As a KC fan since first NFL game I remember seeing on TV (the Nigerian Nightmare was in and ripping shit up), I have hated everything San Diego with a passion, including their old dumb stadium and the other dumb stadium they play at now, which is both dumb and stadium-like. I think the real reason they are playing in Mexico City in a few weeks is because they know it will be a home game for the road team, a divisional foe, and that would be too much of an embarrassment to Spanos, who really thinks that LA is home for that team.
Now, as a person who may or may not have graduated from Fresno State, a team that gave us such great QBs as Trent Dilfer, who was just serviceable enough to win with the Ravens, David Carr, who spent his time running away from defenders so much he still has PTSD, that other white guy who was a backup, and Derek Carr, I am one conflicted nose picking KC fan. Derek does a lot with the Central Valley Children’s Hospital, a place close to my cholesterol-clogged heart. His eyeliner is always on fleek. He’s quite easy on the eyes. If he weren’t married, I might have his baby (still might). I hate to see him in a Raider outfit.
Not to say I hate the Raiders completely. The Central Valley, in between the only 2 worlds of California that people recognize, a Bay area full of hippies eating organic meal worms on pizza, and LA, a place where Tom Selleck lives with his mustache. I have seen The Ray-duhs play the most of any NFL team simply due to location and vendors with deep pockets. Many times the Seahawks lost to these douches back in day when those shitty birds were in the division. It was always fun to listen to the crowd shout things like, “I’m going to fucking kill you! Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!” at those birdy fans in the stands 2 rows down, and the security guard, like some old Irish constable, “Now now, boys, let’s calm down.” Ah, the charm of watching those life-threatening times. Kinda brings a tear to my eye.
My hatred for Rivers is deep. He misses throws at the end of games a few times every season, then throws a downright tantrum about something like a WR out of place, a bad block, someone choking him, or court-ordered chemical castration. None of these are valid excuses to act like a dick with that punchable face. Frankly, I’m not sure how anyone hasn’t really punched him in the face mid-game. Are people afraid of the hundreds of rabid fans in the stands? At least 2 hundreds of fans? Maybe more? Nah.
The Chargers really haven’t done anything this season, in contrast to last season, and what the expectations have been. They did beat Green Bay. We later found out why when Rodgers said in a very demure, upstanding way, that the team partied too hard in LA. I assume they must have went to Manhattan Beach to party. That place is happening without being near downtown. I remember Saint Patrick’s Day when I dropped off the wife and daughter to hang out there. I so wanted to stay and party. Such is life, though, as the male offspring had a fever and needed some attention back at my BIL’s apartment where he was playing Mario Kart. Kids ruin things.
It feels like Keenan Allen is about 80 and Rivers has been passing to him and him only for a decade now. He’s consistent, but really thinks he is “LionHearted” as is documented on his Insta. He’s just the only person worthy of catching a pass on that team. I mean, Mike Williams, the other guy who seems like he is still learning to how to catch, finally caught something last week, and it wasn’t the clap. That we know of.
Let’s hope that Nathan Peterman is traded south as a future replacement for Rivers.
Did I mention my disdain for the QB who is from that San Diego (always the San Diego) team?
Since it’s Thursday night, let’s mention the show Evil. I watched the pilot and had some positive thoughts on it. The CGI is terrible, though. Watch it in standard definition to cover that up.
Here is a song to cheer you up from this mess of a game. I start wiggling my butt in my chair when I hear this one. It’s a good butt wiggler. Enjoy!
Have the Chargers considered just running it on every play?
The OC has called nothing but runs. The Float King just audibles to a pass.
Has he been doing that? Huh. I hadn’t noticed.
Haven’t seen laserface moutheyes in a while
I can hear the three part harmony; “Huh? You heathen cock-wallets bettah ASK SOMEBODAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!1!!!”
Is actually an improvement to that face.
The Marquis De Quessenberry on the field
So I see that we’re well into “commercials where douchebags buy each other cars and expensive jewelry” season.
I’m just watching the game cast on my second screen. Are we doing the Happy HondaDays season yet?
I thought that came after the annual Toyotathon?
December-to-remember sales event.
Who the heck is TheRevanchist?
Well, now I just feel embarrassed. Thank you. My therapist wonders why I pee the bed still. Geez. I’m not getting over this any time soon.
I welcome you I’m just wondering who you are hosting an open thread.
My resume can be found at sidespin dot kinja dot com. Deadspin refugee seeking a new land with better opportunity and land to grow turnips on. This land seemed very fertile, like Mrs. Rivers, and I’m always up to helping host an open thread.
Arent they that guy that got raped by a bear?
Um, it sure seems like, at this point in his career, Rivers is a first-read dude that can’t let go.
KITTY!!!
He’s just having float out there!
Ice Giants 2-1 Ice Panthers. After 2. I’ll take it
Maybe now Mike Williams can take those balls from Rivers right in the chin.
I mean chest, but I couldn’t edit this. Really. I’m not joking. Seriously. Nope. Can’t edit. Must be an error somewhere in the code. For sure.
Carr is extra motivated, because Gruden said if they go over .500, he can have My Bloody Valentine at practice next week.
That’s just two weeks away from being a great Ray Lewis joke.
Richie Incognito has spent his whole life doing things I’ve never seen any guard do.
“Hi! I’m 37 years old and throwing off my back foot. Let’s see what happens!”
-Phil Rivers
Ooof, there was also an open receiver in the end zone that Rivers could actually have floated it to.
I choose to believe that Rivers did that on purpose just to rub Gruden’s failed challenge in his face.
UNLEASH THE LASERFACE!
Floaty McFloater Float
Thursday With #ThePauls!!
Gruden has learned nothing about the tuck rule.
Pretty sure Gruden tucks, but he is unaware of any football use for tucking.
THIS RULE I CALL FINNEGANS WAKE CUZ ILL WILL NEVER READ IT
Could also be called INFINITE JEST.
GRAVITY’S RAINBOW!
Even Lovie Smith is all smh at that challenge
Gruden’s PTSD from 2001 is showing.
There’s our first San Diego Chargers of the night.
DRINK!
BLEE’RGH is pleased
Lolol the left tackle shoves the DE into the left guard, knocking him out of the play, then tries to block both the DE and DT with one arm on each.
And Rivers just stands there, kinda holds out his hand to say “No no no no” and then falls down.
AND an interception before I even finish typing!
Edit: BLERGH
Haven’t decided if I like this or not yet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6yydNMfpXo
Erin Andrews is basically wearing a burka tonight. Thanks Janeane
Way to stick it to the Phallocracy!
Give Hunter Henry, Mike Williams and Josh Jacobs points a-plenty
Unsubscribe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqIACCH20JU
I hope Matt Millen sets himself on fire.
Operating a lighter is a level of competence and coordination he does not possess
The cancer is doing that to him internally.
Better than nothing!
Why is Fox torturing those vets with the elements and being forced to listen to strahan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY4ywyFXdik
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AvuweztG4Q
He was a song-writing beast way back when. Marr made him though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsCg7Ds9-u0
Do I hate sepia-hued human interest bullshit? If I could feel things, then I wouldn’t be watching FITBAW!!
There, there, little hippo. Come over here and get a hug.
If you could feel things then you wouldnt be watching Giants – Jets
SO UNFAIR that ain’t a primetime national fixture
After seeing gameplay of Death Stranding Adam Gase wants to start Norman Reedus as running back.
That baby container thing would never pass the uniform code
am starting Rivers or Russell in the DFO FFL. Hope this works.
I am sorry for your loss.
Future FF name – Joey Bosa’s Micropenis
Re: Rivers the LionHearted. According to “The Lion in Winter,” Richard the Lionhearted (as portrayed by the brilliant future Hannibal Lecter Anthony Hopkins in his first screen appearance) was a man apparently attracted to other men, in LIW’s instance, King Philip of France (as portrayed by the brilliant future James Bond Timothy Dalton in his first screen appearance). Maybe Laserface the Lionhearted is overcompensating with his quiver-full for something similar?
If you haven’t seen The Lion in Winter, you are really missing out on some fucking brilliant acting and dialogue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lErlHLCNM_s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5Tmr3Fwer4
One of my all time favorite films ever.
Why the fuck is A Rod on my TV I hate the NFL
Silly goose. That is called an antenna.
What should I watch: Ice Giants or Future Las Vegas Raiders?
Neither. Do yourself a favor. You’ve Got Mail.
You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. And you will feel good about watching it. I always do.
You spelled “The Shop Around The Corner” wrong.
Gyro with fries. I approve of my decision to order in.
Ummmm…… if you don’t want to watch football tonight….
Jam out!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_j0OmQssBE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQyhn9DPE00
Folks
Are those, like, surgically implantable in humans? Asking for a friend.
One day, Carey Price is just gonna collapse into a heap of dust and they’ll get to relocate the Canadiens to New Orleans like they’ve always wanted to
I’d prefer Houston, and then just to balance things out they can’t hire a French speaking coach for 100 years.
I guess N’Awlins Canadiens ain’t no stranger than the Utah Jazz
For formality, wouldn’t they call themselves the Acadians (or ‘Cajuns)?
I’m all for relocating all Canandians to Quebec, just to see if the Quebecois try to immigrate to the French Quarter naturally.
TheRevanchist in the muthafuckin’ house!
[“raises roof”]
[pinches nerve in neck, is placed on IR]
I get a pinched neck 2 or 3 times a week. Probably from sleeping on 4 pillows, another one between the legs, and another one to hug. At my age, I need soft things to cushion the body so that mono I caught from kissing Jets QBs doesn’t make my spleen ooze.
Oh no, NFL Network. You are not cool enough for Pennywise.
Pennywise can probably fill that stadium, unlike the San Diego team. But I feel like you can see Pennywise every weekend somewhere in LA.
me: i don’t want to go to work
friend: just call and tell them ur sick
me: [calling boss] hey i’m fuckin cool as hell
boss: alright u can have the day off
Me: I just want to bang on the drum all day
Be like me and have a kid. Three months paid!
The Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds is on. I find it one of his better comedies.
That said, I also have two kids and if they were one-half as shitty as his kids are in this movie I’d have kicked them to the aliens in Act I and headed off to freedom with my dog.
We took a tour of Universal Studios and saw the set where they filmed the airplane crash bit. It’s a real airplane. It’s absolutely amazing.
That tour was pretty cool. The plane parts are huge. Too bad they made that movie with the set, though.
Awwww, yeah. Military recognition time. Gonna respect the troops at the low low cost of $250,000 a game.
Look, I went to NC State and STILL can’t fucking stand Laserface. He is, and has always been, a royal dick.
FWIW, I worth with a guy who has reffed high school football in North Cakalaky (as a hobby) for 25 years. He said that the eldest Rivers is, hands down, the most unpleasant coach he has ever come across.
With his army of offspring are carrying on the Jerkface DNA sequence, Spanos should absolutely relocate the team out of country.
I went to UConn. The highlight of one of our QB’s going pro was Orlovsky running out of the back of the end zone.
The Raiders drafted a guy out of UConn with their second round pick. He lasted just more than a year. He now has a Super Bowl ring courtesy of the Patriots.
Still the best thing to come out of Shelton, CT
You’re forgetting about a little thing called Wiffle Ball.
I worth with a guy who has reffed
I never seen someone post with a lisp/cleft palate.