[DFO] Hate Week Presents: The LA Rams – A Team You Learn To Hate

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

I hope you’ve enjoyed the week so far. Sorry today was a little late – work got in the way.

This third installment of the Third Annual [DFO] Hate Week is brought to you by what’s left of the Grateful Dead, California Emissions Standards, and the 1-Eleven Neighborhood Crips,

a division of the Rollin’ 100s, and your local South-Central security & valets, serving Inglewood and, soon, the Rams new stadium.

Just a brief reminder that while his name will come up occasionally, Stan Kroenke is getting his own day tomorrow, along with his rent boy Dean Spanos. So I will try to keep the hate focused on the team and not the bastard who makes them to easy to do so.


When you Google “LA Rams in the Super Bowl”, you get one of three types of post:

  1. Revisionist history that claims the “LA Rams” beat the Titans in 1999 & lost to the Patriots in 2001.
  2. A lot of pictures of Terry Bradshaw avoiding a one-legged Jack Youngblood in Super Bowl XIV.
  3. Warren Beatty winning that same Super Bowl at the end of “Heaven Can Wait”.

RIP Dick Enberg

So I’m already mad at the Rams before I even start researching why I should hate them in the first place.

Let’s play a name-association game:

                                         LA or St. Louis Ram?

                                         LA or St. Louis Ram?

                                         LA or St. Louis Ram?

                                         LA or St. Louis Ram?

                                         LA or St. Louis Ram?

If you can tell the difference, then you’ve been paying attention. Also, you probably don’t live in LA, because most current Rams fans couldn’t pick any of these guys out of a lineup. (Well, they might have thought they once picked the black guys out of a different lineup.) The LA Rams have a history, but no playoff glory. Their Super Bowl heroes are from St. Louis. No amount of broadcast repeating “Rams Super Bowl” should obfuscate the fact that the Super Bowl Champion “Rams” are not from LA.

Yet.

Remember that going into The Big Game.™®©


The whole reason for this dichotomy is a wonderful, delightful person known as Georgia Frontiere,

Seen here before sucking the lifeforce out of another Dick.

a competitor to Nancy Reagan (nee Davis) for the cognomen, “Blowjob Queen of Hollywood”.

Not many people remember that, after she was a failed actress & lounge singer, she was married to Carroll Rosenbloom, then-owner of the Baltimore Colts. She “encouraged” him to exchange the Colts for Robert Irsay’s LA Rams, in a “trade” that occurred in July 1972. This was so she could live in LA and integrate herself into the Hollywood social scene. (So, she’s also partly responsible for the Colts leaving Baltimore.) After his mysterious drowning in 1979, she inherited the Rams. In 1980, she both moved them to Anaheim and married her seventh husband, Dominic Frontiere.

Incompetent ownership resulted in incompetent management, leading to incompetent draft decisions,

which drove down attendance & led to her seeking new venues for her asset. Guaranteed profits & a cheap lease led her to St. Louis. [The LA Times has a pretty acerbic take on the whole affair here.]

They only had four winning seasons in St. Louis – the last in 2003. Her death in 2008 led to her children inheriting her majority share in the team, which they then promptly sold one year later to minority-owner Stan Kroenke, after he froze out the intended purchaser, Shad Khan. Internet Dad will fill you in on his assholery tomorrow, but suffice to say LA bent over to get the team back, so he left St. Louis at his first opportunity.

So, a history of bad ownership makes the Rams prime candidates for hate.


Coaching also makes this team easy to hate. Since their founding as the Cleveland Rams in 1936, this team has had 28 head coaches, and only nine of those had better than .500 records. Their only Super Bowl was won by Dick Vermeil, whose career record in St. Louis was 22-26, which includes the 13-3 record they compiled during the Super Bowl run. One of those nine is Mike Martz, and it’s pretty telling that a guy with a 53-32 career record can’t get another top job. None of those nine is Jeff Fisher, who almost buried this franchise upon their move back to LA by not recognizing that Jared Goff might possibly be the real fucking deal.

Their current coach, Sean McVay, has been their head coach for exactly two years, and has compiled an impressive 24-8 record behind a competently drafted offense and a Wade Phillips defense that is wildly overpaid because their all-pro QB is still on his rookie deal. He somehow survived working for both Grudens – Jon in 2008; Jay from 2014-16 – and Mike Shanahan on his way up the coaching ladder. But somehow he has become the lodestone by which all future NFL coaching hires need to be measured against. Just look at these headlines:

Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Look at all that knob-slobbery. I’d look up what Peter King has to say, but that would require reading Peter King, and I have no doubt he’s made quite a mess of the Acela Quiet Car typing missives about Sean McVay.

Wasn’t it just five years ago Pete Carroll was getting the same treatment after two Super Bowls and a defense that held on every play, only to have to undergo lineup changes once they realized they’d have to pay their rookie QB a shit-ton of money to stick around? How’d that financial ramification turn out?

Get back to me in five years to see how that flash panned out.


I’ve really got nothing against the players. Having watched the Rams play the Seahawks since 2010, I’ve mostly enjoyed watching the Seahawks roll over the Rams. In the last couple of years, the games have been much closer and, frankly, a lot better. Gurley, Goff & Donald are the real deal, and any team would be highly fortunate to have these guys to build around.

What I do object to are the short-term rentals they’ve signed on to so that Ann Walton’s husband can win a trophy, which will drive up the value of the Stadium Seat Licences he’s trying to sell to fill up his new stadium. Guys like  Ndamukong Suh get paid $14 million not because they are of long-term value to an organization, but in the hopes that they can both benefit from mutually prostituting themselves to the other. For Suh, it’s a paycheque & a chance at a ring; for the Rams, it’s a chance to be able to add “Super Bowl Champions” to the brochure:

Just so you understand:

For Reserved Seats, the price range for accompanying SSLs is $1,000 to $5,000 and season tickets range from $60 to $125 per game.

For Premier Seats, SSLs range from $7,500 to $15,000 and season tickets will be $150 to $200 per game. Premier Seats offer the next level of exclusivity after Club Seats, including dedicated access into the building, exclusive concourse areas and the opportunity to purchase parking on-site.

A limited number of Club Seats are available. SSLs for Club Seats range from $15,000 to $80,000 and accompanying season tickets are $375 per game, locked in for three years.

All payments made under the SSL agreement, including any finance charges, will be treated as refundable deposits, with repayment from available funds to be made in 50 years.

This last part is in direct response to the Rams losing their case against St. Louis season-ticket holders who were still owed games or compensation when they bolted to LA. ‘Oh, you’ll get your money back, when I fucking say so.’ This whole run is nothing more than bonus advertising to sell real estate, something Stan Kroenke is quite familiar with.


In conclusion: The LA Rams – don’t hate the players, hate their organization’s games.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
38 Comment threads
37 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
21 Comment authors
yeah rightUnsurprisedALXMACCol. Duke LaCrossBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

yeah right

I don’t carry that much animosity towards the Rams on account of my Vikings used to beat the piss out of them on an annual basis. It was like a right of passage.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Deacon Jones was the tits.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not as hypnotic.
comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Better at slapping the head, maybe not giving it.

Col. Duke LaCross

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Tomorrow’s high is 54° and that’s unacceptable.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Rob Ryan and Jim Tomsula are both coaching for the Redacteds. What a stupid fucking franchise/league.

yeah right

Hear hear!

Senor Weaselo

The Knicks currently officially have the worst record in the NBA. If that holds up, one of two things will happen:
1. Frozen Envelope 2: Electric Boogaloo
2. Whatever the lowest pick the worst team in the league is assured of? (I think 4th?) They will get that pick, if not somehow lower.

Fronkenshteen

LA is the trickle-down economics of sports: as an idea, it’s stupid, ignorant, and wrong. But every decade or so, it gets an awful lot of traction.

WCS

Stoopid sexy Lakers, Lakers, Kings, and…. bad hairpieces?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t like that the Midwest is hogging all the weather sympathy right now. It’s going to rain here tomorrow. RAIN! But it’s like nobody even cares about us.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Redshirt

In Future News, here’s a Live Reaction Shot of me going out tomorrow morning to go to work.

comment image

Senor Weaselo

THIS REDSHIRT TOMORROW MORNING, I CALL HIM A REDSHIRT ON THE ENTERPRISE BECAUSE HE’LL BE FROZEN SOLID DEAD, JIM

WCS

That’s me taking the dog out for her night walk.

Gratliff

So during the coldest week in a generation, a fire broke out at a natural gas compressor station and now Consumer’s Energy is asking like 75% of Michigan to cut their heat back to 65 degrees because they’re struggling to match demand with that station down. I expect people will handle this appropriately and push it up to 80 because theyr’e afraid it’s gonna run out and they won’t get their share.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People are smart.

Senor Weaselo

How is there not a 2019 “Ram It!” song? LA is dropping the ball here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

To be honest, there’s a chance LA hadn’t noticed the Rams are in the Super Bowl yet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why would we be paying attention to what some team from St. Louis is doing?

Senor Weaselo

The Blues? Aren’t they trash this year?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What a chickenshit move on the station’s part.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t hate the Rams. The ownership, some of the post owl win fans, some areas in LA, some residents, LA traffic, sure, but the food trucks and beaches are A-OK.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

Jaws is on.
comment image
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

Panguins up 4-0, probably trying to distract everyone from their godawful jerseys.
/Why isn’t it spelled “jersies”?

King Hippo

the Hipster Alliance failed to alert me of a new Vampire Weekend song:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

yeah right

Sorry, I should have notified you.

WCS

And then there’s this human paraquat…comment image

King Hippo

He is probably our very favourite overall, though I still personally favour Kramer (RW is #2, though)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tommy “Six-pack” Kramer was not a redox-active heterocycles.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Best part of Windmageddon is the generation of stand up comics it will inspire to write jokes like “global warming, eh?”

ballsofsteelandfury

One bone to pick: Inglewood bent over for the Rams, not LA.

LA wanted no part of the Rams which is why the only options were Carson and Inglewood, both separate cities run by shitty local governments.

King Hippo

well, they IS always up to no good smh

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

When I was 8 years old, becoming aware of pro football, and before it dawned on me that since I was from Massachusetts I was required to be a Boston Patriots fan, I had a poster in my room of Rams QB Roman Gabriel. I thought Roman was a cool name.

King Hippo

He also was the first in the long line of great pro QBs from one North Carolina Muthafuckin’ State!

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

No love FOAR Mike “The Giraffe” Glennon??

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

appreciate you found one against the Donks, even!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

King Hippo

yeah, the modern trailblazer was Erik Kramer of Bearistocrats/Cuck Liouns fame…but it all rolls back to Gabriel.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

date: so tell me something interesting about yourself
me: i used to be a baby
date: what?
me: but im not anymore

WCS

comment image

King Hippo

Just cashed a $40 bet at +520 on my Colombian ninjas, Alianza Petrolera!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I just met this woman. She seemed quite delightful.

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls: Poker?
RTD: Dude! I’m married!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s funny, because it wouldn’t surprise me to see her there some night, but no.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

along with his rent boy Dean Spanos…

/dying

King Hippo

I shit you not, here is (plus other stuff) Tubby Wade telling Two of the Good Ones I’ve been poppin’ since my demo!

How can anyone not want to Superb Owl RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! Yeah…

King Hippo

heard on SiriusXM tonight, the always delightful, aspiring bunny boiler PJ Harvey!

/still would

Sharkbait

Hate their organizational games? Done.

GO PATS! BEAT FAHKIN LA

scotchnaut

“Resurrection” by Wolf Haas is done. “Black Fortunes” is up next. That’s 5 of 35 books done according to the New Year’s promise. I’ve lost three pounds of the 25 I’m going for and I fucking hate this elliptical. At this rate I’ll have read 60 books and have lost 36 pounds!*

*not gonna happen but I’ll see where this goes…

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice job!

scotchnaut

You’re a Canuckian and you made a reference to work. Doug And The Slugs salute you…

litre_cola

They played here last year at the casino.