Better Know A South American Euros Participant – Chile

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

After penning an ode to Los Donkeyfuckers earlier this week, I had a bit of trepidation Googling “VICE news Chile” – alas, it doesn’t seem like La Roja are famously into boning livestock.  I’m sure my college drinking buddy Rodrigo will be heartbroken.

Fun story about Rodrigo – at his 2nd wedding, they served pisco sours.  At which point I realized that the pre-game/ticket campout beverage Rod “invented” as Rod’s Old-Fashioned Sour Patch Kids was all a lie.  At one point in time, we also proudly proclaimed ourselves to be the two best drunk drivers in Wake County.  There is nothing more frighteningly stupid than a college-aged American (or apparently, naturalized Chilean) male.

Anyway, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, the VICE segment on Chile is about the explosion of HIV and how poorly the conservative Catholic culture is dealing with it.  Like, that’s hardly funny at all  ,, smh:

Best to focus on the Lesser Footy.  Chile actually won back-to-back South American Euros titles in 2015 (home soil) and 2016 (Los Estados Unidos).  That was seen as more or less the last bit of glory for the nation’s “golden generation” of footballers.  Shit, they ain’t even qualify FOAR the Putin World Cup.  Sad Hippo.

Former captain/Chilean keeper God Claudio Bravo is no longer even with the side.  Most of the squad plays in the Chilean, Argentine, or Brasilian leagues.  You really only have three dudes at “big” clubs, and they are all in their 30s (Arturo Vidal, Barca; Charles Aranguiz, Bayer Leverkusen; and Alexis Sanchez, Man United whipping boy) – dinosaur age in modern Lesser Footy.

Still, at +1000, they were worth a $10 Hippo punt, because fuck all the favoured sides.  Bastard men, all.  Some rapey-er, bitey-er, or MOAR racialist/Nazi-sympathizing than others.  Also, I sometimes bet on Colo Colo (hee hee, silly name) or Huachapito (no idea, fuck you, YOU have a problem) domestically.  This is all aprapos of nada, but I have shared anyway.

Shall we close with a proposed new himnio nacional?  WE SHALL!

Yes, they perform this live, and it’s fucking amazing!

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Please Login to comment
7 Comment threads
6 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
8 Comment authors
WakezillaDon TKing HippoIan Scott McCormicklitre_cola Recent comment authors
Notify of
Don T

Vidal is a red card waiting to happen. Msybe before the knockouts.


More like Vidal So-soon!

/That joke would have killed it in the mid 90s inside of a gawdy looking salon


“Alexis Sanchez, Man United whipping boy”

He scored 1 goal all season. He deserves that title


A person with HIV is also known in Chile as a red hot Chile Pepper

Ian Scott McCormick

“Argentina? It’s Chile. Listen, you should probably get tested.”


If life has taught me anything it is that Magic Johnson got rid of his HIV by pumping money directly in to his veins.


Hippo: “These chicks gonna give me AIDS?”

Hua Zhang: “They’re from Chile.”

Hippo:comment image


A “$10 Hippo punt” is what Mark Davis used to call Janikowski.


Narrator – Only he didn’t say “punt”