I always feel guilty that I have nothing to add to the DFO menu. So, I humbly present Johnny LaRue.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics:
- NBC | 8:00PM – Closing ceremony (replay)
- TSN | 7:00PM – Closing ceremony (replay)
- NHL:
- Oilers at Ducks- 8:00PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- 76ers at Wizards – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- Cornhole:
- Johnsonville Cornhole Championships:
- ACL Kick-Off Battle – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- Johnsonville Cornhole Championships:
Looks like I was wrong – THERE’S PLENTY TO WATCH WITHOUT FOOTBALL!
Whatever Chris Hardwick gets paid, it is too much.
They should just pay him in POINTS!
Jesus Fucking Christ. “Talking Dead” going over Carl’s death with the actor and director like this is the second coming of ‘Patton.’
You died on a show that has managed to make a zombie apocalypse dull. Move on.
Can’t find an isolated version of George yelling “DIE ALREADY” so here’s a whole clip instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIsOKP2AHsA
Jesus Christ, Rick, I cried more when I buried my dog.
Although quite honestly my dog was way better than Carl.
This is more fun if you imagine it said in Morty’s voice.
Stick the gun in the eye socket Coral, can’t miss that target.
I like how the announcer is talking about how the Shibutanis “wrap it up”.
Hopefully Scott Moir wraps it up as well.
“I’m sorry, could you spell your last name for me?”
– receptionist at the Canadian version of Planned Parenthood where Tessa Virtue is checking in.
On a scale of 1-Milbury, that’s about a 7 on the cringe scale.
Dear Walking Dead,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEtm_Q2LK9g
Lady LemonJello just suggested that the drone swarm make a giant Calvin to pee on the cauldron and put out the Olympic flame.
These Vesper martinis are like crack in that I want another one before I’m even done consuming the one I’m currently having.
That kid who just stabbed the other guy through the back of the throat is a metaphor for the audience, which at this point will do anything to move the plot along.
I tapped out after last year’s midseason finale. I’m just shockingly disappointed with the Negan portrayal.
I stepped out years ago, back when they were on the farm long enough to grow about six cycles of corn. Stepped back in today for five or so very confusing episodes, one of which involved a tiger being torn to pieces by pollution-addled zombies for reasons I don’t pretend to understand.
I have clearly missed nothing.
The mistake on my part was reading the comic about 5 seasons in. Once I got an idea of how I wanted things to look, it all looked so much worse than it already did.
Daughter getting frustrated. “10:10, make a wish. I wish Carl would die.”
I’m guessing the windmills are to represent the Chinese government’s furious efforts to blow away the smog before the games start?
They should have the games in Harbin! It would be the best ice festival ever!
Giant Hellraiser puzzle box being wheeled out to consume the souls of all those present at the closing ceremony.
This gets an extra +1 from me.
My daughter, just now: “Get a Dad who doesn’t want you to die in a sewer.”
The bar, she low.
Korean Backstreet Boys having their moment in the spotlight.
Can we have more drone swarm instead?
“Turn out the lights, the party’s over. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”
-Thomas Bach IOC President
Also North Korea
“Please?” -North Korean members of the hockey team
“Try not to trip over Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir while they have sex by the door.”
I’ve had relationships that haven’t lasted as long as it’s taking Carl to shuffle off his mortal coil.
Well, Carl’s not dead yet, but at least that was Mortal Kombat approved?
They’re doing a fucking Ronda Rousey contract signing promo at Elimination Chamber, and wrestling fans could give precisely zero fucks about her existing, and mostly make Holly Holm’s foot jokes. Do any casual or even non-fans give half a fuck about seeing her pretend to beat up Stephanie McMahon?
“Those pandas are brave, and those pandas work hard.”
– Johnny Weir
/this is why I love him and Tara.
Flying pandas stealing everyone’s personal information to better buy the 2020 US election from the Russians.
46 minutes into an 83 minute show and Carl is still around while everyone says their good-byes to him.
This is why I stopped watching this show years ago. Someone stick a hatchet in this kid’s head and let’s get to the fireworks factory already!
[furiously jots down “abandoned fireworks factory”]
– Walking Dead writer who is completely and totally out of ideas
This teaser trailer for Tron 3 is shit.
They’ve gone to plaid!
Randy Butternubs
Kandi Sugartits
I don’t know what it is I’m listening to, but I really want to go find an illegal street race and enter my stock Charger in it.
Smother Carl! It’s for the greater good! Smother him!!!!
Fun Fact: Smother Carl is what Andy Reid calls his lunch of the Carl’s Jr menu covered in KFC gravy.
Woo hoo KPOP time!
I take it back this is fucking awful.
Korean Nikki Minaj is NAWT KILLIN IT?
You guys, this Korean Knight Rider theme sucks.
I was working today, because the weather was pure shit, and my daughter was watching Walking Dead all day.
That show is terrible, but apparently Carl is gonna die tonight, so I am tuning the fuck in for that.
To shreds, you say?
Time for the old “Bring Out Yer Dead” montage…
Nevemind, the turtle from IT did his thing.
I’m still doing the exercise thing. I’ve been power walking around 4.5 miles a day. I feel pretty good except that I wasn’t paying attention and rolled my ankle this afternoon.
Its an impressive size now…
That reminds me that I need to walk more. I should be leaving for a movie right now, actually. I’m not. I’m going to take a nap because fuck it. I can go to the 9pm show.
I called up my boss to congradulate him and the rest of Germany on their gold in mens hockey.
“But we lost”
“You seriously think not a single Russian on that team isn’t going to fail their drug tests?”
Odds the Russians or North Koreans hacked the drone swarm?
OK, time to go watch a turrible zombie show.
Later taters.
Footage from CPAC?
Nah. CPAC has better writers.
Do you think guys in the Olympic village kept going up to Lindsay Vonn and complaining about how much their back injuries were bothering them?
LMFAO
That’s strong! The healing power of hayjays.
The ice dancers are watching the athletes who are carrying each other on piggyback and snickering about how wrong they are doing it.
I’m slightly disappointed that no pairs team tried the Iron Lotus in either the free skate or the short program.
“More like Iron FLOTUS amirite?”
– Michelle Obama, flexing
There had better have been a thorough background check for that gun show.
The Olympic Closing Ceremony…its faaaaaaaan-tastic!
Terry Gannon: “In walks Canada. A tremendous and diverse medal haul for the Canadians, led by Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir who can be seen having sex next to that stage ramp right now.”
Johnny Weir: “Terrance, their chemistry as skating partners may be their key to success.”
So I just learned that Olympic gold medalist Jesse Diggins is actually Tobias Fünke.
I presume there’s a “She Blue Herself” joke there.
But I don’t get it.
Apparently her nickname is “the glitter fairy”.
She’s cute. If she needs help with the glitter or blueing herself, I’m in.
She finished 7th in the 30 km cross-country skiing event, after winning gold in the relay and after finishing top 6 in three other events.
Absolutely no one here has the stamina to get past first base with her.
Challenge…Accepted.
/promptly gets ass kicked by cute little skier girl
We still never figured out, is Starcraft a summer e-sport or a winter e-sport?
I was about to change my channel, then I saw this cute little UF gymnast on the uneven bars.
She’s cute.
I have not changed the channel.
This kid shredding on the guitar under the cauldron right now really should be headlining this ceremony.
Yeah, he was cool.
[DFO is not sure whether Rikki-Tikki-Deadly is being sarcastic, of which he is not sure himself anymore]
/but seriously, the kid rips
I’m watching the most interesting interview with Captain Lou Albano.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dclm7aqjmos&t=3s
Some of his stories are just hilarious. Whoever the kid that is doing the interview has the most insane level of knowledge about wrestling. Like twice he has corrected Lou’s memory (I think he was in his 70’s at this point) and both times, Lou just stops talking and says “Oh yeah kid…your right”
In the middle of a Bizarre Foods marathon. I would eat 95% of the stuff he does, I will try anything once except snake blood in Vietnam, raw chicken sushi in Japan, and fermented shark in Iceland.
if you order “raw chicken sushi” they ought to just come out and shoot you in the head
Bourdain did it too in Japan. The purveyor of the establishment hand feeds them or some shit and kills them ala minute so it is do-able. No fucking way.
http://www.newsweek.com/2013/07/17/chicken-sashimi-other-pink-meat-237734.html
That’s not a Morris Marina!
The occupant of the vehicle was saved because he had a comically small umbrella. It just took a while to locate the locksmith to open the safe.
Now I feel comfortable to flip over to NW, who I also have $100 on. Should they win, think I have enough to cash out another max check. WOO. 😀
I would like to thank Memphis for making up for most of yesterday’s torturous losses by netting me $1800 (max $1K ML bet at +180) @ shit-ass UConn today. Can always count on Tubby Smith to be a flat track bully, ah say.
Of course, they also took a 23-point lead at the 10:00 mark and let it get whittled down to 4, taking 5-7 years off my shit-ass life.
/also bet on NC State, since thought -1 was way too thin, like tWBS, but just $100. This is easily their most impressive performance of the season, and that includes wins v. Duke and @ U*NC.
Wow, this announcer really wants FSU to come back in this one.
So sad.
It helps that we keep the pressure on, instead of sitting back. I appreciate that.
Ditto. Keatts might not teach fundamentals, but he is a distinct improvement.
Sooooo…I had a feeling about tonight’s FSU @ NCSU game. The line was NCSU -1.5. Given trends, I thought that was way too narrow of a line.
So I put $500 on the Pack -1.5.
Currently, they lead by 19 at the half.
But just you watch…I know my Pack. They have 20 minutes to still fuck me over. I fully expect they will.
Gotta catch ’em all!
That needs to be spanked.
Just saying.
Not a Shiny, 2/10 would not catch.
Then oil it up Weaselo, then it be shiny…