Your “Brother, Can You Spare a Hamstring?” Sunday Early Slate NFL Football Open Thread

We saw all these ‘soft tissue’ injuries coming, didn’t we? The rush to play combined with the lack of proper preparation led us here. Thing is, are there more injuries than a usual-season first week? I don’t have that answer but if someone comes up with it and the answer is ‘less’, The Shield shall crow it from the mountaintops.

TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Fins:

Buffalo’s Edmunds and Milano-two starting lbs, are out of commission and another backup is as well. Some guys from the practice squad have been engaged but look for heavy safety looks today. Miami’s secondary is looking good but the D as a whole only got 4 pressuses on Cam last week. That means good things for Allen if he can limit his tendency towards bone-headed turnovers.

Niners/Jets:

San Franny is all kinds of banged up but will it matter? Because you see, Adam Gase got his dream backfield of Gore/Ballage once again. Does the guy have Hypotoad capabilities? I’ve looked at all other options and this is the conclusion I’ve come to.

Broncs/Steelers:

Rb Conner is ready and raring to go after much teeth-gnashing by the fandom earlier in the week. Expect this cycle to repeat itself often this year. No worries though, Snell Jr filled in with a healthy 5.9 ypa and 2.89 yards after contact. That said, the Denver run D is a whole nother kettle of ponies.

Vikes/Colts:

You know what they say, “You can take the serial baby-maker out of LA but you can’t make him pass to his wr’s”. Of his 36 noodly appendage passes, 50% were to his rbs.

Jags/Titans:

Tennessee should roll as long as they can find Laviska Shenault. The ‘supposed’ wr played out wide, in the slot, at te, at rb and even had one down at qb. That’s interesting stuff.

Falcons/Cowboys:

Atlanta refused to address their lousy secondary during the offseason and paid the price yet again last week. They allowed the 8th most fantasy points to receivers but I think they can do even better vs. Cooper, Gallup and Lamb-maybe 2nd or 3rd most?

Rams/Eagles:

Philly’s glad to get Sanders back at back because Boston Scott got all of 35 yards on the ground last week. Fantasy deep-sleeper! Pshaw, I say.

Giants/Bears:

Call me a dumb Giants fan but I think Saquon flashes here. Y’all thinking, ‘but Bears D’ and I hear ya but they gave up almost 100 yards to AP and Swift would have had 4 catches and a TD if not for that egregious drop in the end zone last week. Bears sorta escaped that game.

Lions/Packers:

Rodgers had a 96 PFF grade last week, his highest in more than a decade. Did a trainer say something nice about his mom or something?

Panthers/Bucs:

This is Brady’s ‘get right’ game, right? But Godwin is out and Carolina looked functional last week. Don’t take the 9.5 spread but you may want to play Scotty Miller-he’s smallish but grabbed all 5 of his targets for 73 yards last week.

Go get ’em.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Good Canadian boy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

This might not be Los Gigantes’ year

Gratliff

EAGLES DID A THING

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

The NFL’s golf carts are putting in so many extra miles that State Farm just upped their insurance premiums

Gratliff

Gonna become one of those guys who just harasses Chris Long to come out of retirement on Twitter

Gratliff

Thank you, king

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Gumbygirl

Touchdown nullified by a bullshit call? Watch this bitch!

Mother Puncher

How’s everybody doing? Last night I got too high and bought a replica of John Hammond’s cane from Jurassic Park. Go Bengals

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids

Mccaffrey just carted off with a goiter

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

GOD BLESS BLEERGH

King Hippo

Brought back punt return TD. 85-yard bomb on first play after the reprieve.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Chinese knock off fleshlight?

Mother Puncher

that fish has no idea what’s in store for him

King Hippo

Remember that Mr. Show bit? Yep, before I die, I’m gon’ fuck me a fish

ArmedandHammered

Best pass so far for the Bucs made by Fournette.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sweet.

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon lizard people. Once again, will New Jersey win 8 games this year?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Combined between Gints and Jets?

No

King Hippo

Judge Jeudy ded now. I AM GONNA RUN OUT OF PILLZ AT THIS RATE

bk109

That’s just the Ginger Hammer punishing you for your disparaging comments on the buffalol/dedfins game… Be careful or the next punishment is “Elway becomes your new coach” button

Fronkenshteen

cake or death?

BaldingSpiritually

I don’t think the Panthers are gonna win a game this year

King Hippo

#FreeHuey

clint greasewood

Dak Garbage time starts early

Gratliff

Eagles lose another O-line player, so fuck

Spur

Cowboys getting hopes up to crush them in a painful late collapse

Fronkenshteen

Kid Durable strikes again!

Spur

Zeke really wants to fumble. I can feel it

Fronkenshteen

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

Fronkenshteen

Did Mike Gallup get fat? Why can’t he get open this year?

King Hippo

he got on Hippo’s fantasy roster

Doktor Zymm

Shit, the announcers just called Frank Gore an alien. Now ICE will be waiting outside the stadium after the game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A Trump ad in California? That’s smart spending!

JustStopDude

California is pretty tight wing as soon as one leaves the LA, San Fran, etc areas.

Fuck inland empire area, the rich are allowed to hunt the poor for sport.

Doktor Zymm

Doesn’t matter population-wise though. You get Reps like Nunes (who hasn’t sued anymore livestock recently afaik) but there’s no chance for Prez or Senate

Doktor Zymm

It’s gotta just be spite, making us look at his stupid face

King Hippo

my guess (especially with one on NYG/CHI broadcast too) is that you don’t get to pick individual games for ad buy

Doktor Zymm

If you can’t pick the market it’s airing in, then that’s actually worse, there’s no excuse for untargeted ad spend nowadays.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Reagor on concussion protocol

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Frank Gore facing his old team, San Francisco (Frisco to the locals) and well, folks, he’s been in the league so long all of his former teammates are in the stands watching their kids play now!
What else, what else…

clint greasewood

Miami-Buffalo is back.

King Hippo

OH THANK CHRIST I MISSED IT SO MUCH

King Hippo

Donks don’t have a 3rd QB, so we could get that MNF-redux when a third down back (NFC East game) played most of the 2nd half at QB. Brian Mitchell, maybe??

Gatoraids

Can get one out of the stands

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JustStopDude

The cardboard cutout shit is stupid..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It has the potential for being humorous, but the bosses will quash that. The only thing to hope for it the legal proceedings following the unauthorized usage of a famous person’s image.

King Hippo

Hey Moose-y, are you also Reacting Reasonably to the death of Horse Cock Lock?

Spur

Throw it to Ertz you stupid redneck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ertz don’t it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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bk109

Not at all true, the signal from the stadium pulled a hamstring, so it’s questionable to return at this point 😀

Doktor Zymm

Makes sense, Buffalo are land mammals so the Bills don’t know how to deploy tuna nets

Doktor Zymm

Oh for fucks sake, can we please go 3 plays in a row without the medical staff having to come out? At this point the EMTs are gonna start getting overuse injuries

clint greasewood

If Josh Allen throws a TD to Stefon Diggs does anybody see it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In the forest.

King Hippo

I just sing-sang (FOAR Cancer Boy Conner) “Come with me if you want to live!” and now I really wants a Terminator musical.

bk109

Yeah, it’s statements like that from people like you that we ended with Dank Fate and Genishyt … Also “what the fuck is a Jeff Driscoll” ?

King Hippo

Slightly less fucktarded Tebow?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

How ass is Wentz?

Spur

He’s more Chicken than Eagle

Gatoraids

How ass is now

Gratliff

7/10, 68 yards. They’re all drops, though. This time, it’s the other players fucking it up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t mess up the hate narrative with facts!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dat ass tho.

ArmedandHammered

The Kardashians are thinking of suing for trademark infringement.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is good.

Doktor Zymm

“Gore never misses a hole, he still hits it like he’s 22 years old”

Spur

This Cowboys team is gonna make Aldon Smith start drinking

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

I don’t get that pokemon shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

mom pokers.

ArmedandHammered

I actually think that is from Golden Boy.

Gratliff

It is. Pokemon has slightly less nipples.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gratliff
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just saw my first Trump ad of the day during Chi-NYG. Fuck that shit.

Gatoraids

The Dallas coaching carousel is doing more for Jimmy Johnson than Extenze ever ddi

Col. Duke LaCross

Bosa waved off that first cart because it was being driven by an Indian. Normal behavior for him, though for some reason he had to point out it was “dot, not feather.”

Spur

Eagles beatdown softens the Dallas ass whipping.

Gratliff

The derp-off comes in Week 8

King Hippo

/will still get national teevee

Gratliff

Merril Reese: “The cardboard cutouts are booing.”

Gratliff

Time to scrap the playbook and start doing wacky shit. At least make it entertaining.

King Hippo

Methinks I wrote the RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! obituary way too quick

ArmedandHammered

Whelp, at this rate instead of covid, the NFL season will end because the teams cannot field a full roster.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did Montgomery land on his head? What the fuck

Doktor Zymm

Jordan Reed! Look at him being successful in two different Kylie Shanny offences!

Fronkenshteen

Shhhhh. Accepting compliments instantly puts him in the Protocols of Concussion.