Your “Things Be Tightening Up!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Remember back in August when you thought Football was never gonna get here? Well it did, in case you don’t mamember. It’s now week 14. FOURTEEN! And on top of that, it’s almost Xmas! Is your brain matter fried yet? Time passes like Dreamboat on meth, ppl forget that. Speaking of, are you giving your loved ones Ugg’s this year or just thinking about it? This intro seems to be going off the rails. Where do those rails lead? TO THE GAME!

New Orleans/Atlanta: Do the Falcons need this one badly to stay in the wildcard hunt? My Ouija board has responded with, “How the hell would I know? I’m the spirit of Harry Houdini, for Christ sake!”. (he’s a bit cranky sometimes but he did tell me that Kenneth Lay was a complete fraud so I got out of Enron with plenty of time to spare) Anyway… yes, the Falcons need this one very badly. Their biggest problem is that the run D is a middle-of-the-pack 18th. That would be a bit of bad news given that the duo of Bitchin’ Kamara (my Kamara Chameleon didn’t quite take but I still have TruthBiscuit, damnit!) and Mark “No Nickname” Ingram are on pace to thrust past 3,000 combined yards rushing and receiving. The last rb combo to do that? I don’t know, why don’t you look it up-I’m busy writing a thingy at the moment. Perhaps this looks like a Saints walk but t’udder rb guys-Coleman and Freeman-are up against a Saints run D that gives up an average of 4.6 ypc. Yowch!

There’s plenty o’other things going on today, including Mr. Franken calling it a day, another school shooting, some college ball, some hockey and some other things I may have missed. Wag that jaw down below!

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know who I shouldn’t have bothered starting in the playoffs this week? Ted Fucking Ginn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

There must be a god. If there isn’t, and even if there is, I’d really like an explanation for a few things.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No there mus’nt….

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was being facetious.
But it really does bug me how some folks seem to sail thru life, fucking others over, yet never suffer a scrape themselves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Random ain’t fair….. it’s random. Random pussy for instance.

I figured you were, but the phrasing was odd so I thought I’d throw in some weird shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Weird shit is always appreciated.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Sometimes ya just gotta reach out and grab dat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Jeffery Sessions had such a happy childhood; odd that he is such a racist asshole now.

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

one more cycle, one more beer

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

an investment company using “Whisper to a Scream” as their ad song??

Spur
Spur

Redshirt

Hat trick!
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King Hippo

Vanilla Ice, Ice baby, so merde, so merde

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He is forcing, panicking….. kinda like my last meeting at work.

Spur
Spur

Sick flow at 2:00

Redshirt

You know its only going to be a matter of time before a ballcarrier breaks his legs or blows out his knees because the offense pushes him forward when the defenders has his lower legs wrapped and immobile.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. Wasn’t that technically illegal at one point? Did they change the rule?

Redshirt

Recent rule change. You can push but you can’t pull.

There’s a dirty joke there, but I’m too tired to make it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, that makes perfect sense because the NFL REALLY cares about player safety!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NFL Rule 12, Section 1, Article 4-a (Page 2/11) prohibits offensive players from “pull[ing] a runner in any direction at any time”. The rule’s silence regarding pushing a runner is telling; it is legal. In fact, A.R. 12-2 at the bottom of page two provides a specific example of a ball carrier being pushed into the end zone by a teammate. The ruling? Touchdown.

(NFL Rules do prohibit pushing a teammate to obstruct an opponent or to recover a loose ball but do not prohibit pushing to advance a runner.)

College and professional rules allow teammates to assist ball carriers. While Section 12 has been changed this particular rule has been in place for a long time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You can’t “assist”; if you are basically holding up the ball carrier. it is a penalty. You can scrum push all you want and it has been that way. It does not result in injury hardly at all, the ball carrier’s legs are churning. It is why RBs have shoulder pads that run all down their back.

Spur
Spur

so, next Steelers/Bengals game?

Redshirt

Uh, that means it probably be Bell. Between the Steelers and the Bengals, which team would put forth 110% effort for a touchdown?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

whoooooopsi.

King Hippo

N’Awlins paper reporting Bitchin’ Kamara is indeed in the garage FOAR teh night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

is that Cher?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Which one?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Spur
Spur

Thoughts and Prayers
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Send Facebook prayers; those really help.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I didn’t just hit the waiver wire just in case foar next week foar nuthin’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SHOCKING!

*may be thinking of wrong wire.

Petronel
Petronel

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Spur
Spur

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve always liked bush.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The band in the video you posted is pretty good too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

GET THE KELP OUTA HERE!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

When I said I wanted some dank weed, this isn’t what I meant.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too wet for a sushi roll……

Beerguyrob

Kinda mean of Rodney Harrison to talk about sons in front of Tony Dungy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

sons a bitches.

King Hippo

“I like sons that don’t hang themselves!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hung sons is different tho.

Redshirt
WCS

It’s likely his playing days are over.

deviantBastard
deviantBastard

In the words of Antonio Brown, “Karma?”

ballsofsteelandfury

If you mean that in the sense that he caused the injury himself by going in with bad tackling form, then yeah. Otherwise, that doesn’t really apply. He wasn’t headhunting on that play.

Redshirt

Agreed. Knowing from experience, if Shazier wanted to head hunt, that receiver would’ve been the one admitted to University Hospital.

ballsofsteelandfury

Honestly, if he’s able to walk again, its a win.

Redshirt

I heard on the radio that he has “limited mobility” in his legs. Which is good because it sounds like the spinal cord is just damaged, its not severed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

NO REST FOR SPUR YET!….Dryer isnt done yet

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel
Petronel

…and the Wal-Mart ripoff, “Y Not.”

Spur
Spur

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

dueling WOMP WOMP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WOULD BAAAAAAAANG!!!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

That is a pretty stupid way of ending a half.

Redshirt

BWHAHAHAHAHA!

Petronel
Petronel

Nice moves by Ryan for the attempted tackle, at least.

ballsofsteelandfury

Matt Bryant looks like he needs to take a massive dump at the half.

Redshirt

The Vice President of Officiating is at the game? Does that mean the NFL Commissioner is in a undisclosed location?

WCS

The Ol’ DOUBLE J’S Sex Dungeon?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Leave him in there for 30 years like Brendan Frasier in Blast From The Past.

Redshirt

Okay. Seeing my video game idea of black numbers with white outlines on a colored jersey isn’t as good in real life as it is in the game.

(pours out for San Antonio Wolves – 5-time SEC Champion and BCS National Champion)

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I swear to god, and I know nothing of fashion, but every single Falcon player looks fat to me. Both unis are hideous, but for some reason, the Falcon’s jerseys just look horrific to me.

Shogun Marcus

Friends…Sometimes my Loves. You’ve no idea. I’d leap quite happily. But you dum-dums drag me back. Mwah. May we dance for many years to come.

Spur
Spur

Redshirt

Is it just me or are some team’s away Color Rush uniforms better than their actual away jerseys?

These Saints uniforms look nice and would be great as their actual away uniforms.

Petronel
Petronel

Those are some seriously big, shiny numbers.

Spur
Spur

I CALL THIS GAME ALL SAINTS’ DAY SINCE THERE ARE DEAD SAINTS EVERYWHERE

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope someone gives Kamara a “shot” at halftime.
Imma go cook dinner now.

rockingdog
rockingdog

herodotus450
herodotus450

Some days you just gotta say fuck it and go to bed at 930 apparently

Spur
Spur

I have dreams of shakira and Gwen Stefani.

Spur: Shakira hold Gwen so i can kick her in the throat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a similar dream. Most of those words are in it.

King Hippo

way to mispronounce Derby (in Lesser Footy, it’s DARR-bee), Tirico

/Everton still ded to me, at least I’m spared yet another hiding by the Redshite

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I don’t care what any fucking wanker tells me…the way the brits pronounce derby is fucking wrong.

Redshirt

In honor of Al Franken and Trent Franks.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Horatio Cornblower

Jeff Ireland’s done an exceptional job making sure none of the players’ Moms are whores, is what Tirico meant to say.

Horatio Cornblower

Horatio rides his Bitchin’ Kamara into the FF play-offs and it looks like he’s crashed it right into a telephone pole while not wearing a seat belt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right there with ya, my friend.

King Hippo

anti-Freeman voodoo

Spur
Spur

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Redshirt

No, Spur. Its “anti-Freeman” not “anti-Freedman”.

King Hippo

goddamnit, will be the only asshole in Murrika to LOSE to a Kamara side this week

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The Winter Olympics…see NBC shit itself if President Trump pulls the US out in support of Russia.

Spur
Spur

If Trump’s boyfriend can’t go to the party, Trump ain’t going.

Redshirt

Like Trump would be so stupid to…

Maybe each individual state can be represented? Ohio for the Gold!

Spur
Spur

This game is boring. let’s see some dirty hits!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, I misread that.
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deviantBastard
deviantBastard

Now I want pancakes. Thanks.

Spur
Spur

that’s some yeast infection.

Horatio Cornblower

I ordered banana pancakes, Miss. I don’t see any bana…Oh. Oh my.

Redshirt

Oh, great! Now I’m gonna become aroused to pancakes.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At least I wasn’t stupid enough to start Matt Austin Hooper.
I’d have dumped his ass a long time ago if there was anything to get for him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And just like that, the fucker makes a play.
Holy shit.

Redshirt

…and so like my parent’s marriage and their parents before them, this season continues on even though the love has been completely sucked out of it.

Beerguyrob

Will you get two Christmas’s out of it?

theeWeeBabySeamus

We no can even haz restored Kamara?
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monty this seems strange to me

Collinsworth says Julio has a “perfect body”.

litre_cola

Donald Sterling nods.