Your Saturday Morning Lesser Footy Open Thread

Hi there commentists I hope you’re not too hungover today. Sadly, I will miss this week’s action as I’ll be driving 9 hours to a lakeside cabin in the mountains. That being said it’s so smoky from the forest wildfires that we won’t be able to see much. Also, I’m not allowed to swim in the lake due to a procedure I had this week. This procedure was relatively painless but I’m weeded and pilled up right now because my loins are very sore. While lying there having my boys taken care of  I did have questions concerning this whole operation.

The nurse came in after the doctor had pinned down my sack and covered the rest up.

Sidebar>>>There is a “thing” that went on in the south of my home province where  Hutterite colonies would advertise in the local paper for someone to stud their young ladies for 50 bucks and some eggs (seriously). During the “studding” there would be a sheet over the lass with a hole in it and dad sitting in the room with you during the proceedings. Well the hole was over my sack so the Dr and nurse could work their magic.

Back to the sack nurse, I have questions.

Did she strive to be this type of nurse? It certainly is a stress free workplace in comparison to an emergency room. It was stressful for me.

How does she treat other sacks in her private life? If she is a lesbian I totally get it sacks are weird.

Does she get paid more to be this type of nurse?

Does she have a sewing hobby at work or does she leave her job at the door when she is done?

I got a few answers from Mrs. Cola who works in the health industry. Apparently all nurses in this province are paid the same amount regardless of where they work as they are in a union. The reason that she would choose to work there is no stress and Monday to Friday and Friday is a half day at this facility.

Enough about that, on to the games!

The Bundesliga started yesterday and that means everyone is going now. Will Bayern run away with it again? Probably as they got many referee gifts yesterday against Hoffenheim in the season opener. This league is growing in influence over here as there are many Americans playing there, including Christian Pulsilic who is the future of the USMNT. If you ever get the chance to go to Allianz Arena in Munich, take it as it is truly an amazing experience. I went to a Champions League game against Club Brugge during Oktoberfest in 2005. The game started at 845 pm so the majority of people in the stadium were absolutely trashed, it was sublime. My ticket ended up being in the Bayern Ultras end where the guys next to me gave me a song-sheet and bought me beer! At this time regular strength beer was still available for consumption in some countries.

Ligue 1 is 2 weeks deep and would you look at that PSG is in 1st.

Today in Serie A has two great matchups with Juventus taking on Lazio and Napoli v Milan. I hate to say it but I know that I’ll be watching Juve games this year due to pretty boy Ronaldo. The guy is supremely talented and the game changes when Ronaldo is in it.

In Scotland, Hearts is in first after a victory over Celtic. Take that you bastards!

BATE Borisov is running away with Belarus 17 games into their season.

Belgium is 4 games in and Anderlecht is undefeated followed closely behind by Genk and Club Brugge.

Young Boys are undefeated in Switzerland and have opened up a 5 point gap with Basel. Could we see Young Boys in Europe? Many would travel from abroad to see Young Boys play in Europe.

In England today’s matchups are as follows,

In the early game Man City visits Wolves at Molineaux. Wolves haven’t really had the start they were looking for and you would think the mercenaries from Citeh will put them to the sword.

In the middle games Everton visits Bournemouth  (A DFO DERBY!) which should be a cracker as both of these clubs have to be pleased with their starts, especially Bournemouth. Hippo is never happy so he will tell you that the Toffees have dropped easy points already. Yeah Right will know that with a victory the Cherries will be well on their way to safety.

London Derby alert! West Ham visits the Emirates where I am sure if they win a lot of those fickle fans will be wanting Wenger back. He is a bit busy getting awards in Liberia. I could definitely live in a world where both of the clubs have 1 pt after 3 weeks.

Cardiff visits Huddersfield Town and Neil Warnock can continue to pleasure himself with a rusty spanner.

In the I give 0 fucks category we next have Southampton hosting Leicester.

The late game is going to be a good one as Liverpool welcomes Brighton to Anfield. I’m upset that I’m missing this and would love to take a pit stop to watch it. The Reds have looked superb thus far and made their wins look very easy. I thought that they might take a step back but a lot of their players only played three games at the World Cup so they aren’t starting their season on empty. The Seagulls gave us all a gift last week when they took out Man U in an icedibly entertaining game.

I am absolutely terrible at fantasy football for the Premier League. It is embarrassing.