Request Line: Gardening

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER is on his knees in the office, wearing a torn “Jimmy and the Animal” promotional t-shirt as a headband.  He obviously has not bathed for quite some time.  He is inspecting the carpet carefully, apparently searching for something. There is a mesh bag of Yukon Gold potatoes next to him.

DJ 3000: …I’M NOT SAYING I DON’T LIKE YOUR NEW LOOK…

PRODUCER: [glances up, then back down as he runs his fingers back and forth over a section of the carpet]

DJ 3000: …AND IT’S VERY MUCH IN KEEPING WITH THE STATION’S ETHOS…

PRODUCER: [reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a letter opener]

DJ 3000: I’M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT CHANGING IT OUT FOR A FRESH ONE.  YOU’VE BEEN WEARING IT NIGHT AND DAY FOR FIVE DAYS, SIXTEEN HOURS, AND THIRTY-FOUR MINUTES NOW.

The PRODUCER wedges the letter opener into a seam in the carpeting and pulls it up off the concrete.  As we watch he begins tearing large strips of the carpeting up from the floor.

DJ 3000: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

PRODUCER: I told you that if I’m going to keep myself fed here I’m going to have to science the shit out of this.  Each potato will need 200 kilowatts of light per hour for fourteen days before it starts producing new edible starch.  And this carpeting is the best growing medium that’s available.

DJ 3000: YES BUT IF YOU ARE GOING TO PLANT POTATOES WHY NOT JUST DIG UP THE RHODODENDRON BEDS OUTSIDE AND USE NATURAL SOIL AND LIGHT?

PRODUCER: [looks up at him] Too dangerous.  Can’t trust the air.

DJ 3000: AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT UNTIL THEN?

PRODUCER: Instacart driver.

DJ 3000: BUT…

PRODUCER: Also, what happened to that bag that Josh Gordon left behind?  That stuff he said was “too seedy”?  If I’m growing stuff I might as well get a cash crop going too.  To barter with.

DJ 3000: IF IT COMES TO THAT.

PRODUCER: [laughs dismissively] Yes, if it comes to that.

DJ 3000: YOUR WIFE LEFT A MESSAGE.  SHE SAYS SHE IS GETTING WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND JUST WANTS TO TALK.

PRODUCER: If she wants to talk she can call when station lines are open.

DJ 3000: SPEAKING OF WHICH IT IS TIME FOR THIS WEEK’S EDITION OF REQUEST LINE.

PRODUCER: Oh, good!  I’ve got a fun theme for us to do today – it’s topical!

DJ 3000: WHICH IS…?

PRODUCER: I’ll tell you the intro song, and let’s see if you can guess.  DJ 3000, cue up “Sowing the Seeds of Love” by Tears for Fears.

Today’s theme is: Gardening. Should be straightforward enough: songs about gardening, farming, digging, etc. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=’R0nA_SuX” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Have at it!