30, FS1)
This game had better show a lot of leg if it wants me to stay up until 2 am and see who makes it to 6-6.
“Great taste!”
“LESS FILLING!”
Announcer for the Directional Florida matchup just flat out says Quinton Flowers is good, but only college football good and that he won’t translate to the next level. Did he not get the memo that he’s supposed to be unfailingly positive about everything?
It’s the Night of the (Quinton) Flowers
JESUS, Pig secondary, can’t make ONE STOP
Is it off yet?
No, keep rubbing it.
45-all in Pigville.
Hapi Djus
This Mizzou QB I call him a Lock because he enables his team to go up and to go down.
All the Gordon Lightfoot-heads around here but no one appreciates a simple canal joke?
Sorry Hero, sincerely. As a C&O Canal aficionado (great hiking/biking trails) I am ashamed of myself for missing this one.
Well-played, Sir.
Maybe I’m just bitter since Locks&Lochs The Magazine went under.
seriously, it was like a voice that came to me through last night’s drunken fog “Iowa” and I bet it good.
35-14 WOO!!!
Pickerception!!!
eh, at least Iowa’s up two scores.
Blatant OPI on Mizzou, ugh, no flag. Shootout continues unabated.
This is one crazy pope.
It’s ok, I’m Catholic.
What is “things you don’t wanna hear in a dark confessional”, Alex?
Arkansas has maybe the worst pass defense I’ve ever seen
Mizzou/Pig Sooey is a delightful shitshow
I think your $5K/night is mostly paying for location, not just quality. One should shop around imo godbless
The trick (lol, no pun intended) is to get ’em into a bidding war.
Usually it has to be a slow night, tho.
Or so I’m told.
Pay for sex on Tuesday in a dreary locale. Not Saturday night in midtown Manhattan. LMAO
Honestly, I’d rather just rub one out and put the cash down on a misguided longshot bet.
Which is all sex is these days anyway, so cut out the middle man.
The Germans have an “All you can eat” concept where you can pay for a “day pass” and do as many as you want/can.
Or so I’ve heard.
Will, like, they hang out with you and read in between? YES I am weird.
I’m pretty sure they would.
Imagine if they did punch cards. Nut 10 times and your 11th is free!
I honestly think they do. Not a joke.
I’d lose my punch card though.
I’d cause an incident at the coffee shop rummaging for my coffee “punch card.”
First the Subway Club card (thanks Jared), now this????
I think the only woman I could justify spending that much money just for sex is someone incredibly hot and famous like Emily Ratajkowski.
The catering would have to be spectacular.
Shaqueem Griffin is trying to keep UCF in the game singlehandedly.
Go Piggies and Hawkeyes!!!
That is some pretty fucked up shit.
This absinthe is bullshit!
That outfit is horrible! Take it off, NOW!
Dear sweet mother of God, we’re in Eastern Europe!
Now put your clothes back on, white boy!
The girls never came. THE GIRLS NEVER CAME!
do they EVAR??
Duh. Of course not. It’s a myth.
thought so ,, smh
You don’t make me cum….I MAKE ME CUM!!!!
– J. Jeffries
Here’s the downside working from home: Wife is off today (in and of itself not a problem), but she’s controlling the remote (since I’m “working” after all) and the current TV selection is Rachael Ray (ok, that’s bad) interviewing TIM FUCKING TEBOW. I mean, asking for a divorce seems extreme, but so does murder.
Mickey Finn…just saying.
Okie doke, time to go make the last minute edits on TGISF to make sure I didn’t say some stupid shit last night while drunk.
Yes, I realize that’s all relative.
Please don’t.
These days, kinda gotta.
But no worries, we’re all good. Didn’t even have to censor myself.
My angst and irritation was left in mostly general terms, and has been left as is.
Gosh, you REALLY like cameras!
This is definitely where I parked my car.
Vander…red
Vander…hot
@Senor Weaselo…for future reference…geese hate chainsaws.
Also, it makes them panic and fly west instead of south.
Dummies.
So, what’s the etiquette on boners?
Don’t whip it out at work, I know that. Especially in Hollywood.
Me scusi
Another item for the Never Say It Aloud file:
There is a woman in my office that looks exactly like what I imagine a $5000 a night escort would look like.
Tell me where you work and I’ll go and ask her for a quote.
Disclosure: She’s not likely to be an expensive escort although she used to be a pharma rep.
I believe you just answered your own question.
Again….Address?
I am pharma-friendly!!
I’m not paying that much unless she’s bringing food and beer.
It’s the International House Of Sausage!
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GUWclYE9AhI/VN0cTT6piRI/AAAAAAAEgNs/3vr88HBynBE/s1600/Expensive_Whores21.jpg
Good on those women for extracting that much money out of obviously obscenly rich dudes.
Address?
Check it out… European ass!
Je sui le seule robot dans se coin.
The Bastard of South Florida has 347 passing yards, not even the second half.
Cutler is playing today?
Kill something
Most of the women in my past probably think they have.
Where’s Bert?
Fuck if I know.
My baby takes the morning train…
So I just saw The U shit into a U-shaped container until it overflowed and covered everything.
lUlz
Did someone give balls LSD again?
We’ve talked about this, ppl!!!!!!
I’m getting the video camera! What an asshole!
This isn’t where I parked my car!
My guess: “Dude Where’s My Car?”
Seriously? I think twbs and I are gonna have to do a post on this movie.
I just cheated and checked Cinemax. Another I’ve never seen. Putting in the “to be recorded” queue.
Are you kidding me?
Dude, I told ya before. Just like with Super Troopers, that whole decade is jam packed with shit I missed due to the ex.
Anywhoo, will be recorded on Sunday. Then we’ll talk.
Goddamn millenials can’t even add.
It’s that damn Common Core!
/Although technically that would be Gen Z?
Hippo adding up his gambling winnings.
Ok, I got it now. “The Mummy.”
targeting on the OPENING KICKOFF of the 2nd half in Pigville
as in, the front line of the kick coverage unit. It was weird
WAFFLE SHOCK!!
Runaway bride finally captured and brought into domesticity, I see.
Do you want to see my itinerary?
Do you want to see my balls?
You guys are the worst twins ever!