Welcome back to my continuing series on the James Bond films, broken down by decade. Last time, was a long time ago. I had been able to start this series in March/April because the James Bond movies were playing on a channel called Pluto and there were quite a few on Netflix and Amazon.

Well, the months changed and so did the programming and so I couldn’t watch the movies of the 80s.

Until now.

The 007 channel was back on Pluto in October and I was able to catch up on some movies!

Today, we’ll talk about how the films changed in the 80s as we had yet another transition in the actor playing Bond. Roger Moore’s suave, funny, and charming Bond was replaced by Timothy Dalton’s rougher and colder interpretation. Yet, the films continued to be successful.

Oh, and we’ll be talking about Sean Connery’s return. Oh yes we will!

Here are the James Bond films of the 1980s:

1. For Your Eyes Only (1981) – Roger Moore
2. Octopussy (1983) – Roger Moore
3. Never Say Never Again (1983) – Sean Connery
4. The View To A Kill (1985) – Roger Moore
5. The Living Daylights (1987) – Timothy Dalton
6. Licence To Kill (1989) – Timothy Dalton

You’ll see that Sean Connery returned for one film and then left the series again, with Roger Moore doing one more film after Connery’s film and then leaving the series without returning. The whole story of the two films of 1983 probably deserves its own post. I’ll try to explain it as briefly as possibly when we get there. Finally, Timothy Dalton took over the last two films of the decade, the only two he would ever make.

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For Your Eyes Only

Story: After a farewell to his late wife and what seems to be the final killing of Blofeld in the opening sequence, Bond is asked to locate an ATAC (not the plane) with the help of a Greek pistachio enthusiast and a gorgeous long-haired brunette with incredibly intoxicating eyes.

Highlights: Those eyes:

The sequence where Bond skis on the bobsleigh track was really cool as is the part where he jumps off the ski jump while fighting a villain.

Also, how fucking awesome was this as a location for the final fight?

Lowlights: Again, they kill a likable character. The Countess of Liverpool was fun in a slightly-drunk DFO way.

Random Observations: The skiing sequences were filmed in the Italian town of Cortina, which was supposed to hold the Winter Olympics in 1944, but, you know. It did host them in 1956 and many of the Olympic venues, including the ski jump, biathlon course, and bobsleigh course were featured in the film.

Sheena Easton did a masterful job of singing the title track. She would later go on to sing about her sweet vagina,

but “For Your Eyes Only” made her famous for all time.

Influences: Do I really need to mention this?

Of course, that gag was based on this movie’s Bibi Dahl, played by Lynn Holly Johnson, who would later create such masterpieces as Relax, Two Tribes, and Welcome to the Pleasure Dome. Or not.

The fact that one of the characters was constantly eating pistachio nuts led me to try them as they are not common in Mexico and I was not familiar with them. To this day, they are my favourite nut, excepting, of course, my own pair.

Overview: I think For Your Eyes Only was the very first James Bond movie I ever saw. I remember vividly watching it as a kid and being in awe of all the skiing and mountain climbing stunts! It’s the movie that got me interested in the series and made me want to check out all the previous films.

I remember thinking that James Bond was crazy not to bang Bibi but you’ve got to consider I was probably within 5 years of her character’s age at the time. Hell, to me she was an older woman! As I got older, I did the math and realized exactly why he didn’t. Besides, the brunette with the long hair was hotter.

This film came two years after Moonraker and, literally, brought the series back down to earth. It may have been a reaction to the criticism of the Star Wars-like space fights, but the action in For Your Eyes Only is much more grounded in reality.

I would go so far to say that the action in For Your Eyes Only is some of the best and most thrilling in the entire series. The skiing and snow sequences were done using real stuntmen and the climbing sequence at the end was also done mostly on location. That level of realism raises the stakes and engages the viewer on a deeper level.

The very early 80s were an interesting time as the world was shaking off the effects of the oil crisis and the time that we all traditionally know as “The 80s” had really not yet started. It was a reset back to basics until the next crazy thing happened and that was reflected in this film.

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Octopussy

Story: A mad Indian smuggler tricks a gorgeous female smuggler into a scheme to explode a nuclear bomb at a US base in divided Germany with the help of a rogue Soviet general that believes disarmament is a bad idea. James Bond must battle a crazy man with an Indian skillsaw in order to save the day in a clown costume.

Highlights:

Seriously, can we talk about how Roger Moore was the master of using his eyes to convey thoughts/comedy? He was a genius.

The pre-credits sequence was pretty good and showed some darn good cleavage and leg:

Lowlights: Again, they killed off a likeable character! I felt really bad for the tall Indian guy that was really improving his backhand!

Random Observations: The setting of the climactic scenes in East/West Germany were very timely as in a few short years that wall would be torn down.

Influences: I’ve never wanted to go to India, but I always wanted to go to Octopussy’s island of women:

Do you think that’s where Archer got the idea?

Overview: One could say that the Cold War was at its peak in the 80s. One unique thing about the 80s (starting when Reagan took office in 1981) that greatly influenced music, tv, and movies was the realization that the world could end in a minute due to nuclear war. While that thought had been in the background for decades, the early 80s brought about new conflicts throughout the world that made the possibility of one country or another starting armageddon very REAL and increasingly likely.

This realization spawned the decade that essentially said, “Fuck it, if I’m going to die anyway, I might as well do what I want.” The great music of the 80s amongst all the different genres was driven by this fearless attitude. Previous norms and rules were broken because artists figured, “why not?”. There was a secondary sexual revolution that was greatly affected by the emergence of AIDS/HIV but sexuality was again celebrated instead of repressed.

That was the backdrop and the setting for Octopussy and what makes it a great film reflective of the times. It has a funny title, of course, and the 12 year old in me still pronounces it funny like the Kamal Kahn did at the 1:06 mark:

How great was Louis Jourdan? He almost stole that movie with his portrayal of Kamal Khan.

Octopussy amped up the bare flesh, sure, but it also increased the jokes and the double entendres. It changed what a James Bond movie was like. It wasn’t serious and wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. It was meant to be a fun diversion to enjoy while we waited for the bombing to start. Both in James Bond’s world and in ours, it never did.

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Never Say Never Again

Backstory: Ok, I have to give an explanation here. While Thunderball (the fourth film of the series) was based on Ian Fleming’s novel, the novel itself had some murky history. After writing some of the books, Ian Fleming worked on a screenplay for a James Bond movie with Jack Whittingham and Kevin McClory. At some point, there was a falling out and Fleming went on to release the novel called “Thunderball”.

Whittingham and McClory claimed that Fleming stole the ideas from their failed screenplay and used them in the novel. There was a legal settlement with McClory retaining rights to the story, plot, and characters.

In order for the original film producers to release Thunderball, they agreed to put in the credits the words “based on an original screenplay by Jack Whittingham” and “based on the original story by Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham, and Ian Fleming”. Kevin McClory also was listed as the sole producer.

However, since Kevin McClory retained rights, he wanted to exercise them and, after another lengthy legal battle, he was able to get another film made and released by Warner Brothers. That film was Never Say Never Again.

Sean Connery returned to play the role in one final Fuck You to the producers of the previous films, with whom he had previously experienced creative disagreements and financial disputes.

Story: Remember the story of Thunderball? That’s essentially it, except names are changed, actors are different, and there’s 80s-style swimsuits, outfits, and near-nudity galore. At least the actor playing James Bond was the same.

Highlights: Holy shit those outfits!

The massage scene:

The double entendres:

“- Fatima Blush: Hello, James. I’m Fatima Blush.
– James Bond: You ski very well.
– Fatima Blush: I do many things very well.”

and Mr. Bean as a secret agent!

Lowlights: Why do the Bond films always kill a likeable character? This time it was the French liaison.

Random Observations: The portrayal of Fatima Blush by Barbara Carrera is quintessential crazy Latina girlfriend. She would have won an Oscar for that performance if the Academy wasn’t full of white people. Seriously, I can’t tell you how many women like her I’ve dated.

Influences: Did I learn how to give a massage because of this film? You bet your ass I did!

Overview: I consider Never Say Never Again the sluttier version of Thunderball. It starts off right at the beginning with the opening credits and music that would have won an AVN.

Also, Kim Basinger’s nipples should have gotten a Supporting Actor credit.

The producers pretty much spelled out what kind of James Bond film this would be when their version of Q uttered this unforgettable line:

Good to see you, Mr. Bond. Things’ve been awfully dull ’round here. Bureaucrats running the whole place. Everything done by the book. Can’t make a decision unless the computer gives you the go ahead. Now you’re on this. I hope we’re going to have some gratuitous sex and violence!

Q

That was some great shot-taking and shit-talking to the original Bond film producers! I often wondered what the other Bond films would have looked like if they had gotten the Never Say Never Again treatment. I dare say that an R-rated Bond franchise running along a PG-13 franchise (like the current Bond series turned into) would have been quite successful.

Essentially, James Bond could have been Deadpool before Ryan Reynolds hung out at a pizza place. Unfortunately, we will never find out as Kevin McClory only had the rights to one film and the regular producers knew which route they would want to take.

While Never Say Never Again made less money than Octopussy, it still made a sizable profit and should be considered highly successful. I actually enjoyed rewatching the film and found it holds up fairly well. Even though the basic story was the same as Thunderball, they changed enough elements to make it truly its own film: A wonderful, slutty, sexy 80s film that befit the decade of excess that was underway.

***

A View To A Kill

Story: James Bond recovers a microchip impervious to an EMP from a dead 00 in Siberia. This chip is being manufactured by the wonderfully maniacal Christopher Walken in San Francisco in order to corner the world market and make a shitload of money. James has to team up with boobly blondie Tanya Roberts to stop him.

Highlights: The ski/snowboard pre-credits sequence is awesome as is the little iceberg submarine he escapes in with the hot blonde pilot.

Tanya Robert’s green eyes:

Duran Duran’s theme song and the glow in the dark opening credits rule. They’re totally 80s and they rock.

James giving Tibbett (played wonderfully by Patrick Macnee who was the epitome of the suave English secret agent in The Avengers) shit as his valet (pronounced with a T!) is never not funny.

I always liked Jenny Flex, who later went on to betray Indiana Jones to the Nazis.

Lowlights: California Girls? Fuck you.

Random Observations: The improvised snowboard in the pre-title sequence nicely previewed the replacement of skiing by snowboarding in popularity in the real world.

Important life lesson: If you’re not interested in a business deal, don’t say you want to drop out while on a blimp.

I know the Golden Gate Bridge action sequences were mostly filmed on a soundstage, but to lil Balls, they seemed very realistic! At the very least, they showed that real people CAN and DO go up to those dizzying heights to make repairs and that made an impression on me. How the fuck do you get that job?!?

Influences: This movie inspired the famous Austin Powers hot tub scene.

Have I been inspired to make love to a woman in a bubbly hot tub? Fuck and yes!

Also, hot steamy shower sex? Fuck and Yes and Twice on Sundays.

The action sequences in the Eiffel Tower made me curious to see what the outside of the tower was like. Even though I am normally scared of exposed heights (I’m fine on airplanes and I choose the window seat every time), on my last trip to Paris, I took the stairs up to the second floor from the bottom and then the elevator to the top! It was a wonderful experience and I’m glad I did it.

Overview: This movie is always named as one of the worst James Bond movies, but to me it’s actually one of the most rewatchable. Christophen Walken is absolutely hilarious with his over-the-top performance as Zorin. If you can see the genius in what Walken was trying to do, his performance is wonderful and the film gets better with age. If you were expecting a more subdued and evil performance, you’re SOL.

You also get to see bare ass from Grace Jones, which I believe was a first in the non-Never Say Never Again James Bond franchise!

The movie is delightfully 80s in its approach. While the plot is grounded in a plausible reality (shut up earthquake specialists!), the excess of the 80s is in full display. The horse race at the beginning of the film sets the pace with fancy dress for both men and ladies.

Zorin’s chateau and stables are huge and fancy and expensive and way over the top. It’s only when the action reaches San Francisco that the wealth is toned down although Stacey Sutton’s house, while mostly empty, is still probably worth a few million. The plot itself is classic 80s as the motivating factor for Zorin is pure unadulterated greed. Not allegiance to country (as evidenced by his repudiation of his ties to the KGB), nor principles. He is out for himself and no one else.

This would be Roger Moore’s last film as Bond and Lois Maxwell’s last film as Moneypenny. It truly marked the end of an era but, to me, it did it on a fabulous note.

***

The Living Daylights

Story: A new Bond (Timothy Dalton) emerges from the Rock of Gibraltar to shoot and purposefully miss a gorgeous Czechoslovakian cellist while trying to bring in a Soviet military officer wanting to defect. As he’ll soon discover, the officer is not really with the Soviets anymore and not really trying to defect but instead is in cahoots with a corrupt American arms dealer (is there any other kind?) to help Bin Laden take down the World Trade Center in 14 years (not really, but I’m extrapolating).

Highlights: A-ha did a great job with the theme song:

The opening credits MILF was quite lovely:

Speaking of MILFs, Pushkin’s girlfriend was nice too

The scene where Bond picks up the girl at her apartment and she makes him go back for her cello was pretty funny. And accurate.

The car chase in the snow was fun and them crossing the border on top of the cello case was original. The chase across the rooftops was also cool and something that would be recreated on a motorcycle in the Daniel Craig films.

And who can forget the pipeline scene!

But the hottest girl in this movie was New Moneypenny!

Lowlights: Timothy Dalton looks very goofy when he smiles and looks lovingly at Maryam d’Abo. It’s … weird.

Random Observations: The movie does a good job of showing the history of Afghanistan and how the British and Soviets couldn’t defeat them. Did no one at the CIA watch this movie after 9/11?!?

Bratislava is a great setting for the smuggling of General Koskov to the west as it is located on the border with Austria. It would later become the capital of the independent country of Slovakia and the place where the worst twins ever would make out after drinking absinthe.

Influences: I can’t really say this movie influenced me in any great way. The locales didn’t seem particularly inviting (although I hear Afghanistan in the spring is lovely). I did, however, want to visit Czechoslovakia to see some of the Eastern European buildings I saw in this film. Eventually, I did make it to Prague, which is gorgeous and you should all go when COVID lets us travel again.

Overview: The film was extremely timely as the Iran-Contra affair was unfolding while the film was in production. The plot follows a similar storyline of a complicated connection between rogue factions of an established government, a regional conflict, and opportunistic arms dealers.

While you really cannot make direct parallels, it is fairly obvious that they are related. Timothy Dalton played the character without the humour that Roger Moore did and without the ease that Sean Connery did. Dalton’s Bond is always on edge and that brought a refreshing change of pace to the franchise.

Dalton remains for me one of my favourite actors to play Bond. He took the role and made it his own. If y’all remember, there were many different types of music emerging in the 80s. There was new wave, there was rap, and there was heavy metal. If you consider Connery as rap and Moore as new wave, then Dalton was most definitely heavy metal.

In fact, the most cringeworthy scenes are when he smiles and acts lovey-dovey towards Kara. Those moments seem unnatural because of how well he plays tough and cold. To me, he was the actor that best captured the cold-blooded killer side of Ian Fleming’s Bond from the books.

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Licence To Kill

Story: James Bond is Felix Leiter’s Best Man for his wedding, which gets interrupted when a Miami drug lord is spotted. They capture him and proceed with the nuptials except he escapes and then kills the bride. James then goes rogue to get revenge with the help of a sexy pilot and the drug lord’s sexy girlfriend.

Highlights: Are you kidding me?

Also, Wayne Newton just absolutely killed it with his role as the fake preacher. Holy crap he was awesome!

For that matter, Robert Davi and Benicio Del Toro as the villains? That’s casting, people!

Lowlights: They killed Felix Leiter’s wife that had moved to Miami from her apartment in Santa Monica she shared with a brunette and a clumsy chef! You bastards!

Random Observations: The bulk of the movie was filmed in Mexico as the Mexican government at the time was trying to attract foreign investment in the country. The film’s “Isthmus City” is clearly meant to stand for Panama, but I guess the Panamanian government didn’t provide as many tax breaks.

Influences: I, for the first time in like ever, found a woman with short hair attractive. Seriously, Carey Lowell was smoking hot in this film and actually looks better with the short cut rather than a poofy 80s style.

Unfortunately, I have seen very few girls in real life look that good with short hair.

Overview: It’s the 80s. Which means that there HAD to be a James Bond film having to do with the cocaine trade. This was it and it was executed brilliantly. It really wasn’t so much about the drugs. Those were just a backdrop.

The film really dealt more with friendship and loyalty and revenge. We get to see not only the friendship between James and Felix, but also the friendship between James and Q. While all the other films alluded to a camaraderie between the two, this film shows that they are closer than just work colleagues. Q has Bond’s back even when the Service has revoked his licence to kill.

As such, the film really dealt more with timeless themes and left Latin American politics, charlatan preachers, and the “War on Drugs” as secondary themes to be touched on, but not explored fully. They reflected the issues of the time, sure, but they were merely background.

Licence To Kill was the last film of the 80s and the last film for Timothy Dalton. It’s a real shame because I really enjoyed both of the films he was in. Licence To Kill had a wonderful cast and it was nice to see Bond outside of the confines of the Secret Service.

Desmond Llewellyn’s appearance as Q was also great as his character was finally able to show he was as good in the field as he was in his workshop. I honestly think this was Desmond’s best outing as Q in all of the Bond films.

As the 80s were coming to a close, a lot of things were coming to an end. New wave was going away and “alternative” was the new trend. Heavy metal music largely went away as the big groups either disbanded or became shells of their former selves (I’m looking at you, Metallica). So, it was with the Timothy Dalton films. It was fitting that the decade of the one or two-hit wonders would end with a two-hit wonder James Bond actor stepping away from the role.

Conclusions

The James Bond films evolved in many ways and directions during the 80s. The first film was grounded in reality while the next three more closely tracked the excess of the 80s in story, style, and scope. Finally, the end of the decade shifted the films to more gritty and personal themes as Roger Moore retired and Timothy Dalton took over.

The world changed greatly at the end of the decade. The Soviet Union began to dissolve starting in 1988 and the Berlin Wall fell in November of 1989. All of a sudden, the Cold War world of the James Bond films was no more. Change was happening so quickly that it was impossible to predict how things would shake out. Maybe this is why it took 6 years for another James Bond film to be produced.

The films of the 90s reset the James Bond world to a new reality, but that’s a story I told you back in June.

The films of the 80s encompassed everything that was great and bad about that decade. Perhaps the best thing they did was mirror the ethos of “this is me, deal with it” that was born of 80s fearlessness. That ethos influenced the fight for the rights of people with alternate sexualities and the renewed fight for minority rights we are seeing now. It worked for people of the former communist countries in their fight for indepence in the late 80s, there is no reason it can’t work for us now.

I think the biggest thing I miss about the 80s and why I still think it was the greatest decade ever was the loss of fear. Yeah, we could die any second. So what? It was the decade that re-taught the world that once you conquer your fears, amazing things are possible. I wish we could relearn this lesson now. Too much is driven by fear in these times. It’s up to us to change that.

I’ll see you next time in the 2000s.