I had face cancer surgery yesterday so you’re not going to get my shot of prideful wittiness today. Just your Week 4 Quotables submissions and the reminder that, just because I seem to be making through this minor case with full-on health insurance and competent medical experts, you can’t worry about cancer, people. In fact, it’s offensive that the NFL even supports the Crucial Catch campaign, considering my face wouldn’t look straight out of a slasher flick if I’d never noticed the spot in the first place.
Also, I got to watch part of the Chiefs game last night and I’d forgotten how good of an announcer Romo is. Guy is an absolute gem. Alright — that’s all I got. Enjoy your shorts from NFL broadcasts.
But I wanted prideful wittiness!
JK. Respect the sun, Freddie
I mean, everyone cheats a little, but the Patriots’ spying schemes are getting more Scooby-Doo-esque all the time.
“Flinching, official number 57. That’s a five-punch penalty. It will be assessed back at the hotel bar.”
“This just in from the stat geeks back in New York…I’m not up on all this analytics stuff Jim, but apparently after this play, the Chargers’ IR list is in first place in the NFC East.”
I’m not even gonna try with the Texans one, SonOfSpam’s is perfect. I haven’t seen a murdering like that since Anna Nicole Smith got rich.
This is the most lopsided game of Othello I’ve ever seen.
♫♪♪ “They don’t got the touch! They don’t got the power! NO!” ♫♪♪
“Now you know how your family feels, you son of a bitch!”
They had to resort to sitcom hijinks but Colin Kaepernick is finally back with the San Francisco 49ers.
If that ref had stayed six feet away, then he wouldn’t have had to worry about errant balls in his face…at least now that Santonio Holmes retired
“…….”
-Sasha Grey
I’ve seen enough. Don’t let fans back in the stands. Ever.
Do they have the “Girth” seats like they do in Indy?-
Usually you have to be on a casting couch to take a shot like that in LA
Two casting couch references in one thread! Best ever.
Aw, shit
No, no, it was different enough, both are great.
/Chargers medical staff prepares pentobarbital injection
“Yeah, he always steals the limelight”
–Jake from State Farm
Ok, now let’s borrow that other banner from W!
I learned it from watching you!!!
Nice Moynahan family reference.
I may not be much now, but I’m drinking milk and one day….
Amatures
-Bill Gramatica
I liked the typo better, didn’t think it WAS a typo, Armateurs was genius.
Announcer: “I haven’t seen a Minnesotan go after a guy like that since*/mic cuts off*”
Producer in van: “Due to technical difficulties, we now take you to back to the studio.”
one of these things is not like the other*
*man
Glad you added the key, I was having trouble with the green and yellow part.
Number
fivenineteen is aliiiiiiiiiiivecrap, the jersey number is 49 not 19.
Close enough for the joke to work.
“Aaron, FUCK OFF” – Rodgers family video Christmas card.
Who knew that the old QB leaving would also remove the ability to Riverdance.
Biggest Loser Frozen Tundra commences with a 321 lb weight gain for the Green Team.
The camera adds ten poun……. never mind.
Somebody completely misunderstood the #MeToo movement.
“A Posse of Thugs is the correct terminology for a group of Black Panthers, right?”
3/5 posse = 1 gang
Bigger abortion: the play on the field or the logo on the field?
Yeah man — that logo is dog shit.
Wait — Will Amy Coney Barrett outlaw the Rams logo then?
Considering it helps black men indirectly produce an income, I’d say with 100% certainty – yes.
“Hey, Romeo old pal, you got any Defensive Coordinator jobs available?”
Femur drums are abruptly silenced as the Elder God sees the heretics are not, in fact, injured.
This is a viable alternative to burning jerseys.
No love for the idea of setting someone on fire? What has the internet come too?
I thought the “Into the Sun” sign was just cropped out of the photo.
Yeah, ‘Die in a fire’ or the like does not seem to be used as much. Has Bill O’rien eaten a bag of dicks yet?
“How do we get this into the cheerleaders’ locker room?”
-Washington Football team has already worked out a lot of logistics for this.
“No, no, Jordan, you gotta be all the way in the air for it to count.” – Sage Rosenfels
The Big Blue Wrecked crew.
Always great when a team gets it’s hottest fans together for a photo shoot.
On the Jumbotron?
“My name’s Rod Longbone and you’re watching Green Bay Casting Couch!”
A.A. Ron reenacting his family reunion.
This is what I was looking for.
Last time a Texan got that kinda helmet from a Smith, Anna Nicole was trying to get a will rewritten.
Against anorexia.
Just a harmless lil skin thing I hope? Need you to stick around here. Stay out of that Nevada sun.
Also, I’m a sucker for any and all Meghan McCain jokes. Nicely done!
That one might be the winner, Beat Hard.
First time I thought about beating hard and Meghan McCain at the same time.
*flexing wrist*
“I wish.”
-MM’s personal chef, after making another dozen egg omelet for breakfast
-MM’s personal chef, after making another dozen Cadbury crème egg omelet for breakfast
I mixed the metawhores…. metaphors, whatever.