Donks 2018 – Welcome to SWAG World

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

That’s right, baby.  Ain’t nobody more popular than the backup QB, especially when he’s the redneck nephew of Jim Kelly, who somehow managed to get kicked out of fucking Clemson yet be 10 times smarter than functional illiterate Paxton Lynch.  Anyway, here’s the delightful Brandon Perna to take you through Swag looking great in his first action with Denver’s 2s, while Lynch sucked hind teat against the Bearistocrats! 3s:

One might note that the Donks have lost both home pre-season matches (correct!) and if Hippo led talking about the backup QB (again) who was the last overall pick in the 2017 Draft, perhaps things don’t look so fucking hot?

Well…maybe.  All things Pravda out of camp are positive regarding Case Keenum, and the very limited practice game snaps aren’t such that I am going to start panicking.  Nor am I one of those crazy fucks that expected a 5-11 side to turn instantly into a Superb Owl contender.  This is, after all, the NFL’s lukewarm oatmeal division for 2018 (and probably 2019).  He is a good fit for the Bill Musgrave/Gary Kubiak style that is currently in vogue in Dove Valley.  Demaryius and Emmanuel Sanders both seem noticeably happier.  QB should be fine.  Really.

The offensive line is still shit.  The starters are average on their best day, and the depth is as theoretical as a teenager’s common sense.  Keenum and Swag can both run for their life and make quick decisions, which is very good.

Folks are excite about BOTH rookie RBs Royce Freeman (Oregon) and especially local product Phillip Lindsay (Colorado), who has shown good open field and special teams ability, despite being wee tiny.  Could be a fantasy headache, with Devontae Booker sure to still get carries.  Plus again…shitty OL.

Back to the positives – the defense should be funner ‘n’ hayell.  Bradley Chubb starting along fellow chess piece/nether demon Von Miller will wreak havoc on opposing QBs.  Chubb has shown good run stopping and coverage ability, as well.  Perhaps I will buy my first jersey since the mango #7 I wore during college exams for luck?  The secondary is a bit iffy without Talib, but Bradley Roby and Chris Harris, Jr. are still very good.  They just cannot get hurt under any circumstances.

Oh, and the biggest positive.  Stealing Pre-Vegas’ cool black punter.  He’s fucking awesome.  And we should be punting a lot, and at altitude.  Pencil him in for team MVP.

Behind the scenes, there is a somewhat messy struggle for ownership, as both Bowlens struggle with Alzheimers.  This is remarkably fucking sad.

Overall, this team reeks of 8-8, but a ball could bounce a win either way.  In this division, 8 or 9 could easily suffice.  We shall see if the #SwagEra begins in earnest come 2019.  Hold onto your butts (hey, we have a Jake Butt!  Chubb and the Butt!  Chubb and the Butt!).

Instant Hippo Update: Tevas on the Ground in Donks-ville (sorry, Brick) and my oh my, does the Mile High City have some attractive womenfolk.  I wonder how Moose still has a working neck.  And yes, there were several #BFIB on my train from el aeropuerto.  They ain’t call us that for nuthin’ ya noe.

Instant Hippo Update Numero Dos: And guess where Hippo will be at 3p DFO standard time?

Oh yeah, that’s a Donks WOO!!!  Too bad it’s hot as fuck (more so than in North Cakalaky) and I left my Donks pullover and badass Donks/Obama combo logo long sleeve T-shirt (has to be seen to be believed, tis so awesome – the asshole vegan kid found for me thrifting, she really does have her good moments) in the car (way out park-and-ride lot).  I feel a bit bad wearing only #BFIB swag onto Holy ground, but maybe a cute girl will give me shit and then I’m in, baby!!

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Spanky DatassRikki-Tikki-DeadlySonOfSpamMoose -The End Is Well NighKing Hippo Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Due to your writing style I’m not sure what you are saying, but woooo anyway.

The division will all ride the mediocrity train through the season. Agreed it would be from 6-10, 7-9 to 10-6 winner and a one and done in the playoffs. All the teams are much closer than Rikki would have you believe, so predicting a winner is…… . It will come down to front line injuries and a few players that were not expected to be good shine. One thing is (if the Waiders don’t trade the Mack attack) that teams playing opponents in this division will get sacked, which should be glorious. I guess if pressed 9-7 and a Vance firing. Worst would be 6-10 with a bunch of injuries and a Vance firing, best Case would be 10-6, division and a playoff win because the opponent don fucked up. Donks will take the punting title however. I wouldn’t call the line shitty, but on the low edge of mediocrity, so the run game suffers.

Caveat; dis leeg is unpreDICKtable and a team gels and gets hot you never know; I just don’t think this will happen to any AFC West team this year. I still think it will be fun.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All the teams are much closer than Rikki would have you believe,

Hey! I said it was gonna be a 7-9 to 9-7 logjam!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

.yeah broncos fans are crazy.

JUipter ICey moons Explorer

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Holy shit! You’re in Denver Mr. Hippo? I’m flying in tomorrow morning and I WILL be going to Coors field Saturday and Sunday. I’ll be the guy wearing Cubs gear to root for your team to lose.

What can go wrong?

Let’s grab a damn beer!

Fronkenshteen

I’m guessing Keenum will be better for Manny, and SWAG better for Demaryius?
/enjoy the game

litre_cola

Please tell me you are going to the Rockies game and not preseason football.

Senor Weaselo

Rocktober is just a state of mind. One that apparently autocorrects to Rick Tibet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait, are you going to mile high or Coors field? I’ll be at the latter one tonight.

yeah right

Section 143 on Saturday!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Bummer, I’m leaving tomorrow

yeah right

Damn. Almost.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have a bad feeling about the AFC West this year. I foresee all teams ending up between 7-9 and 9-7.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“7-9 would have been nice.”

-a Seahawks fan, come January

Wakezilla

Nah. The Hawks need some lean years to rebuild.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

You know, I can see this team going 7-9, but given their schedule, could easily become a bad 10-6 team. A lot of it comes down to how out of touch Gruden is and if Mahomes is any good.

Donks could benefit from having a miserable off year to get one last high end pick to put them over the top. Otherwise, they scream a one and done playoffs team for the foreseeable future

LemonJello
LemonJello

maybe a cute girl will give me shit and then I’m in, baby!!

Artist’s rendition of said cute girl’s reaction:
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ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo getting some in Colorado would be an awesome thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I got some in Colorado one time! We were there for a wedding where the priest kept getting the bride’s name wrong. Which is just as well because six months later the groom had been arrested in a Chris Hansen style sting. Anyhow, my date and I overheard some girls complaining to their friends about the “screamer” in the room next door. Which happened to be our room. What happened next? Well in Fort Collins they say, Rikki’s ego grew three sizes bigger that day.

Sharkbait

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Ian Scott McCormick

And your partner was cool with you screaming?

SonOfSpam

He puts up with a lot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Now we know Rikki is a screamer.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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