Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. Spread your wings, preseason football, show ’em what you got. This is the best quality you’ll get as most starters will play into the third quarter like the heroes that they are. What did we do to deserve such a blessing? I think it’s because we legged out an up-and-down summer, (Up? The World Cup threads were magnifico! Down? The frickin’ heat/forest fires were brutal… and no, it’s not because I’m getting oldish, thank you very much, silly whippersnapper!)  made the best of it, didn’t pass away or have a psychotic break and now we get rewarded! Like a midget wrestler that comes out on top, we must relish these small victories. TO THE GAMES!

NYG/NYJ:

This game is so full of itself every preseason. I blame you, New York media types. I’ll watch with my favourite grumpy expression.

DEN/WAS:

As far as the ‘Dacted’s are concerned, keep a leaky eye out for wr Cam Sims-he’s the team’s leading receiver in two, count ’em, two straight preseason games. As far as the Broncs are concerned, I’m willing to state that this is the last game that Paxton Lynch doesn’t play for Denver.

DET/T.B.:

Towards the end of the game when the camera cuts to the sideline, Lions starting qb Nubby von Applestreudel will be seen rubbing Oreo crumbs on his face and moaning. His O-line is accustomed to this behavior at this point in his career.

N.E./CAR:

The Smarm Police lead Brady away in handcuffs. He’s sent to a spa upstate where he can chase giggling super-models all the live long day.

SEA/MIN:

Announcer: “Mr. Tomsula, give us your take on this game.”

J. Tomsula: “There’s so much to unpack. [unties his bindle] There’s the spork and the can of beans and the jack knife and the train schedule and the…”

Announcer: “We’ll be right back… after the EMT’s arrive.”

G.B./OAK:

In a very touching gesture, the Raiders pregame meal was sea bass.

There you have it. To those that wish to post pics celebrating/objectifying the female form, might I suggest an alcohol theme? Ladies accompanied by various drams, steins, barrels, shot glasses, stills, kegs-whatever you find out there on the net frontier of images.