Your “Sweet Holy Hell It’s Early” Sunday Morning Cricket Thread

So the other night I was joking around about the Cricket World Cup, and how I didn’t think there should be an Open Thread because it’s:

  1. On too damned early, and
  2. Too obscure

Well, I’ve been shamed. So here we go.


The final match of the tournament is between England (the hosts) and New Zealand. It is being held at Lord’s, possibly the most famous cricket pitch in the world.

It was a ten-team tournament, and played in the ODI 50-over format. Each team played the other once, and only the top-4 teams qualified for the semi-finals. At the end of 45 days, it came down to England versus pre-tourney favourites Australia & New Zealand up against perennial powerhouse India.

How each team got here can be summed up in the accompanying YouTube videos.

England was able to silence Australia’s bats, as they took down the top-3 Aussie batters within seven overs, and having to bat defensively for the remaining overs kept the Australian score at 223 – whereas the average Australian score during the tournament was closer to 300 per match. It meant the English could focus on just making contact & hitting singles, since a 50-over format means 300 balls pitched (six balls per over X 50 overs). England was able to get the job done in 32.1 overs.

And just like that, the five-time, defending champions were eliminated.

The New Zealand – India match was a little more interesting. As Litre_Cola can attest, watching the IPL can give you the sense that India are akin to the 1989 Oakland A’s – they have a ton of guys who can just mash the ball. There was also the usual sub-continental political & religious intrigue: Pakistani fans accused India of purposely losing to England in the round-robin stage in order to help England leap over Pakistan in the standings. Also, former Indian captain & current team member MS Dhoni had started the tournament wearing gloves with his Indian military insignia on them, a division of which patrols the disputed region of Kashmir.

(He was later prohibited from wearing them, but damage done.)

Add in the number of Pakistanis living in England, and you had a quite raucous crowd rooting on New Zealand.

New Zealand was able to get the outs they needed at key times and their score of 240 held up and allowed them to win the day.

In Pakistan, the media rejoiced, and one Pakistan cabinet minister declared that Dhoni (pictured above) “deserved the ‘disgraceful exit’.” Indian-occupied Kashmir erupted in celebration of New Zealand.

https://youtu.be/szEyXtNUEqY

So that’s not going to resolve itself anytime soon.


Anyway, on to the match at hand.

England is led by captain Eoin (pronounced Owen) Morgan. Irish-born but English through his mother, he has been rock-solid in his match-calling prowess during the tournament. The batting lineups he has put together have been impressive top-to-bottom, especially Jonny Bairstow and Joe Root. He has used his bowlers efficiently, never letting a team get too far out front before he has to change tack. Key to England’s chances are bowlers Chris Woakes & Joffra Archer. Woakes was “Man of the Match” against Australia, getting three wickets and wrecking Australia’s shit by keeping them to 2.5 runs per over. Archer is a hitting machine who also throws a 90 mph seamer, and can place the ball anywhere along the pitch he wants – which allowed him to finish third in overall wickets taken with 19. If these two are able to keep their run rates down, New Zealand is going to have a difficult time cracking 200, let alone getting to 250.

New Zealand is led by their captain & overall tournament batting leader Kane Williamson, who leads the table with an average of 91 runs per at-bat. James Neesham and Colin de Grandhomme are quality all-rounders (both excellent bowlers & batters) who have been consistently good for 50 runs & a couple of wickets per match. Where they might be weak is in relying on bowlers Trent Boult and Lockie Ferguson to hold up their ends, as each were rocked in different matches this tournament, but were bailed out by superior coverage from their team mates.

Prediction:

  • England: 285
  • New Zealand: 248

England seem to have the bit in their teeth. They won their way into the Finals, and with a home crowd behind them in London I really don’t see how they can fail.

Here is the trophy, boringly named the “ICC Cricket World Cup Trophy” since 1999.

The next tournament, in 2023, will be held in India, and mostly played in the eight stadiums that comprise the Indian Premier League.

Anyway – the first bowl is at 5:30 AM ET / 2:30 PT, and each team’s innings will take about 3 hours to play. So if I’m drunk I might see you for the start; otherwise, I will see you for tea about 7:00 AM PT for the second half of the match.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Porky Prime

Welp, there’s my ten minutes of tennis for the year.

ballsofsteelandfury

No problem

– Stokes

King Hippo

Senegal leads on an own goal after the keeper dropped a cross!!

herodotus450

Federer’s only weakness: the tiebreaker, apparently.

King Hippo

lifeline there

King Hippo

/but a short one

herodotus450

Fun* Fact**: the first few years of the Wimbledon Tournament were held as a fundraiser for the club’s Cricket team.
*: very fun
**: mostly fact

ballsofsteelandfury

This is amazing. Yes, both.

herodotus450

They go to a tiebreak at 12-12 in the final set? What a bunch of pussies. I want to see them play forever!

Dunstan

John Isner will hunt you down and kill you for that.

King Hippo

how can he kill me he’s already DED!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuck John Isner, though. Seriously.

Dunstan

Fifth set tiebreaker at Wimbledon. A Super Over in cricket. Crazy.

Dunstan

In the words of Jimmy Connors, “isn’t this what they paid for? This is what they want!”

herodotus450

Tennis rules might be even more complicated, but I can’t not make fun of cricket for being so impenetrable.

Dunstan

You’re full of shit, Novak. You had no play on that ball. The call came late.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a heck of a finish to the cricket!

Dunstan

Never ask Pinocchio to deliver your eulogy.

King Hippo

NOW SENEGAL HAS A PENNO SAVED!!!

Dunstan

Getting up early to watch Wimbledon turns me into a hobbit — I need to have second breakfast.

King Hippo

Harsh penno on Senegal, but the keeper SAVES!

herodotus450

8-7 in the fifth? If this goes on much longer Roy Moore and Jeffrey Epstein won’t be interested anymoer.

Dunstan

Yeah, but they’ll still get hard every time the announcer says “Love-15”

scotchnaut

4-4 in the fifth.

scotchnaut

When Roger makes a shot the ‘Huzzah!’ levels tend to rise noticeably.

scotchnaut

Things getting spicy…

Dunstan

Nick Kyrgios is right — Novak’s need to be loved is kind of pathetic. Especially when you consider that he’s competing against two of the most popular tennis players in its history.

Dunstan

Ivan Lendl is still asking that…

herodotus450

Why bother watching the first three quarters entire tournament, just watch the last 5 minutes final set.

King Hippo

which can continue for the rest of the day, mind

herodotus450

Sick of all these crowd shots and closeups, I’ll just wait and watch the All-2 film of this match when it comes out tomorrow.

herodotus450

Someone, I think in the Djokovic camp, is wearing a Barilla hat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

England loses another wicket, now 86-4 after 23 overs. This is getting very, very serious.

King Hippo

Let’s Go Senegal!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think around here we should refer to them as Observedawoman.

King Hippo

Reminder that Alou Cisse is the coolest motherfucker on the planet

scotchnaut

[clouds part slightly for Roger]

King Hippo

Afrikan Euros in 10 minutes, BeIn sports (USA and Canadia, at least)

Brick Meathook

Where can I watch this?

ballsofsteelandfury

For us, it’s Willow TV, but that’s a pay channel. I’m following along on the ESPN app.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

People keep putting stuff up on facebook live. It needs CONSTANT attention (the streams keep dying, etc.) but it’s the best I’ve managed to find.

Brick Meathook

. . . a channel number, . . . anything

litre_cola

Threeve

Porky Prime

Out of groggy curiosity, I switched on an unrelated cricket match on ESPN (Ireland/Zimbabwe?) to see if I could follow the action.

I can’t. I simply can’t!

herodotus450

Winner gets the title of “Hates England More.”

Mr. Ayo

Does Federer lack teh CLUTCH gene?

herodotus450

He’s like a rich socialite after walking through the bad part of town: no clutch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Case in point about taking more risks; England has started hacking a bit and just lost a wicket.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching Wimbledon on the big screen, the Cricket World Cup on the little screen, and drinking tea. Short of invading the Falklands, is there any way I could be more British?

Mr. Ayo

Look down your nose at us watching the biking competition?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh! I do have the nose for that, thanks to my Welsh heritage.

King Hippo
herodotus450

“Nil Satis Nisi Optimum” does that stand for “no goals, no optimism”?

King Hippo

/notes Herodotus for THE PURGE

herodotus450

I got so mad reading this comment I went and threw a bunch of my tea into the water*.
*boiling water, about a cup of it, and only for a few minutes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

England 39-1 after 10 overs. Need them to slow down a little to get an exciting finish, but it’s not out of the question.

King Hippo

I feel like I should be less baffled by sommet with so much numbers. Maths was always my best subject. I really gots an A in Differential Equations ppl!!

/then again, I was also never able to learn how to play chess beyond the level of a (non-Asian) 6-year old

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can make a it a little more mathy – they’ve got 39 runs after 10 overs. That’s a run rate of 3.9. There’s 50 overs in the match, so at a run rate of about 4.0, they’d end up with 200 runs. So based on pure math they’re actually behind. But with only 1 wicket taken (that’s the 1 in 39-1) they can start taking more and more risks, which will boost their run rate.

King Hippo

shite, now my head feels like Litre’s

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, nothing like refreshing semi-scrambled Facebook Live videos every five minutes so I can keep track of the cricket. THAT’S GOOD WATCHIN’!

scotchnaut

Federerer lost first set 7-6 and is now up 4-0 in the second. Don’t make Roger slightly annoyed. You wouldn’t like him when he’s slightly annoyed.

King Hippo

always had a sweet spot for el tenis, as is the only varietal of sportsball I could ever play at a non-buffoon level

herodotus450

Fed won the set 6-1; more like Jokeavich, amirit

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“More like Djoka-snitch, really.” – Martina Hingis, finally revealing who ratted her out for cocaine.

Porky Prime

“Choke a bitch, amirite?”

-Tyreek Hill

herodotus450

I heard the New Zealand Rugby team was in England to support their Cricket compatriots, and when they tried to go to Wimbledon they weren’t allowed in.

scotchnaut

Both Doinker and SwissFed have kicked two field goals in the first set. Cody Parkey can hardly believe what he is seeing.

King Hippo

India Reacts Reasonably??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, did he baffle the batsman with that googly, or what?

ballsofsteelandfury

241 total for New Zealand. For you guys with the Hindi TV, how are the conditions? Unless the Kiwis bowl the game of their lives, I’m thinking England’s got this…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They probably do, but remember – it’s England. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a greater ability to choke on the global stage than they do.

litre_cola

Looks quite nice. I have a raging hangover and trying to sleep it off but the toddler will not allow it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

New Zealand has four overs left and four (?) wickets remaining – this will be the most interesting time to watch them because they will be swinging for the fences.

Dunstan

Howzzat?

I’ve been to Lord’s, though it was for a fairly meaningless county match, so it was thinly attended. Actually made for a perfect first day of the trip — easy to get some sun, doze off a bit, and generally get rid of any jet lag. Plus, you know, world famous sporting venue.

Mr. Ayo

The Mercedes parade has started! Riveting stuff, this.

herodotus450

Who’s up after, Portia or Cinnamon?

Mr. Ayo

In a surprise twist, it’s Crystal!

scotchnaut

Federerererer up 15-0! It’s all over Doinkovic.

herodotus450

Now it’s only 1-0 Federer, he’s blowing it!

Brick Meathook

What channel is this on?

herodotus450

It’s the Cricket, Darts, and Warm Beer Channel (CDWB) for me.

Brick Meathook

All I can find is Masterpiece Theatre and a documentary about the Boer War. If anyone could give me a clue on viewing then maybe I might watch it. Or maybe not. I’m very high.

King Hippo

in fairness, the Boer War is super interesting

Brick Meathook

Can a brother get some viewing info?

herodotus450

I’m assuming t he next World Cup isn’t until 2023 because they might not be done with this match until late 2022?

scotchnaut

Hope it doesn’t go into overtime…

scotchnaut

Okay, I’m in. But first-how many wizzles constitutes a touchie?

scotchnaut

This just in-I’m not in, it’s a PPV thingy.

litre_cola

We get ot on hlndi tv