Place: At the top of the bloody waterfall and that’s not a British adjective it’s literally a waterfall created out of a river of blood.

Time: About ten seconds after TWBS peeked over the waterfall and saw a nasty creature swimming up towards him and Balls.

TWBS: What the fuck did you just summon?

In front of them, there appears a gigantic beast which, well, take a look at the picture below:

TWBS: Holy shit, dude! That’s the kid in the gif that I always used!

BALLS: You know we call him the TWBS kid gif, right?

TWBS: I didn’t know he was a monster in hell!

BALLS: That’s Geryon. He’s our ride into the Eighth Circle of Hell.

TWBS: Why does he have such a nice face and a horrifying body?

BALLS: Do you really want me to bring up your old sex life?

TWBS: Dude, you are way too nonchalant about this!

BALLS: Relax! I’ve done this before, remember? Why don’t you go over there and chat with the usurers while I arrange our trip down? (to Geryon): Yo! TWBS gif kid!

Geryon heads towards Balls and they converse for a bit. TWBS is talking to some of the crouching souls but gets distracted by seeing Balls climb on top of the hideous monster, so he heads over.

TWBS: What are you doing?

BALLS: We’re good. Hop on and get in front of me.

TWBS climbs on top of the monster’s back in front of Balls. Balls grabs him and holds on tight.

BALLS: Ok, it’s pretty steep here, so I’m grabbing you to make sure you don’t fall. Also, I want to make sure Geryon’s tail doesn’t accidentally sting you.

TWBS: GAY! Wait, are you getting an erection?!?

BALLS (sighing): Look, do you want me to let you go?

TWBS: No no no. Hold on. Just don’t get any ideas back there.

BALLS: I don’t work at a Starbucks, alright? I’m not your type.

The two stay on Geryon’s back as it commences its descent down the steep cliff that forms the backdrop to the bloody waterfall. As they descend, the thick mist obscures their view of lower hell but they can hear millions of souls crying out in pain. Finally reaching the bottom, they dismount and walk alongside a ledge. Geryon shoots up into the air like an arrow shot from a bow.

TWBS: That was interesting and scary at the same time.

BALLS (laughing): Like when you lost your virginity to that 7 Eleven cashier?

TWBS: Dick!

BALLS: Am I wrong?

TWBS: Shut up! I’ll have you know Aditi was a very nice person!

BALLS: Did she have nice Aditis?

TWBS: You never grew up, did you?

BALLS: You’re only realizing this now?

TWBS (shaking his head): I can’t believe I have a 12 year old guiding me through hell. Where are we now, Beavis?

BALLS (unfolding a piece of paper he had in his pocket): Here, let me show you.

TWBS: How come you didn’t show this to me before?

BALLS: You never asked. See the bottom of the red waterfall? That’s where we are. We have about ten bridges to cross that encompass the Eighth Circle of Hell. Underneath each bridge is a ravine that holds souls that committed different types of simple fraud.

TWBS: Fuck me this is a big circle!

BALLS: Technically, it’s called the Malebolge and each ravine is called a bolgia

As they walk along, they see two lines of naked sinners walking in opposite directions in the first bolgia. As the naked figures walk, horned (horny?) devils whip their backs with delight.

TWBS: Da fuqs going on here?

BALLS: See the ones walking towards us?

TWBS: Yes.

BALLS: Those are pimps. That one fucker right there (points at one of the souls) sold his sister to get political favours.

TWBS: Got it. Hey look! There’s Epstein!

BALLS: The ones walking in the same direction as us are seducers. They basically seduced people to get what they wanted and then dropped them like a hot potato once they got it.

TWBS: Dude! Is that Jason from Jason and the Argonauts?

BALLS: I’m sure there’s all kinds of rock bands represented here. Minor league baseball players too!

TWBS: Not what I meant, but good to know.

Balls and TWBS see the first bridge up ahead and walk across it. As they reach the other side, they see another ravine/bolgia. They can also smell it as it seems a million soiled diapers were dumped in it. It is literally full of shit.

TWBS (holding his nose): What the fuq?!?

BALLS: Now you see the bolgia where the flatterers are. You’ve heard of brown-nosing, right?

TWBS: Yeah.

BALLS: Well, this is the personification of it. All of these people are stuck in shit for all eternity.

TWBS: Fuck me. Can we maybe step it up to a trot or a canter? This smell is nauseating.

TWBS and Balls move along at a faster pace and soon reach the second bridge. They cross it and start walking left again. They look out over the edge of the ravine and see a bunch of holes out of which stand out legs and feet. The soles of the feet are on fire.

TWBS: Dude! Is this the Rex Ryan level for foot fetishists? Is your sick and perverted ass going to end up here?!?

BALLS: Ha ha! Very funny. No. First off, as Rex knows full well, there’s nothing wrong with a nice set of little piggies. Second, the reason these souls are upside down is because they are simoniacs.

TWBS: They cheated at Simon Says?

BALLS: Close. They thought they could buy church positions with money. The term comes from a dude named Simon from the time of the apostles.

TWBS: I like my definition better. So, it’s all church people here, huh?

BALLS: Yup. Remember I told you we would see a shitload of church people further down? Voilà!

TWBS: Ain’t I right then to not believe in God?

BALLS: Nice grammar, redneck. All I’ll say to that is that the church and God are two different things. And, after all this you’ve seen, you still don’t believe?

TWBS: I haven’t made up my mind yet.

BALLS: I’ve got a lot more to show you. We’ll see what you think after all that.

Balls and TWBS reach the third bridge and cross it. In the next bolgia, they see a bunch of people with their head on backwards like President Skroob

TWBS: What’s up with these motherfuckers?

BALLS: So, you remember all the fortune teller shops next to the Starbucks where you used to pick up baristas?

TWBS: Are you seriously going to keep going with that? I’ll have you know I picked up pot shop girls, convenience store clerks, and other assorted service industry personnel!

BALLS You’re right. I should have gone with 7 Eleven clerks but I already mentioned Aditi.

TWBS: And the fortune tellers take advantage of dumb people. Got it.

Balls and TWBS reach the fourth bridge and cross it. As soon as they get to the apex, they can see a group of devils. One of them is holding a soul and then casually tosses it into the next ravine where a bunch of other devils start poking at it and tormenting it in a bubbling and boiling swamp much like the La Brea Tar Pits. It’s all good fun for the devils.

BALLS: Watch out! Don’t let them see you! Quick, hide!

TWBS (suddenly scared): What? Why?

TWBS tries to hide behind a rock on the bridge. Balls finishes the crossing and approaches the devils. In his best Big Boy voice, he yells at them.

BALLS (yelling at the devils): Hey fuckers! Before one of you thinks you want to grab me and poke me with your teeny weeny little pitchforks, does one of you want to come up here and hear what I’ve got to say?

The devils talk amongst themselves and choose one to go up and talk to Balls. He flies up and meet Balls on the edge of the ravine.

Malacoda: I’m not sure why you think this will help you, but here I am. What do ya got?

BALLS: Do you really think my ass would be down here all this way down if it wasn’t willed by God? I’ve got a special one with me and we need to move through.

Malacoda (annoyed and no longer arrogant): Fiiiiine!

Balls (to TWBS): It’s ok. Come over.

As TWBS emerges from his hiding spot, the group of devils swoop up and stand next to Malacoda. TWBS stands behind Balls very nervously and slightly scared. The devils start to make fun of TWBS.

DEVIL ONE: So, do we stick the pitchfork in his ass or up his peehole?

TWBS: Da fuq?!?!

Maladoda (to the devils): Calm down! Don’t harm him. (to Balls and TWBS): Look, we’ll let you go, but the sixth bridge is broken up ahead, so you’ll have to cross over the ruins of it. I’ll have some of these devils escort you to make sure you cross without falling into the bolgia.

TWBS (quietly to Balls): Dude! Need I say Admiral Akbar? Don’t you see them winking at each other?!?

BALLS: Dude, don’t be a pussy! We’ll be fine. They’re doing it as a show for the grafters down below.

Malacoda then selects a group of devils to escort Balls and TWBS. As the group starts walking towards the fifth bridge, the devils give Malacoda a raspberry. Malacoda responds with a wet fart.

TWBS: I REALLY don’t like this.

BALLS: Relax. We’ll be fine. Take a look at all the grafters below to take your mind off things.

The group walks along the edge of the ravine and sees figures popping up out of the boiling pitch every once in a while. As soon as they come up, though, they are poked and their skin is torn off by devils, including some of the ones escorting the duo. They seem to be having a good time.

TWBS: Dude, I thought the other stuff was bad. Damn.

Balls continues walking without responding. They reach the fifth bridge and cross it. On the other side, they see a new bolgia in which they can see a bunch of weeping souls marching in a single line covered head to toe with a golden cloak lined with lead. The devils are still having a good old time tormenting souls in the previous bolgia and seem to have forgotten about the duo.

TWBS: Here’s our chance. Let’s go down into the bolgia quickly and get away from these assholes!

BALLS: Yeah, I think you’re right. Let’s go.

The two scramble down the rocks of the ravine just as the devils were flying back looking for them. As they reach the bottom, Balls and TWBS see the ten devils looking at them, very pissed off. However, they, for some reason, do not fly down to the bottom of the ravine after them.

TWBS (huffing and puffing): Why aren’t they coming down to chase us?

BALLS: It looks like their realm is only the fifth bolgia…

As Balls and TWBS walk along talking, one of the souls sees that they have no cloak and approaches them. TWBS, always ready for a random conversation, starts one.

TWBS: Hey man! Whatcha doing?

Random Soul: Oh, just getting punished eternally for being a hypocrite. You?

TWBS: Taking a tour through hell (seeing a figure impaled on the ground similarly to a crucifixion) Who’s that?

Random Soul: Oh, that’s Caiaphas.

BALLS (to himself): That’s new…. (to Random Soul): Hey, listen buddy. Do you know a place where we can climb to the other side?

Random Soul: Sure, man! There used to a bridge further down, but it’s all gone. Not even the rubble is left! But, the slope on the opposite side is climbable. It won’t be easy, but you should be able to make it.

BALLS (to Random Soul): Thanks!

As the two walk towards the bridge, Balls is muttering to himself. TWBS walks alongside him, giggling.

TWBS: When are you going to listen to me?!? Did I NOT fucking tell you that the devils were up to some shit? They were going to corner us at the base of the broken bridge with no place to escape and then tear us into pieces!

BALLS (pissed off): Shit!

TWBS: Can I hear a big fat “TWBS, you were right.” out of you?

BALLS (looking away and mumbling): You … were … right.

TWBS: I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear that.

BALLS: YOU WERE RIGHT! Happy?

TWBS (smiling broadly): Yes. Very much so!

They walk along with TWBS making fun of Balls every few steps until they get to the broken bridge. They climb up the walls and it is indeed as difficult a climb as the Random Soul had predicted. Eventually, they get to the top and look over the next bolgia. It is completely dark and they cannot see a thing. They walk along the edge until they get to the next bridge. As they are crossing it, TWBS has an idea.

TWBS: Hey, I can’t see shit. When we get across, can we go to the edge of this side so I can see what’s going on down there?

BALLS: Since you were right about the devils, I can’t really say no to this one, now can I?

TWBS (laughing): That’s right mister! And don’t you forget it!

They cross the bridge and head to a ledge overlooking the bolgia they just passed. Now, they can see figures running around with snakes chasing them. When a snake catches one, it bites it and instantly turns it into dust. Then, the dust reforms into a human and the cycle begins anew.

BALLS: Those there are the thieves.

TWBS: Fuck those assholes. Serves them right to suffer like that for all eternity!

The two then go back to the path and start walking again towards the left of the bridge they just crossed. As they look down on the next bolgia, they see a bunch of flickering flames.

BALLS: See those flames? Each one is a deceiver. See those two burning jointly? That’s Ulysses and Diomed, forever entwined and punished jointly.

TWBS: Why?

BALLS: I’m not even going to make an NC State joke here. This is high school shit! You never read the Illiad? Trojan Horse ring a bell?

TWBS: Fuck you. Trojan horse. Deception. Got it. That makes sense.

BALLS: There’s more to it than that, but you get the gist.

As they walk along, they see another flame. It hears them talking and rises to meet them. It speaks to TWBS.

Flame burning in eternal pain: Hey man! I heard you mention NC State! How’s the Wolfpack doing?

BALLS: You answer him. He’s a redneck and you speak redneck.

TWBS (to Balls): Asshole. (to the flame): Good, man! Who are you?

Flame burning in eternal pain: Well, I don’t want to say as I don’t want the people upstairs to know I’m here, but since you’re down here, I don’t think you’re going anywhere.

TWBS (lying): Nope. No plans of going back at all!

The flaming soul then tells him all about himself and the two have a nice conversation TWBS-style. As the soul finishes his story, he departs and leaves Balls and TWBS at the foot of the next bridge. They see a discarded girls scout uniform down below. They cross the bridge and look out over the next bolgia where they see mutilated and bloody bodies with their guts and entrails hanging out. The sight is disgusting to TWBS and he recoils in horror.

BALLS: You’re such a pussy! I thought you were a vet! Haven’t you seen guts and entrails before?

TWBS: Yes, but not of people! And not being tortured like this!

BALLS: Oooh! Look at that one! It’s split open from crotch to mouth!

TWBS: Dude, you’re enjoying this??

BALLS: I always enjoy watching evil people get what they deserve! This lot are the sowers of discord. The propagandists and creators of Fake News, if you will. Fuck ’em. They’re getting what’s due to them. Pop quiz, where do the telemarketers go?

TWBS: Here?!?

BALLS: Man, I thought you were listening. No, they’re amongst the flames with Ulysses in the previous bolgia. Deceivers, get it?

TWBS: Nice!! Fuck those assholes!

As they walk along, they see more mutilated souls including one holding his head in his hand like it’s a Halloween costume. They get to the foot of the next bridge but TWBS lags behind as he is fascinated by the gore he sees

TWBS: I think I know some of those guys. Do you mind if I talk to them?

BALLS: I thought you were disgusted by this! What’s wrong with you?

TWBS: According to you, many things. But I think I’m perfectly cromulent!

BALLS: As I told you many times when you were alive, you should not waste your time on people that don’t deserve it. This pile of filth below is not worth it. Not even if you knew them.

They cross the bridge and look over the other side to the last bolgia. They see miles and miles of bodies afflicted with every known disease. Many have their limbs cut off and most are just piled on top of each other haphazardly. The stench is unimaginable. It’s like rotten flesh mixed with sulfur mixed with shit only worse.

TWBS: Oh my God this is horrible!

BALLS: Yup. These are the worst of the fraudulents. These are the falsifiers. Counterfeiters, alchemists, whatever you want to call them, they’re here.

TWBS: Dude. This is. I can’t even.

BALLS: Yes, let’s move along quickly. There’s nothing good down here.

As they walk along the edge of the ravine, they recognize various famous falsifiers. Two of them start getting into an argument and this, naturally, fascinates TWBS. He stops to watch for a bit. This pisses Balls off.

BALLS: Did I NOT tell you that there is nothing good down here? What’s with the fucking interest in stupid arguments between people? For fuck’s sake it’s like you’re still alive and monitoring beefs on DFO!!

TWBS (sheepishly): Sorry! Geez! You don’t have to be such a dick about it!

BALLS (angrily): It’s for your own fucking good! Do you want to get caught up in this bullshit and get stuck here forever?

TWBS: No.

BALLS: Then fucking move the fuck on and follow me!

As they walk along in silence, they reach the end of the ravine. Instead a new bridge, there is a bank that heads downward. They follow it and emerge into a dark slope enveloped in murky fog. They hear the sound of a mighty horn, a million times louder than a hockey goal horn. TWBS sees something up ahead.

TWBS: What the hell was that? And are those towers up ahead?

BALLS (sternly): Those aren’t towers. You’ll find the answers to both questions soon enough.

As they make their way through the dark path towards those mysterious figures, TWBS turns towards Balls.

TWBS: Dude, don’t get pissed off, alright?

BALLS (in a less angry tone): Dude, I’m not. I just want what’s best for you, ok? I want you to be ok. Ok?

TWBS: Awwwwww! I love you too!

BALLS: Don’t make it weird. Here, a little music will lighten the mood.

Balls smiles as he fires a finger gun in the air.