Your “Meanwhile, Back In America” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Not very pretty, is it?

TO THE GAMES!

Seahawks/Browns:

[mumbles to self] I’m getting very tired of WordPress not recognizing ‘Seahawks’ as a word. Qb Wilson continues his trajectory towards MVP status but Cleveland might get both Ward and Williams back in the secondary. I’m not putting a lot of weight on the Browns getting blown out by the Niners last week. They’d just won a tough one vs. the Ravens and San Franny had 15 days rest.

Texans/Chiefs:

Watkins is out and Tyreek is a game-timer. If he doesn’t play (and I think there’s a lot of pressure on him to suit up) you might want to give a certain Byron Pringle a whirl because he’ll be part of 3 wide sets. After all, a Mahomes tide raises all wide receiver’s boats-or something like that.

Potato Skins/Fins:

Yowch! Maybe stream Case Keenum here? New victim, er, coach Callahan promises plenty of All Day because he’s just that unimaginative but many, many 3rd and longs will be in play today.

Eagles/Vikes:

Maybe the NFL’s passer ratings system needs some tweaking? After all Cousins is ranked 10th. He’s fumble and INT-prone and 55% of his passing yardage have come after the catch thanks to the playmakers he has. Wentz, who pretty much everyone believes is having an above average season, is ranked 19th at 94.3. That’s what numerous dropped passes will get you.

Saints/Jags:

It’s The Battle of the Capable Backup QB’s! Kudos to their respective OC’s for altering game plans to help them limit their mistakes in the form of turnovers.

Bengals/Ravens:

Have the Bengals got a prayer? Perhaps. Lamar!, when throwing past ten yards downfield has a 47% chance of tossing an uncatchable, poorly-thrown ball. That’s ungood. Cincy’s secondary has to grab some balls but that inevitably means handing it over to the neutered O.

Here’s to you and your magical digits.

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King Hippo

Wake and Baker!!!

litre_cola

Check.

Fronkenshteen

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King Hippo

MOAR Kelce, you Kermit-voiced fuckadoo

Spur

Cousins is killing the Viks.

Fronkenshteen

Miscommunication there. Sure. See, Rosen said “Run a crisp pass route” and Davante Parker thought he said, “Look like you’re running away from a bee”. Miscommunication.

King Hippo

again, MULTIPLE FOULS ON SAME TEAM SHOULD BOTH BE ENFORCED. We are MOCKING our Lord and Saviour BLEERGH

King Hippo

ie, BLEERGH don’t make no junk

Game Time Decision

Meh, Bleergh is just upping the word count for me

Game Time Decision

But I do think it should account for the yards, if there is a difference, it should be enforced

Redshirt

Stupid Bengals challenge. Everyone take a drink.

bk109

Ain’t that a redundant statement? What’s next, Andy Reid’s clock management is atrocious? Water is wet? 😀

Fronkenshteen

Today we are all dolphins fans

King Hippo

I almost considered going to the bar so could watch this shitshow in full

Fronkenshteen

Arrowhead owning teh libs!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dare I ask?

Fronkenshteen

Tomahawk chop chant. Same one as Atlanta (braves)

litre_cola

Sean Mannion is Cousins backup, he could torch teh Eagles secondary better I think.

Gratliff

That’s a weird catch sequence by Thielen, but thought that was good?

Spur

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ArmedandHammered

Jesus, that throw by Cousins had me singing “Somewhere under the rainbow”

litre_cola

Oh the 3 guys they picked up from the airport and jenkins are going to get torched today is Cousins gets his shit together.

Spur

Hahah, Kirk wtf?

Gratliff

Kirk Cousins not sliding and instead getting pinballed between 3 Eagles is very funny to me

King Hippo

CORRECTION – to us all

ballsofsteelandfury

Sometimes it’s scary how the ad bots know me so well…
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King Hippo

The more I think big picture, I really do think us lefties should be arming ourselves. Not that I will do fuckall about it.

Gratliff

Y’all never met a Democrat in a flyover state? Every one I know in the northern half of Michigan has a fucking armory.

Gratliff

Also, for the goofy diehard types: https://socialistra.org/

Redshirt

If Hillary would’ve meet a Democrat or two in a flyover state three years ago, we wouldn’t be in this miss.

Spur

This. All my family in Texas and Arizona are armed to the teeth and they’re “Libs”.

King Hippo

My lawyer buddy in Erie has over 200. His dream is a liberal compound/militia.

Fronkenshteen

When resistance against gun control laws dissipates, we’re truly fucked. Fish in a barrel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it would be a pretty fun idea to start a “guns for minorities” program and see how the right wing react.

bk109

Afternoon ya pervosaurs, so … Aside from Famous Jameis sucking earlier, what else did I miss, while I was in the deepest and darkest pits of despair and horror (kiddo athletic meet)

King Hippo

fair catch free kick from kidfield and DEMERITS NOTED

Redshirt

I’m starting to think this Bengals defense just isn’t that good.

King Hippo

KO return aside, I worry that the Turf Redlegs ain’t very good

Fronkenshteen

A waste of AJ green and joe mixon

King Hippo

My team has Beatie Mixon and is way beyond no fixin….

Gratliff

Only 6 minutes left until the Eagles start playing

litre_cola

Oh Hippo, I am gaining on ya!

King Hippo

Hippo notice. Teh pillz help.

King Hippo

What QB doesn’t really like a Hardman?

ballsofsteelandfury

Interesting way to spell “girl”

King Hippo

don’t b cisphobic

Gratliff

Sidney Jones is the worst coverage quarter on the Eagles, and I’m including management, coaching staff, and trainers in that pool.

Fronkenshteen

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Redshirt

Announcer: “We’ve given the Seattle kicker’s football a fine coating of Flubber. Lets see if anyone notices.”

Spur

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Gratliff

Gonna beat the kids with a bit more enthusiasm today

Redshirt

Interesting strategy by B’more. Keeping the Bengals Special Teams off the field, forcing the Bengals Offense to beat them and the Bengals Defense to stop them.

Spur

HOLY FUCKBALLS!

King Hippo

as good a catch as you’ll ever see

herodotus450
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

Good workout!

Redshirt

Um…that ball moved…nevermind. Stupid Defense.

King Hippo

It MOVED, Jerry

King Hippo

Dingleberry blocks about as well as he throws the fly route.

Gratliff

Cousins so far: 4 yard completion, failed attempt to block on a reverse, 5 yard overthrow on deep ball

King Hippo

ChubbDOWN FOAR Chubbtown!!

Redshirt

If the Bengals start sucking, I’m going back to the British Afternoon Thread!

herodotus450

If?

King Hippo

I win 2nd place booby prize in Loser pool if the OH teams win.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo! Feel the Cinnsanity!

Gratliff

29TH RANKED PASS OFFENSE

Gratliff

So they’re going with the “Banged Up Eagles Secondary” narrative which will make it even better when Cousins shits the bed

Spur

Please be gentle with Mahomes

Spur

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Gratliff

Ah fuck. Forgot about the london game. Could’ve been watching football all morning.

King Hippo

DEMERITS NOTED

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eli is currently lobbying Dumbledore to have five points deducted from House Gratliff.

entropy

Paul Revere on the PA at the bar…. not bad

blaxabbath

Bengals are atrocious. They do not have a chance against this CLAYDAVIS side.

yeah right

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The ugliness of those people in the banner image – both inside and outside – is astounding.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We’re all fucked

blaxabbath

The problem with the people that got left behind is that now they’ve got nothing to lose….except the weight.

ballsofsteelandfury

This

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