How are we all doing with the “Safer At Home” or “Stay at Home” orders? I myself am still on the roads these weekdays as my company/job is considered “essential”. I tell you, driving the streets and freeways of LA with absolutely no traffic is a dream!

I really hope this whole ordeal makes companies realize that many many people can work from home. That would greatly help the environment, it would help lessen the impact of global warming/climate change, and it would allow many of us to spend more time with our families!

On second thought…

Many things happened at DFO last week. Let’s talk about them.

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DFO Banner Tournament!

The tourney is now in the final phases. As of this writing, we are down to the Ice Milk Eight.

Here are your winners so far with my choices listed in bold:

• “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” or “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” (Each got 50% and Weaselo will make the final decision)
• “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” (63%)
• “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” (55%)
• “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” (76%)
• “These goal posts are taking it like an NFL girlfriend lately.” (62%)
• “To be fair, Gruden saw end of career Jerry Rice. Kind of like judging pie eating abilities of end of life Terri Schiavo.” (70%)
• Tony Romo’s mic breaking down is perfect, because Tony Romo always fell apart in the postseason.” (65%)
• “If Garrett had only hit a woman with that helmet he’d be back by Week 14.” (66%)

This time, my picks went way against the wishes of the general Commentist Party. Different strokes and all that but if the Jerry Rice/Terri Schiavo comment doesn’t make it to the final, I will break things.

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BC Dick’s Curling Updates

As predicted last week, the curling season was canceled! This sucks because I really was hooked on the tales of stiff competition against housewives, hipsters, and other things that start with H.

I also want to know if BC Dick ever hooks up with that waitress. Don’t tell tWBS as he might get jealous.

Alls I know is that I hope you keep writing each week. It’s been a lot of fun to read.

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Psych Marathon Update

I have finished Season 5. Mr. Ying came back in the season finale and was killed by Mr. Yang in a thrilling season-finale. I won’t spoil the reveals, but the episode was a lot of fun to watch.

I’d have to say that Season 5 was one of the strongest of the run. It’s like the Patriots when they were good and winning all the time and now it is not going to happen because Tom Brady is going to the fucking Bucs and

Folks, the Darkest Timeline is ending. Mark my words, the infection rate graph will start sloping below 1 and the world will become a better place because of this crisis. Heck, it already got us Brady to the Bucs, so if that’s not a sign of progress, I don’t know what it.

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The Week in DFO

These are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

Let’s start things off with a Moose Triple Shot:

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Those are some friendly thighs… I mean skies!

Dunstan

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That Bengals-Dolphins match up is the most exciting Bengals-Dolphins match up of my entire life.

Old School Zero

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All DFOers working from home for the first time. Please remember that while you don’t have to wear pants, make sure your camera is off before standing up during any videoconferences. Also, dont wear your jag-rag shirt during the calls.

nomonkeyfun

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I’m a Republican, I know how to profit from racism and sucking.

Redshirt

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Marble racing is indeed intense, and Red Number 3 is just too good. Right now the guy’s doing a multi-lap race series, fittingly entitles Marbula One.
I was actually talking about this to my cousin in between viewings of my uncle’s wake.

Senor Weaselo

I’ve never heard of having multiple viewings. Do you go back and look at the bier to make sure he’s still there, or is it just they are having an open bar and you’re hanging ’round till the bar floats? No disrespect intended…

Viva La Tabula Raza

You take time out in between viewings for the refraction period.

SonOfSpam

HOW DOES THIS COMMENT NOT HAVE MORE LIKES???

Balls

Look, I just liked it. Give me a half hour and I might be able to like it again.

Dunstan

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VOICE OVER: BNN PUBLIC ACCESS TELEVISION ACTS AS A PUBLIC FAH-RUM FOR ALL BAWSTAN RESIDENTS, NAWN-PROFIT AND COMMUNITY-BASED ORH-GANIZATIONS, PRAH-VIDING THEM WITH AWFORDABLE TRAINING AND ACCESS TO EMEHGERIN’ MEDIA TECHNOLOGIES. GO SAUX!

Low Commander (Read the whole post. It’s hilarious!)

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I think I turned a nice young lady into a lesbian by my use of Vicks Vapo Rub as a sexual lubricant one time. Can’t say I blame her, in retrospect

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Found a funny:
I am going to miss shaking hands after sex.

rockindog

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Brady has announced he will not return to New England. The Govuhnah of Patriots Nation has declared a “state of fackin’ emergency!” and is urging fans to “sheltah in place, unless you need to go to the paki for some hawd cidah or something.”

Dunstan

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First they came for the NCAAs, and I said nothing, because let’s face it, UConn wasn’t going to be playing in it
Then they came for the NBA, and I said nothing, because I don’t give a shit about the NBA
Then they came for the NHL, and I laughed, because fuck Gary Bettman and his rancid ilk for a thousand eras
Then they came for the MLB, and I was like ‘eh, all the Yankees would probably be dead by 5/1 if they tried to play’
But then they came for BC Dick’s curling league and I picked up a gun and yelled ‘this will not stand’, then ran for the door, tripped over the cat and shot myself in the foot, so I guess it will stand. Unlike me.

Horatio

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I hereby request a .gif of Tom Brady as Bucco Bruce. Internet, don’t let me down. You totally came through on that 2 girls, 1 cup thing I asked for.

Dunstan

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Tomorrow I’m going to order some pizza from a small local business-not because I have a hankering for a pie but because I’m sure he needs the business and I’m sure he’s struggling right now. He’s a good dude and I want to support him. Do you have someone similar in your neck of the woods that could use your financial support? Maybe you should send some bucks their way.

scotchnaut

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Tomorrow, if I tell my boss to eat a rare cuntburger, and I get shitcanned, can someone get me a job?

jjfozz

How are you with small children?

Gratliff

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it’s the end of times. I think it’s time to allow pubic hair and female nipples to be posted on DFO threads. Who gives a fuck who is offended?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Rules are rules.
If we breakdown now there will be a breakdown of society!
Email the pics to me for approval.

Yeah Right

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I said it last week and I’ll say it again: In these trying times, let us remember to thank Moose for providing quality gifs to keep us entertained as we are quarantined in our homes.

Let’s all be safe and stick together. See you next week!