THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL OPEN THREAD WHERE I WANT 2 TEAMS TO LOSE (So you know I’m yelling)

As a KC fan since first NFL game I remember seeing on TV (the Nigerian Nightmare was in and ripping shit up), I have hated everything San Diego with a passion, including their old dumb stadium and the other dumb stadium they play at now, which is both dumb and stadium-like.  I think the real reason they are playing in Mexico City in a few weeks is because they know it will be a home game for the road team, a divisional foe, and that would be too much of an embarrassment to Spanos, who really thinks that LA is home for that team.

Rivers uniform at home
Would Boltman (I think mentioning Boltman is mandatory?) like to see Rivers in this? Pretty sure Rivers wears this anyway.

Now, as a person who may or may not have graduated from Fresno State, a team that gave us such great QBs as Trent Dilfer, who was just serviceable enough to win with the Ravens, David Carr, who spent his time running away from defenders so much he still has PTSD, that other white guy who was a backup, and Derek Carr, I am one conflicted nose picking KC fan.  Derek does a lot with the Central Valley Children’s Hospital, a place close to my cholesterol-clogged heart.  His eyeliner is always on fleek.  He’s quite easy on the eyes.  If he weren’t married, I might have his baby (still might).  I hate to see him in a Raider outfit.

Not to say I hate the Raiders completely.  The Central Valley, in between the only 2 worlds of California that people recognize, a Bay area full of hippies eating organic meal worms on pizza, and LA, a place where Tom Selleck lives with his mustache.  I have seen The Ray-duhs play the most of any NFL team simply due to location and vendors with deep pockets.  Many times the Seahawks lost to these douches back in day when those shitty birds were in the division.  It was always fun to listen to the crowd shout things like, “I’m going to fucking kill you!  Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!” at those birdy fans in the stands 2 rows down, and the security guard, like some old Irish constable, “Now now, boys, let’s calm down.”  Ah, the charm of watching those life-threatening times.  Kinda brings a tear to my eye.

My hatred for Rivers is deep.  He misses throws at the end of games a few times every season, then throws a downright tantrum about something like a WR out of place, a bad block, someone choking him, or court-ordered chemical castration.  None of these are valid excuses to act like a dick with that punchable face.  Frankly, I’m not sure how anyone hasn’t really punched him in the face mid-game.  Are people afraid of the hundreds of rabid fans in the stands?  At least 2 hundreds of fans?  Maybe more? Nah.

The Chargers really haven’t done anything this season, in contrast to last season, and what the expectations have been.  They did beat Green Bay.  We later found out why when Rodgers said in a very demure, upstanding way, that the team partied too hard in LA.  I assume they must have went to Manhattan Beach to party.  That place is happening without being near downtown.  I remember Saint Patrick’s Day when I dropped off the wife and daughter to hang out there.  I so wanted to stay and party.  Such is life, though, as the male offspring had a fever and needed some attention back at my BIL’s apartment where he was playing Mario Kart.  Kids ruin things.

It feels like Keenan Allen is about 80 and Rivers has been passing to him and him only for a decade now.  He’s consistent, but really thinks he is “LionHearted” as is documented on his Insta.  He’s just the only person worthy of catching a pass on that team.  I mean, Mike Williams, the other guy who seems like he is still learning to how to catch, finally caught something last week, and it wasn’t the clap.  That we know of.

Let’s hope that Nathan Peterman is traded south as a future replacement for Rivers.

Did I mention my disdain for the QB who is from that San Diego (always the San Diego) team?

Since it’s Thursday night, let’s mention the show Evil.  I watched the pilot and had some positive thoughts on it.  The CGI is terrible, though.  Watch it in standard definition to cover that up.

Here is a song to cheer you up from this mess of a game.  I start wiggling my butt in my chair when I hear this one.  It’s a good butt wiggler.  Enjoy!

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TheRevanchist
A face only your mother loves… repeatedly.
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Unsurprised

.

BC Dick

Where the duck is she? Elton John’s bathroom? I don’t get the better weather thing. Better for sweater? I’d like if she was in butter instead of the sweater. I’d probably get sick though. And it doesn’t rhyme.

BC Dick

I just went bowling with half a dozen 25-year-old hairdressers in yoga pants. Choose your tenant wisely and it will reward you.

Unsurprised

I’m getting fatter. At least some other things in my life are okay, but holy crap, how is this something I let happen?

Sharkbait

My parental leave so far, pictured:
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WCS

You’re off to the correct start.

SonOfSpam

Fuck yes. This guy (Sharkbait, Bob, whatever) gets it.

SonOfSpam

Sorry, just got here. Nice post, FNG. And you went to Fresno, so I will stop making fun of you since you probably own several sawed-off weapons and are illiterate.

Rivers looked good tonight! Assuming you’re a Raiders thugfan!

And Trump will die in prison.

Sharkbait

Sub-fucking-scribe

SonOfSpam

Can’t get a semi without it.

Sharkbait

I mean…
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SonOfSpam

That’s fine, but there’s a much sexier scene.

Unsurprised

That’s a different Burt Reynolds movie

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me get this straight. It’s 9 games into the season and the Raiders have a WINNING RÉCORD? I don’t…what is happening? Is this real life?

Mr. Ayo

Chucky in the black hole! What a night.

Game Time Decision

Darkest timeline

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Game Time Decision

Emo Carr will be by to listen with you

Unsurprised

Stop mocking me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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BC Dick

Nothing better. And there might be more. He can pull it off.

JerBear50

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Sharkbait

I’m still within striking distance of Hippo!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What the hell happened? ESPN’s game tracker is talking nonsense.

Sharkbait

Floatception x 3.

Mr. Ayo

Bunch of incompletions, an INT, then Raiders got a first down and ran out the clock.

Game Time Decision

8 plays with less than a minute left on the clock
All passes
Only 1 pass even catchable
But by the defence
Boltman is pleased

Viva La Tabula Raza

OH NO!
—-Philip Rivers’ wife.

Horatio Cornblower

“Nailed it”
-Blair Walsh

WCS

ALL THE FLOAT

Horatio Cornblower

All of Rivers’s pass could be deemed uncatchable without a rocket attached to the WR’s ass.

Brocky

Lol hearing rod Woodson try to justify a db holding on the radio, its fucking hilarious

Horatio Cornblower

Missed XP and a defensive penalty on 4th down.

Rikki, I found these on the curb. Are they your Raiders?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks at them closely]

No, those ain’t my Raiders.

Game Time Decision

What happens first: time runs out or the first pass Rivers throws comes down?

Horatio Cornblower

Kind of surprised that last one didn’t escape Earth’s gravity and just orbit the planet for all eternity.

Horatio Cornblower

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYPoMjR6-Ao

I mean, it is pretty close to midnight

Sharkbait
WCS

Well, that won’t come back to haunt them…

/Marmarlard throws pick-six on next play

Col. Duke LaCross

Hail shank’lor

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Leave a minute on the clock and miss the extra point to leave themselves with a two point lead?

That’s My Raiders!

Horatio Cornblower

Uh-oh, missed XP means that Rivers and the Sons of Spanoi only need a FG to win.

Mr. Ayo

Win and not cover the +1.5. Gambling is the worst.

Unsurprised

those candidates I bothered people about, they’re all big winners. and only three of the eight were incumbents pic.twitter.com/fQXB8jDcjX

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) November 6, 2019

Mr. Ape Goes To Richmond

Mr. Ayo

Philip Rivers 2 minute drill alert!

So much float in store.

Unsurprised

The Macy’s parade comes to Carson

Gatoraids

Its been very effective against his wife

Unsurprised

Hi

Sharkbait

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Horatio Cornblower

Ola

Sharkbait

Cars for Kids is worse.

Game Time Decision

It doesn’t matter what it is, you’ll have to watch it a million times. You’ll hate whatever it is after the 10the viewing

hippofant

BLERGH FOR THE BLERGH GODS

Horatio Cornblower

The Chargers are running out of bounds to save time with 7:53 to go. What exactly is the plan there?

Sharkbait

Save as much time as possible before they’re forcibly re-located to the UK?

Mr. Ayo

Always love an entertaining game overrun by BLEE’RGH.

Horatio Cornblower

THIS CHARGER’S POCKET I CALL IT TIFFANY RIVERS’S WOMB, BECAUSE IT HAS COLLAPSED UNDER CONSTANT PRESSURE!!

Gatoraids

Sure its one of those questionable AirBnB rentals

Viva La Tabula Raza

don’t usually contribute this late unless I am really fucked up, but I think this is Blimporbannerworthy

Edit: Ooops, I am reallly fucked up. thank u scothch

Gatoraids

Mark Davis already left an hour and half ago to make PF Changs before it closes at 11

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t blame him.

Sharkbait

THIS GUY PHILIP RIVERS! I CALL HIM MY DAUGHTERS DIAPER BECAUSE HE’S FULL OF SHIT AND SHOULD BE THROWN INTO THE TRASH

Horatio Cornblower

“Three great games coming your way this weekend…”

The first is Maryland v Ohio State, which will be great if you’re really into snuff films.

jjfozz

THIS FERRALL KID, I CALL HIM GEORGE BUSH, BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE MAKES NO SENSE WHEN HE TALKS, HE STILL WINDS UP BEING A GREAT LEADER

jjfozz

When that tanker trucks goes over, it’s the most glorious thing in the world

jjfozz

I think Boltman could have been in the Road Warrior as one of the bad guy bikers

Sharkbait

Come on Laserface. Go to Ekeler. You wont…

hippofant

I wonder what you’re thinking as an RB on that kinda play, where you know you gotta go take the handoff but also that you’re gonna get blown the fuck up as soon as you do.

jjfozz

Papagallo killed by a hand thrown trident. FUCKING MINT!

Senor Weaselo

I read that as Papageno and it would have made the ending of The Magic Flute better, that good-for-nothing useless little shit!
/Most Papagenas are pretty cute though. Key word most

Sharkbait

I thought that was Pagano when I glanced at it. Would’ve been much more entertaining.

jjfozz

The Ferral Kid might be my most favorite part about this movie.

Gatoraids

A kid that doesnt talk back your dream

Gatoraids

Weirdest part about Applebee’s is that Stephen King eats there when he’s at this Florida home sometimes.

Gatoraids

Mike Ehrmantraut is an assistant coach for the raiders

jjfozz

My 6 yr old is watching this with me, and enjoying it. i’m sure he’ll turn out ok.

jjfozz

You’ve got a guy with assless chaps being held on a chain by a guy in a black rubber bikini and wearing a metal hockey mask. The filmmakers are trying to tell me something, but I just can’t figure it out

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. The Apocalypse is gonna be AWESOME!

Gatoraids

Next up Beastmaster
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Col. Duke LaCross

Aren’t all chaps, by definition, assless?

Gatoraids

Buck so angry about football desecrating a baseball stadium

Sharkbait

Shouldve kept the dirt. Just because.

Horatio Cornblower

Buck’s a traditionalist, because he owes his entire career to the tradition of fathers handing down jobs to less talented sons.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What da fuk you tawkin’ bout, bro?
—Donald Trump Jr

jjfozz

I’m watching the end of road warrior, but i’m sticking around to read the funny comments

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Switched over the audio to Andrea Kremer and Hannah Storm so I can be less angry this quarter

jjfozz

There are many alumni of Ohio State in this neck of the woods. They are all insufferable twats.

Sharkbait

Pretty sure you didn’t need to add the location.

jjfozz

I could give a shit where a person went to college, or if they went to college. It’s a state university and it’s in Ohio, so what the hell are you yelling about?