Your Eastern Conference Semi-Final Preview & Saturday Evening Open Thread

YEE-HAW! The second round started Thursday night, but with the NFL Draft getting in the way, there seemed no place for discussion. So, while the Games 2 are underway, we shall discuss as if nothing has happened & the Capitals are really not really laying another trap for their opponent.

Pittsburgh vs. Washington

This right here should be the Conference finals. The two marquee teams left on this side of the draw (RIP Maple Leafs & Toronto media bias), it has pretty much everything you want from a playoff series:

  • defending champions
  • last hurrahs of fading stars
  • goalies with shaky nerves
  • two teams that hate each other
  • one team with a legacy of success against the other.

I’m too lazy to go look, but I recall Deadspin making the point that each Penguins Cup this century was preceded by them beating the Capitals to move on. All signs point to another repeat of the script.

And yet.

Ha ha – just kidding. Anyone who thinks the Capitals might have learned their lesson by coming back against Columbus is forgetting that it was Columbus. John Tortorella can’t coach his way out of an equipment bag in the playoffs anymore, and is the one most responsible for wasting the best years of Henrik Lundqvist’s career. Barry Trotz might be the Caps coach, but in his mind he’s still the Predators coach, and like those teams, they don’t have a hope of getting past the second round with Barry Trotz in charge.

Prediction: Penguins in six.


Boston vs. Tampa Bay

Every Canadian’s eternal gratitude goes out to the Bruins for absolutely wrecking the Leafs psyche in Game 7, and thus shutting down the Toronto Media Complex that kept inundating viewers outside the 406 with highlights & analysis while completely ignoring Canada’s other team – the one that made the second round.

Now, this series is going to hinge on whether Tuuka Rask can get it back together. The Lightning are just that, and Steven Stamkos is playing with a chip on his shoulder about as big as the blame he carries around for his injury costing the Bolts last year’s playoffs.

Because the League has asked Brad Marchand to stop treating other teams like free samples at Baskin Robbins, he will have to focus on scoring, which he doesn’t do quite as well if he’s not 100% being a pest.

Full disclosure: I am a lifelong Bruin’s fan (blame it on parents who were Leafs & Habs fans), but I can’t see them being able to overcome the tools Tampa has at their disposal. They’ll get one, but will have to tee off knowing they at least ruined Toronto’s summer.

Prediction: Tampa in five.


Beerguyrob’s brief, spoiler-free review of “Infinity War”:

It’s FUCKING AWESOME! Go see it in the theatre. There’s always a few nits to pick, but I’m not nerding that far down. It’s a visual delight and doesn’t slow down the whole time.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sharks at Vegas – 8:00PM | NBC / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at Celtics – Game 7 – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
    • Pelicans at Warriors – Game 1 – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Yankees at Angels – 9:00PM | FS1
  • AFL:
    • Fremantle vs. West Coast – 2:30AM | TSN2
  • MMA:
    • Fedor vs. Mir – 9:00PM | Paramount (FKA Spike)
  • Johnsonville Cornhole Championships:
    • ACL Kick-Off Battle – 10:00PM | ESPN2
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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well fuck.

Brocky

well shit, a slightly more competitive series. ain’t that the worst fucking thing ever?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes. Sharks got gifted this one IMHO and will likely now survive going back home.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fucking snowflake conservatives walking out of WHCD because they get offended by jokes. I hope they choke on their literal and figurative pearl necklaces.

Brocky

if they joke on a pearl necklace, that’s Darwinism at work there.

Gratliff

Or Peter North

WCS

STOOPID LIBS, ALWAYZ TRYING TO HURT ARE FEALINGS!!!1! LITLLE DO THEY NOW, WERE FUNNYER THAN THAT OUR!!!11!

herodotus450

Is the conservative pro-global-warming agenda just in service of their effort to eliminate all snowflackes from the world?

Brick Meathook

They have cheerleaders in the stands?

Wakezilla

Lana wasn’t allowed to go to Saudi, so she dyed her her pink.

https://mobile.twitter.com/LanaWWE/status/990379281812525056/photo/1

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t know if I can judge on head hair alone.

Unsurprised

I wouldn’t expect her to have any other.

Spanky Datass

Can’t spell anal without lana.

Unsurprised

Goddamn Saudis.

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Brick Meathook

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Brocky

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Unsurprised

Fuck the NFL

Fronkenshteen

Hey! It’s Corey Lewandowski flashing “White Power” gang signs on stage tonight!
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Yup. Totally normal. Nothing to see here…

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK San Jose. Your mommy saved you from an 0-2 series deficit. Let’s see if you’ve got the nads to make good on it in OT2.

And tell 88 to shave that stupid beard he looks like he oughta be begging for change somewhere in Fresno.

herodotus450

[Announcers talking shit about hte quality of the ice in Vegas.]
“What are you talking about, we’ve got the best ice in the world, the best!”
-Vegas’ jewelry and crystal meth dealers, simultaneously

Brick Meathook

I wonder if the Chinese ad on the boards is for a prostitution service.

WCS

Thai manboy.

herodotus450

The eye in the sky always gets you!

Fronkenshteen

Dammit! I have to get up at 9:00 to watch West Ham lose. SOMEONE SCORE!!

Mr. Ayo

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Unsurprised

It me

theeWeeBabySeamus

This fucking goal should not even have been reviewed let alone overturned.

Congrats NHL. Roger Goodell is envious of your fuckery.

herodotus450

Gotta be called back, eh?

Mr. Ayo

Snake eyes!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s bullshit. Sorry.

Fronkenshteen

If this gets overturned, the blonde in the white pants is gonna lose her shit.

/you bastids know which one I mean

WCS

That is damn close. This will go either way.

Mr. Ayo

Well, technically, it can only go one way. But I get what you’re saying.

Fronkenshteen

Interference?

Mr. Ayo

Goalie interference? Can’t be

WCS

VEGAS BABY

theeWeeBabySeamus

HAHAHAHAHA…Suck it San Jose.

(sorry RockingDog)

Fronkenshteen

It’s weird seeing unbelievably tense Elvis impersonators.

herodotus450

For some reason Pavelski and his white hockey stick reminds me of George Constanza’s womens glasses.

Mr. Ayo

He reminds me of Pavel Bure in NHL 94

WCS

Best sprots game of all-time.

WCS

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herodotus450

A team in teal can never win a championship. See Miami, Dolphins. So it doesn’t really matter Sharks, now does it?

WCS

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herodotus450

Sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

WCS

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herodotus450

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brick Meathook

Are there any commercials during a hockey period?

herodotus450

Not in overtime, baby!

WCS

Far too many.

Brick Meathook

I don’t remember any during the earlier periods. I’m high though.

Fronkenshteen

I will now step away to use the bathroom. Enjoy the game-winning goal.

Mr. Ayo

You may have avoided it this time. Be wary of next time.

King Hippo

didn’t work for me – prolly be the third Commentist who goes

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Never forget:

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Wakezilla

Dammmm

theeWeeBabySeamus

Aisha, babeeee!!!!!

Brocky

So apparently they make breed specific specialty dog food now.

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So on one hand it’s hard for me to not roll my eyes at the people who would try to take advantage of foolish pet owners (this is the kinda thing my grandma would have bought)

On the other hand I own a shih tzu and I kinda want to get this

Brick Meathook

This OT period is a full 20 minutes? Is it sudden death?

Brocky

Sudden death.

They play till both teams are tired. First team with a player that dies from exhaustion loses.

The 20 min time is just to give them a break between periods

herodotus450

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King Hippo

Saprissa has FIVE yellow cards (and 1 red) in just 48 minutes of Lesser Footy. That’s some pretty good hate!

King Hippo

The NHL Draft is in Dallas, too? Do they have a deal with the NFL like the Olympics and Paralympics, like where if you get the one that makes money you have to also host the charity one?

Brocky

I’m assuming its part of an effort to bring a hockey team to dallas

Brick Meathook

HOCKEY DRAFT? YEE HAW!

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Gimme a break. I had a bad night.

WCS

Jim Irsay: The Early Years

Unsurprised

Jim Irsay: This Evening.

herodotus450

“Uhh, Homer, are you holding onto the can?”

Brocky

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herodotus450

Thing is, this Vegas arena doesn’t have any windows or clocks so you don’t realize you’ve been watching 3 periods of overtime hockey until it’s too late.

Brick Meathook

Plus the piped-in oxygen. And the old atom bomb testing.

WCS

[Arthur Blanks sues for copyright infringement]

SonOfSpam

The only thing funnier than Michelle Wolf on the WHCD tonight was Sara Huckabee NOT laughing while Michelle made fun of her 10 feet away. Seriously, you guys gotta watch this.

Unsurprised

I hope she just flat out calls Trump a thin-skinned cowardly little chickenshit loser. A fat fucking deadbeat failure who’s contributed nothing to the world and whose very existence has made the universe poorer for him being a part of it.

Mr. Ayo

KNIGHTS!

Mr. Ayo

Imagine being a Caps fan watching your team lose in the 2nd round to the Pens for the third year in a row while an expansion team in its first year wins the cup.

WCS

Even I wouldn’t have much of an issue with that. Same said for Winnipeg.

herodotus450

A team goalie’d by a first overall draft pick… of the Penguins.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, just imagine.

Thank goodness I don’t have to worry about THAT.

Unsurprised

Imagine being a Caps fan

Fuck that

WCS

Lil’ Jon at the Vegas game? Lil’ Jon knew who the Atlanta Flames were?!

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Brocky

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WCS

Ouch.

Brocky

He was underwater at the time. Doubt he was able to say that

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK “blurbggtttrrsghh”

Brocky

I choose to believe it was “crickey!”

King Hippo

hey, penalty on Vegas, that’s sommet new and excite. Do they think this is a two-legged tie and the scores carry over?

King Hippo

I was very happy to bet against Johnny Cueto. He bastard man. Also a fat cunt. GO DODGERS!!

Brick Meathook

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Spur

Come on Pelicans, we’re all counting on you.

Brocky

We Are?

checks pelicans score

SHIT WE ARE!

herodotus450

After several beers hours of analysis, I can find no logical flaws in Tenacious D’s Tribute, also about a song battle with the devil.

King Hippo

Like, why would the devil even be interested in these battles to begin with? Just swallow the dipshit’s soul and be done with it.

herodotus450

“But he was forced to set us free, by the honor code that demons… have to live by.”
It’s right htere in the song, clear as day. He lives by a code, man.

King Hippo

what’s the point of being the devil if ya gotta live by codes? That anti-devil as fuck, man!!

herodotus450

Hmm, well technically it’s just “a demon,” and not the devil. So maybe he’s trying to be a better demon, a usurper of lucifer, by following a code; sort’ve a honey vs. vinegar situation. Or maybe there was no demon, and the whole song is a man vs. himself conflict, about confronting one’s own insecurities about never singing the greatest song in the world.

Brocky

To quote a south park episode about the devil:

You got kicked out of here for being a headstrong rebel. And now you’re a whiny little bitch.

WCS

PA guy playing “Sabotage” during a timeout, and NBC didn’t censor. “I gotta fuckin’ thorn in my side!” is good work.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gentlemen

King Hippo

Bearistocrat!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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King Hippo

Is Left Shark ever not on the power play?