Your “It Was The Altitude!-The Loser” Monday Night Mexico City NFL Football Open Thread

Dontcha love ready-made excuses? I myself have used, “The water was really cold”, “Uh, sorry. I guess I drank too much”, “The dog ate my computer”, “It was like that when I got here”, “I didn’t know where the plunger was” and many, many others. Hey, let’s take a wander over to…

Fallout:

-After tossing the oblong thingy for 444 yards yesterday, certain squawkers are making the case that DAK! is an MVP candidate. These ramblings are almost exclusively located in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

-Truth Biscuit has been diagnosed as having a hip pointer but that prolonged talk Nagy had with him on the sideline reeks of, “You’re sucking really hard right now so I’m going to pull you because we might do better with a career backup. Please try not to suck this hard next time you’re under center”. Hey, speaking of speculation and hips…

-According to sports news snippets all over the internet, Tua had successful surgery on his…you know. (has anyone ever had an unsuccessful surgery, ever? I mean aside from Meg Ryan) Those in the speculating game have tossed out their obligatory “HOW DOES THIS AFFECT THE DRAFT SIX MONTHS FROM NOW?”

-Is there a crack in the armour? The Pats run game is a shambles, the tight end spot is a wasteland and Brady’s passer rating under pressure is a miserable 48.5. Much like those footballs back then, Dreamboat must feel deflated when he contemplates those numbers.

-That Falcons D that was as easy to score on as your mom after three beers? They’ve been replaced by a solid unit (a preference of your mom’s, btw) that has surrendered a mere 12 points in the last two games. Huh.

TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Chargers:

The Chargers are the ‘home’ team here in the same way that L.A. is their ‘home’ in that it is such in name only. They practiced up at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs to get ready for this game. You can pretty much count on Rivers float-ceptioning a few this evening because he is who he is. A wise OC would give rb Gordon the rock 25+ times against K.C.’s 31st-ranked run D. That would slow down the game and give ex-San Diego its only real chance at a W.

What are your tried and true excuses?

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Mr. Ayo

Dios me Rios.

Gatoraids

Hahahaha

King Hippo

numero quatro!!!

Gatoraids

Another one

Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

Bloodhound hit 628mph today

Who wants to see the full 628mph (1010kph) @Bloodhound_LSR run? Including the dust clouds it leaves behind! It is a wonderful sight.
(Video captured by Rudi, our Track Master.) pic.twitter.com/pF6sTblBii

— Stuart Edmondson (@StuEdmondson) November 18, 2019

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Fronkenshteen

I think that replay shows definitively why he has so many children.

Horatio Cornblower

This may be my favorite comment of all time. It is just sublime.

Horatio Cornblower

Surprised Williams was considered to have made that catch since his shirt was untucked at the time.

King Hippo

Hunter Henry has 69 receiving yards. Someone wake scotchy!

Viva La Tabula Raza

And Gronk!!!

Mr. Ayo

WTF. Los Rios esta muy funny.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This is going to end up as a big wet fart.

Edit: Goddam delay.

Edit again: Bet they still fuck this up.

Horatio Cornblower

Mike Williams just bailed Rivers’s ass out.

Mr. Ayo

¡Que Beuno!

King Hippo

Madre de Dios!

Horatio Cornblower

Rivers needs to approach the closing seconds of games with the same precision and intensity he approaches the closing days of Tiffany’s fertile periods.

King Hippo

yeah, I sure would love playing OL for Laserface

Viva La Tabula Raza

GO FOR IT OF COURSE

Mr. Ayo

¡Rivers 2 minute drill alert!

King Hippo

he somehow seems to be going even slower

Mr. Ayo

I really need to make some yellow water. I would appreciate him hurrying this up.

Gatoraids

Everyone on Mexico City impregnated in a 30 mile radius

Gatoraids

I call this game Mahomes revenge because the chargers can’t stop his runs

Gratliff

Why are they letting these slow children play on the same field as Mahomes?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Isn’t this some United Way/Special Olympics charity matchup of some kind?

WCS

It’s part of the NFL’s outreach to disabled people and/or remaining Chargers fans.

Unsurprised

“Chargers fans” Do those words go together?

Horatio Cornblower

“I can’t imagine what Chargers fans are thinking right now,”

Chargers…fans?

Gatoraids

When the levee breaks the Rivers overthrows

WCS

What is Spanish for “Laserface”?

Mr. Ayo

cara de láser

Horatio Cornblower

Puta

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Hydranto de fuego de spermatozoa.”

Gratliff

Two years of spanish entirely so I could laugh at this one joke which honestly I could probably have put together without the two years

Viva La Tabula Raza

I never took any Spanish, but do have some Italian (quasi lo stesso/casi igual) and have been speaking non-grammatical Tex-Mex to undocumented workers for 45 years. It’s really pretty intuitive.

Mr. Ayo

¡cambio repentino!

Gratliff

Arriba!

Viva La Tabula Raza

How will Phillip’s fuck this up? There are so many possible ways!!!

Edit: That wasn’t very unusual, not much variance from the mean.

Fronkenshteen

Welp. There go McCoys ribs. It’s time.
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Gratliff

¡tiempo de flotación!

Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Can absolutely deny what Dak Prescott is doing

Horatio Cornblower

37-10

Gratliff

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Gatoraids

I did when someone tried to trade me him for Aaron Jones

Gatoraids

Yeah below

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Float the deep ones, laser the screens. CLASSIC RIVERS

Unsurprised

¡La Chancla!
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ArmedandHammered

Still better than any throw by Rivers.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s better than any throw this weekend!

Brick Meathook

Fake. It’s CG. Sorry boys.

Unsurprised

Don’t make me bring out the Kelce gif again

Mr. Ayo

Well then you shouldn’t have filmed it.

Horatio Cornblower

Really disappointed in the lack of people throwing bags of piss at the Spanos family.

Oh, the game’s in Mexico? Well, even more so.

Gatoraids

Oh, you think bags of piss are your ally, but you merely adopted the piss. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was already a man; by then, it was nothing to me but blinding! The excrement betrays you, because they belong to me.
Dean Spanos

Horatio Cornblower

Goddamn. Is there a limit as to what we can fit in the banner? Asking for Dean Spanos up there.

Unsurprised

No images. Otherwise, the limit’s been pretty open

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Drederick Tatum might be my favoUrite minor Simpsons character.

Fronkenshteen

“Conditions were…irrevocable.”

King Hippo

yo quiero donde los bastardized espanol will change our internet ads?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t seen anything for Boys Towns or donkey shows in Piedras Negras or Ciudad Acuna. So far, anyway.

Mr. Ayo

¡flotación!

Gatoraids

Haven’t seen a bailout in Mexico like that since 1995

Fronkenshteen

Nope

Gatoraids

More like Walter Mattheiu with those hands

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

OK bitches, time for Baby Jail. If someone stabs someone on the field, text me. Otherwise, OUT

Gratliff

Philip Rivers apparently didn’t get the memo about it being a bad time to go to mexico when you have a large family

Unsurprised

The Chargers and Broncos switched fax machines

King Hippo

Still tracking my KelcePOINTS, despite the win being certainamente. Because I’m an asshole, you see.

Mr. Ayo

¡VIVA!

Unsurprised

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess given the NFL geography tonight, it’s appropriate to re-post this even at such short remove.
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Brick Meathook

Man, Tebow really let himself go . . .

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Mr. Ayo

And switched hands! He’s so lucky for his god given talent.

#blessed

Game Time Decision

Acordian > mariachi > regular MNF theme song

Col. Duke LaCross

Where’s Sergio Dipp?

Mr. Ayo

He really should be the honorary sideline reporter esta noche.

Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook

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ArmedandHammered

Slow Poke Rodregez, he carry a gun.

King Hippo

MS-13 obvs!!

Unsurprised

They’re Salvadorans

King Hippo

exaactly y we NEED WALL

Brick Meathook

These are Salvadoreanite gang thugs:

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Game Time Decision

Apparently the thin air makes tackling hard

King Hippo

Williams el otra para seis!

Fronkenshteen

KICK THE FUCKING BALL IN THE AIR
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Unsurprised

OH MY GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE LADYBUGS!

Mr. Ayo

BLEERGH!

Feasting south of the border

Viva La Tabula Raza

Can’t remember how to do it in html and not going to look it up

[upside down exclamation point] BLEERGH!

Mr. Ayo

¡BLEERGH!

King Hippo

¡VIVA!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Domo arigato, goziemasu. It’s definitely more effective that way.