The district was short people this morning, so I got called in. Apologies for the haphazard presentation, but earning extra Spring Break drinking money will always take priority.
NFL Nuggets:
- As expected, Blake Bortles & his lifetime 24-49 record were released by the Jags Tuesday evening.
- He’s sure to latch on as a backup somewhere, assuming the role of “smirking bastard” Chad Henne had behind him.
- Proving it’s a new era in Baltimore, Lamar Jackson Instagrammed himself (since deleted) doing 105 mph in his car while also not wearing a seatbelt.
- But don’t worry – after a stern talking to – he’s totes recognized the error of his ways.
I made a bad decision and will set a better example going forward. #Myapologies
— Lamar Jackson (@Lj_era8) March 13, 2019
- The Saints restructured Drew Brees’ contract to push more of his guaranteed money into future years.
- They pushed $20 million of his contract into 2020, in order to free up $10.8 million in cap space for 2019.
- It’s not Bobby Bonilla getting paid $1.2 million per year until 2035, but it’s a sizable chunk staring them down when they eventually rebuild without Brees.
- They pushed $20 million of his contract into 2020, in order to free up $10.8 million in cap space for 2019.
- KJ Wright is staying in Seattle, making Beastmode & I very happy.
- Unlike our failed marriage.
- It’s 2 years totaling $15 million.
- Seattle also signed kicker Jason Myers away from the Jets.
- Four years & $15.5 million should provide some stability to a part of the Hawks lineup that used to be automatic.
- The Raiders released Jordy Nelson & AJ McCarron.
- Nelson because his salary ran up against the cap room they needed for Antonio Brown.
- McCarron because they don’t want his wife anywhere near Brent Musburger when they move to Las Vegas.
Finally, the Giants have found Eli a new target in Golden Tate, who’s now in the Meadowlands for four years.
- Let’s see how Giants fans are reacting to both decisions:
GO FUCK YOURSELVES. FUCK DAVE GETTLEMAN AND FUCK JOHN MARA. WHAT A TERRIBLY RAN FRANCHISE… I’M AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. Meanwhile, my Odell Beckham Browns jersey will be in the mail shortly. Sorry that you will now lose out on my money and I will not attend a single game this year.
— cole (@_coIe) March 13, 2019
https://twitter.com/richg85_rich/status/1106305536407027712
I am going to drink myself to deathhttps://t.co/EdOvnXzEtS
— Dave Rappoccio (@DrawPlayDave) March 14, 2019
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Penguins at Sabres – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Predators at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Lakers at Raptors – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- Mavericks at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- ACC Basketball Tournament:
- Louisville vs. U*NC – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- Syracuse vs. Duke – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- Big 12 Basketball Tournament:
- Texas Tech vs. West Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Kansas vs. Texas – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Big East Basketball Tournament:
- Marquette vs. St. John’s or DePaul – 7:00PM | FS1
- Seton Hall vs. Georgetown – 9:30PM | FS1
- American Athletic Basketball Tournament:
- Tulsa vs. SMU – 8:00PM | ESPNU
- Wichita State vs. East Carolina – 10:00PM | ESPNU
- Atlantic 10 Basketball Tournament:
- St. Louis vs. Richmond or Fordham – 8:30PM | NBCSN
- ACC Basketball Tournament:
This is a pretty cool video. No narration, no music, no nothin’ except a Japanese guy carving up a giant tuna, from whole all the way down to prepared sushi. He uses a Santoku knife at first (my good kitchen knife is a German-made Zwilling Santoku and it’s awesome) but halfway through he switches to a long thin knife that I believe is called a Yanagi. It seems sharp as shit. In fact, I don’t know how this guy still has all of his fingers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65rxBoi74C8
Dang!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8csqyWvFj8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QavplVberM8
.
.
HTFYDB?
Bassetbaw notes: With leak of emails where she disdainfully mocks the Clippers, uses her own coup against her brother as an example of her power, and calls Steve Ballmer “Ballz” (which is brilliant on multiple levels, but uncalled for) Jeannie Buss has broken the glass ceiling and become the first female basketball owner (and second in sports after Georgia Frontiere) to join the club of “Arrogant Dickweeds Who Inherit Everything Yet Act Like It’s Earned.”
Steve Ballmer fingergunz shop, anyone?
Virginia McCaskey would like you to hold her Metamucil.
Look, Jeannie Buss may be everything you said, but don’t you DARE put her in the same sentence as the hellbeast Frontiere. That is all.
The woman on the right fucked Yvonne DeCarlo.
SOS: she’s not in Georgia’s league, but I now fully accept the Lakers as Knicks West. She’s Dolan, except she doesn’t have a band, and she had a Playboy spread, which was nice and all. Magic = Isiah (or NY Phil, either or, really). LeBron = Melo
Ready to quit on the NBA altogether.
Spread is more of a Penthouse thing….
I mean…I get it, I do. And the Lakers have been run poorly for a while. But she has good bewbs. And we’re definitely not the Knicks. Still, Lakers are my team 4evr because I’m immature.
If, when Jean-Ralphio and Tom, I mean Magic and Pelinka, get themselves fired, and Jeannie brings in a real knowledgeable GM and President that understand team building rather than “STARZ GET RINGZ, GET ME STARZ”, I will happily retract my statement. If she hires Phil, February to April is strictly fight season.
Fair enough. You certainly haven’t said anything wrong, but…
1) I’ll always root for the Lakers
2) Georgia Frontiere is in hell where she belongs
Santana’s lesser known song. Not quite as catchy.
Nice.
Honestly, if they hire a decent coach to replace poor Luke and sign a decent FA who isn’t Boogie Cousins, I’ll gladly give them another chance. This year has just been like the crest of the six year wave that even LeBron couldn’t surf.
Fight season deserves a drink for it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMlvjJ9uxo
We shall henceforth call him Steve Benwa
Where is the other one?
Mass shooting in New Zealand 🙁
Next time I’m gone for a bit and come back I’ll try not to bear shitty news
I truly can’t imagine going to a peaceful safe place and just… never coming home. Every time there’s a new shooting it makes me question if I want to have kids and bring them into this hellscape world. Idk… shit sucks. I hope the people who died are at peace.
Yes, have kids. The world’s still a wonderful magic place and your kids will help it become more so.
But for fucks sake, keep an eye on ’em.
Perhaps I’ll let them choose their favorite team so they can at least have a chance to know SOME joy.
Of course. Your hell doesn’t need to be their hell.
Kids are worth it, even if the world isn’t.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/14/style/boyfriend-roommate-problems.html
This is fake; the Borgias never lived in an apartment.
Is this a José Hose B joke?
It would be funnier if it was…..
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucrezia_Borgia
For the millionth time, fuck white people.
Jay Leno said the late night hosts are being totally unfair to Heir Cheeto.
He made a hell of a living making fun of Clinton and Bush so he has zero right to talk.
Jay Leno can get fucked with any of his douchecars. Just go die and let the grownups talk.
Agreed, it comes of a bit…..
Quite popular exercise machine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Omr6OAN8tY0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BecVz9-E-BY
It’s a Craig Ferguson night? Fair enough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvPxRyIWWX8
Have you watched the HBO Robin Williams thing? Funny and depressing, damn it.
Between the Robin Williams and Andre the Giant docs, HBO has a solid lock on the “smile for 45 minutes then bawl like Rocky crying over Mickey for the other 15” niche.
Nope, it was just really dusty at my house at that particular time. The Gary Shandling one was like that too, fuckers.
As opposed to Dear Zachary, which is *checks run time* 95 minutes of straight bawling
She seems nice.
I’d buy her dinner.