[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Lesser Footy – Now MOAR Than EVAR

King Hippo

/

, , ,

Yes, the action is a bit NFL Pre-season-y.  But you remember Augusts, back in the pre-zombie apocalypse times?  Fucking A right you watched the shit out of your favourite side’s 4th and 5th stringers.

Because to not have sportsball on the teevee box?  Fundamentally un-American.  Even more so than having a fascist President, if I might say so myself.  So we watch, and we gamble, and we forget about the shit-ass world in which we live.

As with fascism, the Krauts are a nation ahead of time.  Check your various Fox Sports-es-es for coverage options.  But hold onto your withered and useless peckers, because the vaunted Premiership returns mid-June.  Just in time for the 47th birthday I will hope to celebrate by being left the fuck alone (some things never change).  But seriously, what a nice treat for us dual-natured Gemini folk.

I may have mentioned this before, but I am the Gemini father of twins, who are also Gemini.  Not that I give two shits for astrology, but I like evidence that God has a sense of humour.  Being God would really suck ass without one, eh?

In 2041, Pretend Man City is scheduled to open David Silva Community Stadium.  Built without public moneys, because Bernard Gilkey wins all the silverware.  I have a Dutch player whose name is “Beleen” which is sommet like a whale secretion.  He’s also a massive cunt (but good, so I keeps).  Thus, he is Whale Vomit.  My Austrian “wonderkid” is all growed up, and I call him Joy Division.  I like a layered joke, given Austria’s fascism footsie plus the late Ian Curtis being a City supporter.  Can ghosts watch me play Footy Manager?  I bet Ian would be proud.  He’d also call me a fookin’ cunt.  Because he was awesome like that.

Sadly, I had to move Mr. Marcus on his merry way, but he showed up on my timeline – injuring one of my loaned-out players in training.  Sometimes he’s just too big for his own good, you know?

My best player is a Croat named Elvis.  I shit thee not.  There is also a Bosnian in the squadron, though I had to get shed of my Serb centre-half (fucking flake and a half).  I was waiting for dressing room genocide.

Enjoy your various weekend non-activities.  In’shallah.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
103 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Fronkenshteen

Wow. The Chicago stormtroopers still have those sky blue helmets. Brand loyalty!

0
yeah right

I’m spending Saturday in my favorite new fashion. Trip to the grocery store and then straight to the kitchen. It’s the little things.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Take the stuff out of the car first, okay?

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mango better hope that *she* doesn’t join the White House protests…

1
Redshirt

“MAGA Loves Black People” – Trump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGPsBgkbdBU&t=21s

0
Redshirt

When did I wake up in the 1960s?

Conservative Radio and viewers may be getting better, though. They are now openly agreeing the Milwaukee cops commented an obvious crime and are openly questioning why the guy only got 3rd Degree Murder and Manslaughter Charges. Its almost like watching early humans cooking food with fire for the first time.

Though, we are questioning why private property and stores are being destroyed and looted. Courthouses, police stations and city halls? Sure, that represents the system that failed them. But how does destroying a neighborhood bar or looting a store for TVs help?

I’m only asking because I’m agreeing with them, so I’m going to you guys, much like a recovering alcoholic calling their sponsor to ensure they don’t go off the wagon.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m certainly not supporting the destruction and looting of local businesses (even though I did helpfully suggest a method of setting the White House on fire below) – what I, and I presume lots of people like me are saying is that we *understand* why they are doing it. Given the massive unemployment and the federal government’s unwavering commitment to keeping the stock market juiced as opposed to actually providing a legitimate roadmap to rebuild the American economy, it’s to be expected that an incident like the Floyd murder is going to cause people to lash out. As Mango himself put it: “what do they have to lose?”

3
Redshirt

All I’m saying is that Trump has a tower in Chicago and a Golf Club in LA, I doubt the Secret Service covers it as well as the White House and knowing Trump it was made out of the cheapest, most flammable materials.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The cops did protect the locations of large corporations, just left blocks of small businesses go.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You make a very good point. And I bet the clubhouses of those golf courses are very, VERY flammable.

1
Dunstan

You and your right-wing talk radio friends are “arguing” against an opponent who doesn’t exist.

The people who are smashing shit and/or looting are not taking logical measures towards a social goal. They are some combination of (a) angry people just looking for any excuse; (b) people who got angry over this particular shit; and (c) paid shit-disturbers trying to provoke riots to serve their own agenda.

There is nobody out there who believes that there is a logical connection between “smash this Target store window and steal stuff” and “social justice.” You are not pointing out some error in their analysis, some Underpants Gnome missing syllogism that will cause them to say “oh gosh, you’re right! We were so stupid! There are better ways to achieve social justice! Thank you, wise conservative! Perhaps there is something to this ‘logic’ thing you speak of!”

It’s the equivalent of me asking “why do conservatives parade around in Confederate flags and then wonder why black people don’t like conservatives? There are much better ways to win over black people!” Well, you’d explain patiently to me, the conservatives who parade around in Confederate gear really aren’t trying to win over black voters. They’re doing it because they like it. Other conservatives want to win over black voters, but they’re not the ones clutching the Stars and Bars.

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well said! There is also the mob mentality that takes over when ANY large group begins to be violent as a group. These is a lot of available study on this, which right-wing conservative Radio and viewers completely ignore; not surprising considering their agenda.

0
litre_cola

Hot Polish aktion is back. Like an invasion from the West I did not see that coming.!

1
scotchnaut

Does I order pizza or does I make a salad? Dese is the gramattically wrong questions I wrestle with every day.*

*spelting

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It can be both.

1
litre_cola

Just make sure to keep the hot side hot and the cool side cool.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wichita?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

For some schools, pizza is classified as a vegetable, so it can be both

2
scotchnaut

Shall I watch the canine-forward ‘soap opera masquerading as a movie’ that is A Dog’s Journey? Given what is going on right now in Canada’s ballsack? Yeah, I need a good cry.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
scotchnaut

Bayern up 5-0 on (Dussel) Dorf on soccer. amirite?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OW MY OVARIES!

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[Sends Rikki an anatomy book (PDF) and kills his joke]

2
scotchnaut

I’m siding with Hippo on this one. We don’t know if she’s doing this willingly, therefore it’s not croquet.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you seen Japanese bondage?

0
scotchnaut

No, Moose*. I have not seen this thing ‘Japanese bondage’.

*Moose is the NSA! The NSA is Moose!

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve got the records right here…. that shit takes time and patience, struggling fucks up the ornate patterns, so I’ve read…….

You should feel lucky not having bōryokudan visits.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least it didn’t go in.

2
Redshirt

Japanese fetish porn is very weird. Whatever revs your engine, I guess.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are more judgemental than Hippo. Everybody’s fetish porn can be termed weird. Besides, just someone trying to cheat at croquet by distraction…. which is against the rules.

Maybe you two could do a column judging a particular fetish; first one then the other’s review and condemning judgement?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shocking news.

1
herodotus450

Can a team be relegated at halftime?

1
scotchnaut

Not sure about that but I heard the Red Wings were so bad an entire season was put on hold.

POW! ZING! BLAMMO!

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
scotchnaut

SCHALKE! Ah-ah!
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BUNDESLIGA!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfmrHTdXgK4

1
scotchnaut

(that’s how it goes in my head)

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

0
Fronkenshteen

Alphonso Davies is a bad motherfucker.

2
litre_cola

Canadia has him and Johnathan David. They are both unreal and may be enough for us to get the 4th spot in Concacaf depending on what shady FIFA does.

2
Fronkenshteen

If my theory is correct, after an emotionally draining victory over Dortmund mid-week, Bayern will bounce to the moon.
comment image

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dear White House protesters,
I don’t think it would be that hard to use one of these to launch balloons filled with gasoline followed by a molotov cocktail or two. Just in case you are trying to figure out how to spend your Saturday night.

https://www.amazon.com/300-Yard-Balloon-Slingshot-Cannon-Launcher/dp/B00AL57GEW

1
ArmedandHammered

Yeah, but the snipers posted around the White House would not make it worth your while. I have heard, that there is a team of snipers constantly posted around the White House. Not sure if true, but it would not surprise me at all.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

One thing though: Trump would have bragged about those snipers on his twitter account by now. He wouldn’t be able to contain himself. Or maybe the SS hasn’t told him they’re up there on the roof for that very reason.

2
ArmedandHammered

They probably never told him, since as paranoid as he is, he would be scared that one was a damn democrat who would take him out.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I’m sure there are. At least right now there are.

1
Brick Meathook

Oh yeah there are snipers and observation posts surrounding the White House, always manned but doubled-up (or more) when needed. There are .50 caliber machine gun posts. I used to shoot pool with a WH limo driver (we called him Fast Eddy and he was a character) who told me that in a presidential motorcade there are big SUVs that contain a lot of things, including two of them are .50 caliber gun-ships. So yeah, they’re packing some iron around the White House. However, they say the most effective crowd control is Park Police horses.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

1
Brick Meathook

I am two hours into a three hour simmer of Cincinnati-style chili, and my household smells amazing. I know “C-style” gets made fun of around here, but I don’t really care. I first had this dish at Hard Times Cafe in Alexandria Virginia and I like it. Everyone posts that stupid picture of Skyline chili looks like a bowl of cheddar cheese, or those two guys with bibs. Who cares. This is classic American Depression-era Greek diner food and it is amazing.

If they invent internet Smell-O-Vision or Odor-Rama, you would be offering me hundreds of dollars for more.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I liked it when I made it. I still have a can or two around in my kitchen.

0
yeah right

I had a great experience with my own recipe. Fucking UCLA man!

1
Fronkenshteen

Wikipedia says the original recipe called for the noodles to be cooked in the chili. Why’d they stop?!

1
Brick Meathook

I can’t even imagine that. It’s like a bolognese sauce, poured over spaghetti (with the option of beans, cheese, and onions) to make it go farther, because the Depression.

1
Fronkenshteen

Peasant food, baby! Makes me want to throw hay bales around, or some fucking thing. And I WOULD, if I wouldn’t get so itchy.

I’m half a man.

2
scotchnaut

Hey, my walk today lasted all of 20 minutes because *boohoo* my feet hurt. I don’t even deserve body hair.

0
scotchnaut

I’m not going to make fun of Brick for cooking Cincy-style chili-it’s probably the best way to use up every part of the raccoon.

4
Brick Meathook

I use 1 lb ground turkey, ½ lb ground beef, ½ lb ground pork. No raccoon.

1
ArmedandHammered

I tried it at the Hard Times Cafe that was here in Raleigh (not sure if it is still around), but it really didn’t work for me, but that is my taste. I hope it tastes as great as it smells!

0
Brick Meathook

I don’t understand why people bust on Cincy Chili, particularly if they’ve never had it. Food chauvinism is wrong and hateful. All chili styles are good, except for Texas chili because it’s so fucking gay.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

2
Fronkenshteen

What happens tonight outside the White House?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Based on my track record with predictions, I am predicting that IMPOTUS does NOT choke to death on his third filet-of-fish sandwich of the evening.

6
King Hippo

This is a goddamned ELITE comment.

0
yeah right

This country is broken as fuck and any sentient being should not be surprised why.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

1
Fronkenshteen

Boy, a win & a clean sheet for the Hertha keeper would be tits…

2
Fronkenshteen

Wolven sört equalize!

0
scotchnaut

LET’S DO THIS! [looks around] Uh, what are we doing?

3
King Hippo

Vee are doing NEIN!

/Kevin the Broom is now Hippo’s Director of Football, he seems to hold no grudge over his end-of-career Pretend Everton spell

1
scotchnaut

Are any sons of today’s players doing well? Messi Jr’s career should be winding down right about now.*

*2041

0
Fronkenshteen

Has Unsurprised been around? Hope he’s ok.

2
Fronkenshteen

The DFO comedic shaping of my 8 year old continues afoot, as he is now a fan of both Burnistoun and MXC Monday. Cheers, lads!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Nice!!

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Is there a season 1 of Burnistoun? My Netflix starts at season 2

0
litre_cola

Season 1 is the best. Find it on the youtubes

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

thank you

0
King Hippo

There’s another bit of Lesser terminology that would help NFL commentary. “Professional Foul”

0
King Hippo

Carl remains a national treasure.

1
King Hippo

Holy cats, that was a belter of a goal indeed.

0
herodotus450

The number of steps that soccer players take before a throw-in is Too Damn High.

1
Fronkenshteen

Who has action in the early window here? I’m just doing dopey DFS stuff.

0
litre_cola

I have 50 on Hertha.

A $30 parlay of Wolfy and Liberec this morning.

1
litre_cola

Hertha goooooolllll

1
Fronkenshteen

Wolfsburg!!

0
Don T

comment image

4
Fronkenshteen

Don’t slaughter your human capital stock!

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought things were going to settle down a bit this weekend now that they charged that piece of shit. I really need to get out of the prediction business.

1
Senor Weaselo

Murder 3, no charges yet for the other officers, and the ME already starting to make mitigating factors. The fuckery is already in motion to get him off.

2
Don T

“It was cholesterol, not the lack of breathing due to a surreptitious knee to the neck.”

1
Fronkenshteen

comment image

2
King Hippo

dance dance dance to the radio!!

/here is famous first live performance for Ian

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO2nhie8h6o

2
herodotus450

One of these days I’m going to click on “18 Holes with Natalie Gulbis” and not be disappointed.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably better than “18 Holes with Scotchy”.

/cause the 18 holes will be stab wounds, you see.

0
litre_cola

Alright Gamblor, we have had a turbulent relationship since the futbol has come back.

All the moneys on Hertha Berlin as they seem tho have gotten their sheisse together since the restart.

3
Don T

Good morning!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=3-KxMtUvpNo

2
103
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x