Better Know A South American Euros Participant – Colombia

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Hi, everybody.  It’s King Hippo, bringing you news of Most Glorious South American Euros.  Today’s preview involves the beautiful, peace-loving nation of Colombia, where the national team is called Los Cafeteros – because certainly, when one thinks of Colombian exports, one always thinks coffee.

You may remember them from the last World Cup as the stylish team that pissed Hippo off by losing to Cuck Liouns in the Round of 16.  I may or may not have lost significant moneys on that.  Anyway, the rankings say they are still quite good – #12 in FIFA, #8 in ELO.  Their active squad is mostly composed of players from European giants, including the mighty Everton (CB Yerry Mina).

We also called them Coca Bros. last time out, but let’s just say Wakey gave Hippo a link one can NEVAR unsee, one that will instantly change their nickname forever.  Jesus Tapdancing Christ…these weirdos fuck donkeys on the regular, and it’s an accepted part of their culture.  From maintaining Catholic virtue to “natural male enhancement” (let’s see Jimmy Johnson cut ads for THAT) – it seems to be the go-to solution for all Colombian life problems.

Here is VICE news, Asses of the Caribbean:

This is not a Borat report, though it really, really should be.

Hippo placed a whopping bet of $11 and change on Los Donkeyfuckers to win the South American Euros.  At +900, it seemed like good value.

These fuckswains have won el torneo exactly once, in 2021 – not coincidentally the only time they ever hosted.  One presumes each squad was given “gift baskets” including sex donkeys.  World Cup-wise, they topped out at the Flacco Eight, in 2014.

In terms of crowd watching, one always looks out for Carlos Valderrama, as well as MOAR typical perving.

But you and I both know – all one will ever be able to think about when this side plays…is donkey fucking.  You’re welcome, Commentist Party faithful.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Please Login to comment
10 Comment threads
12 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
11 Comment authors
Wakezillalitre_colaSonOfSpamHoratio CornblowerBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Wakezilla

The Fuck Donkeys (Burros sexo?) are going to be hauling ass to win their group

Great write up!

litre_cola

I too have put money on the Coca Boys to win their group.

Horatio Cornblower

“You left your home in Ohio and went all the way to Florida; why?”

“Well, Kelly, because one of them is Ohio and the other one is literally anywhere else.”

SonOfSpam

“Also, Kelly, I would like to do stuff to you. Hi mom!”

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, let’s put 4 teenage males in a room with Kelly Nash and see what happens!
comment image?nocache=d6ee00a0-5

/drops 7 spots due to inability to hide awkward boner

Horatio Cornblower

Are we not doing a live-blog for the MLB draft?

Probably a good idea, since we’d be largely commenting on high-schoolers, and the FBI has asked that I stop that.

Anyhow, the Orioles are about to take a catcher from Oregon State, unless they don’t, in which case things are going to be very awkward because they’ve got the kid, his entire family, his coach, and the better part of his entire team on camera.

SonOfSpam

Any time you can get a Beaver that receives you gotta lock that down.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You talk about fucking donkeys like it’s a bad thing. At least these guys aren’t out there screwing whores.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re clearly not getting your donkeys from the same corral I am.

Uh, I mean, um, hey! Who wants ice cream!?

SonOfSpam

Word on the street is that Jeopardy will be worth watching tonight.

Sharkbait

I’ll take “Shadenfreude” for $800 Alex.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Ken Jennings

blaxabbath

“Is this banner image gal trying to be American AND Mexican?

TRIGGERED!”

comment image

LemonJello
LemonJello

Is he a spokesperson for Zeke Elliott’s “FEED ME” brand lead paint chips?
comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Lead paint: delicious but deadly

SonOfSpam

If they disappoint, you can shoot the goalie as tradition dictates.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What’s a goalie?” – Philip Rivers

SonOfSpam

+9 and counting

blaxabbath

It’s the guy who prevents scoring from happening. Like having Mike McCoy as OC.

Game Time Decision

i thought they shot the refs

ballsofsteelandfury

2021? KING HIPPO CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE!!

No wonder he does so well at gambling….

ballsofsteelandfury

I also love the phrase “sex donkeys”