Coach Carroll’s Weird Mysteries: The Stone Balls of Costa Rica

The Maestro
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The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
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Hi folks – I know a lot of you plan on watching the Super Bowl this weekend (well, perhaps maybe not a number of the denizens of this website) – I know it may sound sacrilegious to say this, especially as a highly regarded NFL coach, but instead of crunching the tape, I have more important matters to attend to. Most importantly, I need to escape this damned cold for a little while. I plan on taking a trip down south to Central America… word on the street is there are some very, very curious artifacts here that need some further investigation. Apparently there’s nothing quite like them anywhere else in the world…

THE STONE BALLS OF COSTA RICA

Location: Palmar Sur, Diquis Delta, Costa Rica

[source]

Date: 1930s – present

The Story: In the 1930s, when the United Fruit Company was clearing the Costa Rican jungle in order to create banana plantations, workers discovered a series of gigantic stone balls, some as larger than two meters in diameter, weighing over sixteen tons. Before they realized the historical significance of many of these artifacts, many ended up getting bulldozed, dynamited, and otherwise damaged, destroyed, or removed from their original location. The stone spheres are clearly man-made- most are believed to have been constructed via the cutting and polishing of gabbro, a coarse-grained type of basalt. Scientists have also dated the majority of these giant stone balls to between 700 and 1530 CE; a few come from before BCE, but most are around about a thousand years old, give or take. Over 300 have been found to date, and there’s a high likelihood of many others remaining out in the landscapes, yet to be discovered.

[source]

What’s Weird: There’s a lot of things we don’t know about these stones – how were they constructed, in an era where tools were not nearly as advanced? How was it that the rock used to carve these spheres was transported to their current locations, sometimes as much as 30 miles away? What was the purpose they served? Because of the fact that ancient tribes of central America did not have any written language, there’s almost nothing that researchers have to rely on, and instead have had to go back and do a ton of site reconstructions to look for clues to their purposes and reasons for existence. At any rate, in their current state, the balls have become something of a status symbol; because so many were moved from their original locations, discovering their original purpose may become harder as well. It’s a mark of prestige to have one of these spheres in your home or garden, and the National Museum in San José, Costa Rica, has a collection, including a number than were blown apart or bulldozed into smithereens and have since been reconstructed.

What might have happened?

A number of myths persist to this day as to the meaning of these giant stone balls. Some more crazy ones include that they were actually formed completely naturally, or that they were originally from the lost continent of Atlantis and subsequently moved later on. Other myths from local tradition include the idea that the natives who originally constructed the balls did so by softening the rocks through an acidic potion obtained by mixing together various local plants; while a few balls are made of limestone, which is dissolvable through acid, the gabbro-based balls, which are the vast majority, are not dissolvable. Others believe that their presence on the Isla del Caño, just about ten miles off the coast, is an indication that perhaps aliens are responsible for their creation, since the indigenous people of the area almost certainly would not have had the means to transport them over the water to a new location. Others say that the balls are mathematically perfect spheres; while the craftsmanship is excellent in most cases, they remain not mathematically perfect, and there is evidence that shows they were crafted with hand tools – though the exact process remains unclear.

Stone balls on the Isla del Caño, Costa Rica. [source]

At any rate, it’s unusual that with the current state of archaeology that we have so many unanswered questions about the stone balls; fortunately, the area they were first discovered was designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 2014, which will hopefully allow for tourists to see the spheres in their original splendour and also allow researchers to conduct further experiments uninhibited.

Coach Carroll’s Hypothesis: Without a doubt, this is just James Harrison not picking up his gym weights after he was finished using them. Clear as day. The carbon dating is just a misdirection… JUST LIKE HOW BUILDING 7 WAS.

Information from this article taken from here, here, here, here and here

Banner image courtesy of Low Commander of the Super Soldiers.

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/
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ballsofsteelandfuryKing HippoUnsurprisednomonkeyfunMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

God Fucking Damn It.

BTW, I should get a blog or redo Twitter or something and stop bothering you all.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/22368278/actors-encourage-new-england-patriots-te-rob-gronkowski-pursue-movie-career

King Hippo

it’s a good thing I have abandoned teh cinema

ballsofsteelandfury

Would you like to write for us?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

False flag!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ha! Nice.

An #EaglesParade is more officially called a communal roost: https://t.co/v1I1d3i24n

Photo of 55 bald eagles used with permission by Chuck Hilliard pic.twitter.com/HgpUwj0SFh

— US Fish and Wildlife (@USFWS) February 8, 2018

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Damn it. I just LOLed.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Jesus. Don’t let Horatio out of his locker to see this.

Don’t let today’s #EaglesParade distract you from the fact that the #Eagles won more playoff games in the last 4 weeks than the Dallas Cowboys have in 22 years.

— EaglesFlyersPocono (@Milford236Eagle) February 8, 2018

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Jason Kelce looks dope. No joke.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I was listening to the Deadcast because noise and they were discussing the free agent freeze in baseball and asking if there’s collusion. Aren’t there still enough lawyers on Deadspin to have already yelled at Drew a ton that the MLB has a statutory antitrust exemption (the only league with one) and so the owners could openly collude while telling the DOJ to fuck off (more than these assholes usual do).

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Janeane Garofalo just got paid!

nomonkeyfun

I guess no more using the gas credit card of a friends parent.

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ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

I like to think they’re bocce balls from giants of the wizarding world.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are we sure these aren’t just kidney stones passed by Nick Foles’ ancestors?

Senor Weaselo

It’s the remains of a hidden temple. Some say if you stand close to one you can hear a deep voice telling the Legend of the Jewel-Encrusted egg of Catherine the Great.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Horse Balls.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Brontosaurus digestion stones that floated ashore from Isla Nublar from the original Jurassic Park founded by Jesus on his Post-Ascension American Tour.

BTW, the criminal United Fruit Company is now known as Chiquita, and a good conspiracy theorist (that Coach Pete is not) would go into the whole origin of “banana republics,” which were inventions of UFC.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Workout Inspirations. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Game Time Decision

I know a lot of you plan on watching the Super Bowl this weekend (well, perhaps maybe not a number of the denizens of this website)

Do i need a tinfoil hat to read this? Or are the strange balls influencing our timeline? Or is this part of the clean up job for the Vikings winning the SB from RTD’s The Stefonimatrix (https://doorfliesopen.com/2018/02/02/tales-from-the-meteor-the-stefonimatrix/) post

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

The Maestro and I are pretending Sunday didn’t happen.

Game Time Decision

hahaha, far enough

blaxabbath

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Senor Weaselo

Coach Carroll on tape delay? No, it’s probably aliens.

blaxabbath

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is a post that is pertinent to my interests!

yeah right

They found your long lost Costa Rican cousin!