Thanksgiving Hippo Thoughts (and Mini-JV Friday Preview)

Spending holiday time alone is fucking great.  Even if the footy action is a wet fart in a paper bag that has seen better days.

Our erstwhile Fuck Lions started things off, and oh my, they did not have the Turkey Day performance boost they usually have.  Only a series of fortunate events kept them within striking distance late, and they did absolutely nothing with the chances given them.  30-23, bupkus.  The Case Keenum express rolls on.

Surely the Cowboys would rekindle memories of holiday magic?  Uh, fuck and no.  Only the lack of a placekicker kept this from being a complete laugher, as King Laserface slung passes around JerralWorld like they was sperm or sommet.  Eventually, DAK! kinda just melted down and short-circuited.  It was…not easy to watch, that Q4.  6-28.

Somehow, the closest fixture was the least watchable, as Captain Dingleberry and Elisha battled from their respective pillow forts.  C.D. accounted for all three touched down passes (2 for his’n, 1 for they’s’n) and a garbage time FG helped the ‘Dacteds undeservedly beat the spread, even.  Christ, what a game.  I swear, I don’t remember Los Gigantes having the ball at all until the final 3 and a half minutes.

Let’s hope Friday’s JV slate will be an improvement.  Spoiler alert – shit in one hand, hope in the other, see which gets full first.

Miami at Pitt (Noon, ABC)

See, if Pitt were only 5-6 and had apricot bowl qualification to play for, one could have a gambling angle here.  Alas, it’s all about whether Da U will shit all over its dick.  Which it very well might.

Baylor at TCU (Noon, FS1)

All Bloodeyes has to do to make the inaugural Big 12-ish title game is beat sad little rapey BayBay at home.  But what if they don’t wanna play Boomer Sooner again?  What if they try to throw a game to a team that isn’t capable of winning it?

Missouri at Arkansas (2:30, CBS)

Again, this would be cooler if both sides were 5-6 and fighting for bowl eligibility…but Mizzou won last week and Pig Sooey didn’t, so…who the fuck knows.  It’s just a thing on teevee.

South Florida at Central Florida (3:30, ABC)

If the Bulls win, at least we won’t have to hear some dumbass (likely on FS1) go hurr durr, they beat everybody on they schedule!!111.  Who gives a shit, really.  That will be apparent in the attendance, despite a 9-1 side facing a 10-0 one.

Iowa at Nebraska (4:00, FS1)

Hey, come watch some fucker (Mike Riley) get fired!!

Virginia Tech at Virginia (8:00, ESPN)

This will either be a great game, or VPI will win by 30.

Texas Tech at Texas (8:00, Fox)

Isn’t it annoying when all the reasonably watchable games get bunched up together like this?  Anyway, I got the Red Raiders at +10.5 and feel good about it.

Cal at UCLA (10:30, FS1)

This game had better show a lot of leg if it wants me to stay up until 2 am and see who makes it to 6-6.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

“Great taste!”
“LESS FILLING!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Announcer for the Directional Florida matchup just flat out says Quinton Flowers is good, but only college football good and that he won’t translate to the next level. Did he not get the memo that he’s supposed to be unfailingly positive about everything?

herodotus450

It’s the Night of the (Quinton) Flowers

ballsofsteelandfury

Is it off yet?

No, keep rubbing it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hapi Djus

herodotus450

This Mizzou QB I call him a Lock because he enables his team to go up and to go down.

herodotus450

All the Gordon Lightfoot-heads around here but no one appreciates a simple canal joke?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry Hero, sincerely. As a C&O Canal aficionado (great hiking/biking trails) I am ashamed of myself for missing this one.

Well-played, Sir.

herodotus450

Maybe I’m just bitter since Locks&Lochs The Magazine went under.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is one crazy pope.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s ok, I’m Catholic.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What is “things you don’t wanna hear in a dark confessional”, Alex?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The trick (lol, no pun intended) is to get ’em into a bidding war.
Usually it has to be a slow night, tho.

Or so I’m told.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honestly, I’d rather just rub one out and put the cash down on a misguided longshot bet.
Which is all sex is these days anyway, so cut out the middle man.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Germans have an “All you can eat” concept where you can pay for a “day pass” and do as many as you want/can.

Or so I’ve heard.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m pretty sure they would.

...

Imagine if they did punch cards. Nut 10 times and your 11th is free!

ballsofsteelandfury

I honestly think they do. Not a joke.

...

I’d lose my punch card though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

First the Subway Club card (thanks Jared), now this????

...

I think the only woman I could justify spending that much money just for sex is someone incredibly hot and famous like Emily Ratajkowski.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The catering would have to be spectacular.

SonOfSpam

Shaqueem Griffin is trying to keep UCF in the game singlehandedly.

ballsofsteelandfury

That is some pretty fucked up shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

This absinthe is bullshit!

ballsofsteelandfury

That outfit is horrible! Take it off, NOW!

ballsofsteelandfury

Dear sweet mother of God, we’re in Eastern Europe!

ballsofsteelandfury

Now put your clothes back on, white boy!

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

The girls never came. THE GIRLS NEVER CAME!

SonOfSpam

Duh. Of course not. It’s a myth.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You don’t make me cum….I MAKE ME CUM!!!!
– J. Jeffries

SonOfSpam

Here’s the downside working from home: Wife is off today (in and of itself not a problem), but she’s controlling the remote (since I’m “working” after all) and the current TV selection is Rachael Ray (ok, that’s bad) interviewing TIM FUCKING TEBOW. I mean, asking for a divorce seems extreme, but so does murder.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mickey Finn…just saying.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Okie doke, time to go make the last minute edits on TGISF to make sure I didn’t say some stupid shit last night while drunk.

Yes, I realize that’s all relative.

SonOfSpam

Please don’t.

theeWeeBabySeamus

These days, kinda gotta.
But no worries, we’re all good. Didn’t even have to censor myself.

My angst and irritation was left in mostly general terms, and has been left as is.

ballsofsteelandfury

Gosh, you REALLY like cameras!

ballsofsteelandfury

This is definitely where I parked my car.

ballsofsteelandfury

Vander…red
Vander…hot

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Senor Weaselo…for future reference…geese hate chainsaws.
Also, it makes them panic and fly west instead of south.

Dummies.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, what’s the etiquette on boners?

Senor Weaselo

Don’t whip it out at work, I know that. Especially in Hollywood.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Me scusi

...

Another item for the Never Say It Aloud file:

There is a woman in my office that looks exactly like what I imagine a $5000 a night escort would look like.

ballsofsteelandfury

Tell me where you work and I’ll go and ask her for a quote.

...

Disclosure: She’s not likely to be an expensive escort although she used to be a pharma rep.

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe you just answered your own question.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Again….Address?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m not paying that much unless she’s bringing food and beer.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the International House Of Sausage!

...

Good on those women for extracting that much money out of obviously obscenly rich dudes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Address?

ballsofsteelandfury

Check it out… European ass!

ballsofsteelandfury

Je sui le seule robot dans se coin.

herodotus450

The Bastard of South Florida has 347 passing yards, not even the second half.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cutler is playing today?

ballsofsteelandfury

Kill something

...

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Most of the women in my past probably think they have.

ballsofsteelandfury

Where’s Bert?

Fuck if I know.

ballsofsteelandfury

My baby takes the morning train…

ballsofsteelandfury

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...

So I just saw The U shit into a U-shaped container until it overflowed and covered everything.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

lUlz

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did someone give balls LSD again?
We’ve talked about this, ppl!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m getting the video camera! What an asshole!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

This isn’t where I parked my car!

herodotus450

My guess: “Dude Where’s My Car?”

ballsofsteelandfury

Seriously? I think twbs and I are gonna have to do a post on this movie.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just cheated and checked Cinemax. Another I’ve never seen. Putting in the “to be recorded” queue.

ballsofsteelandfury

Are you kidding me?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude, I told ya before. Just like with Super Troopers, that whole decade is jam packed with shit I missed due to the ex.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anywhoo, will be recorded on Sunday. Then we’ll talk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Goddamn millenials can’t even add.

Senor Weaselo

It’s that damn Common Core!
/Although technically that would be Gen Z?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo adding up his gambling winnings.

herodotus450

Ok, I got it now. “The Mummy.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WAFFLE SHOCK!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Runaway bride finally captured and brought into domesticity, I see.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Do you want to see my itinerary?

Do you want to see my balls?

ballsofsteelandfury

You guys are the worst twins ever!