None of these tilts strike me as that compelling but what do I know? I was dead wrong about the Thursday Nighter. AND AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I’LL BE WRONG AGAIN! I’m not usually that confident in my abilities but being wrong is the exception. You see, the law of averages catches up with everyone and I’ve made peace with that. The key is to surround yourself with good folks, trash the rest, and that way you limit the amount of bad decisions you make. Ta da! It really is that easy.
TO THE GAMES!
Bucs/Rams:
If you’ve got depth at the rb position you may want to fade Gurley here. I know-preposterous! But it’s apparently a thing that his usage is being monitored and the Tampa run D is legit and second only to the Pats. (because Fins and Jets)
Seahawks/Cards:
Two very bad secondaries walk into a bar… And I thought the Gmen couldn’t cover the tight end-get a load of these numbers. Arizonny has given up 131 yds, 1 TD to Hockenson, 112 and 1 TD to Andrews and 75 and 2TDs to Olsen. You will play Dissly if you can and you will play him hard!
Vikes/Bears:
“What the raging fuckballs is this start time?”, I imagine Papa Bear Halas screaming from the grave. I also imagine Vince Lombardi shouting, “Keep it down over there. I was just dreaming about beating the wife again and you interrupted!”. Those guys just do not get along. smgdh…
Jags/Broncs:
I’ve run the numbers on this one and it comes up snake eyes. Unless you’ve got some ‘stache kink going for you, there’s nothing to see here.
The last time the Bears shut out a team, Urlacher still didn’t have hair
Baby Buster about to have the worst 500-yard game in history
Matt Ryan threw for nearly 400 yards and the Falcons put up 10 points.
This is what you get for 28-3 you fuckers.
Did rice have more receptions with the 49ers than Fitzgerald has had with the cardinals?
Jerry Rice was on NPR the other day and it was awesome
LOL at Daycare Swindlers being too pop for the DC scene. Goddamn we were pretentious ass grungy pricks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66dzbVjFQFA
“I can understand the lyrics so fuck these posers”
Nah we were okay with having lyrics, growly is Ballitchmore territory, although I fucking love these dudes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vm1xYca3Ug
Spitfires were the dudes, they played like 3 shows a week. Even if they were fake British and Will dropped out and you actually couldn’t understand the lyrics on their live album cause he was drunk as ruck when most of the audience was straight edge, hah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnB-DtqTW5I
What the Bucc?
No one will ever break that record
Certainly not these days. Why would you ever run the ball that much when you can just fling it 45 yards downfield and be 50-50 on a PI call?
The NFL celebrating Dave Duerson as one of its ‘Man of the Year’ award recipients seems ironic at best.
There’s more Cousins fucking in this game than there is on Porn Hub
3 yard check down on 3rd and long? You know it!
I don’t hear of many “cousin” videos. I thought it was pretty much all step moms and step sisters
At some point, think the O-line is okay with him getting murdered
If you want to make a proper Moscow Mule, you really need to get a Cooper Kupp.
Schiggity schiggty swag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAOXleXf9yY
hooray it wasn’t Carson!!
dunno who is shitting themselves MOAR, Donks or Qards
Only one of them was ahead at some point.
touche!
I started the Jacksonville D today, so I’m sure the Donks will be coming back right quick
There isn’t a Domino’s franchise in the world that gives a shit if they fucked up your order.
Is there a difference between a good domino’s order and a bad one?
Depends on how high you are.
Agreed. It will still taste like shit.
Kirk Cousins isn’t even a good game manager. should’ve kept keenum.
That thought has been crawling into my head since the Green Bay debacle. Keenum may not be a great QB but he had way more chemistry with the team than Cousins ever will.
plus he like, will work FOAR food
$72M fully guaranteed for this shitdickery
no wait, $84M
That’s what happens picking up a Redacteds QB. It’s the one position where people are ruined rather than shamed into playing better. Even if you aren’t physically ruined like most, still, ruined ruined ruined
why would Minny not try a Hail Mary at least?
…..because Minnesota?
Damned secularists, every one of ’em
More than Four Net yards
It doesn’t look like floyd had that fumble to me
Woooooooo big Fourny yards
oh noes Donks
THIS BEARS DEFENSE I CALL AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING COUSINS AND NO ONE IS TRYING TO STOP THEM!
JUST RENAME THEM THE HAPSBURGS ALREADY
+1 hemophiliac
BANNER!
https://twitter.com/oliverdarcy/status/1178337433403813890
Fuck the FCC too
Matt Gay kicking it straight? I’m trying to keep up but I’m a bit confused. #notallspecialteamers? Did I get that right? Did I offend someone?
Fun Fact: The expression ‘clapback’ comes from a Ja Rule song and actually means literally returning fire
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zb117j9KIcM
I still use Winamp
Does it still whip the llama’s ass?
yes
mega-GAY field goal
It’s quite sad that Doug Marrone is not as good as
I wonder how Radiohead feels about their music (“Everything in its Right Place”) being used as the intro for this episode of Love Island.
I still hate STP shilling for Ram trucks
I would support a team that randomly stuck their QB/backup QB in special teams formations just to fuck with the other team and make them suspect everything is a fake
Considering that Kirk is another word for Church, Christian Kirk is a singular noun
Only is Scotland.
Fuck Kirk Cousins
Cirk Kousins
Christian Kirk objects
u mean Kirk Cameron??
The kinda neat thing about thinking of Florida as America’s wang, that means that Alabama and Georgia are America’s testicles
The heat and moisture should’ve been the first clue.
America has chronic swampass
So Jacksonville is the taint?
This checks out!
Drinking Tanqueray Rangpour gin straight. I dont hate it.
Pitt. The. Elder.
Tanq 10 is shit, but I think they did an okay with the Rangpour
Hard to get the rangpour flavor though
That’s why I’m going with okay rather than good. Considering the crazy shit they’ve accomplished with flavored vodkas, they should be able to do better here, but also respect they didn’t fuck it up
I think the US government would take more action on climate change if we framed it as ‘shrinking America’s wang’ aka flooding Florida
That means the crazy starts moving north
Can’t get your Peninsula as big as it used to be…try less carbon
“Climate change is a direct affront to Manifest Destiny”
-Some candidate, soon
your National League Central champion St. Louis Cardinals!!
On the bright side, the rest of us get to watch them lose in the playoffs.
I meant, we get to watch them lose THE RIGHT WAY.
Elite ception!
Ah there’s the bad Flacco that reminds me why I started Carr.
The worst part about this cold I’m coming down with is that I got it because I drank too much and Kavanaughed out on the couch uncovered on a chilly night, and if I acknowledge to the Dr. Mrs. that this is why I’m feeling ill she will suggest that I not do that anymore.
You’re gonna get a position that every single person in the country knows you don’t deserve? I’d stop complaining
I don’t think that verb means what you think it should mean. There are way more awesome and harmless alkies you can verb to just mean passing out
Yeah like Cosby’d, or Sharper’d
Congrats to Mr. Miller on his century
I think I am coming down with a cold. I hate the way a sunny day seems 160% brighter when I am in this condition.
Drink more. Alcohol kills germs
Mrs. Sharkbait is looking at Giants onesies online. I’ve threatened to call child services.
Sounds like a choke hazard to me
That reminds me, gotta get a bears one of those for a friend.
They’re expecting their first child in December. Its a girl, and they’re both chicago fans, but I couldn’t live with myself if she ends up being a packers fan
Philly Special QB sighting!
I’m looking at the results from the early slate of games, and I have to complain that none of these scores are funny enough. The 3-0 Bills lose to another good team in a close game? Same for the Lions? The Dolphins lose by only 20 points? None of this makes me laugh.
Stupid NFL. Be more funny!
–
#BFIB, 3 outs away!
I really wish there was a NFL player named Dennis Moore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huD6IDqEEPI
TV commercials in the UK are even stupider than in the US, which I didn’t think was possible.
As if I needed more reason to like him