Your “Things Be Tightening Up!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Remember back in August when you thought Football was never gonna get here? Well it did, in case you don’t mamember. It’s now week 14. FOURTEEN! And on top of that, it’s almost Xmas! Is your brain matter fried yet? Time passes like Dreamboat on meth, ppl forget that. Speaking of, are you giving your loved ones Ugg’s this year or just thinking about it? This intro seems to be going off the rails. Where do those rails lead? TO THE GAME!

New Orleans/Atlanta: Do the Falcons need this one badly to stay in the wildcard hunt? My Ouija board has responded with, “How the hell would I know? I’m the spirit of Harry Houdini, for Christ sake!”. (he’s a bit cranky sometimes but he did tell me that Kenneth Lay was a complete fraud so I got out of Enron with plenty of time to spare) Anyway… yes, the Falcons need this one very badly. Their biggest problem is that the run D is a middle-of-the-pack 18th. That would be a bit of bad news given that the duo of Bitchin’ Kamara (my Kamara Chameleon didn’t quite take but I still have TruthBiscuit, damnit!) and Mark “No Nickname” Ingram are on pace to thrust past 3,000 combined yards rushing and receiving. The last rb combo to do that? I don’t know, why don’t you look it up-I’m busy writing a thingy at the moment. Perhaps this looks like a Saints walk but t’udder rb guys-Coleman and Freeman-are up against a Saints run D that gives up an average of 4.6 ypc. Yowch!

There’s plenty o’other things going on today, including Mr. Franken calling it a day, another school shooting, some college ball, some hockey and some other things I may have missed. Wag that jaw down below!

 

 

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rockingdog
rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You know, you’d think all that hair wrapped up inside Kamara’s helmet would give him some extra protection. But no, of course not.

And I’m still waiting for the flag on the hit, btw.

King Hippo

He was a runner (ie, not defenseless), and also lowered his own head.

litre_cola

You apologist.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe he saw it coming and was only trying to duck?

Beerguyrob

Did they show the trailer for Jurassic World yet? Canadian feed is fucking with the broadcast.

monty this seems strange to me

No they showed the movie.

King Hippo

We never got full frontal on the redhead, though. Which is honestly the only reason I sat through the whole shitshow.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Just find an old shirtless picture of ron howard and squint real hard.

litre_cola

OH god that will be a doozy of a game next week.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Yes New Jurassic World movie!!!!
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WCS

I think we just saw the whole thing.

monty this seems strange to me

Did the first half end during this commercial?

King Hippo

Andy Dwyer makes the worst movie ever made?

Beerguyrob

That’s unpossible.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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litre_cola

Fuck you Tirico! Systems my ass, look at Charmslinger go in to the tent a couple weeks ago faster than insert sexytime joke.

King Hippo

#BitchinNanobubbles

King Hippo

Hippo LOVES teh concussion protocol. It is the bestest of all protocols!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Perhaps you’d like to try it for yourself????

/gets punched in the head by Hippo

No dammit, you’re doing it wrong!!!!!!!!

Beerguyrob

HOT FUCKING DAMN! “Mad Max: Fury Road” is on free tv opposite the game. Someplace to turn when everyone leaves the field hurt.

Spur
Spur

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Penguins, crumbling? We can only hope.

litre_cola

Jets look good. Although there is 13 people at the Ice Dolphins game.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Free yahoo! game is… Calgary-Montreal. Guff. At least I don’t have to watch that shithead Tkachuk for a game.

litre_cola

Try living here, the apologists were out in full force today.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Even though he’s an American? I don’t get how you can hand out a third suspension in two seasons and it’s still only one game

litre_cola

Yep, he plays on the edge. He is just young. The one in Detroit shouldn’t have counted as it was a tap. We need that grit. etc.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I blame it all on the fact that Brad Marchand isn’t currently serving an indefinite suspension. It only enables further shitheadery.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I’m trying to figure out just how many seasons he’s played. Wikipedia says he was drafted in 2016 (so june 2016) but also says he was previously suspended on March 20th, 2016.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Ah it must be a typo, suspension was March 2017. So three suspensions in 9 months, 3 of which were actual hockey months.

Col. Duke LaCross

At least the Ice Stampeders managed to not give up five goals last night for the first time in god knows how long.

Beerguyrob

Seattle did get the expansion kiss of approval today. $650 million.

litre_cola

Maypr of Seattle said that Vancouver is excited to come down and get beat.

Beerguyrob

That’s cool. The last mayor got in trouble for whom he beat off.

WCS

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herodotus450
herodotus450

What a surprise: when they aren’t doing well a Penguin starts crying and committing instigator penalties but not getting punished for them.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Holy shit! Albertson’s!

Apparently, this is in Klamath Falls, south of Crater Lake and just north of the California border. Basically, it’s the ass-end of nowhere.

Beerguyrob

AJ Klein looks & sounds like an old WCW jobber.

litre_cola

Iron Mike Sharpe style.

litre_cola

I blame you for this Hippo. Greg the leg better have a yuuge Sunday

King Hippo

I blame you for forcing me into it thanks to Sunday! I would have taken this whole week off, FFS!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. daFuq did I miss last week?

litre_cola

Greg the Leg

King Hippo

Yeah, I had Baby Buster and Gurley Man, fucking Zeuerlein kept getting all teh points. 2 FGs inside the 5, and a fookin’ 40-yarder with a minute left talking the margin meaninglessly from 13 to 16 (that was my margin of defeat, costing me the division title).

I mean, COME ON, the only way you lose to the Cardinals up 13 with a minute left is getting a FG blocked and returned, then an onside kick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo’s been working a little too hard on the telekinesis bullshit, methinks.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Matt Ryan has the look and personality of a thumb.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Oh shit Manti Taeo is on this Saints Team??? Da duck?

Beerguyrob

He followed his girlfriend.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who Dat?

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s fine.
I didn’t want that first round bye anyway.

Obligatory fuck Julio Jones, btw.

King Hippo

Christ, Kamara already had 4.2 (full PPR) on that one drive. He was gonna brutalize me.

Spur
Spur

right there with you.

Spur
Spur

AJ Klein looks 40 years old

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, looks like I’m fucked. Too much snow for the weakass directv signal to get through, and NBC sports app directs to NFL Mobile App, which tells me SORRY THERE WAS A CONNECTION ERROR PLEASE CHECK THAT YOU HAVE MOBILE NETWORK CONNECTIVITY AND TRY AGAIN. and again and again and again. I HAVE CONNECTIVITY YOU COCKSUCKERS FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKING NFL!

Spur
Spur

Arthur Blank just ran onto the field with no pants on.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found something….

King Hippo

Now time to get Devonta Freeman a mild owie.

Petronel
Petronel

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WCS

Roy Moore’s house?

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Bitchin’ Kamaro woozy! Put the chip reader on him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ahhh fuck.

litre_cola

we can’t have nice things.

King Hippo

Kamara out!!!!

/hope he is ok in 4 hours

Spur
Spur

Kamara ded

Beerguyrob

Kamara now hurt.

Beerguyrob

Don’t forget – Dan Quinn, defensive genius.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s right Ingram…keep yo’ ass on the sidelines.

litre_cola

Ingram has an owie.

litre_cola

I just texted my ff opponent, Lights Kamara Action. I feel shame.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s awesome.
But fuck you because I didn’t think of it.

WCS

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Beerguyrob

Atlanta looks like they’re playing in long red underwear.

Petronel
Petronel

At least there’s no flap in back.
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King Hippo

SURE, why guard that motherfucker??

Spur
Spur

let’s go falcons. Fuck you Brees!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please please please let the Democrats take the House next election if only so we can see them haul shitheaps like Erik Prince back to testify under subpoena instead of voluntarily.

King Hippo

I suspect he will run to some Qatar-ish hole in the wall, and end up ded against a concrete wall within a few years. Here’s hoping, anyway.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s have a hoping contest!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Is it a contest if we are all hoping for the same thing?

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

“Hello, you play to win the game. You play to win the game. You don’t just out there to play.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Personally, I’m hoping for a pizza.
But considering I haven’t called for one, I’m probably screwed.

King Hippo

I cannot believe Minny-SEW-ta’s nimrod Governor is even considering appointing anyone other than Lori Swanson to Franken’s Senate seat.

What’s the matter, is she a Packers fan or sommet??

nomonkeyfun

Perhaps he’s afraid of chicken.

Spur
Spur

The Atlanta fans finally get to try Chick-fil-A

Spur
Spur

Jimmy Fallon tries to hard. He’s pushing 40, his naive man child routine is running thin.

Spur
Spur

Folks.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Snow in South Texas, over two inches on the ground already and radar looks like it’s going to last a while longer. Snow evidently fucks up satellite signal just like a heavy rain, although this is the first time I’ve been made aware of this. So I hope NBC streams it so I can watch on my phone.

Spur
Spur

Watch out for the black ice

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

I read that as “black rice.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh god, not again!!!!

– Janay

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I read it as ‘black eyes’.”
– Janay Rice

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m supposed to drive from Bulverde to Lackland tomorrow at 5 AM for work and meetings. I might be gonna take a miss on that. I know that I don’t know how to drive in that shit, despite being from Massachusetts.

litre_cola

We have no snow, it was 51 degrees here today, but it is ok there is no climate change.

King Hippo

Our part of North Cakalaky will have flurries over warm ground, with no chance of anything sticking.

In other words, don’t leave the house for any fucking reason.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

it’s been raining for two days and in the low 40s/high 30s. Didn’t think it would stick when it started, but hoo boy is it ever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fishel was like a kid on a sugar high tonight. Dude spent at least 10 minutes talking about the chances of .1″ vs 1″ in various locales. Then went on to say it wouldn’t stick anyway.

What a fucking retard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

All Kamara, all the time. Please.
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litre_cola

I approve of this message.

Spur
Spur

Negative Ghostrider.

litre_cola

I am looking forward to this game. It beats Colts v anyone really.

King Hippo

I hate Shitsmas, and I hate footbaw winding down.

/gazes lovingly at razor blades

//don’t even have any action tonite, just fading Bitchin Kamara (and Freeman) in fantasy, which is such folly I am not even trying to find energy for it

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m still considering NO on the moneyline for this one.

rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVth0u4LY3k

I’ve gotta do a little work for class.

WCS

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