The scene: A jungle island somewhere in the Pacific. BFC is pulling the overladen life raft ashore as Jerry munches on the last of the Thin Mints and Gumbygirl puts two waffles in the toaster.

BFC (huffing): Y’know, I could really use some help here.

Jerry: Oh, sorry, man. You remember my bad shoulder, right? That doctor in Borneo told me not to put too much of a strain on it.

BFC (puffing): That “doctor” in Borneo was our taxi driver, and your shoulder was just fine a few hours ago when we were swimming for our lives.

Jerry hops out of the raft as BFC pulls it onto the sand.

Jerry: Well it’s not a chronic problem, but I’ve still gotta be careful.

BFC: Whatever. I think the raft is fine here, at least…wherever “here” is…

Gumbygirl (as the toaster pops): All right, who’s up for waffles? I don’t have any powdered sugar, but I think there’s some jam in the mini-fridge.

Jerry (rushing off into the dark jungle): I’ll have one when I get back! I’ve really gotta pee!

Gumbygirl (concerned): Hey, don’t go running off by yourself!

Jerry (his voice receding into the jungle): I can’t pee if there’s anyone around!

BFC (accepting a waffle from Gumbygirl): It’s true. We were in the cargo hold of that Algerian slave ship for two weeks and he didn’t go once.

Gumbygirl (putting whip cream on the waffles): Gosh, that’s not good.

BFC (shrugging): It wasn’t so bad. I got the bucket all to myself.

Gumbygirl (putting blueberries on the whip cream on the waffles): Boy, you guys have really been around!

BFC (looking at his waffle): Yeah, we’ve had some adventures. Hey, I don’t suppose you have any bacon?

Gumbygirl: Sorry, no. I really didn’t want to have an open flame on the raft.

BFC (taking a bite out of his whip cream & blueberry-covered waffle): Ah, that’s OK. I’m used to roughing it.

Cut to: Way, waaaaaaay in the future, where a big-ass spider has taken offense to being peed upon, and chased the offending parties across the Wasteland and into Doktor Zymm’s RV. Fortunately the RV is made Zymm-Tough, and so the spider has thus far been unable to damage it.

Mr. Ayo: Man, that thing is pissed! Are we safe in this car of yours?

Brocky (shrugging): Probably?

Beerguyrob: Zymm rebuilt this thing from the ground up, so I’m gonna guess we’re pretty safe. CB’s even driven it and brought it back in one piece, so…

Covalent Blonde: Hey!

WCS (looking out the side window): Uh-oh. Hold on, you guys, here it comes again!

Inside the RV, the DFOers and assorted hangers-on brace for impact as the giant spider charges the RV and smashes into it. The vehicle rocks under the assault. WCS goes tumbling across the floor and crashes into a cupboard, while Lemonjello slides across the floor, borbling happily. The spider headbutts the RV then stumbles back in a daze.

Brocky (looking out): That thing is getting pretty loopy. Maybe we’ll get lucky and it’ll concuss itself to death.

Mr. Ayo: I don’t wanna get eaten by a giant spider! That’s got to be a horrible way to go!

Brocky: Well, it won’t eat you, exactly…

Mr. Ayo: It won’t…?

Brocky: Nah. It’ll web you up, inject you with a venom that’ll liquefy your insides, then drink you down like a protein shake.

Mr. Ayo: That’s so much worse! Why did you tell me that?!!

Brocky (to himself): Oh, I’ve got my reasons…

Flashback to: A field trip to the zoo by the Nathaniel Banks Junior High 7^th grade class. Young Brocky is there with his friend, young Nomonkeyfun, who is currently taunting the chimpanzees in the cage.

Young Nomonkeyfun (eating a banana): Hey, stupid chimps! Guess who stole your bananas off of the zookeeper’s cart?

Young Brocky: That’s cold, man. Why are you eating their lunch?

Young Nomonkeyfun: Because I got baked in the back of the bus on the way here, and I am hungry, man!

Young Brocky: You had weed and you didn’t share?!! Dick move, man!

Young Nomonkeyfun: Sorry, man. Like, I only had one joint and besides, you were up in front trying to mack on that Karen chick.

Young Brocky: She wore her cheerleader outfit, man! You know I love pom-poms!

Young Nomonkeyfun: So, did you at least get her phone number?

Young Brocky: Nah, she complained to the bus driver and I got in trouble.

Young Nomonkeyfun (handing over a banana): Bummer, man. Have a banana, you’ll feel better.

Young Brocky starts to peel the banana, then notices a large, furry spider on it.

Young Brocky (waving the banana around): Ahh! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!

Inside the cage, the chimpanzee young Nomonkeyfun was teasing glares at young Brocky. Certain in its primate mind that Brocky has now joined in the taunting as well, it grabs up a handful of crap, aims, and lets it fly.

Young Nomonkeyfun (as the crap hits Brocky in the head): Gross, man!

Young Brocky (covered in crap and with a large, furry spider crawling up his arm): AAAAHHHH!!!

Flash-forward to: Doktor Zymm’s RV again. A confused Mr. Ayo carefully steps away from the icy glare of Brocky.

Mr. Ayo (nervously): Um, maybe I’ll just go stand over here…

Mr. Ayo backs away cautiously, then sniffs the air. He sniffs again, then draws back the door to the RV’s stairwell. Smoke wafts out and he looks down to find Brick Meathook sitting on the steps, blazing away.

Brick Meathook (annoyed): Shut the door! You’re letting all the smoke out!

Mr. Ayo (pointing at the joint): Is that my banana weed…?

Brick Meathook: Well, not anymore. Possession is 90% of the law. I learned that in cop school.

Mr. Ayo (grabbing the joint): You jerk! You took my weed!

Brick Meathook (trying to grab the joint back): I borrowed it! I was gonna give it back!

Mr. Ayo (fending off Brick): As what? Second-hand smoke?

The duel over the joint turns into an embarrassing slap-fight until Brick, stoned out of his gourd on banana weed, falls back against the door of the RV and…

[RV DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Brick falls to the ground outside, rolls backwards, and finally comes to a stop pointing in the wrong direction.

Brick Meathook (dazed): Guh? Where’d the RV go…?

Brick gets up and looks left, then right, then left again as he notices a shadow fall over him.

Brick Meathook (staring up at the giant spider): AHH!

Inside the RV, Mr. Ayo runs back into the main room (after taking a few seconds to bogart the joint, because Mr. Ayo is no fool).

Mr. Ayo: Um, guys…? We may have a problem…

Outside the RV Brick is running away from the spider. Unfortunately for him, his flight takes him away from the RV.

Brick Meathook: AAAAHHHH!!!

Inside the RV the DFOers look out the window to see Brick on the run.

Beerguyrob (shouting): Holy crap! Those rocks, Brick! Hide behind those rocks!

WCS (also shouting): No, not the rocks! That hole! Jump in that hole!

Brick Meathook hesitates, looking to his right, at a yuuuge pile of protective rocks, and then to his left, at a hole that looks like it was made by a deranged radioactive gopher, with gnawed bones scattered all about. Giving WCS a look of disbelief, he heads for the rocks, diving behind them just as a spider leg comes crashing down. The spider tries to get around the rock pile and gnashes its fangs in irritation. It tries to grab Brick, but he stays safely squeezed behind the rocks. After a few minutes the spider gives up and walks away to sit between the rock pile and the RV.

If anyone knew arachnid physiology well enough, they would be able to tell that it’s pouting.

Mr. Ayo (inside the RV): Well at least he’s safe…

Brick peeks around the rock pile, then smiles and gives a thumbs-up to the RV.

Brick Meathook: Yeah! Ol’ Brick isn’t going to get eaten by some stupid spi-

Brick’s declaration of victory is cut short as a massive, stony hand closes around his head. He has the brief realization that the large rock pile was in fact a Vaaarg Rockman, and then the fist squeezes and Brick Meathook’s head explodes in a shower of gore and brains.

Brocky (inside the RV): Huh.

WCS (also inside the RV): I tried to tell him…

Lemonjello (inside the RV): BORBLE!!!

Everyone Else (inside the RV): AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Vaaarg Rockman (happily): HED SKWIDGE!

Brick’s decapitated body falls to the desert floor with a dull thud. The Vaaarg Rockman chuckles, which sounds like small boulders rolling around in a cement mixer, and casually wipes his gory hand off on the headless corpse.

Vaaarg Rockman: U softys fun to skwidge. Gud game.

The happy Vaaarg Rockman wanders off, leaving the body behind.

Inside the RV there is naught but shocked silence.

And then an annoying high-pitched beeping sound cuts through the deathly quiet.

Brocky (moving through the others): Aw, crap! Make way, guys… I left a burrito in the microwave and I really hate it when those things explode!

To be continued…