So I was listening to the fantasy football channel on my way home from work today (not a sponsor) when I heard a yeller describe a specific play as “bananacakes!”. Sure it could be just a coincidence but I think the long reach of DFO is manifesting itself, peoples! Let’s head over to that thing that gets done on Mondays…
Fallout:
-Is this the year of the backup qb? Sure seems like it. The whole football got rolling with a bit of news that resulted in Brissett being under center. From there we’ve seen Minshew, Rudolf, Bridgewater, (Taysom is just a matter of time) Rosen, McCown and tonight Sieman. And Daniel Jones is right around the corner. That’s about 20% of teams leaning on the guy they feared they wouldn’t have to lean on. And we’re all of two weeks in.
-Speaking of the Giants Jones, coach Shurmur won’t commit to Eli this coming week. He’s in a wee tight spot because owner Mara/GM Gettleman are Eli guys but now he’s asserting himself. He’ll win out eventually with the help of the NY media.
-Those fantasy owners that took a flyer on the Steelers James Washington, don’t throw in the Terrible Towel just yet. New qb Mason Rudolf and JW were teammates at Oklahoma State very recently and did some good things together. I’m not saying that they’ll be gangbusters but just give this a chance.
–“J’accuse…!” So says a lady mural painter employed by Mr. Antonio. An unsubstantiated rumor started by me just right now was that the mural was of an id running wild…
-Broncs fans can take solace in the fact that Manny Sanders is back and doing damage again but be aware that he was matched against the incredibly awful cb Buster Skrines yesterday.
-Adam Vinatieri, unless you get your shit together next week, the noble thing to do would be to take the decision out of your coach’s hands and hang up that kicking tee for good.
TO THE GAME!
Browns/Jets:
Good lord, New York is almost literally limping into this tilt. I fear that rb Bell and his wonky shoulder are going to be called on to carry far too much of the load because Siemian and he’s going to break down. Cleveland had a letdown last week and should come out super aggressive. As with all things Cleveland, this one won’t be pretty.
Do that thingy that you do. It’s so sexy!
OBJ got pulled over cause his window tint? Are these refs off-duty police?
Banner!
that helmet was also playing loud rap music.
I’m not racist, I just thought he looked like he didn’t belong in the neighbourhood
I got pulled over for this my first week in Oregon when I was rocking the full beard.
Should have asked if he’s let Mohammad into his heart yet
Wait, Berman’s back? Fucking bring me a gallon of hemlock
Darnold’s faking it. He knew what was coming and opted out
And has anyone used a site like deal dash and gotten a bargain? it seems like absolute bullshit
Stumptown…more like Dumptown!
HEY!
/LOOKS AROUND
Proceed.
Espn could make a lot of money tonight if they instead charged people to NOT be in their cable package.
We need Lesser Chubb not to have a bananacakes day.
Boy these eagle uniforms look snazzy….
Hah ha, Trevor. Now actually play.
Dear progressive…a “high voltage”panel doesn’t have low voltage switches ..
What Division II school loaned their uniforms to the Jest?
The Impossible Whopper – jesus k christ – what the fuck is this country coming to? IT’S FAST FOOD IT’S FULL OF FAT AND SALT AND GOODNESS NOT FUCKING PLANTS
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/2338/7067/products/beyond_burger_comparison_1024x1024.png?v=1519703721
I dont get it. Are these Baker Mayfield commercials supposed to show he’s too stupid to know what is and what is not his job with the team? Or that the Browns are so cheap, their star players have to do menial jobs like muck out the shitters after each game?
Yes
This fucking team has to make everything difficult
You could just say DFO. We all know what we are.
Fun* Fact**: STP was originally meant to stand for Stalin’s a Total Pussy.
It was the guy to Uncle Joe’s left that came up with that, right?
No Scott Wieland, no problem! – Josef S., Gori, Georgia
What guy?
Helmet issue for OBJ – I guess his head just grew a little bigger
His Bluetooth isn’t pairing with his watch
Great catch OBJ. now settle for that FG.
Why run on short with Chubs when you can make it difficult?
I don’t wish bad things on people, but man if someone dropped a manhole cover on OBJ’s head, I would throw a party
Cause he is a brother?
Of course not. I just hate him based on his assholeness and ego.
Modern era….always accuse racism…
Are you trying to backdoor your way onto SNL?
Judging from his hair, it looks like someone already did that.
Fuck my ass that insane catch?
who gives a shit about his watch?
I feel like they’re really forcing the OBJ back narrative. Yeah, its the same building, but he had nothing to do with the Jets. At all.
OBJ with another one-hander. Jesus Christ!
Damn, OBJ.
I feel like this season is just going to be me last minute remembering to make my Suicide League pick right before Monday Night
“Uhhhhh, Browns? Jesus Christ…”
Any other team, the offense would be centered on Chubbs. Expect him to have an amazing first quarter and then ignored by the coaches….cause #browns.
You gave up 20 yards AND held on the play. What would have happened if they didn’t hold, Cleveland would have advanced to fuckin Atlanta?
As long as they burn it
One of the worst parts about being married to my wife – the goddamn, throat choking, sinus irritating fucking goddamn candles, stinky spray things, and those goddamn wax warmers. Fuck! Can we just smell normal smells around here?
I want someone to make a sawdust or gunpowder scent for those goddammed wax warmers.
I’m pretty sure someone has with some insecurity-exhibiting name like Mandles or some shit.
Teak? It’s always fucking teak. What does that even mean?
She’s masking the musk of a greater stag. It’s time to set up cameras.
I shut that shit down in the first few days because it was irritating. It’s not that hard, Fozz.
So besides the latest Injury Report from Pittsburgh, did anything else happen today?
If this ever happened with me you motherfuckers would feel it like a disturbance in The Force.
The Sam Ficken Era begins!
I really hope Gase is trying for an all-Sam team. It will make screaming at individual players so much easier.
You suck, Hank Williams jr!
yeah fuck that guy.
I think that needs a comma.
Added. But I shouldve changed it to You! Suck Hank WIlliams Jr! and made Balls search for it.
Added to the list.
If Baker Mayfield goes down tonight, I will kill myself because it will be the penultimate moment of my life. After that, nothing will measure up. And then, from heaven, I watch Cleveland burn to the ground.
I’ve come to the realization, seemingly happy post below aside, that I am relying on Sam Fucking Darnold to be an actual quarterback. Him not being in the game has me depressed, and THAT has me basically looking for a stout tree limb and a decent length of rope.
This is all obviously the Patriots’ fault.
Demaryus Thomas sleeper cell activated!
“Your logic confuses and intrigues me. What is your opinion on fire-is it here to stay or is it just a fad?”
-Unfrozen Caveman QB
It’s very wrong that STP is being used to sell cars.
I’m going to see them Saturday.
What’s next, Lynyrd Skynyrd used to sell plane tickets?
Vince Neil selling used sports cars.
Duane Allman has a motorcycle you can buy.
Mama Cass for Subway?
So if they’re in space and there is no gravity up there, why does that person appear to be falling down off that space station in the Ad Astra ad?
…..inertia, maybe? Unseen acceleration?
Why do movie explosions in space go KABOOM? Why is there a huge gasoline explosion? Why was the spaceship aerodynamic?
Now ruin the Zombie Land sequel for me
One of them definitely would’ve gotten tetanus by now and died.
I’ve been lead to believe there will be free beer should the Browns win tonight.
Wooooo let’s go Jets JV! Preseason week six starts now!
Couldn’t they gotten the Bill’s to stay other day?
IT’S BOOGER TIME
only when mom is out shopping – Eli
(am gonna MISS him)
Is this going to be fun?
Some people are into S&M, and TWWL is just reaching that demographic.
Depends on your definition of fun
It’s probably just a perception thing for me, but I don’t think I’ve seen the Browns on a nationally broadcast game since Belichick was coach, before they moved to Baltimore.
“The mind wipe was successful with this subject.”
-The NFL’s surveillance/MK Ultra team
I forgot how much I hate the come on man segment.
Hey Balls, “come on man” is in play for next week! I have no idea what your search will find.
I think it was Moose that posted the Can’t Hug All The Cats vid last night. It was so goddamn funny that I watched it again today and then found this gem…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4NMoJcFd4
Where’s tWBS?
Coughing up a hairball, probably.
Oh good, Chris Berman, said no one ever.
What about “leather” – bet u cud a drowned a toddler in her panties ,, smgdh
If you thought Russian interference in our political system was bad, England has a prime minister named Boris. BORIS!
We’re through the looking glass here, people.
He seems to be doing a pretty good job on his own.
Came home after work to my front door smashed.
Home ownership rules.
Just a lot of smashed glass, but a pain in the ass to deal with. I’m thinking the local Jehovah Witnesses are pissed at me.
I hear that’ll happen if you keep answering the door wearing nothing but an open robe and an erection.
Around here, we call that “day that ends in a -y”
Listen to this fancy fucker …..getting all dressed up for guests..
Long distance date went that well, did it?
As to “bananacakes” – it was probably one of those super-hot Soviet bloc courtesans that are always lurking around these here parts.*
*parts NAWT meaning “nether regions”
I don’t do production work anymore, but I always tried to think of ways to get the on air talent to name drop DFO
“We’re doing another story about door flies? Are they even real, Sharkbait?”
“Who the fuck is ‘Otto’ and why does anyone care if he’s missing?”
DFO: Changing the Internet one dead hobo at a time.
Asking for a friend-exactly how many dead hobos constitute a tipping point?
I’d have to say when you run out of space in a closet to keep the bindles they no longer need.
Things Hippo wonders – does our intrepid author/host let Mrs. Scotchy sell the bindles on e-bay, or does he worry that might raise too many questions?
So Jalen Ramsey wants out of Jacksonville. How will Belichick make this happen?
Donks could offer one gently-used Garret Bolles!