Your “Language is a Virus Also” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

I laughed way too much at my dumb joke. TO THE GAMES!

Jags/Bengals:

Do you have A.J. Green sitting on your team, mocking you for your draft decisions? Yeah, he hasn’t even caught 50% of the balls headed his way yet but Fear Not! He’s been covered by cb’s Hayward, Ward and Slay the first three weeks but this Jags D has the highest expected points per pass play so far this year.

Vikes/Texans:

I’ve never drafted Will Fuller, ever, because inconsistency and injuries but if you have him this might be a spot. The once formidable Minny D is giving up the 4th most fantasy points to wr’s.

Browns/Cowboys:

Dalton Schultz was on no one’s radar and only became a starter in wk. 2 but he’s already TE10. Cleveland gives up the 3rd most targets and receptions to the position.

Ravens/Team:

[wails “The Waiting is the Hardest Part”] The frickin snaps arrangement in the Baltimore backfield is Dobbins (38%), Ingram (35%) and Edwards (27%). Team’s D-line flashed in wk.1 but now Ioamidis is on IR and Young is listed as doubtful. Ravens win this running away.

Saints/Lions:

As mentioned by Fronk(?), “Stafford Smash!”. Since wk.10 last year all but two qb’s have thrown for two or more scores vs. the N.O. D. NO D. Get it?

Cards/Panthers:

Want some data that reinforces your noggin notion that Bridgewater is a passive game manager? On throws over 5(!) yards his completion percentage is 43.4. Meanwhile, on the other side, Murray struggles in the 10-19 ‘intermediate’ range-his passing grade of 54.2 is the league’s worst.

Chargers/Bucs:

You may want to start Brady this week because 1) he threw 3 td’s last week and 2) Tampa’s run game is in tatters what with Fournette out and Jones The II being who he is.

Seahawks/Fins:

Trying to decide whether to start Carson and I see Miami’s run D hasn’t allowed a runner more than 56 yards so far this year. That’s not really a stat, that’s just happenstance, right?

Comment as you fit.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
460 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Gratliff

I see someone flipped the garbage time switch on Dak’s helmet

Gratliff

lol
comment image

Sharkbait

Oh fuck off Brian Flores

Recovery Whiskey

Sanders 5 FG.

Gatoraids

Do finally miami is in one score range

Recovery Whiskey

Was

Redshirt

This is what we get for rooting for the Chargers.

Gatoraids

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get
When you root for us
-Bolthead

Redshirt

I happily stand corrected.

Now finish the job, Journeymen Chargers!

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Mother Puncher

Eifert must have started drinking milk. He caught a ball without his ankle exploding

Redshirt

He’s more scar tissue than man now.

Fronkenshteen

I just took my first lead of the season. It’s been bad.

herodotus450

“Is he a good running back though?”
“Well, he’s D’Ernest, at least.”

Gratliff

425 yards for Cleveland with a minute to go in the third. Mind-boggling

Redshirt

AJ Green is finally dead (but feels mostly like the end of Old Yeller).

Sharkbait

1 Fitzmagicdown pls.

clint greasewood

To Gesiki pls

Recovery Whiskey

Nah. Handed it off on 3rd and short to Gaskin who was dropped for a loss. 5th FG taken on 4th and 5. Hox still up 17-15

Gatoraids

Fox going to start showing Chibi portraits of the players next week

Redshirt

Are they saving hentai for Thanksgiving or playoffs?

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
ArmedandHammered

Trying to reach that otaku demographic.

Gratliff

There’s probably 20 years worth over at Deviant Art waiting to be used

Gratliff

Steve Wilks looks like he’s got the Bane mask under his covid mask. It seems to be working.

Sharkbait

comment image

ArmedandHammered

Shouldn’t they all be on fire?

herodotus450

Have to let the gasoline soak in for 4-6 weeks for best effect.

ArmedandHammered

Gas is too volatile, would evaporate, paraffin however……

Mother Puncher

Just philly

clint greasewood

Garbage Time, that Dax Prescott’s music.

Recovery Whiskey

Dreamboat TD pass

ArmedandHammered

Goddammit Chargers, if you let that asshole lead a comeback, may Boltman remove your heads to make some new bongos or bongs, either one!

Unsurprised

Bongs for some. Little skull rattles for others.

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
Mother Puncher

I take back everything Bengals are good I’m glad i like them

Mother Puncher

If Robinson scores a TD I’m going to beat my wife

at fantasy this week

Redshirt

Oh, you poor, naïve son of a bitch.

Recovery Whiskey

Jason Sanders 4 FG.

Petronel

Just tuned in and am watching the wrong blowout (Redacteds / DirtyBirds), goddammit

Redshirt

Another Mixon-down.

Redshirt

Defenseless Receiver Rule isn’t in effect in Cincinnati. And neither is Tyler Boyd’s thoracic diaphragm.

Gratliff

Dak has a QB rating of 153 and is losing by 24 and that’s very funny

Redshirt

…HOW?!

Gratliff

2 TDs off fumbles in the second quarter, one of which was Dak

Redshirt

comment image?itemid=11818484

Gratliff

Kirk Cousins is primed for the High Comedy Moment of the Day

Recovery Whiskey

Charmslinger picked in the end zone. JUST LIKE SB XLIX

Unsurprised

Playing the hits.

Sharkbait

Vulturedown in Detroit

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Gatoraids

Whole team may as well be the Detroit Vutures

Unsurprised

More like the Detroit What-Vultures-Scavenge

Spur

Mike Nolan needs to go now.

ArmedandHammered

McCarthy contacts Blue Bunny to see if ice cream comes in 25 gallon tubs.

WCS

“You get a discount if you buy 15 gallons or more!”

— Andy R., Kansas City, MO

litre_cola

I can’t believe that my replacements of Haskins and Fitz for Newton, Big Ben OR Tanny hasn’t paid off!

WCS

Did I enter an alternate dimension? The Hashtag Paul’s look complement.

Who am I kidding. They’ll blow this.

Redshirt

Per the BLEERH Minion officializing JAX-CIN, the Bengals now play in Cincinnata.

Gratliff

Goddamn. Thanks to that Dallas D, you can’t tell the new Browns from the old Browns

Unsurprised

How crusty are the skid marks?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, Dallas defense woeful.

Gatoraids

Hate to see it folks

cd0ymzcznguwzdbhnduynddiytjhm2yyzthlmtjjotqwyyznpwuwnzjjmzrhyzi5nwzhotlln2zhmdzlymm0otg3ndni-e1483642887439.jpeg
Unsurprised

I can’t remember exactly, but I seem to recall he was still better than Rob Ryan.

Recovery Whiskey

David Moore faked some Dolphin guy who had him in the backfield. 21 yard run.

King Hippo

boy howdy, is a GREAT DAY TO BE WAKEY amirite???

Redshirt

What’s happening in Dallas?!

Gratliff

Art

King Hippo

It is the scheisse porn division

Unsurprised

Growing up hating the Non-Gendered Cowpersons, it has been an increasingly hilarious progression for the last 20, 25 years.

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
Recovery Whiskey

Asymptomatic Coronavirus.

King Hippo

500s are back in it

Sharkbait

Will Fullerdowns please

Gratliff

Browns already have 350 yards. I don’t know if they’ve ever had 350 yards before

Unsurprised

Sure. In absolute numbers

Unsurprised

Wow. Gamer was actually not that bad. I miss never seeing it before. Although I still can’t get over how much of it was filmed in Albuquerque back when I lived there and never knew this. Or maybe I didn’t care. Anyway, entertaining flick. Neveldine and Taylor are maybe not geniuses but definitely good at executing their vision.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brick worked on that film! I think. I know he was in the building when YuCo invited me in to screen it.

Unsurprised

Jesus. The idea of me when that was being filmed In 2007-08 meeting you or especially Brick is quite something.

Recovery Whiskey

Wilson’s weekly “I can still run it” play

Redshirt

Who set the Jaguars defense to ROOKIE?

Recovery Whiskey

Carson passed his concussion protocol and is back in.

Unsurprised

Damn it, Scotchy. I was going to add that the NFL concussion protocol is such a joke that Johnny Carson could pass it.

(Saved you a click. JC died in 2005.)

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
Redshirt

The dark cloud that has been over the Bengals franchise since their enfranchisement just materialized over the stadium.

King Hippo

VILLA ARE TWO TO THE GOOD??????????

bk109

DO NOT BLOODY JINX IT, YOU JINX…

Also, wifey’s so pissed off ’cause of the ManUre that she can’t even smirk about ‘pool shittin’ the bed

King Hippo

Just tell her It’s All Coming Up Everton! and you’ll surely be on your way to sexytown

bk109

“Why would I care about that team? Their own home town doesn’t give a fuck, so why would I” …
I do NOT endorse this message… also she’s legit angrrrry 😀

King Hippo

WE SAY “THE BLUE 3/4 OF LIVERPOOL” FOR A REASON, EVEN THE MAYOR IS A TOFFEE ONLY SCANDINAVIANS WOULD THINK THAT

bk109

So bloody what? Our PM is gay, but this doesn’t make Ireland exactly a “progressive” country 😉
Plus who knows with politicians – he may’ve accidentall..

4-1?! THE FUCK!?

Last edited 3 years ago by bk109
litre_cola

To the tank!

King Hippo

I hadn’t thought of this as a marital survival technique, BK is streets ahead of us, as usual

bk109

You two joke about, but I’ve actually done that… In a tank no one can hear you snicker AND glower the fuck at ya XD
Edit: Plus you’re just jealous ’cause my happy place has a 125mm smoothbore auto-loaded gun…. and sturdy hatches 😀

Last edited 3 years ago by bk109
Recovery Whiskey

“I married a scouser” by bk109

bk109

No, ManUre supporter from Sweden, so “hot AND deluded” XD

Recovery Whiskey

An impressive Lesser Footy comment in the middle of the NFL. What the hells happening to America.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s so Chargers.

Recovery Whiskey

Bolt up!

Recovery Whiskey

Thats really hittin the gas, Bolts

King Hippo

and that is why YOU TAKE A KNEE MORANS

Redshirt

Is Tom Brady done again?

King Hippo

Seriously, the P*ts starting Hoyer Country are in better shape.

bk109

And now you’re seeing why no one really threw a fit when Brady moved to that retirement franchise in Florida! I respect the guy, but he’s basically a slightly less ded version of the ZombieManning SB run since before the SB push against the Rams 😀

Last edited 3 years ago by bk109
Viva La Tabula Raza

On life support, like that orange guy at Walter Reed.

Unsurprised

I can only get so erect.

King Hippo

Dreamboat is just SO BAD

Recovery Whiskey

Living the dream of proving it was coaching not QB talent

Recovery Whiskey

I feel like the league is making up for never being able to touch Brady on NE.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Really weird watching a Cowboys game without Buck and Aikman in the booth.

Recovery Whiskey

Hox at halftime. Is Dallas this bad?

King Hippo

I mean, NFC East…