Request Line: The Ultimate Roger Goodell Mixtape

Here at doorfliesopen.com, we don’t really play our cards close to the vest when it comes to Roger Goodell.  With tags like “Roger Goodell is a national disgrace” and “Roger Goodell is an international disgrace” and “Roger Goodell is an intergalactic disgrace” it should be evident that we have little love for the man.  And lots of hate.  The boos that he suffers at the beginning (and middle and end) of every draft is music to our ears.

But what about real music?  What songs define Roger Goodell?  Let’s find out!  Below is a list of some of Roger’s worst offenses to the dignity and humanity of the players and other people that comprise the NFL universe.  Please request songs that you think are accurate reflections of these incidents, and I’ll compile them into a mixtape just in time for the draft next week.  Don’t be shy about also requesting soundbytes or sound effects for me to include to enhance the listening experience.

• Roger Goodell is born in Jamestown, New York on February 19, 1959 to United States Senator Charles Ellsworth Goodell. Injuries keep him from playing football at the college level, but he somehow manages to secure a foothold in the league office as an intern.
• Goodell is elected to replace Paul Tagliabue as NFL Commissioner in 2006, after five rounds of voting.
• Spygate.  Following the 2007 incident, Goodell orders any and all evidence of the Patriots’ transgressions to be destroyed.
• In a truly stunning display of his lack of empathy, Goodell convenes a meeting with domestic violence victim Janay Rice.  He also invites her abuser Ray Rice and several other former football players to this meeting, and uses Janay’s reticence to speak of the incident as an excuse to suspend Ray Rice for only two games, despite clear video of the assault.
• Deglategate.  Tom Brady destroys any evidence of his involvement in a scheme to deflate footballs, and Goodell suspends him for four games.
• Goodell strongarms his employees into reporting a completely fraudulent forty time produced while running through rows of cubicles at NFL headquarters.
• Goodell represents the league and team ownership’s interests against those of the NFLPA in the 2011 collective bargaining agreement.
• Regular referees strike in 2012 and Goodell attempts to replace them with scabs.
• Goodell stands idly by as NFL franchises collude to blackball Colin Kaepernick from playing in the league after his anthem protest gains momentum among players.
• And let’s not forget about his consistent attempts to minimize the effect of concussions on player health.

There’s so much more, but this post is already past due and I gotta get it rolling.  Please list further incidents along with your song requests, and I’ll get us started with the anchor song: