The eyes of a nation shift from Kansas City to San Francisco. The tv is changed from CBS to Fox. Mozza stix have been replaced by chicken wings. A glass of scotch that doesn’t need to be topped up is topped up. Balls are scratched. Someone finally notices the huge mustard stain on his t-shirt. A thought is given to exercising and is quickly dismissed. “Japanese threesome” shows up on a search history. All this and more is going on right now!
TO THE GAME!
Packers/Niners:
-I still maintain that Green Bay is the most nondescript three loss team in ever. How do they win? It seems as though Matt The Flower tossed the keys to the other Aaron (Jones) and he’s the fella that makes the team go. Given that they’re in the champeenship game they must be doing something right. I just don’t know what it is.
-The Green Bay Smith Boys (Za’Darius and Preston) are the only teammates to have 12 or more sacks this year. I guess that’s something.
-On San Fran’s side the combo of Bosa and Ford are legit game-wreckers. The NFL’s average sack rate is 6.5%. When those two are on the field together their sack rate is an incredible 17.3%.
-Funny how Shanahan The Younger is just like the old man in that you couldn’t trust which running back he would go with. By all accounts Mostert had wrestled control of the #1 spot as the season came to a close but then Coleman went off last week. I think this speaks well of coach not embracing a specific strategy going into a game and just going with what works. “MID-GAME ADJUSTMENTS!” Are you listening, Pat Shurmur?
-Prediction Time! Let’s do 28-23, Niners.
Saleh’s angry boner could cut diamonds!
That looked like a full jail break on Rodgers.
This is NOT a defensing unit you want to spot a 10-point lead.
About to be moar than that.
Insurmountable 10-0 lead?
According to facebook, I said this 2 years ago and I could have made the exact same joke last week with Cousins instead
The difference is that Dingleberry comes with a crippling, fully-guaranteed cap hit.
Also still true about Keenum
To be clear, did Shanahan mouth, “‘Bout fucking time.” after that FG?
I sure hope so. The alternatives are terrifying.
Drinking vodka now. Let’s get nuts people
can’t take that sack, Janeane
Found a funny:
you never get guys called Rumpelstiltskin anymore. Used to be if you shouted Rumpelstiltskin in the club four guys would turn around
lady friend brought over 7 week old golden pupper
it was nice
wriggles and teeth
Sous vide?
Did you smother it to death while fucking? Asking for a friend…
Dirty Green Bay
…and people try to tell me it was better than adventure time
Over under number of Bosa Deez nuts jokes Troy has made Buck hear in game prep
Bosa should have mimicked peeing on Rodgers
Gonna be a rough day for A.A.Ron
like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day combined amirite??
Good.
TOMSULAS WOO IT’S HAPPENING!!!!
eyyyyyyy
oh please rough up Rodgers on this drive. Am thinking a Bosa nut stomp or chop to the throat. Maybe yell out some Rodgers family trivia
I’m way too picky about produce to ever let some underpaid victim of capitalism in a factory pick out my tomatoes and fresh fruit
Me too. I love going to the grocery store, it’s a zen experience for me!
The woman loves to use the delivery service from Meijer and such. It feels a bit bourgeoisie for my tastes, but the real reason I don’t use it is because you know they will 100% grab the oldest, most expensive piece of meat. She had one deliver one (1) banana when she ordered a bunch and it was in a produce bag and I don’t know how I could ever trust such a service.
The Sno-Cone harvest will be good this year…
Oh god. I was using a post hole digger last year.
That split second where the blade hits something solid, and it damn near rips your arm out of the socket
Everybody’s gone surfin’
yeah but they only hung seven on them
hittin’ em where it mostert
TOUCHDOWN!
FUCK YOU GREEN BAY!
Colonel MostertDOWN!!!
MOSTERTESTED
Deebo is gonna fuck dat cheese
The Donato’s pizza is in the oven. I repeat: the Donato’s pizza is in the oven. This is not a drill.
mail me a slice
Beef ribs in oven in honor of KC
Coward Punt
The Spirit of Mike McCarthy lives on!
the beard on rogers making me think he’s a closeted hobo
Looks like they’ve added some new characters at Disneyland since I was there last. Of course, that was 1975.
That’s Boner the Snowman
Do you wanna bang a snowman?
♪ Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore! ♪
Jimmy G., smug Patriots fans’ last hope for smugness.
And that’s how you escape a sacrifice throw!
In Kentucky his sister does that with his pants.
Rodger’s is to be pissed when Double J rolls up next year with his old flame. McCarthy is going to be slim, trim and in his best coaching mood in ages. Sure Rodgers got a younger coach but young coach cant do shit on they’re own. Not like McCarthy could. Things got old and ran their course but Rodgers is jelly.
he’ll be so mad he’ll go spank the bears.
Taking down my Boyz II Men poster and replacing it with one from The Roots
ha ha that plane’s dingus was out how embarassing
Put a quarter on Bay of Green ML (+308) just in case The Shield makes it happen. GO TOMSULAS!!
“HI! I’M JAY GLAZER AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ON CAMERA! CAN I FLAIL MY ARMS WHILE I TALK? IS THAT A GOOD LOOK? IT IS? I WILL CONTINUE TO FLAIL MY ARMS WHILE I TALK! I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IF I DO THIS!”
Everyone looks so happy to not have to talk to Kraft and Belichick right now.
Travis Kelce exactly who we thought he was
Every team owner should be sacrificed to the football gods after raising the trophy. They can pass the team on to their fans, y’know, just to maintain tradition
If this were policy, I would hope the Packers win.
Looks like a lot of work.
“It rubs the football on its hands or else it gets the hose again.”
-Buffalo Jill
I just realized chiefs owner is getting a trophy named after his dad.
Jokes about him aside, that’s got to be a special feeling
Bud Light Seltzer?! Why?!
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Why?!
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.WHY?!
I could go for some Bud Light Hot Chocolate right now.
Really want to see a Travis Kelce super bowl parade speech. You know he can’t let his brother own the most memorable one.
I’m just glad he didn’t pull an Aladdin and freed his genie with his final wish. Look at him. You can tell he appreciated it.
How did you know I was scratching?
Just please tell me there was no post-scratch sniff.
One team’s city is filled with cheese curds, the other with fresh turds. Let’s get it on.
That is only because the cheese binds one city up.
You’re underestimating how shitty green bay actually is.