And To Celebrate, We’re Having Ribs: Your 2020 Reigning, Defending, Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs Preview

Last year I agreed to do the Chiefs preview, since apparently none of us here in the clubhouse root for the Chiefs, other than in the so far vain hope that Chiefs success will lure Otto back into the fold from whatever witness protection program he wandered into after failing to be sufficiently #upforwhatever.  Otto never came back, and I got stuck with the Chiefs again this year.

I am not a Chiefs fan.  I don’t think much of Andy Reid, whose parenting skills are slightly above Casey Anthony’s, I don’t think much of Travis Kelce, who seems like a complete tool, and I loathe Tyreek Hill, whose parenting skills might be below Casey Anthony’s.  The Chiefs also signed Frank Clark, drafted Willie Gay, Jr., and were previous employers of Kareem Hunt and Jovan Belcher, albeit the latter under a different administration.

We all know that the NFL has a huge problem with violence on the part of their players, both domestic and, uh, well, whatever you call it when your second round draft pick punches out the starting QB on his own goddamn team, (Gay.  Click the link above you lazy sod), and there are definitely other teams that are more than willing to overlook a few felonies here and there if they think it’ll add two more wins to the bottom line

but the Chiefs, and Reid, seem to stand apart in just not giving a shit about anything happening off the field so long as the perpetrator can produce on the field.  I’m pretty sure they’d have paid Aaron Hernandez’s bail and kept on the field through the trial had he been on their team.  Really, about the only positive things I have to say about the Chiefs are that Patrick Mahomes seems like a legit good guy, and they aren’t the Patriots.

One of the results of this dedication to absolutely not giving a shit about who they employ, so long as they’re really good, is that the Chiefs are a really good football team.  Really good.  You may recall that they won the Super Bowl last year, or perhaps not so much “won” as they were “on the receiving end of another Kyle Shanahan bed-shitting.”  Either way, they got the trophy.  This year they bring back, I assume pending check-ins with probation officers, 20 of 22 starters from last year.  They locked up Mahomes with a record-setting contract, drafted a RB out of LSU who seems like a stellar fit for their offense with a great combination of running and pass-catching skills that is only going to make that offense better.  They did see their 3rd round pick, Lucas Niang, opt out of the season due to Covid concerns, as did last year starters Damien Williams, (RB), and Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, (OL).

Duvernay-Tardif stands out among all NFL players for several reasons.  He’s Canadian, eh, and as far as I know has never committed a felony.  Even more impressively, he’s a friggin’ doctor, having spread his education out over 8 years to accommodate his football career.  The fact that the only player with an MD has opted out of the season because of concerns over Covid should tell you all you need to know about how this season is going to go.

The KC offense seems like it will be even better than last year, although with some losses and opt-outs along the offensive line there is concern that the line “[d]epth could either be an issue or could become a strength” for the Chiefs, a sentence that is truly the “in conclusion Nigeria is a land of contrasts” of football team previews.

The defense was revamped last year under genius defensive coordinator, and underwhelming head coach, Steve Spagnulo.  Frank Clark had 10 sacks in 10 games last year, and DT Chris Jones is expected to do equally great things on the opposite end.  The Honey Badger makes the KC secondary something to be wary of, and the Chiefs resigned Bashaud Breeland for $3 million to help keep it that way.  Unfortunately, Breeland went out and celebrated that resigning in typical Chiefs fashion, and got himself suspended for four games on top of the pending charges.  Nonetheless, with Jones and Clark coming into the season healthy, (which was not the case at the start of last year), a good secondary, a nice 2nd-round LB pick, (the Chiefs needed a LB, according to stuff I read), who probably won’t punch out Mahomes like he did his college QB, and another year to gel with Spagnulo’s system, the Chiefs D, while maybe not a strength, is likely to be more than good enough to support an offense that’s probably going to put up 30-40 points a game.

The Chiefs schedule is ranked as the 18th-toughest this year, with their opponents combining for a .500 record last season.  Scrolling through it and putting all of 20 seconds of thought into it I have them at 13-3 for the entire season.  Of probably more relevance, I have them at 7-2 before their bye on 11/15, which I suspect is about as far as the season is likely to go.

On the surface the Chiefs seem like a nice team to root for, (and their are some quality guys on the team, like Mahomes, Mathieu, and Duvernay-Tardif), until you turn over a couple of rocks and see what scuttles out.  The Chiefs are also a real threat to repeat as Super Bowl champions this season, but this season is also a real threat to end before the Super Bowl.  In conclusion, Kansas City’s 2020 outlook, like Nigeria, is a land of contrasts.