A hale and hearty “Hullo!” to all my fellow pigskin huffers. Boy, did you ever hunker down to the funkiest spot on the net for the football watching. Say, here’s a trivia query: “When was the last time the overall #1 seed was a home dog?” No googling! If memory serves, you’d have to all the way back to 1935 or so when the Camden Meat Maulers hosted the Decataur Drooling Horde. What happened was that the Horde’s general manager up and snuck Notre Dame’s recently-graduated triple threat quarterback Sonny “The Ukrainian Tornado” Poroshenko onto the roster thus ensuring the victory. Apparentlly, the story goes, Commissioner Judge And Jury Kenesaw Mountain Landis (his billfold bursting at the seams with a very recent infusion of sawbucks) saw nothing wrong with this cheeky maneuver. The rest we’re all very much aware of-meat was mauled, hordes drooled, the body count totaled 3 and the final 0-0 score left the crowd chanting (for the very first time) “GO, METEOR!”. Will events unfold in a similar matter today? For the answers we must go… TO THE GAME!
Atlanta/Philadelphia:
She’s gonna be a cold one for the players today-it’ll be about 20 degrees with the windchill or what Canadians would call “a day at the beach’.
Injuries:
Yeah, there’ll be a few.
Good King Wentz Is Lost:
The before-amentioned Nick Foles has quite a bit on his plate today. Them Eagles finished up 13-3 but their brand new-ish starting qb finished up 23 for 49 in their last two tilts. (That 2013 Pro Bowl appearance back in ’13 seems like a two careers ago) On third downs over that two game stretch the news doesn’t get any better-he’s 1 of 17 passing on third downs. Did I mention that he’s fumbled in each of his last three starts?
Keep An Eye Out For:
The Falcons D, per the last eight weeks of the season is a top 5 unit overall. Most impressive has been 2nd year lb Deion Jones. He’s the one that intercepted Brees in spectacular fashion to save the Falcons playoff hopes and also batted down a potential TD score while shadowing Sammy Watkins in the end zone.
My Hot Takeaway:
It’ll take some time for each offense to get going so the first one to 20 wins. Falcons over Eagles 20-13.
I’m done but you’re just getting started-“GO GO GADGET FINGERS!”
“Willy willy.”
– Lyndon Baines Johnson in a Senate building bathroom
Does ATL keep trying to burn clock?
Yeah, this is fascinating. Will Ryan fuck this up, or will he give Foles a chance to fuck this up?
SO MANY QUESTIONS
Preferred ending:
TD, 2-pointer returned for 2, onside kick recovered, missed FG
Getting a semi just considering that.
“Filly Filly.”
– John Elway, contemplating a threesome
Coming up shortly:
Cris trying to convince us that the Falcons left TOO MUCH TIME for Nick Foles.
Stress inc
Isn’t that a Stephen King short story? Wait, no, that “Quitters, Inc” also known as the Albert Haynesworth story.
Part of me wants an ATL TD, so we all can witness the glory that is a Nick Foles last-minute drill.
Dilly dilly.
DiLlY DIllY
/eyes turn black, jaw drops open as sounds of hell emerge from mouth
DILLY DILLY
i like how the Eagles are playing off the receivers, really makes it easy for Ryan to complete the pass.
Two minute warning!
a shitty game becoming good, so very nfl
There should be an NFL deity for commercial breaks.
There is, but he went and got his essence stuck in the body of Darren Rovell, so he’s currently absent from the pantheon.
Don Draper doesn’t count?
So we’re doing the touchdown or bust dance. THis should be a clusterfuck.
at least stop the 2-pointer so yinz cover
2 point int return for maximum chaos
THIS IS A GOOD GAME, GODDAMNIT
Heh heh heh.
Gonna go down to the last minute.
Technically, all games do. (Technically correct is the best kind of correct.)
I enjoy fellow pedants.
No, Marc, that’s NOT THE SAME THING
Leave Julio in single coverage.
Sure.
Julio!
Both head coaches look like someone that picked up for sexing their 14 year old babysitter on the ride home.
FUCKING JULIO
This is almost certainly game if they’re going for it. Hoo boy.
ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THESE GREAT REFS
They are well versed in Bird Law
“That is NOT a catch.”
– the mother of a young woman who is introducing her parents to her date Kellen Clemens
“Could you pass the salt?”
Kellen Clemens: [Overthrows salt into the kitchen]
That is not not a catch, depending on if we are using the Kirkpatrick Uncertainty Principle.
Every now please turn to page 200 in their quantum physics text book.
THERE IS NO CATCH ONLY ZUUL
my mom says am a catch.
I was thinking of rewriting the lyrics of that song for Johnny Football’s life story.
What do we call the Red Flag?
Red GLERRGH?
A Reidian Bargain?
The Gang Defines a Catch
SHIT, that would actually be an incredible episode. Mac would make it super-duper Catholic, etc.
that’s not even super hard – it’s a clear no to me
WHAT IS CATCH. HOW IS CATTCH FORMED
Oh, God. Another episode of Is It a Catch? Philadelphia Edition
There Is No Catch
/Allah was in the shitter, I guess
no catch
NAWT A CATCH
Saved by Allah
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJldXDWhpvA&feature=youtu.be&list=RDVH0N2IkOxXg
This game has been ass.
“My favorite type of game.”
-Aaron Rodgers
I stand up for the 2nd half, it has been intense and B/B+ compelling
Blame it on the deaf guy he won’t hear it.
HEYOOOO
How does he normally get the play?
carrier pigeon
At least the crowd noise doesn’t bother him
For the scorigami enthusiasts, 15-10 leaves few options for one.
I am a fully hooked convert
https://scorigami.herokuapp.com/
Better bumper music!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACNP7pDDycE
Tool being played over the PA. I approve.
Home team bird vs. bird is 9-0.
WEIRD.
MAYBE
It is indeed an impressive nugget
Will the xerox of fate strike again
How does the new Vikings stadium factor into this?
/eyes turn black, voice becomes demonic
ALL BIRDS WILL PERISH
depends on if they serve allagash
Al has actually been pretty good tonight
Fuckin’ birds.
It’s not like I didn’t hate this game enough already but now they’re adding Lenny Kravitz to the soundtrack? Well played.
He is jewish right?
half. He embraces his Jewish heritage, but is a practicing Jeebus-ist, methinks
Cool! sounds like my kind of lazy rock star!
He’s Black and Jewish, a rare dual threat.
a surprise onside kick would totally surprise here