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Your “We’re All Possibly Doomed; Definitely Stupid” Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

Are we all still alive? The first week of all this has been weird because I’ve been on Spring Break,

Clearly not the good kind.

so I hadn’t planned on doing much anyway. All the closures have just meant that I’ve been hanging around the house generally being lazy.

If that’s what you want to call it.

Next week will be more of the same, except with a little gardening thrown in. “Zero hour” for me comes on March 30th when I’m “supposed” to return to work, even though all of the schools are “closed indefinitely”.

Thirteen people have died in total in Canada – 10 in BC, with 9 at the same senior’s facility three miles from my house. Simple solution – wash my hands. Simpler solution – don’t drive by there. Apparently, they’ve had traffic issues because of people’s morbid curiosity with wanting to “see the place”. Idiots. If we’re lucky, we escape this in a couple of months with that number staying below triple-digits.

Meanwhile, in Florida, guys named Brady continue to party.

Today’s good internet dog is this border collie who herded some baby ducks into a puddle.

Tonight’s … entertainment?:

Aside from ESPN2 running the “Ocho” programming all day, here are the highlights as chosen by me:

  • WWE WrestleMania 30: 2014: From New Orleans – 7:00 PM | ESPN
    • It was a quality event, noted for two highlight matches:
      • Brock vs. The Undertaker
      • A Daniel Bryan mini-gauntlet to the title.
  • Bob’s Burgers –  9:00 PM | FOX/ Global
    • The family takes an unexpected road trip with Nat the limo driver.
      • SOLD!
  • The Walking Dead – 9:00 PM | AMC
    • Michonne takes Virgil back to his mysterious island to reunite with his family. In exchange, Virgil promises weapons that could change the tide of the Whisperer War.
      • Michonne’s last episode, if I read the previews correctly.
    • I will say the last couple of episodes – The Whisperer’s War – have been very good. But not enough to redeem the series to the point where I will resume reviewing it.

Hopefully, the week ahead brings you no misery. Toodles!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Okay, you’re going to feel a slight pressure.”

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At that rate, he’s never going to get away.
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3
Doktor Zymm

He’s gotta find a discarded e-scooter

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Racoon Segway should be a thing.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Self-propelled garbage can.

5
Doktor Zymm

Goddamn! Why is everyone on about Covid Eileen when we could be rewriting My Sharona???

3
Doktor Zymm

This requires minimal changes
“Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
I always get it up, for the touch of the younger kind
My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-my Sharona” becomes

“Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty hands
I always get it up, for the touch of the facial kind
My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-my Corona”

5
theeWeeBabySeamus

That cock is pissing me off.
(see below)
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Love how the boxer nails the mom…… wait, let me rephrase that.

Also boxer is an appropriate name; when they play they kind of punch with their front paws. If you are not paying attention and are of the correct height they punch you right in the nuts. Great dogs, but BEWARE.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Keep walking, pal. This is none of your concern.
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Doktor Zymm

Deaths in Italy surpassed deaths in China over last night btw

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup. And Spain is up and coming. Nobody is talking about France though. Weird.

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Col. Duke LaCross

One of my coworkers just did Spring break in Spain and got back the day before the travel ban went into effect.

So good times, right?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, are you awake? Well I am now.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

STOP LICKING ME!!!!
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I’ll take “Things tWBS has never said” for $2000, Alex.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, Sharkbait opens a table and I’m the only one there.
I CAN’T TAKE MY OWN FAKE MONEY.

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Sharkbait

I can join in a bit.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Flashback to my last romantic relationship.

3
rockingdog

Found a funny:

me: I’m quite vocal during sex
her: lol that’s ok

[later in bed]
me: *through megaphone* stop animal testing

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herodotus450

Remember when all we had to worry about make fun of were mass shootings?

5
Brick Meathook

I miss mass shootings

3
Doktor Zymm

Much lower death rate and we could be way more self-righteous, good times

3
Doktor Zymm

Bottle numero dos, and breaking into the bread and fancy olive oil

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herodotus450

“First cold press” is also as far as most of my dates go.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK. No sports and no poker. I guess it’s time to go hit the couch and watch TV. Later taters.
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Sharkbait

Getting one going now

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Seamus, come back!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtoCw2iOTSc

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

Kitty!

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herodotus450

The spinoff “Mrs. Robot” about some fat guy’s sex doll looks much less interesting.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

I miss Venice. But they gotz the virus now too, so non traveling.
*sigh*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtBbinpK5XI

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WCS

I genuinely do enjoy this song.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Flea’s bassline is solid in that one.

1
rockingdog

Jamin

1
Sharkbait

I’ve been crushing hanky pankys the last few nights. Gonna need more gin at this rate

3
litre_cola

Open a poker table

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

^^ yeah, what he said.

1
herodotus450

Trump not cancelling his rallies where the whole point is to gather a large crowd in a small place? Maybe the last four twelve years has been a long con false flag attack to infect the nation’s most swayable with this experimental virus.

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herodotus450

(Pokes makers of Fargo)
C’mon, do something.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

“Fuck off, pal.”
—Ethan and Joel Cohen

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Here’s a conundrum for you…

I wish I was inebriated right now but I’m not in the mood to drink.

SEE THIS IS WHY I MISS BEING IN A STATE WHERE WEED IS LEGAL!!!!!

That is all.

1
litre_cola

I found the Nicaraguan footy game on a facebook feed…. things is gettin grim for sports.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Why do I have the feeling that Hippo probably has money riding on it?

1
litre_cola

YOu know I do!

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litre_cola

Need me a late one from Chinandega FC!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, kinda figured that too.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they’ll liven things up with a post-game ground war with Costa Rica or Honduras.

1
clint greasewood

How do you feel about Thai cockfighting?

1
Doktor Zymm

So my mom has a small stockmarket hobby since she retired. I was telling her about how Boeing is likely an essential industry and she sold the Tencent shares she bought a couple years ago when I started working for FB and bought like 20 shares of Boeing at around 95/share. She’s planning to hold on to those for a couple years and she’s gonna make proper bank

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

On the bright side, she’s probably only lost about $10 Canadian by now.

1
litre_cola

That’s like a gram of hash!

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WCS

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herodotus450

They never really took a hit from the 737 Max stuff though. I think some of the crash is people using the carvillevirus as an excuse to sell thinking a bubble is about to pop

1
WCS

Re: Bob’s Burgers

NAT IS BACK

1
Horatio Cornblower

The creepy part of the internet is going to be hugely disappointed when they find out that Scarlett Johansson crying and saying “I don’t want to swallow” has to do with eating hot wings.

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

So basically all the internet that isn’t pictures of adorable animals?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t want anyone to get sick or die, and I hate that people are suffering economic consequences from all of this, but now that I’m adjusted I’m actually enjoying myself quite a bit

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Horatio Cornblower

On the other hand, Rand Paul now has Covid-19, so I’m not rooting for the virus to go home empty-handed either.

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Doktor Zymm

I do applaud this tiny brainless virus for having a better sense of poetic irony than most college undergraduates

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, the virus is probably smarter than Rand Paul, if nothing else.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Since I’ve been confined to quarters after my foot surgery since mid-December, I’m in good practice for this working-from-home thing. Only thing that pisses me off is that my foot is just now getting healed enough that I can get around, and now I can’t get around. I really wanted to get out and work in the yard this weekend, and it’s been raining steadily since Friday. Fuck.

1
Doktor Zymm

You can still go out, and if you’re using a cane that could be useful for flailing people who suck at social distancing

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I think I am going to continue to carry the cane even after I am fully recovered and no longer need it.

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Doktor Zymm

Get one of those fun multipurpose canes, it can be a chair, a flask, a telescope, or a sword!

4
litre_cola

Sword canes are the best.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m sure I can get one shipped for free on Amazon Prime and have it by Tuesday if I order tonight.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

So I had my old US Navy ship’s ballcap on today when I went by the grocery, Young HEB employee tells me “thank you for your service” and I said “Dude, your service here at the grocery store these last couple weeks is much more meaningful than any of my sailing around the Pacific and Indian Oceans getting drunk and banging hookers 35 years ago.” I think he got a laugh out of that.

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Gumbygirl

Wait, are you my husband?

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Could be, but I’m too drunk to remember.

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

So no poker tonight? You guys suck.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Westworld

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh crap. I forgot about that and forgot to turn on HBO.
/frantically tries to find DirecTV’s phone number
//falls down stairs

1
litre_cola

I am in. Someone open a table

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Doktor Zymm

California rain is so basic

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Would you prefer it be acidic?

2
Doktor Zymm

I was thinking in the sense of ‘basic white girl’ and now I’m super amused by the idea of ‘acidic white girl’ and why anyone is measuring the PH of white girls anyway!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Having met a few acidic white girls, I’m now very very afraid.

3
Doktor Zymm

I’m now picturing you in a bar trying to pickup ladies by asking them to put PH test strips in their mouths… ???

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herodotus450

Ohhh, their mouths.

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Doktor Zymm

I mean, feel free to suggest other locations. Mouth is probably least likely to land you in the hospital

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe…I’m glad YOU said that so I didn’t have to.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

“pH 10? Nice. Let’s get married.”

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Horatio Cornblower

This is probably not what I should be taking from this episode, but what in god’s name is Scarlett wearing for pants?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR5kfWXfxto

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Best thing I’ve seen all week.

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Horatio Cornblower

Just took inventory, down to 16 beers.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I have twenty bottles of wine, a nearly full handle of cheap tequila, 2 handles of blended scotch, a full handle of Bacardi Limon, half a handle of Gordon’s gin, a 10 year old handle of Everclear, a sixer of Modelo and a sixer of Shiner Bock. My guy dropped an oh zee of flower on Friday. Getting a grip on reality is not going to be an issue for me, at least not for a little while.

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Doktor Zymm

You could turn that aged Everclear into bootleg hand sanitizer

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I might as well, since I’ve never had a sip.

2
Horatio Cornblower

My daughter’s college has closed, probably for the semester and she’s announced that she’s going to take up catfishing while she can’t leave the house anyway.

I’m doing great as a parent.

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litre_cola

A little garlic, butter on the bbq. Delicious.

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s gonna take so many loonies from you.

3
King Hippo

You know, I really enjoyed my empty nest while it lasted.

1
WCS

Life During Quarantine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jShMQw2H2cM

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Best goddam rock and roll movie ever fucking filmed.
I ain’t got time for that now.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I found something new we can bet on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-ai0GGeRjs

2
Gumbygirl

My money is on the cheese!

3
litre_cola

Internal monologue;

Well you opened a really good bottle.

You shouldn’t drink it all you have to work tomorrow.

If I am hungover no one will know.

Pours 3rd glass.

6
Unsurprised

I’m pretty sure I hate everyone I know IRL

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Horatio Cornblower

With all this free time on my hands these days I’ve been going through these shows. They’re terrific.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCXfezz4BB8

1
Unsurprised

I wish Patrice O’Neal was still alive.

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Gratliff

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King Hippo

that’s fucking perfect!

1
Unsurprised

Holy shit. If people are this weak we deserve to die.

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King Hippo

we are and we does

1
clint greasewood

No Dr Fauci, today. What a waste of air time. Watching full grown men standing around giving each other hand elbow jobs.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raise your hand if you have put money into a 401k or IRA since IMPOTUS was elected.

Congratulations! You are now a proud member of the Losers Investment Club!

4
BaldingSpiritually

I’m down 19% so far this year.

1
Horatio Cornblower

That’s about my hit as well.

1
Senor Weaselo

I started in January so I have none of the upswing and all of the losses!

1
Gratliff

My 401k is basically a fantasy number as I still have 30 years before I’m done

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t looked. It took over 10 years for my TSP to recover after 2008. Now I’m more than 10 years older. I am going to have to work until the day I die, unless one of my parents kick the bucket.

0
Redshirt

I’m afraid to look…

1
yeah right

Exactly. I have no intention to look until shit gets back to normal.

1
Unsurprised

We’re never going back to “normal”

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably going into the fourth or fifth “next” new normal in the past century. Prohibition, Great Depression, December 7, 9/11, now this.

1
Redshirt

I think you forgot after the Berlin Wall fell and the Soviet Union collapsed.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

That kind of got us where we are now, I think. I mean except for having to listen to Scorpions sing “Winds of Change” incessantly.

1
Redshirt

Funny thing, I didn’t hear that song until last year. I don’t know how I went that long. I remember listening to this song going “This can’t be a new song. This song practically screams “I’m from the ’80s.””

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Then there’s this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MznHdJReoeo

1
Unsurprised

I really need to get a car because now doesn’t seem to be a good time to be using public transit.

0
Unsurprised

But it turns out that I just did my taxes and I owe money again because of Obamacare, plus state taxes for being an independent contractor, so everything is fucked anyway.

Or as I like to call it: any day of the way.

0
Unsurprised

Fuck it. I’m going to die of this disease forever alone and because I’m doing my job because the people of this country are too stupid and cowardly and incompetent to demand or force those with power and responsibility to the public to do theirs.

0
herodotus450

Most impressive of all is that I saw Bob Probert on the powerplay unit for one of those goals. That’s like if Belichick put in his current MILF in at DE for a few snaps just to show off.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am vainly trying to edu-ma-cate myself on pandemic history, with John M. Barry’s “The Great Influenza” – Amazon just delivered it, because #NoDaysOff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

/ found a funny (originally is quasi-Rasist (employee is a Chinese Man with typical language jokes) – cleaned up)

An employee calls into work and says, “I can’t work today. I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I can’t work.”

The boss says, “You know something, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.”

Two hours later, the employee calls again: “I did what you said and I feel great. You have a nice house. I’ll be at work soon. “

11
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s great!

0
King Hippo

Admit it, your mind filled in the raycess Chinese guy language. Just like mines did.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

An old classic; works every time.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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