Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Here’s hoping that none of my guys defecated the bed during the early slate.

TO THE GAMES!

Jags/Raiders:

Jacobs is listed as questionable and has said he ‘has plans’ to play today. Kinda sucks for you fantasy folks because of the start time because Jacktown’s D has quit on the team. Still, I’m sure you handcuffed him with DeAndre Washington so at least you’ve got a low-end rb2 to play if Jacobs can’t go. You did handcuff him, right?

Browns/Cards:

Look at these cats playing out the string! The toothless Cleveland pass rush faces off against the porous Arizona O-line. Not much to choose from here although Mayfield has slowly improved after his lousy start. He still has a qb rating more than 20 points below the league average when passing from a clean pocket though.

Minny/Chargers:

Remember the Vikes formidable secondary? For the last six weeks they’ve given up the 4th most points to opposing wr’s. After the first three weeks of the season you may have thought that Diggs getting to 1,000 yards would be a tough go but he’s sitting at 999 right now.

Rams/Cowboys:

Have the Rams put it back together? Gurley has been RB8 the last month with added volume, Goff’s passing has become more accurate and Woods has been WR4 since week 10. Good luck with Amari Cooper-you have to play him despite the fact he’s WR34 over the last month and he now draws the unwanted attention of Jalen Ramsay.

Falcons/Niners:

Who’d have guessed that Raheem Mostert would have emerged the winner of the Coleman/Breida battle for most touches in San Fran’s backfield? He’s gone for 23 and 25 points the last two times out and he’s had as many carries of 15+ yards (12) as McCaffrey on 146 less oppos.

Do your blurst in the comments.

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Spur

good job Zeke

Gratliff

Wait why is Dallas in the red zone goddamn it Goff

Spur

Sean Lee playing out of his mind

WCS

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King Hippo

u win internet 2day

Gatoraids

Doing my best to take mind off fantasy playoffs by watching Street Fighter finals and shit talking

Brick Meathook

How come the Dallas Cowboys can’t build a stadium that doesn’t get fucked by afternoon sun? (see also: Texas Stadium)

hippofant

Wasn’t that supposedly intentional? I recall reading it was built to shine sunlight on the visitors’ sidelines at the right time.

King Hippo

How much moneys did DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!! lose by screwing up the deferral choice?

litre_cola

Jerry Jones should get hepatitis from his Johnhy Blue. BLENDED! YOU DRINK BLENDED WHISKY YOU CUNT!!!!

Gatoraids

as if he didnt already have it yeeeeeeeeeehawww I got everything

Spur

Never nice Dallas drive.

Mistborn Impossible

Halftime sexy time! Everybody make out with the person to your left!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=SXUezPili4A

Spur

Dak keeper or throw it to Coop, please

Spur

speaking of MAGA Cunts comment image

Gatoraids

I love watching the Joe Bob Marathons on Shudder and alot of time he opens up with some anti SJW rant that is a bit too annoying but at least he took a rant to protest Republican congressmen not giving people an multiple chances when they fuck up cuz what else you going to do.

Gratliff

Monstervision was better than anything Nelson or Allen ever did

Gatoraids

Get Shudder the marathons are great , but their horror grind house catalogue is my most watched streaming service

bk109

Uhm… I think that sentence broke my brain… Food stamps and welfare, yet no help….. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh comment image

King Hippo

This is very, VERY Murrican. Just short of “keep your government hands off mah welfare!!!111”

King Hippo

sorry, “off mah Medicare”

/brain is borken

bk109

I know, lol. A thankfully, the now ex-fiancee to wifey’s younger sis proudly proclaimed that he’d seen zilch from the US Gov’t and that welfare and social safety nets are unamerican… Despite the guy using ROTC to pay for his education (and planning on staying in uniform for as little as possible), proudly using TriCare among other federal and local programmes. Luckily, that same christmas, my sis-in-law found out that he was cheating on her, so she used her USMC training and kicked the everloving shit outta him (I had to half-heartedly pull her away from him). I still have some faint blood stains on the floor from that too! 😀

Brick Meathook

He was great in The Incredibles so I don’t care what he believes in.

herodotus450

Awfully raycess of Wayne Brady to only impersonate black celebrities.

Gratliff

Of course this will be the one game the Cowboys win against a >.500 team all fucking year

Spur

The Derp shoe hasn’t fallen yet. It’s coming

Viva La Tabula Raza

Is Tim Allen still a MAGA c*nt? Can’t remember if I’m still supposed to hate him.

Gratliff

Love to have the dude who got out of life in prison by turning state’s evidence on everyone he knows tell us how real Americans are supposed to live

bk109

It’s a valuable lesson, tho – you can always make/buy new friends, but prison rape’s forever with ya 😀

Brick Meathook

He was great in Galaxy Quest so I don’t care what he believes in.

bk109

And I found Aaron Hernandez quite serviceable on the field, but I can’t exactly overlook him killing people (even if he’s technically innocent, because US laws are written by fucktards).
Or Louis CK funny, yet overlook his creepy-ass behaviour.
Or a Bruce Willis movie without noting that his movies have been atrocious for more than a decade now…

Gatoraids

nice to make your kids play fantasy with their allowance

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got Shogun on my ass. Which makes me sad. I miss that guy.

Let me rephrase that.

WCS

3rd and 12, throw an seven yard out route.

BABY BUSTER

Gratliff

Some top notch coverage there, Rams

King Hippo

and NAWT GALLUP goddamnit

WCS

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Spur

Baby Buster getting brave

Spur

looks like i played Jimmy G on the wrong week

theeWeeBabySeamus
Gatoraids

G the Pieped Piper of fantasy
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Viva La Tabula Raza

So the ad music for a TV show called 911 Lone Star is a 45 year old song by a band led by a Canadian Mormon? Weird.

bk109

Given that the storylines, acting (especially Angela Bassett’s OVERacting) and camera work in the mainline show sucked oh-so-very-much (wifey used to watch it until it got too putrid to even be used as a white noise generator), the music yer least problem :p

bk109

Unrelated – not too shabby for a compact DSLR + a “master of none” lense,eh? (And for the love of Jebus, if any of ya shoots RAW, POST-PROCESS damn it!)comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s very nice. And yes, I do shoot RAW.

bk109

Doin’ it RAW is half the battle, lol. Lightroom/DxO/etc is the fun part where ya get the most outta your gear (Personally I use Lightroom, ’cause it does the best job of doing lens geometry corrections) , lol. OTOH post has a bit of a magical aura to it, ’cause I had a neighbour who had shot an entire christening with his lens set on manual focus that thought that “somehow” with “the right AI apps” I could salvage ANYTHING from there XD

Spur

nice

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s gorgeous. No shit.
I used to shoot the moon a lot (no pun intended) and never did any better than that.

bk109

Unfortunately, all the credit goes to the hardware becoming more and more user-friendly (in my case – wireless remote shooting, with a live preview and motorized manual focusing :D) … Thank bleeeping Christ that I’m just young enough to’ve missed the film cameras alltogether ( VGA Cam Phone -> KodaK EasyShare Compact job for the longest time… -> DSLRs as soon as I could start affording those) Hell, the thought of how many rolls a simple web interface saved me just tonight gives me the shakes 😀

Brick Meathook

Real men shoot film.

bk109

Real men shoot digital, only hipsters shoot film…. ARE YOU A HIPSTER?!

Fronkenshteen

I know I’m stoned, but……did George Kittle just make a white power hand gesture after his last catch?

Gatoraids

like this
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King Hippo

NODOBY DENIES THIS!!

Fronkenshteen

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Like this

Gratliff

Nope. Pentagon Jr. hand gesture for “Cero miedo” or zero fear.

Gratliff

Kittle’s an unapologetic wrestling guy
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Fronkenshteen

Thank Christ.

Gratliff

Ya. It’s gonna be hard for him to maintain context for it as he gets bigger and dipshit racists throw it out every 15 seconds, but he’s got cleats with Penta’s face and shit on it too. Huge nerd.

herodotus450

NFL: “Full time refs? What would we need them for?”

bk109

To be taught to count to 12? We had a flag in the Pats game, ’cause apparently the refs ran outta fingers 😀

herodotus450

In this case, to turn up their hearing aids enough to administer a coin toss.

King Hippo

MARKELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

after giving up the tying bucket, he nailed a contested, double-clutch 60 footer FTW

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought you said you weren’t watching.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME?

Damn, I’ve only ever asked that of women.

litre_cola

Better than how long have you been watching me.

That’s shit aint no one need to see.

King Hippo

last 64 seconds

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well that’s shorter than most of the women at least.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, remember that day when you wished you had started Amendola in front of Julio Jones?
Yeah, me neither.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The ‘Aints’ defense better kick some ass tomorrow.

Spur

Zeke feast would be nice today.

herodotus450

Aside from the Pats, are there any teams that you think understand/practice coin toss semantics?

litre_cola

Calgary Stampeders.

theeWeeBabySeamus

NC State Basketball on the verge of letting UNC-Greensboro come back and take this game.
Sorry Hippo, I had to ruin your mediocre day.

herodotus450

Still not sure if the ‘Ertz’s are siblings or lovers, but I am sure that they shouldn’t quit their day jobs to become actors.

Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She looks like she could kick my ass.

Spur

I have to pay extra for that

herodotus450

Must’ve been exhausting to keep that pose long enough to be painted.

Gratliff

Really gotta work on the hamstrings to perfect levitation

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nanodrones.

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!

herodotus450

Cowbois apparently fucked up the coin toss and will kick to start both halves?

Gratliff

Literally didn’t know you could do that. Thought it was literally set to do the opposite on the next kickoff.

herodotus450

Technically it’s “defer”ing your decision to the second half. I blame the Madden video game franchise for never making it clear.

litre_cola

You guys joking?

Gratliff

Dak refused to defer, which apparently means they don’t get to defer, which apparently means they don’t get to receive a kickoff, because rules?

herodotus450

Dak “chose” a side of the field, instead of deferring. I guess.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently Cowbozos could fuck a up a stainless steel ball with a rubber hammer.

Mr. Ayo

Princeton should be forced to drop at least 20 places in the college rankings for that.

Right above Brown in the Ivy rankings at least.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hip folks in Providence don’t give a fuck about no rankings man.

King Hippo

Princeton Red FUCKED UP THE COINFLIP ELECTION

Gratliff

Hmm. No. Indeed.

Gratliff

Just noticed the Eagles are sitting in first place for the first time since Week 1. Don’t fuck this up, McVay.

King Hippo

Caaaapppppptttttaaaaain Dingleberry! AHOY!!!

King Hippo

SUCH A MELVIN AMIRITE??

King Hippo

Speaking of luck…ALL THE GALLUP POINTZ PLEASE

Gratliff

All success is based on luck. This is still less lucky than just being born rich, but still bullshit luck.
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King Hippo

oh dear Christ!

Gratliff

One assumes he had 50k to spend and didn’t just mortgage his home, but still

theeWeeBabySeamus

$55K?

Did this ticket belong to a Hippo?

King Hippo

THE MOST I HAS EVER HAILED GAMBLOR ON A GAME WAS $1K, AND ONLY TEH ONCE

King Hippo

“All success is based on luck” is a good motto for Universal Basic Income, if Murricans weren’t so in denial.

Spur

am gonna start drinking now

Spur

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King Hippo

Also, I refuse to ruin even a mediocre NFL Sunday watching Shitty Wolves lose to goddamned no-neck Tarhole buttboy Wes Miller’s UNC-G

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ladies in the top 10 now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why does every TE in the league suck so much ass?
RUN TO THE MIDDLE SEAM AND CATCH A FUCKING BALL YOU ASSDICKS!!!!!

King Hippo

Laird eats ALL THE ASS. Should have risked Josh Jacobs.

King Hippo

Satan <3 DONKS WOO!!!?

Lock, Drew
DEN QB
DEN 3 @ KCC 23
Final
Pass: 18/40/208, 1 Int; Rush: 2/3
6.66

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh dear lord, the Bears think they’re Stanford.
WHERE’S THE BAND?

Spur

Dumbass bear at the end got greedy.

Gratliff

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King Hippo

Green Bay is turrrible

King Hippo

Nice play design by Nagy there, though.

Gratliff

The degenerate gamblers are gonna love that fumble-six

King Hippo

I did nae bet any NFL today (did well on Lesser Footy, LD Alajuelesne could make it GREAT), but I felt good for the degenerates who had the Iggles (at that line, any Dacted bettors should have been on the moneyline)

Sharkbait

Hippo and I are in a dogfight. I’m gonna regret leaving scary Terry on the bench

King Hippo

FOAR teh ppls – every single Sharkbait bench player is in double digits. 😀

‘/Hippo’s Opium Den still gon’ lose

rockingdog

found a funny:
[christmas morning]

ME: I have no gifts to bring

EVERYONE: booooo

ME: …pa rum pum pum pum

EVERYONE: yayyyyyy

nomonkeyfun

Did the LDB contest just end for everyone?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I only just woke up. I need to get my diurnal cycle back on schedule.
Russell still thinks he gon’ get MVP away from Lamar!!!!!
I need Stefon Diggs to not fuck up on the late slate.

Let’s get crunk.

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