YEE-HAW! The second round started Thursday night, but with the NFL Draft getting in the way, there seemed no place for discussion. So, while the Games 2 are underway, we shall discuss as if nothing has happened & the Capitals are really not really laying another trap for their opponent.
Pittsburgh vs. Washington
This right here should be the Conference finals. The two marquee teams left on this side of the draw (RIP Maple Leafs & Toronto media bias), it has pretty much everything you want from a playoff series:
- defending champions
- last hurrahs of fading stars
- goalies with shaky nerves
- two teams that hate each other
- one team with a legacy of success against the other.
I’m too lazy to go look, but I recall Deadspin making the point that each Penguins Cup this century was preceded by them beating the Capitals to move on. All signs point to another repeat of the script.
And yet.
Ha ha – just kidding. Anyone who thinks the Capitals might have learned their lesson by coming back against Columbus is forgetting that it was Columbus. John Tortorella can’t coach his way out of an equipment bag in the playoffs anymore, and is the one most responsible for wasting the best years of Henrik Lundqvist’s career. Barry Trotz might be the Caps coach, but in his mind he’s still the Predators coach, and like those teams, they don’t have a hope of getting past the second round with Barry Trotz in charge.
Prediction: Penguins in six.
Boston vs. Tampa Bay
Every Canadian’s eternal gratitude goes out to the Bruins for absolutely wrecking the Leafs psyche in Game 7, and thus shutting down the Toronto Media Complex that kept inundating viewers outside the 406 with highlights & analysis while completely ignoring Canada’s other team – the one that made the second round.
Now, this series is going to hinge on whether Tuuka Rask can get it back together. The Lightning are just that, and Steven Stamkos is playing with a chip on his shoulder about as big as the blame he carries around for his injury costing the Bolts last year’s playoffs.
Because the League has asked Brad Marchand to stop treating other teams like free samples at Baskin Robbins, he will have to focus on scoring, which he doesn’t do quite as well if he’s not 100% being a pest.
Full disclosure: I am a lifelong Bruin’s fan (blame it on parents who were Leafs & Habs fans), but I can’t see them being able to overcome the tools Tampa has at their disposal. They’ll get one, but will have to tee off knowing they at least ruined Toronto’s summer.
Prediction: Tampa in five.
Beerguyrob’s brief, spoiler-free review of “Infinity War”:
It’s FUCKING AWESOME! Go see it in the theatre. There’s always a few nits to pick, but I’m not nerding that far down. It’s a visual delight and doesn’t slow down the whole time.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Sharks at Vegas – 8:00PM | NBC / CBC
- NBA:
- Bucks at Celtics – Game 7 – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Pelicans at Warriors – Game 1 – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- MLB:
- Yankees at Angels – 9:00PM | FS1
- AFL:
- Fremantle vs. West Coast – 2:30AM | TSN2
- MMA:
- Fedor vs. Mir – 9:00PM | Paramount (FKA Spike)
- Johnsonville Cornhole Championships:
- ACL Kick-Off Battle – 10:00PM | ESPN2
So, watching tv with my pop here, just kinda passing the time before he hits thehay, he’s got Halt and Catch Fire on from netflix. It’s that AMC show about programmers.
Cuts to some nerds playing mario brothers, music from boswers castle starts playing…
My dad just mutters “world 8-4”
I guarantee you he hasn’t played that game in over 25 years and he’s not really that nerdy.
So proud. wipes tear so proud
That I never beat Super Mario Bros. and Zelda II: Adventure of Link are some of my deepest shames.
Still time dude. I beat original zelda on game cube cuz my bros wouldn’t let me touch the nes.
It’s just as good years later
“I haven’t seen a splash in Vegas this big since Shecky Greene drove his car into the fountan at Caesers Palace!”
-Lounge Comic
“Hold my Bourble.” — Evel Knievel
What is this lottery thing? What kind of show is this?
You watching hunger games?
she has a PENIS at the end!!!1111
They unveiling the top three picks of the draft. The Sabres are basically the Browns: constant top picks, embarrassing seasons to show for it.
I saw that the Whalers pick 2nd! Nobody here will give a tin shit.
You forgot Edmonton!
Hard to say who’s more Brownsian. Buffalo has a longer history of duffing high draft picks, I’d say. Edmonton’s might be greater and more recent.
@Hippo, Pack9 loses its first ACC series in over a year. Of course it’s to those dirty stinking Tarholes.
Try to avoid the home sweep tomorrow, but I’m already not happy.
all things in this world suck
‘Tis true.
I wonder what the Vegas fan base will decide to be their Thing They Throw On The Ice.
Scabies?
Strip club fliers.
http://www.klubvegas.com/StripKlubVegas/photos/2015-01-18/54b2788edd86b/strip-klub-free-limo-free-admission-stripklubvegas-nightclub-stripklubvegas-las-vegas-sun-january-18th-2015-klub-vegas.jpg
FREE LIMO RIDE!
I kinda like watching these Vegas games. That arena seems so fucking Vegas weird that it’s surreal.
“If the Knights score three goals or more, your next handjob is on us!”
As I remarked the other night, their pregame stuff is straight out of someone’s Tolkein acid trip.
There is, or used to be, a guy on the Sharks by the name of Melkor. MELKOR! Coincidence?
(ok, it’s actuall spelled Melker. Close enough.)
It’s a low down dirty shame Hunter S. Thompson ain’t live to see this weirdo shit.
So I was trying to find out info on the actor, and this happened
seems like am bad luck for the Vegas team. i’ll go back to playing some HOTS
In case you missed it below, there is a man named Randy Cunneyworth running around on the earth. Why was I not informed of this yesterday!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Cunneyworth
Its funny hearing score updates on the Pacers, because I find it fucking hilarious that none of the colts fans I know root for them.
Those fuckers bandwagon the bulls and every other chicago team. Bandwagoners, the whole lot of them.
Their silence fuels my hate boner
i have yet to see a flying v formation. When will this happen?
Who you guys like in the Costa Rican final? Deportivo Saprissa or Herediano? The former sounds like an exotic drink, so leaning that-a-way.
You’re clearly in need of help, but, gosh-darn-it, I’m not going to give it to you.
it’s almost like I have compulsive tendencies or sommet
Dammit Sharkies, cut that shit out.
jumping on that goalie seemed ill advised
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
what’s “icing” mean.
Puck crosses three lines without being touched by a teammate. Prevents cherry-picking, ie. a guy just waiting in front of the opponent’s goal and waiting for a long pass.
i.e., being the 1990s New Jersey Devils.
what’s the maximum number of players that can in the plenty box at the same time?
seems like they won;t go to a 5-on-2, which is some bullshit
?w=1000&h=613
Technically, 22. After two in the box, three guys plus the goalie will remain on the ice, regardless of how many men are in.
fuck that, if you can’t do teh time, don’t do teh crime. I wanna see a 5-on-fookin-1!
Important safety tip: try not to cook a full elaborate meal the same day you did extensive leg work at the gym.
Jesus.
Where’s my alcohol?
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
are players allowed to eat/drink/tweet while in the penalty box?
Water and/or Gatorade, yes.
Though, I would absolutely approve of being able to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and live tweet while in the sin bin.
Stanley Cups: MON 24 VAN 0
I don’t know what this picture is, but I’m high and I think it’s hysterical.
I have no idea what those signs mean, those signs held by those two bright green guys.
The left sign seems to bemaking fun of the fact that the Montreal coach can’t speak two languages. Historically, Montreal goes out of their way to hire coaches who speak French cause they are half-French wierdos up there, to the detriment of actual coaching ability. Baffling because unless this pic was from a brief period when Randy Cunneyworth, real name, was their coach, the Montreal coach WAS bilingual. The right sign is just pointing out that the guy in the penalty box there is an overpaid mee furst gglorye boy.
Also, fun fact, the current Vancouver coach at the time, I think, was a former Montreal coach. Maybe that’s where the bilingual dig comes in.
I’m shocked that hockey fans hate those meeeeee first gloreeeeee boyyyyyyys
Vegas comping the Sharks an awful lot of powerplays in a row here.
OH NOW YOU BRING IN TYLER LYONS YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS DICKLESS FUCKMONKEY!!!
/glad I’m not in Yinzburgh tonite
//I WOULD be saying such things out loud
#BFIB
u noe it!!!
#JortsNation
/the key being, Bell and Dickerson have large L/R splits, but would not have been pinch hit for in the 6th inning, when the game was truly on the line
Oh ho! Sharks cut it to 2-1 on the powerplay
The song “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” by its title, presumes that Georgia is some place below, and therefore worse than, hell. This is true.
The song also presumes that people in Georgia have souls, to be wagered in fiddle duels. This is not true.
Also, Johnny would win the duel purely on the technicality that “a band of demons joined in” with the devil. THAT’s NOT A DUEL! Your second doesn’t get to shoot at the same time as you!
FUN FACT! We had that record growing up, and toddler/child Hippo was always baffled, as the Devil clearly played his fiddle better.
Considering it was Georgja, the devil probably lost because he failed his “Fiddlers Literacy Test” that white Johnny didn’t have to take.
God bless the Cardinals bullpen.
There Is A Light And It NEVAR Goes Out…
also, at least I’m high as a mofukka
Dipped into the scotch, and now my back doesn’t hurt anymore. #WINNING (is that still a thing?)
are NHL players allowed to smoke weed?
Probably not, technically, but I think they get heavier stuff anyway, legally.
Vegas-Winnipeg would be an insanely great Western Final.
This Vegas team is all the more impressive considering they are a 25% scale replica of more famous teams from around the world.
but they’s got ALL TEH faux Army slogans!!11
6 by 6
WCS – I don’t think we will put Holland in tonight. Plus, I has moneys on this’un so paying better attention.
Evening lizard people. Anyone who heard the news last night, thank you for the condolences.
How’re things? I mean, given the circumstances…
We’re at my grand… grandfather’s, I guess. Padre Weaselo’s a wreck of course, but somehow he went to his catering hall piano gig, and he should be back in a little bit. Hermana Weaselo came down for the weekend.
I didn’t hear, so I pass ’em on now
the puck is hard to track.
BRING BACK SUPERTRAX!
The NFL and NBA should get penalty boxes. i like this concept.
nfl penalty box should just be a studio where the player has to participate in making a shitty nfl sponsor commercial.
So many Cincy commercials
“And the Humanitarian of the year award goes to… Vontaze Burfict, for the incredible 143 PSAs he filmed this season.”
speaking of killing hookers…here’s Jeremy Roenick as Fat Elvis!
The Iggles drafted a 6’8”, 346 pound rugby player from Australia. Look at this guy just truck dudes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=21&v=oH233ZDm-BA&ab_channel=GeorgeGhazal
Iggles haven’t stopped drinking since February
I haven’t stopped drinking since November 8, 2016.
Those will make some fine gifs.
Melo thinks he’s a top 40 player
https://streamable.com/833wg
Is this 2004?
All OKC needs to do is tell Melo he’s coming the bench and he’ll op-out and save themselves 22 mil. of course the OKC Front Office are not known to be be Mensa members.
how many concussions are these hockey guys allowed per game?
cantaloupe banana
I hate saying things that are heretical, but Westworld Sundays almost make up for it not being Greater Footy season.
For me it’s The Americans on Wednesday, but Westworld Sunday is a close second.
I still haven’t watched the last two episodes of Counterpart, or any of The Terror or Killing Eve.
still need to watch Wednesday’s – need to be in the right mindset to fully appreciate such wondrous art. I’ve been in such a shit mood, even by my asshole standards.
Oh, sweet Jesus. I finally got my laptop back.
/Does nothing with it, like before.
ain’t nobody got time for masturbating to cell phone videos!
For real, that is difficult as Hell.
How many courtesans you reckon Vegas’ owner has killed? A guy who does weirdo shit like this before ice footy matches gots some problems.
Is it Craig James? Because then it’s at least five.
,,,ppl forget that
ok, i’ll watch the vegas game until Pelicans play
I just got a prescription for some medicine to lower my blood pressure, but I have a question. I’m supposed to take one pill a day, but what would happen if I took all 30 of them at once? Would my blood pressure go to zero? Would it draw a vacuum in my arteries? Could I possibly implode? What would my eyeballs look like?
only one way 2 find out!
My frozen pizza said to cook at 350 for 20 minutes, but instead I launched it into the sun to cook for a millionth of a second. NOW WHOS LAUGHING, DIGIORNO!?
Montreal wins a lottery pick? What a surprise.
/In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic
Wait. The NBA is mixing rounds? What the actual fuck?
Instead of a meteor, I’m dreaming of one of Marchand’s victims getting a restraining order against him (for the licking is obviously sexual in nature, you see) and then going to every Bruins game in person, forcing Marchand to stay away, ultimately lose his job, and die penniless on the streets (since no one will pay him to get licked, you see).
“will lick strangers 4 fud”
aren’t these really “Bettman Quadrant Finals?”
The defining quality of Bettman Quadrants is that they are of unequal sizes.
they’re kinda like trapezoids, but kinda not??
/nice ploy to get stoners talking about the NHL when you think about it…
“What is a division?”
-NHL’s answer to the NFL’s catch queston