Your “National Wiffle Ball Day” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

The Maestro
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The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
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Latest posts by The Maestro (see all)

It’s me again. Have I turned into The Lists Bitch this week? You know I have, dear Commentists. Lists are fucking great, because they keep me from having to expound on information too deeply. Just as well, because my Patriots team preview is taking fucking forever to write and I really don’t wanna take too much time away from it.

In NFL news today:

  • On the same day that the Patriots announced they were cutting QB-turned-WR Danny Etling, the Bengals announced their own plans to try out Jeff Driskel in the same position switch. I bet that’s gonna work out way better though!
  • The “bone injury” that Colts owner Jim Irsay talked about earlier in relation to Andrew Luck, has now been confirmed by the team’s medical staff as a high-ankle sprain. Since those are quite nagging injuries that need time to heal above all else, Luck will be sitting out the remainder of the preseason.
  • Jay-Z and Roc Nation announced an official partnership as “live music entertainment strategists” for the league. This means they’ll get to, among other things, select the halftime performance artists for the Super Bowl. Hopefully that’s better than a bunch of stuffed corporate shirts sitting around a boardroom table, reading off texts that their tweenage daughters have sent them as suggestions for the upcoming game?
  • Dolphins RB Kenyan Drake suffered an injury in practise on Tuesday, but HC Brian Flores is hoping he’ll be ready to go by Week 1. While Drake has said the injury is “nothing crazy”, he still had a walking boot on. If he’s not ready to go, Kalen Ballage will get more carries; the two have been splitting reps pretty evenly in training camp thus far.

Cool Shit That Happened In History On This Day

  • 1040 – Scottish King Duncan I is killed in battle against his cousin Macbeth, who succeeds him as monarch. Shakespeare isn’t born yet, but he’ll write about it later.
  • 1592 – Falkland Islands are sighted for the first time by explorer John Davis.
  • 1791 – Haitian Revolution begins.
  • 1848 – The Oregon Territory is created by an act of Congress.
  • 1901 – The first alleged powered flight, by Gustave Whitehead in his No. 21 monoplane, takes off in Bridgeport, CT.
  • 1912 – The United States invades Nicaragua to help with an American-backed coup.
  • 1935 – President FDR signs the Social Security Act, creating a pension system for American retirees.
  • 1945 – Japan accepts the Allied terms for surrender in World War II.
  • 1947 – Pakistan gains its independence from India and the British Raj.
  • 1966 – Halle Berry is born.
  • 1975 – The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the longest film release in history, opens in London.
  • 1983 – Mila Kunis is born.
  • 1987 – Tim Tebow is born.
  • 2003 – A major power blackout begins in the northeast US and Canada, lasting up to two weeks in some areas.

On TV Tonight

It’s National Wiffle Ball Day today, and it looks like MLB is celebrating by… continuing on with their schedule as previously. That said, if you’re near the northeast, maybe celebrate today by checking out the banner image, at Little Fenway? It’s one of three parks in a backyard in Essex, VT. The others are Little Wrigley and Little Field of Dreams. As I’m a FACKIN’ SAWX fan, it was pretty obvious which one I was gonna post.

Looks like a lighter baseball lineup today, and we see a bunch of soccer added tonight. All times are in EST.

American League

  • Mariners @ Tigers, 7:10 PM (FOX Sports Detroit, ROOT Sports Northwest)

National League

  • Cubs @ Phillies, 7:05 PM (ESPN, NBC Sports Philadelphia, NBC Sports Chicago)
  • Dodgers @ Marlins, 7:10 PM (FOX Sports Florida, AT&T SportsNet LA)
  • Mets @ Braves, 7:20 PM (FOX Sports Southeast, AT&T SportsNet NY)

Interleague

  • Pirates @ Angels, 8:07 PM (FOX Sports West, AT&T SportsNet Pittsburgh)
  • Cardinals @ Royals, 8:15 PM (FOX Sports Kansas City, FOX Sports Missouri)

Little League World Series

  • LLWS Championship Game, 10:00 PM (ESPN)

MLS

  • Sporting KC @ Orlando City SC, 7:30 PM (ESPN+, DaZN, My65, YouTube TV, FOX Sports KC +, FOX Sports Midwest +)
  • Colorado Rapids @ Minnesota United FC, 8:00 PM (ESPN+, DaZN, FOX Sports North)
  • Seattle Sounders @ Real Salt Lake, 10:00 PM (ESPN+, DaZN, KMYU, JOEtv, YouTube TV)
  • FC Dallas @ LA Galaxy, 10:30 PM (ESPN+, DaZN, Texas 21, Spectrum SportsNet)
  • Chicago Fire @ Portland Timbers, 11:00 PM (ESPN+, DaZN, ROOT Sports Northwest)

Other Soccer

  • Campeones Cup: Club América @ Atlanta United, 7:30 PM (ESPN2, TSN1,4)
  • Canadian Championship: Ottawa Fury FC @ Toronto FC, 7:30 PM (OneSoccer.ca)

Tennis

  • Western & Southern Open, 7:00 PM (TSN3,5, RDS2)

WNBA

  • Storm @ Mystics, 8:00 PM (CBS, Monumental)
  • Sparks @ Wings, 8:00 PM (WNBA League, FOX Sports Southwest)
  • Sun @ Mercury, 10:00 PM (ESPN2, NBATV Canada)

That’s all for now, folks. I turn it over to you.

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/
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theeWeeBabySeamusALXMACyeah rightUnsurprisedMr. Ayo Recent comment authors
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theeWeeBabySeamus

THANKS MOM!!!!!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO…Jagloflugusziennnneaan….I’m not not even gonna try to pronounce that.

yeah right

Tight ass rhythms.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

theeWeeBabySeamus

yeah right

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

yeah right

Hey everyone.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

What the hell is that thing?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Prototype USAF supersonic strategic (i.e. nuclear) bomber that was never put into production. There’s at least one or two on display at aviation museums.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lockheed?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

Cool. Thanks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That is one badass looking plane.
comment image

yeah right

They had one of those in front of my grammar school,

lest one forgot why you were living there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait whut? Your school needed strategic nuclear air support.
Where the hell did you go to school man?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

West Berlin?

yeah right

China Lake Naval Weapons Center. China Lake California.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I know. You’d told me that before. I was just trying to be funny.

yeah right

Let’s hope the feds have a sense of humor.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck ’em. If you don’t pay your taxes, they don’t know how to find you.
(it’s a joke!!!!)

yeah right

Thank Christ we’ve got the best Puerto Rican Attorney on the planet.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

It’s a plane.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You can’t see it right now, but I’m giving you the finger.
Also, lol.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You should have said the bird.

Also, that’s obviously Superman. Duh.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha!!!!! Superman.
That was good.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I wish I could be this clever with the one woman who I matched with on Tinder but who hasn’t replied to my one lame-ass comment because I haven’t been able to think of anything else to say.

She’s a photographer. FILM photographer, even. I could just ask my brother, but the irony is that the only thing I can relate to is that of my parents and us I’m the one who never got into photography.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ask her how she feels about the “Rule of Thirds”?

WCS

Just happened upon a live performance of Billy Joel singing “Goodnight Saigon.” My dad, and two of his cousin fought in Vietnam. They had a group of Vietnam vets on stage the whole time. Those vets sang the chorus, Billy did not. When it was over, he told to the crowd to remember them, not him.

I’m not crying, you are.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Anyone up to visit Portland so we can see Once Upon A Time In Hollywood together this weekend?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Damn, already saw it. Also, have tix to Weird Al this weekend.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I forgot to add “Again.” I saw it, too. I want to see it again. But Weird Al rules, so I’m not going to hold it against you.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You really need to work on your pickup lines.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I have all the game of a 13 year old who was home-schooled.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
SonOfSpam

Pujols got his three-thousand-and-some-number hit tonight, and passed Adrian Beltre to become the all-time hit king among furrinerz. How’s that wall comin?

Redshirt

I believe its like the feast in “Hook”, if you don’t imagine its there, it doesn’t exist.

SonOfSpam

“RUFIO! RUFIO! RUFIO!”

– B. Cosby, about to do some rapin in Mexico

King Hippo

meanwhile, the #BFIB have survived his traderish ways and ascended back to FIRST PLACE (by percentage points, but FACK YOU it counts).

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Cummin’ like Melania on date night

Redshirt

I saw the preview of Teen Titans vs. Teen Titans Go, and it looks good.

So, if you need me, I’ll be in the corner trepanning myself and pouring bleach into my brain.

Ian Scott McCormick

Most Red Sox fans would kill for that to be the real Fenway Park. There’s not one black guy in the stands.

SonOfSpam

Vermont is a non-threatening Massachusetts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I slept less than three hours last night. Not gonna make it late tonight.

nomonkeyfun

The man thank for Oregon Territory.

https://youtu.be/jSdgjP8os7U

nomonkeyfun

Or blame, depending on how one feels about Portland.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

God willing, there won’t be a Portland after Saturday’s Nuremberg Proud Boy Rally

SonOfSpam

I hope that’s not a misspelling and, therefore, not a video of Lexington Steele.

rockingdog
rockingdog

rocking dog!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Nerd Alert: biggly video game tournament Dota2 starting right about now, like 30+ Million total prize pool.

rockingdog
rockingdog

yoooooo
Christian Pulisic showing good things for Chelsea!
I’m gonna miss Hazard though…. that is a sweet name.
USA USA!
Cool!

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s a park in the LA suburbs that has replicas of various Big League stadiums. They play kids and adult softball and baseball leagues there. It’s pretty cool.

https://westcovina.bigleaguedreams.com/

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh I almost forgot….

The Baltimore Orioles lost again today to the New York Yankees. But this time only by one run.
Still stuck on 39 wins, 50 is getting harder to get to.

But how’s it going over there, Detroit?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Orioles are 41.5 games back.
I can’t stop laughing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

They just beat the Mariners. JFC, what a shitshow of a season.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, speaking of Wiffle Ball Bats….

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
lady: omg your puppy is so cute whats his name
me: laser guardian

rockingdog
rockingdog

finally finished up The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe.
Cool book!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Stephen Miller’s favorite song

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The book is great. It’s the definitive narrative of the early space program and its predecessors. Now watch the movie and see how much Philip Kaufman had to move stuff around and put Wolfe’s words into character’s mouths, yet he still keeps the essence of the book and its basic theme, which was what was bravery actually all about.

scotchnaut

For more than a decade I’ve provided steaks and massive shrimps (for the BBQ) for our fantasy draft in exchange for it happening on a Saturday. (it’s been going on since 1998) My deal is that it’s a 13 hour round trip and I want to avoid long weekend Monday traffic.

One fella has a kid that is playing football at 1pm on Saturday. Nine other guys are required to alter their plans? Fuck that.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Kids: ruining everything since 1 Million BC(E)

scotchnaut

“Kids” Movie: disturbing everyone since 1996.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Does he have a phone? Then fuck him. His problem.

theeWeeBabySeamus

1966 – Halle Berry is born.

Now we’re talking!!!! Also that makes her almost four months older than me.
I’VE GOT A SHOT!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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SonOfSpam

Didn’t realize she was three years older than I.

Gotta pass on that old hag.

Redshirt

Reds are already in the football spirit. They lost today by a touchdown, 17-7.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ahem, unless you are a Polynesian boy in dire need of a circumcision, Tim Tebow being born is not “cool shit.”

SonOfSpam

Great Years In Virginity, 1987 Version

I graduate high school
Tim Tebow is born